14 years old and i want to be a Teen mom

Tina - posted on 06/30/2012

The fact that you say that you don't get much attention and that your dad hits you is more of a reason to wait to have a baby so that you're able to get into your own home and a safer environment for a baby. If you're dad hits you when he's angry what do you think he'll do if he finds out your having a baby, or even considering having a baby or having sex. There's a good chance he may lash out at you or your boyfriend. I tell ya what if someone got my little girl pregnant at 14 there'd be hell to pay. Especially from her father. There's that to consider. And it's been suggested that you breast feed to save money. Yes that does save money but it's not reliable. It seems simple enough. And that was my plan for both of my children. I tried for several weeks to breast feed but my son wouldn't take take to it. He lost alot of weight became very jaundice I had no choice but to bottle feed. As a mother you have to plan well and think about worse case scenario and not expect everything will just fall into place because if you don't that's when things become really hard. I'm not saying don't have a baby but hang off save and plan if that's what you really want. And plan as a single mother because you can never fully rely on the father to pull through and support you and your baby.

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2012

I know there are already a TON of responses, but I think that's because you've really struck a chord with some of the moms on here, honey.

I started wanting to be a mother at 13 or 14 as well. My dad was a truck driver so he was always gone, my mom was unhappy with her life (she got pregnant with me at 19 and she and my dad got married just because it was the 'right thing to do') and she projected her unhappiness on us kids. I never felt loved or valued and I thought a baby would love me, no matter what. I started trying to have a baby when I was 19, immediately after I got married. Each month that I got my period, I would cry and hate my body. Finally at 20, I concieved my son.
I am 5' 11" and at that time, I was around 105 pounds. I became very sickly when I was pregnant because my already small frame was taxed to its very limits when my baby was taking nutrients from my body to grow. My frame is so small that as his head was just starting to appear in my labor, my doctor had to cut me open with a scalpel to make enough room for him to get out. At my six-week checkup, my doctor told me that having him had strained my body more than usual and if I didn't change my diet and take in more calories, I would soon die.
You may plan to breastfeed, dear. So did I. But sometimes women with a small frame can't. My doctor had to tell me to start giving my son formula or he would starve to death because I couldn't produce enough milk for him to survive.
The reasons that my son's father and I split up have nothing to do with your situation ( he was abusive), but now I am 26 and I have to work two jobs right now to support him and I STILL have to live with a friend to survive in this economy. It is so, so difficult. I love him, but he doesn't fulfill that need for love that I had. Five-year-olds are very selfish, and I often hear "I hate you" when I can't give him what he wants. On top of that, I have no time for myself. When I come home and my feet are swollen from working all day long and my back hurts from lifting heavy products and I'm frustrated from cranky customers, then I have to go home and make dinner, do laundry, clean house, do dishes, bathe my son, battle him to get him to go to bed, then after he's asleep I can finish the laundry, go over my bills/mail, plan the next day's clothes and healthy meals, then check my email and social media quickly before I go to bed. I'm not saying that my son and I never have good days or never have fun together or that he's never sweet to me. But at LEAST 90% of the time it is not fun. It's really hard work.
It truly is not what MTV makes it look like, girl.

If you know in your heart that you want to be a mother, that's awesome. Some women get kids that don't want them and don't treat them right. But the best thing you can do for your future children is to wait. Get an education, have some fun, live life and get rich and fulfilling experience, get married to a good, mature man who will be a good father, and then together, start a family when you're ready. Your children will be grateful for it someday. ♥

Kajal - posted on 06/29/2012

At 14 I think you are too young to be a mom!

All the above said by other moms is actually true. Being a parent involves so much more than a cute smiling baby in your arms...reality is, you gotto also think above how will you provide for the child. Raising a child is a full time job, you will never have time for school, college, a job, a party and even time enough for yourself to dress up decently sometimes!!

It is a lot that you would be risking if you bring ur child in this world! The child will grow with a lack of "everything" and will curse you all her life that you never provided her with what she deserved. Clothes, Crib, Diapers, Food, School, Extra curricular, etc. costs a lot...how do you plan to take care of that!?

My advice? Please take care of yourself....you are raising this concern of urs in public shows how mature u already are to seek advice. However the best would be to take ur mom in confidence and seek her guidance too. Whatever the parents say, comes out of their experience and that is a treasure, believe me. You have a long way girl!!

If Isaiah loves you then he would understand all this and support you nevertheless. Frankly girl, a guy who says, he does not "care" if u become pregnant or not and what the parents think...then in all likelihood, he does not "care" at all. He has not thought this through and in my opinion, you should!! Take charge of ur life and don't go by whims and fancies of other people. Complete school, enjoy being with friends, go shopping, movies, take up a sport or dance. Have a life, live it to the fullest. Make urself competent of taking care of urself "all by urself" and then think about motherhood. Love ur boyfriend with all your heart and believe me he will support you in whatever u wish to do whether u r 14 or 24.

Kayla, darling! Please do not do something that might regret for the whole of your life!

Allie - posted on 06/29/2012

My advice? Don't have a baby. You are too young, and babies are ALOT of responsibility that you just aren't ready for at the young age of 14. I had my first baby at 19 and my second at 22 and it's been a real struggle. Now, I'm sure you've heard just how hard it is to have a child at a young age, but I really stress to you that it IS a very difficult thing to do. Your chances of not graduating are greatly increased. Something I regretted was not being able to give my children the things they deserved, you don't realize what matters to you when you can't do it. You won't be able to be in your own place, you'll have to depend on your parents for support and if you can't get it there, where are you going to get it? And that boyfriend of yours isn't ready either, no matter what he tells you, he's going to say whatever he can so that he can sleep with you. Now, please don't take that the wrong way, I'm not saying he's a bad guy, he's just a teenager, sex is what they'd like to do. If he really wants to do what is in your best interest, he'd tell you that he's NOT ready for a baby and that getting pregnant right now is a BIG mistake. Sweetie, please think about this ALOT, I don't know you, but I believe you have a lot of potential to go far in life and a baby right now should not be in that plan. If you don't old off for yourself, do it for the baby. What kind of life will you be able to give that child right now? You aren't even old enough to get a job, you can't support that baby. And I don't know what you look like physically, but if you are a small girl you are putting yourself and that baby at risk trying to be pregnant when you're not fully developed. I urge you to look into EVERYTHING having a baby consists of. Read what your body will go through (if you like your body the way it is now, you may not be so lucky to look that way after), watch a live birth, look at what it costs to support that child, are you going to breastfeed, its cheaper, how will you get a crib, do your 14/15 year old friends have money to buy you all you need at your shower? Do you know how to comfort a baby with colic, do you know what colic is? What if your baby is jaundice, what do you do? What will you do if you boyfriend were to leave, can you do it alone? How will you deal with postpartum depression, do you have people to lean on? And these things are just the tip of the iceberg of things you need to think about. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE rethink things, don't do this, You will look back at all these strangers saying the same thing I am and you will THANK us when you are older.

Elaine - posted on 06/29/2012

Please wait for your sake, your babies and your baby. All girls between 12 - 18 want to be needed and want to have a baby. Kayla, believe me, it is hormones. When you are 19 then make that decision not at 14. I had my baby at 16 which was not fair to my daughter. No it was not. The father left real fast after she was born. Boys are going thru the same thing, again it is hormones. You are not thinking with your brains but with emotions and hormones. The reality of having a baby is your life is on hold for 19 years. You baby owns it or should own it. Your are responsible for food shelter giving your baby the tools to be able to make a life for their own when they become legal age. You do not have the tools to raise a baby as you have not been given the tools to do so. You have to have your education to get a job. Money for shelter, food clothes essential for just keeping alive. What are you going to do when all your other friends are out at the beach and you can't go cuz your baby is sick, you have to stay home. Kayla, wait till you are at least 19 and better if you wait till 21 when you have your education, career planned, home, more importantly you know the father of your baby is going to be with you for the rest of your lives so the child will know who his/her father is. If you still want it then, fine, but be a teenager. Have fun, get to know what you really want to do with your life before trying to shape somebody else's life. Be responsible, by having a baby now, is thinking only about what you want not want your little baby wants and needs is both father and mother whom are best friends and work together with common goals. Look after yourself first.

Lisa - posted on 06/29/2012

PLEASE WAIT! You are not done growing yourself and this could have adverse affects on the baby.

YES! U will be too little for the baby because u aren't done growing... I was to small to deliver my baby. U wanna know what happened? I pushed for 2 hours absolutely screaming in agony praying that they would come and cut it out of me! That is not a joke, my reality! Hurt me that horribly that I won't have another unless they will give me a c-section.

Also... go to school. Get a degree, find true love, get married, be married for a few years and then plan for a baby when u are really ready. I also knew I wanted a baby at a young age but there is no way in heck I would trade what i have now to go back and do it when i was 14. First of all SEX HURTS for like the first few weeks, then your boyfriend is just saying he will stick around what about when there is a screaming baby waking every 2 hours the whole night? What if the baby has colic and screams for hours on end?

I am very proud to say that I waited for my true love, I was 24 when I lost my virginity to the man who became my husband. We have been married for 7 years this september and I know in my heart we are forever, we have one 2.5 year old daughter and are thinking about trying for a second baby.

If ur boyfriend really loves you... tell him u wanna wait till you are 18 years old before you have sex and see what his response to that is....

Jodi - posted on 06/29/2012

Anyone who can not spell pregnat should not get pregnant; how are you going to make it in life to care for a child. I am 35 and I had the perfect life until one day my husband died leaving me to raise our child all alone. I am now going back to school to improve our future, but is hard being a student, raising a child, and making sure we have all we need at my age! My bestfriend had a child at 14 and now her son who is 20 yearold is in the hospital waiting to see if they can save his foot from a drug induced accident he had on his motorcycle; why am I saying this, because he is a product of a teen mom who had no place bring a child into this world and is now a product of his enviroment! Get a puppy it takes as much work but you are not going to ruin its life because you are a kid yourself!

Debra - posted on 06/29/2012

Kayla, I agree with all the other mothers 100%. Having a baby because your family doesn't pay attention to you, is not the answer. A baby will make your situation worse. It will dig you further down and make it harder to escape the abuse you get from your Dad. Worse, it may increase the abuse or even worse- if you had a baby, it might also be abused. Think about it. Please take the advice of everyone here and save the love of a baby for a day when you can take care of it and protect it as a mother should and can. One day you will be ready for that child, but it is not today. A child born into your family might even be a fatal (and I mean- you or the child might die in an abusive situation) mistake. Love yourself first, be strong. PROTECT yourself. Get help from a women's shelter even. Talk to a guidance counselor at your school. BUT DO NOT HAVE A BABY to make yourself feel loved. Perhaps what you need is a pet. A dog will love you- and even may protect you from an abusive situation. Some teen moms are not statistics. But with what you wrote, your situation is a statistic. I know statistics. I'm an RN and work in an inner city hospital mainly with clients from our down town east side. They are addicts, criminals, prostitutes and many have the same story. They were abused as a child and never felt any love. They turned to drugs and to support themselves and their habits they steal or prostitute themselves. As as result, they are dying at 30, but emotionally dead for years. Please get help. Please please talk to a guidance counselor. Please don't go down this road. Please respect yourself and love yourself first. YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING!

Chelsea - posted on 06/29/2012

I am really biting my tongue trying to stay polite about this, but it is my honest opinion that 14 is WAY to young to have a baby. I was a 19-year-old college student when I brought my little boy into the world. And, while he is the greatest thing in my life, I really wish I would've waited. Being so young makes it difficult to financially support a child.. (Not to mention the dramatic changes to your body.. And childbirth HURTS! Yikes.) Besides, I honestly miss the opportunities to cut loose and have fun, like I did before Luke came along. It's a lot of responsibility, which should be reserved until you're older. Enjoy your youth while you can!!

P.S. If I still haven't changed your mind, consider that a box of condoms is $5, while a box of diapers is $25. I think that speaks for itself!

Tracy - posted on 06/29/2012

As a labor and delivery nurse for over 20 years, I have taken care of too many girls your age. Medically, getting pregnant at 14 is not a good idea. Your body is still growing. Pregnancy puts extra stresses on you that you are not ready for. You may be too small to have a normal delivery, and have a high risk of complications. Your baby would also be at risk of complications like not growing big enough or delivering too early. Both could result in lifetime health problems for your child. Very young and very old moms have more problems giving birth.

As a mother, I also advise you to wait. I am sure you would love your child, but part of being a good parent is also being able to care for it. Even if your families and boyfriend are suportive, this baby will be your responsibility. Babies can never be left home alone. They need to be fed every 2-3 hours, even at night. This is true even when you are exhausted. You don't get a day off if you are sick, etc. It's every day of your life. It doesn't matter if you want to do something else, the baby's needs come first. If this boyfriend is right for you, he will be willing to wait for you. I don't think a fourteen year old should be having sex, but you will ultimately be the one to decide that. When I was a teenager, my mother told me I wasn't mature enough to have sex until I could walk into a store and buy condoms, and tell the boy he had to use them. Every time!! Enjoy your boyfriend. Date. Go to prom. Grow up together. If you truly are meant for each other, you can get your education, get jobs, and then have children together when you are capable of providing them with the kind of lives that you would want them to have.

Cassandra - posted on 06/29/2012

Hi Kay... It sounds like to me that you and your boyfriend love each other.. And since you care so much about each other I'm sure you want what's best for each other. In my opinion I think you should wait until you at least graduate high school to have a baby.. I am 27 and a mother of two boys. I am a stay at home mother and my boyfriend works to support us. Although I don't have to worry about money because fortunately he makes enough to pay the bills, food and everything the children need. It is still very stressful raising children.. I often feel like I don't have anytime for myself.... And Im thinking your boyfriend is not old enough to work yet. And I kind of think boys your age are in rush to experience sex so they can brag to there friends... If he truly loves you he would care what your parents think about you getting pregnant because they are a very important part of your life and they pay for your needs and wants.. Please do yourself a huge favor and wait.... If you are going to decide to have sex always use condoms and maybe even try to get on birth control too...

Julianne - posted on 06/29/2012

Tell your parents what your planning. thats my advice.

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2012

She said she knew he wouldn't stick around.

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2012

Wait for the love of God! I was 32 when I had my first baby and I was not ready. I have been in childcare and education for 11 years, so it was not that I did not know how to take care of a child. When you become pregnant and carry a baby your body is not your own,beyond the weight gain there is the swollen feet, moodiness, and sleeplessness ( it starts way before the baby is born). And after you have a baby your body with not bounce back. I exercise and eat well and I am 4 sizes bigger than I was before I had my first baby, my rib cage and hips expanded 2 inches each, and that is bone so that will never go back. Then you follow that ride with labor, which can be from 2 hrs to 36 hrs and if your labor for a long time or there are complications you will have a c-section. I have had 2 the recovery is painful and long, put you can't sleep you have an infant to care for, who wakes up every 2 hrs to eat. And babies do not keep the normal time schedule, my son was awake from 1 am to 4 am every night for the first 6 weeks and cried if he was not held. And don't get me started about the learning curve of breast feeding.

And the cost are you prepared to spend $100 a month on formula, $150 a month on diapers, and an insurmountable amount on dr visits and baby gear? I had 2 baby showers and my family and friend were very generous but I still needed $500 worth of baby gear to get everything I needed. And daycare, because how will you finish school if you are staying home with a baby, daycare for an infant is $800 a month. And those babies become kids, and kids are much more expensive than babies.

WAIT you have your whole life ahead of you.....if this guy is worth it he would not want you two to become parents to young.

Chepkorir Hilda - posted on 06/29/2012

I understand your desire to be a mom, but I have to say that you are still very young to have a child. I am a mother of three but I didn't start having children until I was 26. Being a mother is a very difficult although rewarding job. Before you made this big decision consider if you are emotionally mature to handle a baby let a lone a sick or colic child. Consider financial ramifications of raising a child. You say your boyfriend does not care and that he will stick with you no matter what. You didn't state his age, but be very cautious because he may just be saying this to you just to sleep with you. Also consider what happen if your relationship does not work out, will you be able to support your child just by yourself?

I think you should really care what your parents will think because they are the ones who will be supporting you considering you are still young and I assume that you are still in school. If you are still in school why not wait at least you finish high school. Having a baby now will automatically graduate you to adult responsibilities. Why not enjoy being a teenager first, finish school, get a job and be financially stable enough just in case you are caught in a situation of being a single mom.

Sorry for the long advice, but I want to tell you that I truly care and am praying for you that you hold off the idea until you are truly ready both emotionally and financially to have a child.

All the best.

Linda - posted on 06/29/2012

Hello Kayla. My opinion and advice would be to wait until you are at least 18. I was a teen mom at the age of 16. My son is now 16 and I have 3 others, 1 of whom I just had 2 months ago. I can tell you from experience that having a child this early in your life is a bad decision you would be making. I love my son more than my own life, but I had to get a job while I was pregnant to provide for him. I had to get my GED because I didn't have time to go to school and take care of him. I also was told that my boyfriend at the time would stick around and he was 3 years older than me with a job and he still took off. I know you are probably thinking not all guys are like that and you probably think your boyfriend is different, but how do you know? Are you willing to bet your childhood on it? Because that's what you'd be losing if you made the decision to have a baby. Even now, at 33, it is extremely difficult to raise my kids and I am married now. You have to do EVERYTHING with your kids in mind. Can I take a shower? Is the baby going to be ok while I'm in there? Can I go shopping now, or will it interfere with the baby's nap time? Feeding time? Can I go to school? Do I have a babysitter for that? Also, my kids have had to go without A LOT because I was a single parent and couldn't give them what they wanted/needed. Do you know how horrible of a parent you feel like when they ask you for new shoes and you can't give it to them because you have to pay rent/utilities? And trust me when I say, all the friends you have now, expect 99% of them to not talk to you anymore after you have a kid. You no longer have anything in common with them. Obviously no one can tell you what to do, but just think about it for another couple years and see if you don't change your mind. :) I hope that helped.

Kimberly - posted on 06/29/2012

Kayla,
you have your WHOLE life to be a grown up. you will spend most or your life as an adult. enjoy your childhood while you still can. being a parent is hard. I had my first child at 24 and I STILL wasn't ready. it costs over $250,000 to raise a child to the age of 18, and that doesn't include the cost of their education, it includes food, clothing, housing, medical care, etc. when you choose to have a baby you are choosing to out another life ahead of your own. often sacrificing your time, money, and sometimes well-being and happiness for that child. its not all rainbows and puppy dogs. kids are difficult, and stressful. in the beginning you are lucky if you can sleep for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time for as long as the first year. I've had friends whose children didnt sleep through the night for a year and a half. then there is all the formula if you don't breast feed. thousands of dollars worth of it, and diapers. I haven't even mentioned how painful childbirth is. and when you want to go to school or work, you have to pay for childcare. its more expensive with infants, but my child is 5 and it still costs over $1000 (yes, one thousand) dollars a month for full time child care. please rethink haging a child. do it after you've gone to college and can give that child all that it deserves. kids don't ask to be here, and its the parents job to make sure they have the best life possible. I know your boyfriend said he'd be there, but they ALL say that. and the reality
is, most of them aren't. boys that age say whatever they have to to get sex. but he's not anymore ready for a baby than you are.

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2012

Sounds to me like you need to talk to an adult you trust and let them know your dad is hitting you... You just told over 190 women that your father is hitting you.

Hun, I am sorry... not getting attention at home is not a reason to have a baby to love... I can tell you honestly that I am the product of that... My mom wanted a baby... had me at 17 and then had to work 3 jobs to support me.. Lucky for her my grandmother said she would watch me...

Oh wait.. my grandmother was a horrible babysitter... she left me with someone who molested me... So while you go out and work a full time job at minimum pay you want to leave your baby with the same man who hurts you???? REALLY??? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Johanne - posted on 06/29/2012

Honey, first of you can't spell the word "pregnant" that should be a good reason for not getting pregnant at 14 years of age. Do you watch the shows "16 and pregnant and teen mom" on MTV?Almost all of the girls said that they wished they had waited to have babies. You should be asking yourself why do you want to be a teen mom at 14?. Children are lots of work and costly. Do you or your boyfriend have a job, how are you planning on supporting your baby? Are you finished with school? Your boyfriend may say that he will stick with you, but he may not because he will get cared and possibly leave... You and your boyfriend need to be thinking about other things than wanting to be teen parents. He may think he loves you now, but is he going to love you through the sleepless nights, nightly feeding, diaper changing... constant crying. Before you decide to become a teen mom think about all of the responsibilities of being a parent(s)

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2012

Maybe you should go take a look at this... http://www.babycenter.com/baby-cost-calc... and if you don't have that much in SAVINGS... (Have it on hand at your disposal) then I would seriously reconsider having a baby!

Abu - posted on 06/29/2012

The only person it will hurt is you. Google vaginal delivery.
At your age the pelvic bone isn't even ready for that pain it could even brake.
After you gain weight feel fat get more acne, will he really think you are so cute?
After the baby he will most likely cheat because you don't want to have sex .... So You slide in to pp depression. So next step he moves on to your thin best friend tells her the same lines "your So beautiful I always thought you were the one"!

Other parents tell their daughter are trouble...and guess what no friends to hang out with. Unfirtunatly double standard in life you slut and him ....he was tricked and trapped.
Go on the pill take it regularly. Never listen to a young boy teen they are full of hormones.
Men will say anything to get you in bed (studies show).

At your age the only thing you need to worry about are grades, college and what nail polish to wear! Sorry do you really want to marry a guy who works in a car wash.

I'm sorry to be so straight forward but this is what any good mom would teacher you.

Be strong and look at real role models. Best advise my mom gave me trust no one!
Protect yourself first and your kids. You would be hurting your future kids by having them with this future idiot!

I'm not saying don't have sex but I am saying see a doctor for birth control.
Avoid sex at ovulation time and really question this guy ......he sounds like Bs
Good luck.
,

Alexandra - posted on 06/29/2012

Kayla,
Hear the other mommies.
Absolutely not.
and, if I were you, I am sorry honey, I would be looking for another boyfriend. That one is not respecting you a bit.

Nikki - posted on 06/29/2012

I loved kids at 14 too. I went to school and became a teacher.

At 27 and married I had my first child. Even on two good wages we struggle at times. Lack of sleep, lack of money, never getting a break... it's trying and it's not a healthy situation for a child.

Honestly if this post is real, I think you are being selfish, what kind of life can you provide for a child? You are still a child yourself and the likely hood that your boyfriend will stick around is slim to none.

Go and find some children to babysit and stay in school.

Toni - posted on 06/29/2012

my daughter was 19 when she got pg for the first time the guy she was with said he would be there forever whether or not they were together he would br there for their baby ok well the baby is now 2 and a half he has seen her maybe 10 times she has tried to get child suport for baby and cant she is on her own raising her daughter if it wasnt for me and her father she wouldnt have food for the baby just think before u do anything a baby doesnt ask to be born but should be able to live a good life with a mother who could afford to take care of them with out crying because they cant eat when they need too ur arents shouldnt have to help u out you should be able to stand on ur own two feet and take care of a baby by ur self if u have one i wish my daughter would of waited i love my granddaughter she is special to me its just that i shouldnt have to lay mommy and neither should ur mom a child is big responsibility that u get when u become pg it shouldnt fall to ur parents we have u guys and cant wait to have grandkids but we dont want to have to raise them we want to be able to buy things for them just because we want too i really think u need to wait along time tell ur boyfriend he has to wait if he wants u trust me u wont regret it at all if u wait i waited to have sex til i was 18 and so did my daughter its only right u respect ur parents and wait til 18 or out of school which ever comes last let ur mom finish her job with u before u give her a grandbaby otherwise its another responsibility please

Lucy - posted on 06/29/2012

You are still a baby yourself and need a lot of motherly guidance, learning in all aspects, growing up, understand life better in general to prepare yourself for motherhood. Don't confuse yourself between a BABY and a DOLL. A BABY comes with a lot of responsibilities like what the other experienced ladies above have mentioned. A DOLL, you can put it down at your convenience but not a baby. So, grow up first and don't be conned into giving up your virginity to some sweet talking BABY BOYS

Danie - posted on 06/29/2012

Kayla....If your father is putting your hands on you that is ABUSE, and you need to tell someone. No parent has a right to put their hands on you, it is illegal. Saying "sorry" and "I love you" after an abuser hits is exactly what they do, it's their pattern. Call your local CPS, or hun, I'll have to. Truly.

Danie - posted on 06/29/2012

Your username reminds me of my 12 year old daughter...LOL ;-)

Danie - posted on 06/29/2012

Honey...I wanted the very same thing when I was your age. I wanted a bay because it would love me, and it was cute..ect..ect... Those were immature reasons to want a baby, and selfish. At 14 years olf you are in no position to be a good mom, no matter how willing you are. Children of teen mothers are at higher risk of living in poverty, ending up in crime, and generally having a rough life. You will make a great mommy one day, WHEN you are an adult and when you are ready. I had TONS of boyfriends who wanted me to have sex when I was a teenager, and you know what? I NEVER did. I respected myself and decided that having sex would happen when I was an adult and with someone I truly cared about, NOT on a whim or to get it over with. I didn't wait until marriage or anything, but my husband of 16 years is the ONLY man I have ever slept with, and I am so proud of that. I became a stepmom at age 23 and a Mom to my adopted children at 29, and the older I got, the more mature I was and the more patient I was, and it made me a better mother. Having a baby should never EVER be a selfish decision. You have a baby when you are a MILLION percent sure that you can provide for this child, in every way...physically, emotionally and everything in between. I can bet that you want to be a Mom because you feel that it will make you look like a better and more responsible person. Am I correct? Really think hard here Sweetie, you're FOURTEEN! A CHILD. Please, just be a child and enjoy your childhood while it lasts. Motherhood is NOT the pretty little picture you think it is. It's hard, it's a struggle and it takes time, dedication, patience EDUCATION and stability. See if you can find a councellor at school to talk about this and talk to your parents as well. Having a baby on a whim that is based on an emotional need is soooo wrong. You simply do not bring a child into this world on purpose if you are not in a position to raise it on your own.

Andrea - posted on 06/29/2012

Advice!!! Sweetheart you're crazy!! My twin daughters are 14 and I'd be a crazy mother on a rampage!! You need someone to talk to I can guarantee that no boy or boyfriend is going to stick it out with you and a baby!!! And honestly you'll end up on Medicaid and welfare that I a tax payer pay for, I don't like that at all. Good luck, wait and talk with your adviser, parents and doctor.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/29/2012

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Jade - posted on 06/29/2012

Hun honestly.
Not a good idea. Everyone is right on target explaining to you
That 14 is too young. I was with my high school sweetheart for
5 years and when i was 17 i became pregnant with my beautiful
son Tyler, 2yo.
I was 6 months preg on my 18th bday, and although tylers father n i
got a private rental & he was 2nd yr apprentice spray painter, we thought
we were ready, but honestly its an experience that you cant predict the
events that are going to take place. When the rent jumped up we got stuck
And couldnt afford to live the way we preffered to live,
It always consisted on only getting the basic items we needed to survive
But no leisure money, and then petrol went up. And we thought we would be ok.
Im now 20 and just starting my career,
I get to go out and do what my friends had the chance to do 2 years after
they did it. Being a parent is great dont get me wrong but you my love, should
wait and focus on your education and get a career, car license, car, even a deposit on your
first house so you can provide your child with the best luxuries and life style you can. :)

Verna - posted on 06/29/2012

You really should wait. I had my son when I was 17 and as much as I love him, it was really hard. Guys will say whatever they need to for you to have sex and then when the responsibility comes they rarely stick around. I'm 24 almost 25, engaged, and it's still hard sometimes. your life will be so much easier and better if you just wait.

NancyJane - posted on 06/29/2012

I really think you should wait...as bad as you want a baby...it will change your life forever. It will be all about the baby...you will take a back seat in life. You are young, and need to explore the world, all your options, maybe even travel. I always wanted 10 kids, was blessed with 2, but at 16, I too wanted a baby...You need to realize, you can always have a baby, but if you have one now, you will not go to your prom, you will not go hang out at the mall, you will not be free to come and go as you please. You will be worrying about where you will get the money for you kids diapers, formula, clothes...enjoy your youth and freedom...when you have experienced what life has to offer you, and you meet "the one" there will be plenty of time to settle down and have your family.Focus on having fun, always be responsible and have the guy wear a condom...he won't be your last boyfriend...believe me there will be many more.You need to wait...give this baby a good chance at life.. go to college and get a good job before you have a baby so you can provide for her needs and yours!! Protect yourself from diseases. You need to be in charge of you, not depend on anyone...if you have a baby, that little innocent being will be depending on you 24-7...please think long and hard...a child is a lifetime commitment....be smart, wait until you are married so your kid will have a mom and dad who are committed to give that child a good future...good luck, whatever you decide..

Megan - posted on 06/29/2012

First of all...no you aren't ready! You are 14...your body isn't mature enough to give birth to a healthy baby....pregnancy in one your age can throw your hormones off and cause problems later if not sooner.
Second, do you and your boyfriend have jobs? Do you support yourselves? Do you pay for health insurance and healthcare? Can you put a roof over your heads, food on the table, and clothe a child for 18 years? If no is your answer than you do not have any business considering having a child. I pay taxes and am tired of my tax dollars going to pay for kids to have kids. Your boyfriend will promise anything to get what he wants. Chances are he wouldn't stick around. How do I know...because I teach at risk high school kids. Every girl I have had in class that has had a child was promised the same thing. Some the daddy split immediately. Some they stayed around until the new wore off...about a month. None of them support themselves or their children. One girl decided to give her child up for adoption because she knew she couldn't provide for it and her home life was not a good environment for a child. It is heartbreaking to see these babies get knocked around because a young teen mother doesn't have the patience and maturity to cope with a crying baby.
No...you do not need a baby! Give your children a chance to have a mature mother who can support herself and her children.

Ann - posted on 06/29/2012

Sweatie Please, please, please don't have a baby yet. I was a 18 year old teen mom and i never struggled so hard in my life to stay in school while i was pregnant. I passed out alot and puked during class and his parents actually tried to charge me with rape of the father. When i told my mom,she kicked me down the stairs and out of the house and i had to live with a friend until i got my own appartment. I was due christmas day, but ended up delivering a stillborn, breach 2.4 pound beautiful little girl on November 17, 1998. There isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about her. My family will not allow me to talk about her still to this day 14 years later. At the same time i now think of it as a blessing from God that he didn't put her on this world and have to put her through my tough times. Also that i didn't have nothing but love to give her. Every dollar i earned working after school went to paying bills. There was a lot of times i couldn't eat because i didn't have any money for food. Her funeral was not cheap for me as well. $2,000.00 just for her casket and $500.00 for her grave site. Ask yourself- do I have that kind of money at 14 if something would happen?
I'm happy to say im married and 33 now and have 4 more children 1 boy age 10,and three girls age 8,6 and 1 and im so glad that i waited for a better time to start a family. It's your choice but i really hope you take our advice on here from experience and wait for awhile and finish High School at least. I do suggest to get a good baby-sitting job for at least a year before making a choice as well. Trust me you may change your mind when your baby is crying and nothing you do will make it better and it drains everything out of you. Good Luck and God Bless you in your choices.

Theresa - posted on 06/29/2012

Seriously you are 14! When I was 14 I wasn't even interested in boys...I've loved kids for as long as I can remember but I never wanted them until I was in my 20's at least. It's not all fun and games having a baby, don't get me wrong I love my 2 girls and my 'bun in the oven' but they are such hard work! It is without fail the most rewarding job I have ever had, but also the hardest/stressful/frustrating. No holidays, no days off, you're on the job 24/7. My first pregnancy I ended up losing, then I had my daughter at the age of 29 and I tell you I thought because I was older/more mature that it'd be easier, but I struggle and I have the girls' father to help me...When our daughter turned 1, we started trying for number 2. I got pregnant and had another miscarriage : ( We then tried again and had our second daughter. She is now just over 2 and we are expecting our third and I tell you I'm scared! I know we will love this baby, but that's not the only reason to have kids and that doesn't make it any easier. I have no doubt your boyfriend would leave you and I think you do too, so why would you want a baby with an immature person like that? Having a baby is also not a good way to get attention from your parents. You say your father hits you, well do you really thinks it's a good idea to be bringing another life into this environment? Not a very mature reason if you ask me. Do you want a child of yours to possibly get the same treatment as you get now? Live your life, there is plenty of time to enjoy having children. Make sure you find a nice, decent 'man' to help raise your children with. Having a baby now would just ruin your life and you may end up resenting the child for stopping you from doing things your friends would be doing...

Ellen - posted on 06/29/2012

You already have a lot of replies here hun, so not sure if you will even read this, but take it from a teen mum (im British) that you should really wait. I know it's probably not what you want to hear and its what you've probably heard over an over, but it's my honest opinion. I was 16 when I had my first child, 17 for my second and 21 for my 3rd, luckily, I have had the support of an amazing family and a husband who has been an absolute godsend. I didn't plan to have my first two children, and it has been a struggle at times, both emotionally and financially, even though my husband has worked continuously. Please don't have a baby to yield to the pressure you're boyfriend Is putting on you to have sex, If he truly loves you he would wait, I had sex at your age and I wish I had waited for someone I truly loved. A baby won't make things better. It will probably destroy your relationship. I have been very lucky and am in the minority to have been able to battle through hard times with my partner since we were 15 to make it to where we are today and there have been times where things have almost broken us.
Please wait to have a baby. At lease until you are past the age of consent. And you are sure you have a way to support yourself, your parents don't deserve o have to raise your child (mine never did thank god). When you look back you will be glad you waited. I wouldn't hange my life now, but it's not Been easy to get to where I am today. Good luck.

Debi - posted on 06/29/2012

This is a joke,right? You sound very immature and so does your boyfriend.

ELIZABETH - posted on 06/29/2012

Dont do it enjoy your life your still to young and your man dont know what the hell he wants dont listen to any words he says cause if you do end up being pregnant he will leave you please dont make that mistake... babies are to exspensive and so are the hospital bills you should think about finishing school and go to college you do not want to mess up your life raising a baby is not easy ok so please take my advise and finish school

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2012

I knew I wanted babies at 12. Luckily for me, my sister became a teen mom at that time and I was the one stuck at home with my infant niece while she worked full time and was trying to finish school. She wasn't even my child and it was so exhausting and difficult! That was all the incentive I needed to wait. I got to see first hand how hard it was for her to raise her daughter, go to school full time, work full time, etc. She never got to do anything she wanted to do and her and her now husband still struggle financially raising two kids.

Fast forward to now. I am 29 and just had my first baby 3 months ago. I went to Germany for a year after high school, I finished college, have a Doctor of Pharmacy degree and a great job. I met a fantastic man and we had an amazing, fun, beautiful wedding. We got to go on a 2-week Mediterranean honeymoon. My husband is an engineer and has a fantastic job. He was a teen father (and was one of the rare good ones who actually stuck around) and I have a fantastic step son who I love and take care of as my own. But he missed out on alot early in his son's life because he was trying to finish school and work in order to provide for his young family and unfortunately his first wife cheated on him and divorced him.

We tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant and ended up paying for fertility treatments to have my daughter. So needless to say, she was WANTED!! I understand wanting a baby more than anything. I LOVED being pregnant. That being said, being a mom is both the most rewarding and the MOST DIFFICULT thing I have ever done in my life!! And we were as emotionally and financially prepared as anyone could be. Becoming a doctor was waaaay easier! Even though we actively pursued having a baby and that little smile melts my heart every single time and I don't have to worry about how we're going to afford diapers every month, I still find myself wishing that we had a few hours alone every once in awhile. I sometimes wish we could go out with our friends like we used to (although this is easier that we're older because many of our friends have young children too). I wish we could go to a movie without feeling guilty about leaving her with a babysitter for 3 hours. I wish my body was my own as it is very taxing on your body and your psyche to breastfeed every 2-3 hours and you feel like a cow (literally). I wish I could get a full night's sleep! And to be honest, my husband and I went from having sex every other day (hey, we were trying to get pregnant) to now I can count on one hand how many times we've had sex in the last 4 months. If your boyfriend is in such a hurry to have sex now, how's he going to feel when you physically cannot provide his physical "needs"? He will likely find someone else who can without any sort of actual committment to you or your child.

I love my daughter and love being a mom, but I am so glad that I didn't become a teen mom. I look at my life now and what I have accomplished and know that if I had a baby as a teenager I would never have been able to realize who I actually was as a person and what I was capable of accomplishing. Please step back and try to look at what you want your life to be as a whole. Do you want your whole life to be defined by children? Or do you want to have defined who you are before your children come and be able to pass that on to them? My prayers go out to you as being a teenage girl is emotionally tough, but please realize the huge decision it is to have a child and don't base it off of your emotions. Read what other people have said about what a baby costs to raise. Many people in your situation say that they have enough love to raise a baby, but love will not fill that baby's stomach and help him or her grow into a healthy child, teenager, or adult. Love won't clothe that baby and keep her warm. Babies certainly don't need fancy things, but they need real things that cost real money. Make an informed decision, not one that "feels good".

Shannon - posted on 06/29/2012

Agreed, Kayla. How do you feel about the information you've received from this group?

Lori - posted on 06/29/2012

Best thing is to wait. There is a whole world of opportunities for you and your boyfriend to experiences. He says he will be with you and help you. And one would hope that this is true. But if not you are the one that will be stuck raising a child and working. Don't tie yourself down with such a big responsibility.

Karen - posted on 06/29/2012

Noooo plz don't do it. From a.nan since I was 39. Xxxx

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/29/2012

Everyone, get off her back about her spelling. Get the fuck over it, grow up and show a good example for this girl, not poking fun at her. Give me a break.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/29/2012

Ok Kayla, the reality is, if you are already being abused by your family it will actually get worse if you get pregnant. You will get the wrong kind of attention. You will get hit more, told you are a whore, and you will go through hell. Not only that, they are not going to help you out. Hell you may even get kicked out. Don't do this. Get their attention by doing great in school and becoming something wonderful like a nurse. Hell, go into labor and delivery as a specialty. You love babies that much, your life will be filled with many babies. I promise you sincerely if you get pregnant now, your life will be 100x worse.

Christa - posted on 06/29/2012

Stay In school so you can learn how to spell.....

Julia - posted on 06/29/2012

My recommendation is to start babysitting!!! I had great relationships with the kids I babysat as a teenager. Babysitting was great birth control for me- it gives you an idea of the responsibility without the commitment!! I knew I loved kids and wanted them someday, but not before I knew I would be able to give them what they need: physically, emotionally and financially.

Shannon - posted on 06/29/2012

Painful to read, but so true.

Sharleen - posted on 06/29/2012

People here will never stop you having a baby or thinking you want one ! But I,m a trained Nanny and bloody hells bells its hard work.
Right first you .....you are young and your bady isnt ready for children you may suffer and never be the same again your pelvic floor will drop and you virgina will probably not be big enough yet to bring a baby into this world . But its your body
Second what if the baby is born wrong!! early with downs to small to come home needing special care ...when all thats done YOU will need to look after it hospital appointmants long waits possible heart problems eye problems slow growth ...slow development fights to get the child into schools. If the child is normal! you still have to get up 3-4 times in the night no going out coz who will have your baby your dad!!!!??? long days short nights getting up at 5.30 -6am every day no lay ins ...no money good life this isnt it .
Then theres the "man" in your life ....gone ...down the pub park with his mates while you sit at home alone ....do you really think pregnant and 16 is real????
Where do you live when these things happen (sorry I,m in England) housing is given to 18 year olds the rest stay at home with parents or in foster care with their babies being watched one step wrong and the child is taken............How will you get money and food and clothes shoes and holidays???
But hun prehaps you REALLY do what these things but coming from a home where my dad wasnt very good either ....FIND a good man to love you first ....get a home and then children then sit back and enjoy...............all up to you really but THINK find some little ones to look after or a day care place you can go help at ...then think again PLEASE.....by the way I,m a mum of 4 and 3 step children

Shannon - posted on 06/29/2012

Kayla, I read your subsequent post about your reasoning behind wanting to be a mom. It sounds like your family life is not supportive or encouraging. But, sweetie, having a baby does not solve problems, make people love you more, give you something to love, or fill the void you're feeling right now. That is not why you have a baby. You have a baby to start a family between you and your husband, after you have both gotten an education and have gainful employment. God gave us natural order of things and it is prudent to follow those guidelines. Getting into counseling or finding a church is the answer to your problems right now. Surround yourself with people who love you and feed your spirit, not with people who drain you and hurt you. Find a church. Stay in touch with experienced women on this site. Pray. But please, don't do this. It will not solve your problems.