13 year old boy, have been letting his hair grow going back to school I want it cut.

Kathy - posted on 07/29/2009 ( 57 moms have responded )

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I know I'm the mom but is this a battle I should fight?

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Aubree - posted on 07/29/2009

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I would let this one slide, or you could try to meet him in the middle and get a little trim. He's at that age where you want to grow your hair and start making your own decisions with out moms help. Isn't growing up fun lol?!

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SHIRLEY - posted on 08/02/2009

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no it wont do any good. you will just end up being the bad guy. anyway hopefully he will out grow like im hoping mine does. just make sure he keeps it clean and brushed and maybe tell him you like his long hair it reminds you of how boys wore their hair when you were a teenager. maybe that will get him to the barber chair. im gonna try it on mine.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/02/2009

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I wouldn't fight over the hair either. Having to keep it groomed should be understood.

Cindy - posted on 08/01/2009

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my boys are 15. My husband and I have always told them that as long as they are doing their chores and their homework and trying to be good people, their hair doesn't matter. One has chosen the unkept look and the other has a high and tight after trying the unkept for a while ~ room to grow, that's what they need....

[deleted account]

LaCi, maybe it's because every woman is secretly attracted to the "bad boy" and "bad boys" usually have long hair and they are terrified of their son growing up to be a "hottie" lol Just a humorous point of view....you're right though, it's hair. Just hair. Who he (or she) turns out to be is far more important. :)

LaCi - posted on 08/01/2009

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i really don't understand what the big deal with hair is. it's hair. seriously. it's not YOUR hair. it's his hair. What's with all these people who are against boys having long hair? it's not the twenties anymore... men have a wide variety of hairstyles to choose from

Ann - posted on 08/01/2009

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Hair doesn't mean anything. Character and attitude mean so much more and are more important. If he keeps it clean and groomed, I wouldn't worry about it so much. He is at an age where he is trying to establish his own personal style. If it is against school dress codes believe me they will let you know and fast!

[deleted account]

I agree with Aubree Smith (the second poster) on this one. I think a compromise would be good....get him to at least get a trim and make sure he knows that if he doesn't keep it clean it gets cut short. I'm pretty liberal though, and I think that at 13 it should really be their choice as to what kind of hair do to get....including a mowhawk lol But that's just me.....I think the only thing I wouldn't let my son do to his hair is to dye it because that can actually damage the hair. Other than that, it's his hair....and hey, if he doesn't like it or if he doesn't keep it clean....well Daddy's got a pair of cilppers and does a mean "high & tight". Marine style lol

SHIRLEY - posted on 08/01/2009

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I WOULD LET IT GO .AS LONG AS HE KEEPS IT CLEAN AND KEEPS IT COMBED.I TOLD MY 12 YEAR OLD GRANDSON 1 TIME IT WASNT OFF IT COMES

SHIRLEY - posted on 08/01/2009

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I TO HAVE A GRANDSON THAT LIVES WITH ME AND HIS HAIR GETTING PRETTY LONG. I WANT ITCUT BUT HE DOESNT. I AM HOPING IT IS JUST APHASE AND HE WILL COME TO HIS SENCES SOON

Darlene - posted on 08/01/2009

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My boys are 15 and 20...both went through. I agree, as long as it is clean - I made that a condition of allowing it - then it is not a battle worth fighting. It too will pass. Mine both got sick of taking care of it.

User - posted on 08/01/2009

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Even though our first child is now just under 11 months old, hubby and I have already had this conversation and come to this conclusion: As long as it's not permanent - who cares? This includes hair color (even "permanent color eventually comes out), nail polish in any shade, including black, whatever. As long as our children are respectful, caring, thoughtful people - they can make their own choices in these regards. Now, ear piercings have to have parental approval, and tattoos are out of the question until they are old enough to do it on their own (I won't sign for one and neither will hubby); but if it isn't a permanent alteration - they can explore their own style.

Jackie - posted on 08/01/2009

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This is absolutely a battle that you should let go. At 13, he is trying to find his own identity. This is one battle that I always would let go...what is the worst that could happen if he has long hair? You could set some limits and boundaries...like give him a certain length and if he goes past that, then he has to cut it a bit. There are definitely bigger fish to fry.

Rhonda - posted on 08/01/2009

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My son went thru a stage like that..the only condition I would let him grow it under was he had to keep it managed and nice looking; first time he didn't off it was coming.

He did well with it and outgrew the "fad" thank goodness.

Good luck!

Christine - posted on 08/01/2009

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I am with Sharon. As long as it is clean. I have no problem. I have a stepson and a stepdaughter. I told both of them that if they wanted to grow out their hair they would have to take care of it. I was thinking at 9 & 13 they should be able to shampoo and condition and brush their hair. Such was not the case. After discussing it with their father and giving them many warnings they were both forced to cut their hair. Amazingly after that my 13 year old stepdaughter now takes care of her hair. Now at 14 she has nice long clean well kept hair. My 10 year old stepson however still gets brush cuts.

Gaynetta - posted on 08/01/2009

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I have an almost 13 yr old son with long curly (gorgeous) hair and I say let it go. It isn't a piercing or tattoo and if he has rules about hygiene and he keeps it clean what harm is it? Hair doesn't denote personality or manners or intelligence, it's just a fashion preference and in the future he may follow another and want his head shaved. My 15 yr old had rock star hair last summer, but since going into ROTC in HS, he's opted for the high and tight. My 12 yr old is a baseball catcher and manages his hair with the helmet and when he wants to change it, he can. I wouldn't make it a battle and as a teacher and mom of 4, kids at this age go through so much and are told what to do all the time while dealing with hormonal stuff on top of everything else. Having long hair seems like a small thing for him to be able to decide for himself.

Firebird - posted on 08/01/2009

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I wouldn't fight this one. He's coming into his own identity and while you are definitely the mother, it is his hair. As long as it's clean I'd let him do it. Also I would recommend he get little trims now and then to get rid of split ends so the long hair doesn't look "ratty" as my mom puts it.

[deleted account]

Only pick the battles that really matter. Chances are he'll get sick of it. Tell him it has to stay brushed and clean. Check if there are rules at the school he attends, if so he must comply, no choice. But if there are no rules let it be. There will be so many more important things to deal with. I made my son get it trimmed so it had a shape.

Kareece - posted on 08/01/2009

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I wouldnt fight it. My 11 year old nephew is the same way. If that is all he is doing then I say you are doing great. He will eventually want to cut it.

Tamara - posted on 08/01/2009

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Its hair. Its not like he's doing drugs, etc. Pick your battles. This is one that's not worth fighting.

Lynette - posted on 08/01/2009

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If he is forced to wear a style that makes him feel out of place, he will resent that and may be picked on because of it. Pick your battles and I agree with Valerie, compromise. Talk about it with him.

Valerie - posted on 07/31/2009

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Is it clean? Is it out of his eyes? How about a compromise? A trim that gives his hair a good style that's wash and wear and in between the longer he wants and the shorter you want.

Gail - posted on 07/31/2009

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my 14 year old wanted long hair so we comprimised he got it cut the way he likes it is just perfect .

[deleted account]

My son did the same thing. As long as it was clean, there were other issues to deal with. Pick your battles at this age. He is trying to establish himself as an individual. I found that giving space instead of battling was the way to go as long as it wasn't something he could get into trouble with or danger himself or others. He eventually cut his hair, shaved, etc. when he wanted a girlfriend. He has been well groomed ever since.

Lori - posted on 07/31/2009

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Don't sweat the small stuff. If he is doing well in school and that is how he wants to express himself let it go. My son is 13, I let him hi-lite or cut his hair the way he wants, nothing crazy or that I feel would distract other children in class and it makes him feel good about himself. It is about who he is inside not what his hair looks like.

Jocelyn - posted on 07/31/2009

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my son is only 2.5 but i love his hair longer :). i think boys look wonderful with longer hair. later on, i will have an issue when he wants to cut it short!!! hair really isn't a battle that i think i am going to fight with my kids about, i did everything to my hair growing up, dyed, cut, shaved, spiked, suicide spikes held up with glitter glue, pink hair lol it's just hair imo.

Kelly - posted on 07/31/2009

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Cinda-no, I am with you on this...when my sons were little, I never cut the back of their hair. It hung down their backs in the sweetest little curls. And no, I wasn't secretly wishing for girls (though I am blessed to have two little girls now), I just like long hair on guys of any age. We finally cut it when they got old enough to get tired of telling people "we're boys, not girls" in public LOL, or tired of the tangles when I would comb it. I have always let them do anything they want to their hair. My oldest also got his ear pierced when he was six, and still wears an earring now, at 17. They are honor students, active at church, hardworking and respectful. My theory has always been, "you can look like anything you want, but you are going to act like SOMEBODY"! I definitely believe you have to choose your battles.

CINDA - posted on 07/31/2009

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HMMM it looks like I am the only Mom on the planet that liked her son's long hair. he never had a short cut until he was 14 and decided on it himself. I still miss his long hair and he swears he will never grow it again.

LaCi - posted on 07/31/2009

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i think it should be the kids decision. My dad wouldn't let me do anything to my hair when I was younger, and I completely rebelled against it. My hair has been every length and every color of the rainbow, every ridiculous style. Because I had to make the "its my fucking hair and ill do as i please" statement. Little things spawn rebellion, that ended up only being the beginning of mine.

[deleted account]

I've had the same issue with my 10 year old - the only reason he ended up getting his hair cut was because he got head lice. We clippered his hair with the understanding he would be allowed to grow it again afterwards. All his friends have long hair - it seems to be the trend at the moment.

Kathy - posted on 07/31/2009

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Thank you so much for your imput. I will let it go and hold grades over his head with it. Sometimes it is good to be older than 13. Much more to think about.

Diana - posted on 07/30/2009

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Long hair is the style again...even though I hate to say that out loud! Choose your battles, It is only hair and as long as it is clean, I wouldn't worry!

Georgette - posted on 07/30/2009

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I have a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old boys. They both went though this and yes they do grow out of this cuz know both have reallly short hair ,its just a phase so its not worth fighting over and if they stay clean then thats good too lol

Kristina - posted on 07/30/2009

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My son went through the same thing last year. It was a way to express himself and we allowed it. He decided this summer he wanted it cut short again. He got tired of waiters or store clerks asking him "what can I get you ma'am" or when asked his name he'd say Christian.. and they would be like Oh Christina is a pretty name. Poor baby would get so mad, but we reminded him this was his choice and it comes with issues at times.

We did have some rules as far as keeping his hair long.

1. You must wash your hair on a regular basis. ( you might want to add "with shampoo" in that directive.. as he tried "I did" but still smelled like a wet dog)

2. you must brush your hair everyday and sometimes more then once.

3. You can not play, twirl, twist flip, swish it back and forth or what ever you have you it distracts people and is rude.

4. When speaking to people you are not allowed to hide behind your hair. Always have eye contact.



He understood that if he didn't follow these rules that his hair got cut.. and not only was it going to get cut he no longer had the choice of how it would be cut. Mom's choice. I honestly am suprized he lasted so long and needed a few reminders here and there. Then ended up chosing to cut it short. Now his brother had the same set of rules start this summer because he wanted to grow his hair out.. he lasted about 2 months before I instituted "mom's Choice" on hair cut because he wasn't taking care of it.



So maybe if you set up some rules for longer hair it might help. He'll either have clean healthy hair at all time. (always a plus for boys who for some odd reason forget to use soap when the are in the shower) Or you were the open minded mom who let him try and he didn't follow the rules.. maybe next we'll try again next year?

Mary - posted on 07/30/2009

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At this age he is trying to find out who he is; if you don't make a big deal of it he will very soon ask you if he can get his hair cut. My daughter went through that with her son and after a few months he wanted it cut and has already said he wants it cut before school starts.

Malissa - posted on 07/29/2009

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I agree with the other moms. But my son and I have an agreement, if he stays out of trouble he can let his hair grow how he wants, but if he doesn't, than I will cut it like a "gentlemen".

Stina - posted on 07/29/2009

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Maybe it was because my Mom's brothers had longish hair... but when my brother was going through high school, he grew his hair out long and she let it be- it was his hair and he took care of it. I think he started growing it at about 14. When he left for college, he cut it all off partway through the year and donated it to Locks of Love. Honestly, I liked it long- it suited him.

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2009

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I am with you. My son is 13 with long hair. He is a good young man who is kind and respectful. Hair is one thing that doesn't matter to me as long as he is well behaved.

Kristy - posted on 07/29/2009

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We are having the same consant conflict here. He is 13, wants to let it grow wild and is talking about dying it like purple or green or something silly.

As long as he can keep it clean and some what kempt and manages to stay out of trouble and all that then I say let it go. Unless it is aginast school rules or locks him into an unsutible peer group then there is not much you can do.

At our house we have more than enough to worry and tangle over. Besides- thay r just exploring and finding them selves.

Look at pics of u and ur frineds in middle and highschool. There are soooo many other things they could be into.

Just don"t seem to give in too east, cna't have them thinking they are in chareg!!! that would be a big mess!!

Jamie - posted on 07/29/2009

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I'm a hairstylist so I run into this a lot. Sometimes I can get the mom and son to come to an agreement... usually the mom wants to be able to see his eyes, some ears, and not have his hair so bushy. I try to texture the hair and layer it a lot, so it's still the shaggy look they like, but they can still see and hear the teachers and you! If he's trying to grow is long and isn't up for the above... good question.

My mom used to let me go ahead with my hair. In my opinion, there are worse things to fight over, but each mom has to decide what rules are the most important for a teenager looking for a little independence.

Lori - posted on 07/29/2009

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my son wears his long..as long as he keeps it clean and out of his face we allow him to have his own style.

[deleted account]

I know you're referring to a boy, but my experience with girls who were kept from dying hair, or cutting it while living under mom & dad's roof would do extreme things to it when out of their parents care, or staying over @ a friends house. It is best to let them experiment with their hair now while they're in school and not in the job market! It may be 2009 but it still isn't easy to get jobs if you have crazy piercings & colors/cuts in your hair! They'll have a life long lesson of looking sharp for work once in the market, let them play while they can!

Debbie - posted on 07/29/2009

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what about a compromise...he has to keep it clean, out of his eyes, and brushed for maybe 3 weeks or he will have to get it cut...this way it could be a win win situation...he gets to feel he has some control over himself but you are creating the safe boundaries for him and for you...i think this can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you guys...

[deleted account]

During the summer between 8th grade and high school I agreed to let my son grow his hair with plans to cut it before school srated. Well now he is going to be a junior this coming fall and it is still really long. It drives me nuts. He hates to keep it combed also. I take him in for trims, but we battle daily about getting it cut short again. It is a battle that I am about to give up on because it goes no where. Yes, you are the parent, but probably want him to discover who he is(as I do with my son) and that is what I think we need to do. I wish I could give you some helpful advice on what to do, but I am facing the same situation with great frustration. All I feel that I can do is just pray and hope he will tire of it soon. Take care.
Carolyn

CINDA - posted on 07/29/2009

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this is too funny....when my son was 14 he had hair down to his butt and I cried when he asked to get it cut and then I bawled like a baby while she cut it and made her pick it all up and put it in an envelope for me, He's 25 now and shaves his head, but if he ever wants hair again I have it still!!!

Melanie - posted on 07/29/2009

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I am in agreement with the other moms; you have to pick your battles. It's the style for guys to have shaggy hair, and even if you don't like it, it isn't permanent and it isn't hurting anyone. And Scarlet is right, the best way to change his mind is to love it!

Christine - posted on 07/29/2009

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Hi Kathy, I for one like short hair on boys, you should let him experiment with long hair. He might like it or hate it. You are lucky if that's all your son is giving you problem with. Hope you make the right decision.....

Scarlet - posted on 07/29/2009

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well, how about telling him that he looks cool with long hair, that you love it, You think he'll go against it then? reverse psycology...works on teenagers. best to you!

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