13 1/2 year old daughter - first boyfriend, broken heart

Lori - posted on 02/01/2012 ( 112 moms have responded )

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I have a 13 1/2 year old daughter who just had her first boyfriend. She liked him very much and I think he felt the same, but he ended up breaking up with her for another girl that he cheated on her with. My daughter is sad and can't seem to get over it. Neither can I quite frankly. They still talk once in awhile, and we think he still has feelings for my daughter. She tried to date another boy who is her ex's friend, but the ex put a stop to it. She has lost her self esteem. She has used the words that she is worthless and has told her ex she just wasn't good enough for him. Any advice? I hate to see my beautiful girl like this.

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Wende - posted on 02/01/2012

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I guess I have seen way too many postings on FB of young girls (girls who are in the same school as my son)posting about being in a relationship at 11, 12, 13. Girls and boys need to learn to have their independence and not that they "have to have a boyfriend" to fit in or to feel good about themselves. Again, it all depends on the maturity and emotional level and it doesn't seem she is ready to handle a relationship. As well as it depends on the maturity/emotional level of the boy she "might" date.

Donna - posted on 02/01/2012

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I disagree with everyone saying she is too young to date. I think it depends on the person. I started going steady with my husband a month before I turned 14. We dated for 4 years, got married 2 days after my 18th birthday and we have been married 31 years. You need to tell your daughter that there are lots of other guys would would love to hang out with her and that you understand why she is hurt. Let her have her feelings. She will learn from them. Keep talking to her though.

Natalie - posted on 02/01/2012

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So sorry to hear about your daughter, when I was 14 I fell in love for first time broke my heart into a million pieces, my mom was my rock she done nights like (kay) said but we called the ex IT! Lol..



I personally dnt think there is a lot you can do, just reasure her that she is beautiful an his lose, she'll find an amazing partner oneday when she older, don't get upset show that little boy how a big woman handles a broken heart, one thing iv always said if you treat her like a 13year old teenager it does make you feel worse I remember that, speak to her like she's an adult an you understand first love hurts.



Hope this helps. X

Wende - posted on 02/01/2012

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I completely agree that it is too young to date; as well as the maturity has to be there. My son is 14 and he doesn't date. If he did, I probably would not allow it - at least until high school and if emotionally, he can handle it.

Julie - posted on 02/01/2012

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I have 4 daughters 16 11 6 and 1 year, My husband and I have a rule No dating until a certain age, which my old is so last suMmer she dated this nice kid for 9months, there still friends and still like each other but they both were adults and said Dating is oiver rated which his parent and us laughed cause we warned them both, and I feel at 13 there still inmuture to have been dating in the first place

Lori - posted on 02/01/2012

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Kay - Love your idea. What a great mom you had! I am going to do this! Thanks for your advice.

Kay - posted on 02/01/2012

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Thanks, Rachel. I think so too. I want to be just like her when I grow up! ;)

Rachel - posted on 02/01/2012

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What a beautiful tradition! I am going to use it when my daughter hits that stage. How lucky you were to have such a great mom!

Laurie - posted on 02/01/2012

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She is too young to have a boyfriend. and another thing I think she shouldn't look for another guy to date because soon all the guys would think your daughter is easy to get. then there will be problems.



wait till shes 18 to let her date.

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2012

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I'd not let her date until she's more mature to handle it. 13? I think it's a bit young to date personally. Maybe if she's having a hard time coping, take her to a counselor.

Kay - posted on 02/01/2012

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My mom had a great tradition for my sisters and me.



We called it a 'pig party'. We loaded up on snacks, put on some man hating music, and invited those closest to us. Two rules: one, no males allowed--not even the dog, and two, no one was to call the ex by name. He was officially the pig.



I know what some ladies are thinking--was she crazy to encourage emotional eating? But that really was never the point. Instead of crying ourselves to sleep, we discussed our pain with people that we trusted, in a place where we felt safe. We always focused on what was good about the heartbroken--reinforced her self-esteem by reminding her that she was wonderful and it was his loss.



At the end of the ritual, Mom would give the heartbroken a single red rose, and she always used the same speech--"This rose is from the One. He is so sorry that he can't be here to comfort you, but he wants you to know that he thinks you are beautiful, wonderful, smart, and generally amazing. He says this rose does not do any of that justice, but it will have to do until he can be here himself."



When my fiancé gave me a dozen red roses the first time, I cried, and he was so confused! He did not understand what he had done wrong. Of course, that is because he hadn't done anything--I was just reminded of every rose Mom had given me growing up, and it just added a whole new depth to his expression of affection.



Good luck. I hope she perks up soon!

Katherine - posted on 02/01/2012

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Oh my I am sorry that your daughter is going through this. I honestly dont have any advice my 3 girls are 7 months, 5 years and 9 years old. Of course they will be 10, 6 and 1 year this summer.

I wont allow my daughter Audrey who is 9 to have a boyfriend because of that reason. She tried this school year and I said no. I feel she is too young and its just not needed.

I would say to hang out with her and take her to a mall where they do make up and that I feel would help with her self esteem . Sorry i am not much help.

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