15 and pregnant with everyone telling me to abort

Sally - posted on 07/04/2012 ( 247 moms have responded )

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So I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now and i found out i was pregnant about a month and a half ago. I'm about 8 or 9 weeks along. I lived with my dad in UT my whole life then this past year i moved to NH with my grandparents and met my boyfriend.. in order for me to keep the baby i have to move back! AND i have to go to a therapeutic boarding school to "help" me which i think will be a good thing becasue they work with teen mothers a lot... My dad is doing everything in his power to tell me it's the wrong decision and he's hoping it's deformed so i'll have to abort... my boyfriend wants me to abort to. everyone from where i'm from in utah was so against abortion and i'm pro choice and all in some cases, but in this case an abortion would NOT be my choice! i'll be 16 by the time I have the baby and plan on online schooling. I just want some advice on really just how to handle and tell everyone that i am keeping it. I debated for a month and decided to keep it, yet I'm still being sooo pressured to abort! I've been through a lot and I know i'd make a better mom than my mom was. i just need help or want to talk to someone who's been in this situation where EVERYONE wanted you to abort but you didnt listen! also, my boyfriend will be gone all 2012/2013 school year then starts college! he lives across the country too. do you think there is a chance he would be able to get custody and have our baby live with his parents? I will NEVER deny him visitation, but it's gonna be hard for him. and also, technically by law in NH and VT him having sex with me was statutory rape because i'm under 16 and he is 1 year and 11 months older than me. do you think there is a chance he could be charged with that?

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Krista - posted on 07/04/2012

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It IS possible that your boyfriend could be charged, if your family wants to make hay about it. In New Hampshire, there is no "Romeo and Juliet clause" to statutory rape laws. It's just flat-out illegal to have sex with someone under the age of 16. It doesn't matter if you're a day shy of 16 and he's a day over 16.

If you do not want to abort, then don't. I am pro-choice, which means that I support a woman's choice, whatever it may be. And if your choice is to keep the pregnancy, then you must stick to your guns, or you will regret it bitterly.

In the meantime, the best way to quell your doubters is to plan, plan, plan. Who will be taking care of the baby while you are at boarding school? (Or is it a place where you can take your baby with you?) How will you pay for the baby's necessities? Are you prepared to possibly have to live on your own if your dad won't budge? Do your homework and do it well -- find a family resource center in your home state and ask them what resources are available for teenage mothers.

The more you have your ducks in a row, the more that people will take you seriously and start to accept this. People are disappointed, and that's fair. I would also be very upset if I had a daughter your age and she got pregnant. But it's your body, and nobody can or should force you to either keep the baby or terminate it. However, part of that right is also some responsibility, and you need to be prepared to be fully responsible for that child, with no help from family, if it comes down to it.

Amy - posted on 07/04/2012

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I am going to give you my story, then you can decide what you want and need to do.. I was 17 years old, starting my senior year in high school, and 2 months into it, found out i was 2 months pregnant. Abortion wasnt a thought at all, but i knew in my heart that i was not mentally, physically, or monetarily prepared to take care of a baby. I did not want to be on food stamps, WIC and all those other government programs just to be able to keep my child, and I didnt want to burden my parents with having to take care of thier grandchild because i couldnt.
I am adopted myself, so i knew what road i was going to take. I place her for adoption with a reputable agency and they found her a wonderful family! She is 23 now and we found each other not too long ago. She is a wonderful, smart, beautiful young woman now and I am so proud of her!
Its not an easy road to take, but in the long run, the child is better off, in my opinion. At 15 years old you cant legally get a job, drive a car, or anything like that. I understand the "want" to about keeping your child, but sweetheart, think about this long and hard. There are thousands of couples out there that cant have children of thier own and would love to adopt!! You have your whole life ahead of you! Its not easy at all, it hurts like hell and yes you will miss the baby, but if you cant give that child everything it needs, then maybe you should consider adoption. You can continue on with your life, finish school, go to college, get a good job, then find a good man to settle down with and make a family. I hope for the best for you Noelle, but I also hope for the best for your child! What ever you decide to do... Good luck and bless you!

Kim - posted on 07/04/2012

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Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption? I know that it is a hard choice, but there are so many couples out there that want children and can't have them. With open adoption you would still have contact with the child, get your education, and give your baby a life that you might not be able to at this point in your life. Just a thought.

Amy - posted on 07/04/2012

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one other thing..
if the boyfriend wants you to abort, then he is not really worth keeping or worrying about! If he wants you to do that, then he shouldnt have any problems letting the baby be placed for adoption. All he has to do is sign a piece of paper and he is free of the responsiblity and child support for the baby...

Krista - posted on 07/04/2012

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It does sound like you've thought this through and have some support, so that's great, Noelle. It also sounds like you're bright and practical -- both excellent combinations for dealing with the challenges yet to come. And make no mistakes, there WILL be challenges. But if you have your father's support, even if it's reluctantly given, that goes a huge way towards ensuring a brighter future for you and your little one.

I'm not sure regarding the legal questions. I'm not a lawyer, so my best advice would be to contact legal aid and pose these questions to them. My guess is that the laws in NH would apply, IF that's where you guys were doing the deed. But as far as the harshness of it due to age difference...again, that would be a question for a lawyer to answer. If your dad is letting you live with you and is supporting you, then my guess is that he won't be looking to press charges. And with regards to the custody questions, again, that would be a question for a lawyer.

Other than that, though, your plan actually does sound doable. It'll be tough, but you know that. But it's doable if you're determined (and a little bit flexible with some of your self-imposed deadlines).

And, I'm sure you've already thought of this, but it HAS to be said: for the love of Mike, as soon as that baby's born, get yourself on some good, reliable birth control. Being a teen mom with one child is tough, but doable. Being a teen mom with two kids? That makes things a HELL of a lot harder.

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Krista - posted on 07/09/2012

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I would say that the OP has received a lot of really great advice here, and I'm sure you've all helped her make the most informed decisions possible.

Thanks, Ladies.

Krista E.
WTCOM Moderator

Grandma - posted on 07/09/2012

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I'm definately not for aborting! I don't believe it is the right thing to do! I agree with Stephanie all the way! Think it through very carefully and I hope your make the right
decision.

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2012

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I am not for aborting either. I don't believe it to be good for baby or mother. Have you considered adoption for your baby? You are young and babies are a lot of work especially if you are single and don't have dad around to help. Think of what would be best for your child. If you decide that you want to keep him/her just know it will be hard. It is hard for any parent, but you being so young it will be harder. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and they are worth all the hard times and I would never go back, I just want you to think realistically about the situation. I am not saying that a a16 yr old couldn't do it, I think it depends on the individual, what they want and if they are willing to make the sacrifice necessary to be the parent. Good luck!

Lori - posted on 07/09/2012

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When I got pregnant, I was older than you (18, and my daughter was born four days after I turned 19), so I can't relate to being in high school while raising a child. My family was supportive of my decision, so I had help with childcare from grandparents and aunts in addition to my parents. It would have been very hard to finish school without their help. However, I did stay in college. I took one semester off when my daughter was born, and then returned. It took me an extra year to finish my degree, and I had to work two part-time jobs while going to school full-time. I was exhausted all the time. Today, I am married to a good man who adopted my daughter, and we've had two more kids. I teach at a college part-time, and my daughter who was born to a single teenage mom is happy and more well-adjusted than I was at 13. On the other hand, being parents at such a young age did destroy our finances, and we were only able to buy a house this year (we're in our 30's now). Carefully consider all your options. If your boyfriend wants you to abort, there's a good chance he won't be the best father. Do you want to put your child through that? I had my daughter's biological father (who also wanted me to abort) sign full custody over to me, and I've never regretted it. He said I'd never finish school, but I did, and he was the one who dropped out! If you choose to raise your baby yourself, that child must always come first. Your parents don't matter, your boyfriend doesn't matter, you can't worry about anybody's "rights" but that tiny person who will be entirely dependent on you. Let the people who aren't supporting you right now take care of themselves.

Claudia - posted on 07/09/2012

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NOELLE,
AS A MOTHER, YOU NEED TO GIVE IT TO GOD AND LET HIM GUIDE YOU THROUGH THIS PROCESS. NO ONE CAN MAKE THIS DECISION BUT YOU AND THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON IS YOU AND THE BABY. THERE WILL BE ALL KINDS OF OPINIONS FROM BOTH SIDES AND THE FATHER WOULD BE THE LEAST OF YOUR CONCERNS, HE WILL EITHER BE THERE OR NOT. YOUE NEED TO BE STRONG REGUARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME...THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS THEN ABORTION THERE IS ADOPTION WHICH HELP YOU PICK THE FAMILY THAT IT WOULD GO TO AND YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY YOU WOULD BE A BETTER MOTHER THEN YOUR OWN, FACT IS NO MATTER HOW BAD SHE WAS TO YOU SHE IS STILL YOUR MOTHER AND IF NOT FOR HER YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE. YOU NEED TO HONOR YOUR PARENTS OPINION BUT THE ULTIMATE DECISION IS YOURS MY DEAR AND NO ONE ELSES. FEAR IS NOT SOMETHING A YOUNG GIRL SHOULDN'T LIVE WITH OR THE CHILD IN YOUR WOMB. YOU NEED TO THINK DO I WANT TO RAISE THIS CHILD, CAN I AFFORD IT AND KNOW THAT THERE IS HELP EITHER WAY, YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS BUT DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD. SOMETIMES THE BEST THING IS THE MOST SELFLESS ACT OF LOVE, AND I DON'T MEAN ABORTION. JUST REMEMBER PHIL4:13, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST, WHO STREGHENS ME! YOU LOOK TO HIM HE WILL GUIDE YOUR EVERY STEP BUT ONLY IF YOU LET HIM!

Lisa - posted on 07/09/2012

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Being a mother means being selfless. Your child comes first and foremost. His or her needs are above and beyond your own. Being a mother is a gift that should never be taken for granted. Look really, really deeply and honestly answer these questions to yourself:

1. If circumstances changed and you were all alone, could you care for this child and provide for it's every need?
2. If not, are you okay receiving state assistance?
3. Will you be able to concentrate on your online schooling when baby is crying non-stop or sick and needs constant attention?
4. Will you be able to work towards achieving your goals on 3-4 hours of sleep?
5. Do you want to be able to work while you're doing your online schooling and raising a baby?
6. Do you know how much daycare costs if you need it to work?
7. Do you know how much money you will need in the first 6 months for diapers/wipes, food (formula), and clothes alone? I would suggest breastfeeding if possible. However, I had every intention on nursing my first child (when I was 23) and he absolutely refused to nurse. I tried for weeks and had nurses and professionals come to my house to help, all to no avail. Sometimes even the best intentions don't always go as planned.

Please don't misread my post as being mean. I am simply being realistic. When we are teenagers we think we know it all. We think we can do so much better than our own parents. But the truth is, how you were raised WILL impact what kind of parent you are. It's simply all we know. And as we get older, we come into our own.

But back to my original point......being a mother is about being selfless. And sometimes the most loving thing a mom can do is let her baby go to make sure that he/she gets taken care of in all the ways a child needs. Love is simply not enough to raise a child. And the ultimate way to show you love the child is to let it go if you aren't going to be able to give it all the other things it needs besides love.

Look deep inside yourself. Only you can make the decision of what to do. And no matter what that decision is, make sure you do the research, know the facts, and make a fully informed decision. There is SO much more to raising a child than feeding and loving them.

Best of luck to you!

Abii - posted on 07/09/2012

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only you can decide on the best thing for you.
dont do what everyone els whats. do what you want,
being a mother is one of the best things in life. but it can be such hard work.

Christy - posted on 07/09/2012

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Hi Noelle, l really think you need to look at all your options thoroughly (defanitely not abortion) have you got a role model you can turn to? Someone who you know would give you advice from the heart because they genuinely care about you. Abortion is out not only because its wrong but because you would spend the rest of your life thinking what if !!!! You could also speak to somebody who perhaps has had an abortion or given up their child get some first hand
knowledge.Either way the burden will be with YOU for the rest of your life not your boyfriend or your dad.Make your decision and stick it. l agree with the other comment babies don't ruin your life they just change the order in which you do things.My children are the best thing that ever happened to me. l was a single mom too (with the first one anyway) He has turned into the most amazing young man so balanced despite everything we went through together. Best of luck in what you decide.

Victoria - posted on 07/09/2012

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I NEVER post on these but I feel compelled to since I had the exact same situation. I was living with my grandparents and got pregnant at 15 and had my daughter at 16. Her father wanted nothing to do with her until she was about 6 months old we started dating and got married sounds great huh? It wasn't we got divorced right after my daughter turned 2, and I became a single parent since none of my family could help support us I had to drop out of high school to get 2 full time jobs I was a receptionist during the day and a waitress at night I made a lot of money but at 16 I didn't really understand how much money it took to raise a child and live on our own. I was so lucky that I found my current husband. He married me and treated my daughter like his own after 4 years my ex finally signed over all parental rights and my husband adopted her. I think about all of the things I could have done if I had given my daughter up for adoption (finishing high school, going to college, starting a career, ect.) she is 7 now and I couldn't image life without her. I'm finishing school online! Im a working photographer and we still get to travel because my husbands in the army (we live in Germany now). So I guess all I could tell you is too follow your heart. A baby will not ruin your life it just changes the order you do things.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/08/2012

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I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and your baby! An abortion would be the worst decision of your entire life, leaving you full of regret and self hatred, while having a child is truly the most precious decision of your life, filling you with pride and unconditional love :) God bless you both!

Kristie - posted on 07/08/2012

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One of my friends was like 13 when she got pregnant. She is from GA and they said that since that she was old enough to have sexand get pregnant she was old enough to get married. We were in Basic training for the army and she was in middle of divorce. She was 19 when she was granted the divorce(we were in AIT) at the time. She didn't regret anything that happened only that he was an @ss. Not every situation is the same, could be best for both Noelle and the baby if she keeps the baby. Only she knows for sure.

Anita - posted on 07/08/2012

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All circumstances in life pose possible problem...idk if you believe in God...but all children are a gift from God...and He doesn't make mistakes we do. Yet, He will make a way through ANY situation. Just pray for God to be there every step of the way & trust Him...not man to help you decide how to handle this.

Ashley - posted on 07/08/2012

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I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first child. The father went to the first appointment and that was it. I found out he was cheating on my almost the whole relationship. Then I went into preterm labor at 32 weeks. I called him to tell him and he acted like he didn't even care. He then called and yelled at me after I had him for not calling him. My son has a half sister that is his age and a half brother that is almost 3. He doesn't know them. His sister's mother and I were pregnant at the same time and did not know it. Your boyfriend sounds almost like him. If he is telling you to abort this baby then he is not worth it. I didn't even put his name on the birth certificate. I live in PA so he has no legal rights to my son. You need to make the decision about your baby. Not anyone else. Adoption isn't a bad choice either. I was considering it with my son. I decided it was not right for me. Good luck.

Cathy - posted on 07/08/2012

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I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I believe it should be up to you rather you want to aboard the baby or not. When I was 18, I got pregnant & my parents made me aboard the baby. To this day, I still feel bad about it, but again...I had no choice. Please make your choice wisely. I think going to the boarding school would be a great idea. I hope they will teach you how to take care of your baby. Remember you can also give your baby up for adoption. This again, should be up to you. I wish you the best of luck...HUGS to you!!

I want to let you know I'm 49 yrs old now & have 2 adult sons & 3 1/2 grandchildren. My oldest son is married w/the 3 daughters & a new one on the way. Him & his wife started out early as well & I'm very prould at both of them on the job well done.

If you have a church, go there & talk to someone, but don't let someone talk you into something you don't want to do.

Rhiannon - posted on 07/08/2012

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Don't do it. You could bless someone with adoption. I have infertility problems and my husband and I went the route of adoption. What a blessing our daughter is! Her birthparents visit every month and a half. It is amazing! You could bless a couple so much. I couldn't image my life without my daughter. Plus I dearly love her birthparents too.

Becky - posted on 07/08/2012

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I am pro-life so I say no to an abortion. But, you are really young and raising a child is going to be a major challenge in your life. I think you should talk to counselors who can provide you with all sides of this, keeping your baby, abortion and adoption. This is a major issue in your life, one that will affect you for the rest of your life. Do not ever let anyone push you into doing something that you feel is absolutely wrong. Raising a child, and especially at your age is a major challenge. It is a challenge every waking moment of your day and night. It is hard work and you give up a lot BUT it is worth it. You have choices. Take your time, search out counselors and people who can help you make a life altering decision but Never, Ever let someone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. Make an informed decision that is yours, for your situation. I pray you find guidance and love and will make the right choice for you and your little one. May God Bless!

Deb - posted on 07/08/2012

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He can only go to jail if someone charges him. Trust you gut but remember that baby must always come first, before you, the boyfriend or anyone else. You have a lot to learn. Start by reading everything you can about taking care of a baby online. Theres a lot of assistance through various agencies. There will be very hard times. If u r the kind of person that has a LOT of patience and love I would say do it. I did, he's almost 40 and I am very proud of him.

Pamela - posted on 07/08/2012

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First of all understand that you are creating more problems for yourself by WORRYING about what he would do after the baby is born. If he has already told you that he wants you to abort the baby. Have him put that in writing in a letter to you. Ask to to please write down all of his feelings about what having the baby in his life would mean now, to help you understand his desire to want you to abort the baby.

Having him write down all of his feelings will bring it into his mind and he may find that as he writes things down and re-reads them he many see himself in a way he has not done before...or not. Either way it doesn't matter. The exercise will get him to think about the situation and write his feelings down.

Now, you say YOU KNOW that you will be a better Mom than your own Mom. I would caution you here because you are so young, have not had enough life experience to even become an adult yourself, so judging your Mother like that and ASSUMING you know how to mother is very risky.

In case you hadn't thought about it.....we learn how to parent from our parents. No, we do not have to do it the same way as they did, but just assuming you're going to be better at it because you feel you had a POOR ROLE MODEL is risky. The only other way to learn to be better is to take parenting classes, share experiences with other mothers, once the baby is here and read for information.

Being a Mother isn't always as instinctual as you may think!

As for not letting what others say upset or bother you...YOU re the only one who contrls what you take in and allow to upset you. The first thing to remember is DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY! One of the most difficult things to learn and do, but if you can start to master that one at age 15....you will be ahead of the game.

Did you ever consider why so many people are asking you to abort? Have you considered what you are giving up? Have you thought about the fact that this decision....if based on your emotional feelings, rather than on the cold hard facts of being a teen mom could cost you more than you are capable of realizing now?

My suggestion to you is get to a professional counselor at a FREE CLINIC who can ADVISE you of what your choice to keep the baby will bring into your life. It's not about just being a mom....it's about the rights of the child as well.

I do not know your level of maturity, nor can that be decided by what you have written. What I can say, however, is that if you decide things in the same manner as you have written this problem as shown above.....in a run on manner, without any breaks in the way your words are constructed, then you may well be making decisions based on emotions alone. That could be quite DANGEROUS for you and your baby.

Get to a counselor....QUICK so you can make a better informed decision before it will be unsafe to have an abortion should you change your mind. Right now, at least to me, it appears that you are basing your decision on emotions only!

the highest and best to you in making a BETTER INFORMED choice! I support your RIGHT TO CHOOSE!....Please make it an INFORMED CHOICE!

Jo - posted on 07/08/2012

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Do not have an abortion. Don't do it and don't consider it an option. I don't know what's best for you as far as raising the child but your path is now a little harder because you will have a little one to care for. But you will have a little one to love and hold and your life will have purpose. One day, you will look at your child and be very happy you brought him or her into the world. Nothing is easy in this life but there are few rewards that come close to having a child love you and smile for you. Be strong. Go to social services, take parenting classes, let them help you with finances and be a good person for you and your child. Keep going with your education and get your college. You can do it. You have to stand tall and be firm in your beliefs. I know you can do it. In our culture, 16 year old mothers is outrageous but remember, there are countries that have girls giving birth way younger than that. Stick to your heart, no one is stronger than a mother standing up for her child. Good luck, you'll be ok.

Krista - posted on 07/08/2012

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People, please note that the OP has stated in her original post, and in posts since then, that she has no intention to terminate the pregnancy.

So the efforts to scare her away from abortion are really rather unnecessary.

Thanks,

Krista E.
WTCOM Mod.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/08/2012

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Yes he can be charged. But only if your parents or guardian do it. And they should. No you should not have an abortion. Abortion is not birth control and not an answer when someone makes a bad decision. Being a good mom starts now. You need to think of what will be best for the baby. Will you be able to support the child. Cloth, feed, and take of the child. I think what would be best is to look into what is called an open adoption. It's where even though some one would be adopting your child. They would pay for your medical expenses now. And the child would now that they are the adopted parents and you are the biological parent. And you would be allowed to be a part of the child's life. That way you can finish school and get started in life and the child would be taking care of. Cause unless you are already supporting your self. How are you gonna support a child. And asking someone else to support while you play mommy is wrong. But the sooner you speak up the better. Don't wait, the longer you wait the harder it will be. Trust me I know.

Patty - posted on 07/08/2012

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First, I'm not sure how the laws work in other states, so I can't comment on whether or not your boyfriend could be charged.
Next, I am a 41 year old mother of 3 children. They are 17, 12 ( both girls ), and 10 (boy). I am by all means not an expert on this situation. So my opinion is something I would do if one of my children was in this situation. And I am not in any means giving you advice against your parents.
You need to sit down with both your parents and your boyfriends parents, and tell them how you feel about not wanting to get an abortion. Once you have done that, then you need to figure out how you would be able to raise this baby. If you will get any support from either side of the family. If there will be no outside support, then you have to figure out whether you can raise this baby on your own.
Now remember you are still just a child yourself. You still have school to finish. Without an education, you will have a very hard time supporting this baby. Exspecially if you don't have support from anyone else. Babies are not easy to take of, and there is no instruction manual to help you. Sure there are books out there, and people can always give their advice. But each child is different. Then there's the late night feedings, walking the floors at 3am because they are sick or have colic. And the ER visits when something happens. This is only the beginning. There will be 18 years of you being respondsible for this child.
By all means I am not trying to talk you in to something that you don't want to do. I personally am torn between pro-life and pro-choice. I just know that if one of my children came to me with this situation, I would diffently be there for them in whatever decission they make.
In the end the choice is yours to make. I hope that if you do decide to keep the baby, then you will get all the support you need. Your dad is just scared right now because you're his baby girl. And no matter what you will always be his baby and he will always worry about you. So just talk with him. I wish you all the best sweetie, and hope that every thing works out for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Cyndi - posted on 07/08/2012

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One thing is for sure.... You will NEVER hold your baby in your arms and wish you would have taken it's life, but on the other hand, if you choose to abort, you will always look at your empty arms and wonder, "What if?" A child is a gift from God, not a punishment for doing something wrong!! There is help out there, and people who sincerely care... Abortion has been medically proven to be horribly painful for the baby and the scars it leaves on the mother emotionally are tormenting!! I'm praying for you, Sweetheart!!

Amber - posted on 07/08/2012

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do not have an abortion!! give that child the best chance it has at life and give it up for adoption!! i did that for my daughter when i found out i was pregnant and my boyfriend at the time wanted me to have an abortion.. it was the best choice i could have made for my daughter!! i have no regrets about the choice i made!! you need to do what is best for that child first and foremost!! you are so young and you will have plenty of time to have more children but at such a young age you can't give that child the best life that it deserves!!! I am not sure about the statutory rape unless your parent or guardian press charges against him... please make the best choice for your child and give it up for adoption!! https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/pregnant/what-are-my-options/adoption/

Melissa - posted on 07/08/2012

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Go with your heart! Don't make a permanent decision, based on pressure from others! YOU will have to live with for the rest of your life, not them! You will have a rough road ahead of you and will have to grow up fast, but it will be better than living with a lifetime of regret... Best of luck to you! :)

Jessica - posted on 07/08/2012

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I think that at 15 years old u r too young to have a baby. There is so much time for
You to have children...but there will never ever be time again to be a teenager once you have this
Child. Children are not toys...they r a HUGE responsibility...u have so much to experience
In ur life and having a child now will rob u of all those things esp since u will b on ur own
Without the father and unfortunately guys don't see things the same as girls- they r far more
Disconnected from kids and it will be very hard for u to raise this child without the
Ability to work a GOOD job. Things r very expensive in this world and not getting easier.
Be a teenager and be aware that u shud never b in this position again- use protection
And birth control- protect UR BODY against unwanted pregnancy and disease. Please u still have 3 weeks to have a termination without major complications. Please reconsider ur decision.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2012

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I absolutely agree with all that abortion is criminal. Your child did not ask you to be an irresponsible little girl and conceive him or her with someone who most definitely should be charged with statutory rape of a minor. You are in no position financially, and definitely don't have the maturity or life skills at 15 to properly raise a child. I believe that adoption should be your only option at your age. Your parents aren't even done raising their own child....they shouldn't be required to help you raise yours. Grandparents, when the time comes, deserve to be grandparents. NOT parents all over again. There are SO many people out there that deserve to be parents but can't for various reasons and adoption is their only option. You my dear....you need to either abstain from sex, which is best, or invest in some birthcontrol and be more responsible. Finish high school. Go to college and make a future for yourself. Those two tasks are almost impossible when you have a baby at 15. You don't want to be bagging groceries during the day and working another scrappy job at night just to barely get by. Think about what will be best for everyone's future...your whole situation is a recipe shown daily on Maury Povich. You are already a statistic by becoming pregnant at 15, now be smart and do what's best.

Darleen - posted on 07/08/2012

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Personally, I don't believe in abortion. Having said that, You have to follow your heart. Ultimately, YOU have to live with the decision you make. If you do something because someone else thinks it's a good idea, you might grow to regret it (and them). If you really want to see this pregnancy through and keep this child, then find a support group (whether family, friends, a church) to help you. It's not going to be easy, but if you have people to support you and help you, it'll lighten the load for you. My niece was a teenage mother and was told to abort. She decided to go through with the pregnancy and keep the baby. She has a great support unit between family and friends. We all pitch in when needed. My grand niece and nephew are the pulse of our family. Good luck to you Noelle ♥

Zoe - posted on 07/08/2012

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I'm not going to tell you to keep this baby or abort this baby. What I am going to tell you is that this is you're life and whatever decision you make should be what you want. A baby is a huge thing but so is abortion. Either way your decision will affect other people so you should do whatever you want otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life. Being a young mum isn't easy but it is possible even if you have to do it alone it's not impossible no matter how much people tell you it is. This is the one time in your life where you should be selfish and do only what's best for you. I hope this helps.

Carolyn - posted on 07/08/2012

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Laurie, the child would not be "unwanted", many many families out there would give anything to adopt a baby and give it a wonderful life! Life isn't just disposable, or it shouldn't be. Babies deserve a chance at life.

Sharon - posted on 07/08/2012

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Dear Noelle,
At 15 and pregnant, you need and DESERVE supportive family and friends. Unfortunately, it sounds like those who COULD be supportive have decided to make your situation even more difficult.
Talk is cheap. Advice is even cheaper when the person giving it has nothing at stake. It's wrong, just flat out wrong for ANYONE to tell you to abort your baby. It's also selfish and irresponsible. Why? Because they don't have to live with the consequences. It's not their baby, it's not their life and it's not their decision. It's your's. To them, an abortion may seem like a quick way to undo your pregnancy. But for you, it's not like that at all.
There are times when a pregnant woman may decide an abortion is her best option. YOU have decided this is not one of those times. THAT is what matters. You're pregnant - plain and simple. There's a life growing inside you.
You sound like a very young mom blessed with an uncommon strength and insight that will see this through. That your boyfriend wants you to abort his baby says he's willing to take the easy way out - at the ultimate expense of his child. As a supportive friend or partner for you or as a father to his child, it's unlikely you'll ever find that in your boyfriend.
Follow your heart and seek support from people or organizations in your community. There are people who care and will help you do what right for you. Warmest wishes!

Crystal - posted on 07/08/2012

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Noelle. I was 15 when I got pregnant. My daughter was born two months after I turned 16. Everyone told me to abort or put her up for adoption. I had made my choice and wanted my child. I finished high school through a correspondence school (no online then). My family eventually accepted that it was my decision (or the time to change my mind was passed) and supported me. I have never regretted it and my family loves my kids. It no longer matters how old I was when my first was born. While it's true that this choice will be very difficult for you and your family and it does affect everyone, it still has to be your choice. I just tried to ignore everyone and remind myself that I was the only one who could know what was right for me. I loved my baby and that helped too. It won't be easy, and you will have to deal with a lot of judgements and hurtful comments, both during and after your pregnancy. Please get some help and support and if parenting turns out to be too much consider adoption. But only if that is what's right for you and what's best for the baby. As far as the courts, you have all of the rights a mother of any age would have. If you are a fit mother and caring for the baby you won't lose custody. My boyfriend was 18 when I got pregnant (I live in NH) and I just had to make a statement with the police and he was not charged. This was 14 years ago though so it may have changed and he may have some trouble with that. You sound like you have a situation very similar to mine was 14 years ago. It worked for me. I have wonderful and successful children now. It can work for you too. But it will be hard work. Stay strong.

Holly - posted on 07/08/2012

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If I may make one point: while yes, this is a decision you must make for yourself, you will not be the only one raising this child. By having this baby, you are forcing your family's hand both financially and emotionally. You may also be on some sort of public assistance. I'm not passing any kind of judgement, you understand your situation and family dynamics better than anyone catching a brief glimpse of your story on an online bulletin board. It may indeed be a very positive thing for your family, but it won't be easy. It also won't heal any trauma suffered at the hands of a neglectful mother. That would be a horrible burden to place on a child.

Several posters have asserted comments to the effect of "no one has the right to tell you what to do" or "you're the one who will be raising that child." I don't agree. Perhaps your dad will open his home and wallet with no restrictions (again, you know him, we don't) but the state certainly won't be so free and easy.

Christi - posted on 07/08/2012

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My mom was 17 when I was born.
One day your son or daughter will look at you an say "thank you mommy for fighting for me, for believing I was worth it. Thank you for the sacrifices you made for me and thank you mom for loving me and giving me a chance.
Whether you keep your baby or consider adoption..... Your perfect and beautiful baby is worth fighting for. No birth defect and no ones opinion can take away the soul of your baby.
Parenting is hard. It was hard for my mom at 17 and hard for me at 25.
I have 4 daughters now 4,3,2 and 9 months. It's worth the fight. I with you the best and will
Pray for Gods guidenance for you.

Laurie - posted on 07/08/2012

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Abort then get an IUD so you can get your life on track and figure things out before you bring a child into the world that is unwanted. Or have it then come back on and write about how your baby's daddy doesn't want to be a part of it or it's mom's life. And explain that to your baby. Can you pay for your own food and house?

Carolyn - posted on 07/08/2012

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Unless you have a serious physical condition which would harm you permanently by being pregnant, do NOT abort! The child didn't ask to come into this world and shouldn't be killed. There is adoption, which I would strongly advocate. I have 3 adopted nieces in my family, so I know that it is a blessing for families who want to adopt, and I believe it is also a blessing for the Mom who gives the child life because they won't have to regret killing it. So many end up regretting aborting but there is no way to undo such a drastic decision. Even if it is physically deformed, it is no reason to abort it. There are people out there who will gladly adopt that one too! Then you could feel good about giving your baby the best chance at life possible!

Linda - posted on 07/08/2012

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PLEASE DO NOT KILL THIS LIVING CHILD in your womb. You may think it is an easy solution now, but you WILL regret it the rest of your life! What is growing in your body is a part of yourself. If he or she is ripped out of your womb, you will have lost a living part of yourself. We women have an inborn sense of protection toward our young just as animals do. When that is disturbed, we pay for it physically and mentally the rest of our lives. Just ask the women who have had abortions. They may SAY they are glad they did, but check out their life? Are they REALLY happy? Do they have problems with addictions, depression, relationships, marriages. These are just some of the symptoms post-abortive woman have. The grief, shame, guilt and loss go on for life. How do I know? I have had an abortion and now I facilitate a recovery group for woman who have. The emotional pain is great.

If your boyfriend is telling you to kill his child, he does not love you. After you have the abortion, you will not love him, because he will have made you destroy a physical part of yourself. You will have been betrayed. Your father is supposed to protect you. He needs to support you. Even if you have a deformed child, it is still a child - just like you were. A baby is a baby is a baby from the moment it was conceived. Check out the pictures of a developing baby. Get an ultrasound so you can see YOUR baby growing inside you. At this point of it's life, it has finger and toes a beating heart, and a brain that can feel pain. It's whole body is totally and completely formed - all a baby does from now on is grow.

If you, your father or your boyfriend do not want the child, PLEASE give it life and place it into the arms of a couple who would love to have a child. PLEASE don't do the very selfish thing and take its life because you think it will make your life better. It won't! The next few months of being pregnant is just a VERY short time of your entire life. After a year, no one will even remember that you were pregnant, but you will have given another couple a lifetime of joy. If you will abort, you will experience a lifetime of sorrow.

User - posted on 07/08/2012

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Baby girl, please don't take your baby's life. I really don't think that God would want you to do that. That is a precious life inside you. If you don't want it, please consider adoption, someone else can benefit. What ever you do, please think long and hard, please don't make quick decisions. I know someone who had an abortion and she was depressed for a very long time afterwards, when it was done and over she felt horrible and needed counseling.

Sally - posted on 07/08/2012

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Abortion is wrong!!!! go with your gut. I don't support teen pregnancy because there are plenty of birth control methods out there and i don't understand why people don't use them, but killing a baby is so wrong!!! I think it's pretty cruel for your father to hope that the baby is deformed. I hope that everything works out for you and your baby.

Julia - posted on 07/08/2012

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Noelle,
Do not get an abortion! There are alternatives! Have you thought about adoption? You thought you were mature enough to have sex, now YOU have to make the decision of what is best for the BABY, not what is best for you, the father, your dad or grandparents. There are so many people out there that physically are unable to conceive and look to adoption. I am 33 years old, married, college educated and have a good job and I will tell you, having a child is HARD. Keep in mind that having a baby is very difficult, but also VERY rewarding. My daughter is the light of my life, I love her more every day. :) Good Luck...I hope you make an informed decision about your baby. Remember...life begins at conception.
Julie

Jean - posted on 07/08/2012

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Please don't even consider killing your baby. Eternity will be changed if you do, and so will you.

Ginger - posted on 07/08/2012

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Hello,
Sweetheart this is your choice.Not anyone else.If you want your baby and you know you can take good care of him/her.Then keep your baby and love it always.I was 13yrs when I had my 1st child.My Mom was going to put me in a Unwed Mothers home.But my Dad came to my rescue and took me into his home and took care of me and then my son after I had him.To make a long story short I had another son at 16yrs old.Then got married at 18yrs old and had my 3rd son.I am here if you ever need my help honey.I am 49yrs old and my life has not been easy.But I will say having my Children is the only positive thing I have ever had in my life.Besides my loving and caring Dad.I have a child 5 yrs old now and she is my Gift sent from God to me.If you need my help in anyway.Please send me your name or email here.I can be here for you if you ever need my help or support honey.God Bless You.

Nicole - posted on 07/08/2012

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How incredibly depressing that about half these comments think that this poor girls and her babies life will be terrible simply because she is will be sixteen when she has it. People go to school with newborns, people go to university with newborns, people have jobs with newborns. And for everyone who is commenting about money, read her comments it really doesnt sound like that is going to be an issue. There are much worse things that could happen than having a teenage mother..
She has a plan, it is achievable, its not like she is planning to go to law school, i don't see numerous all night study sessions in her future. I do think she should give it a couple more months after having the baby to start schooling, much easier after two and a half months and they got a routine going. But realistically it is a lot easier to complete education with an under one year old than later on, so she should go for it while the baby still sleeps 16 hrs a day.
Anyone who pushes for abortion in a person who is so clearly against it is themselves being selfish, and is demonstrating a lack on understanding of basic psychology.
This issue is like a fence and people love to jump to one side or the other, but these things can only be judged on a case by case basis. There are plenty of teenage mothers who made a mistake in having children... but there are also plenty who use their children as motivation to achieve their goals and make excellent parents and citizens. Statitics are irrelevant without additional information such a family wealth, support available and education levels of family, because these things so very often fall along demographic lines. Basically Noelle is a lot more likely to achieve her goals if she has financial support, she is a lot more likely to achieve her desired education level if other family members are highly educated. There are factors at play in therse matters which don't have all that much to do with her age.
Also Noelle if adoption becomes an option in future, if your child is raised by a loving family I highly doubt that they will resent any other children you might have.

Nicole - posted on 07/08/2012

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How incredibly depressing that about half these comments think that this poor girls and her babies life will be terrible simply because she is will be sixteen when she has it. People go to school with newborns, people go to university with newborns, people have jobs with newborns. And for everyone who is commenting about money, read her comments it really doesnt sound like that is going to be an issue. There are much worse things that could happen than having a teenage mother..
She has a plan, it is achievable, its not like she is planning to go to law school, i don't see numerous all night study sessions in her future. I do think she should give it a couple more months after having the baby to start schooling, much easier after two and a half months and they got a routine going. But realistically it is a lot easier to complete education with an under one year old than later on, so she should go for it while the baby still sleeps 16 hrs a day.
Anyone who pushes for abortion in a person who is so clearly against it is themselves being selfish, and is demonstrating a lack on understanding of basic psychology.
This issue is like a fence and people love to jump to one side or the other, but these things can only be judged on a case by case basis. There are plenty of teenage mothers who made a mistake in having children... but there are also plenty who use their children as motivation to achieve their goals and make excellent parents and citizens. Statitics are irrelevant without additional information such a family wealth, support available and education levels of family, because these things so very often fall along demographic lines. Basically Noelle is a lot more likely to achieve her goals if she has financial support, she is a lot more likely to achieve her desired education level if other family members are highly educated. There are factors at play in therse matters which don't have all that much to do with her age.
Also Noelle if adoption becomes an option in future, if your child is raised by a loving family I highly doubt that they will resent any other children you might have.

Wanda - posted on 07/08/2012

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First of all I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

2nd of all I only want to address the issue of the baby's father. If he is pushing for you to have an abortion then I'm guessing he doesn't want to have to worry about helping support it. You need to sit down and talk to him and ask him how he is going to handle the fact that you are having the baby and if he wants to be a part of the baby's life if you do decide not to give it up for adoption, which I'm guessing you won't because you haven't even mentioned this as one you have considered.

If he doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life then you have another choice to make in severing all ties with him and filing the necessary papers that will terminate all of his parental rights.

I wish you the best of luck and God Bless you and your baby.

BTW... your Dad is stepping up to the plate and willing to help and once that baby is born I'm thinking he will be very thankful that he did. Nothing in the world like holding your first grandbaby.

Blessings to you ALL!!

Noelle - posted on 07/08/2012

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you know you could have an open adoption and find a family that will let you keep in touch with your child. it is not fair to you, the baby, or the father too keep the baby because you are going to miss out on a lot if you do. if you are not financially stable then how is that good for the baby? this isn't just your life you are thinking about and I had a very sweet friend in high school have a baby when she was 15 gave her up and always sees her. so think about what is best for the baby..... some other family can't have a baby and maybe you are their gift from God.

Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2012

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I am praying for you for strength and wisdom. Abortion will only cause more grief for you and allow others in your life to not be inconvenienced. The boarding school sounds good. God will peovide you the strength to raise this child if you ask. Hugs to you!

Danielle - posted on 07/08/2012

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Noelle, I completely respect your pro-choice stance and everyone who truly cares for you should as well (and probably will eventually when they get over the shock and whatever else they are going through). I'm just writing to wonder if you have considered adoption. I haven't read all the responses to your post, but I did read many telling you how hard it will be to raise this baby. Even in the best circumstances we all know it will be tough... with the baby's dad so far away and all kinds of other factors you hint at, it will be even tougher. You have decided that HAVING this baby is what's best for you and your baby. I'm wondering if you've considered whether RAISING this child is what's best for you and your baby. You've still got months to think about it and I'd encourage you to consider (and research!) all the options you feel fit with your values. Best wishes regardless of what you decide!

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