2-1/2 year old son is aggressive with kids

Cindy - posted on 03/12/2009

hi .if he is acting so cause he sees this at home then u should not quarrel or bicker in front of him he sees this as okay remember children act on what they see , and hear .so now u and his father have to tell himin a calm and sweet manner that being cruel to people is not right .also children love s to be told i love you everyday their parents so try this it may help.all the best .cindy

Viv - posted on 03/12/2009

Try to keep your home life as peaceful as possible, keeping any bickering behind closed doors [when possible] Reverse psychology, reward anything he does that reflects positive, good behavior. I had a chart of things that reflected good behavior, i.e. pick up toys, using manners, washing hands, sharing, etc. when they did something from the good behavior chart, they got a sticker to put on the chart and when they got 25 stickers, they were able to get a new book, toy or playdate. Worked like a charm.

Beth - posted on 03/12/2009

I also thought I'd add that this is the first time I've ever dealt with a 2-year-old, so I'm not very good at it... I've been doing some yelling at him myself! : ) I'm trying to "talk myself down" and take my own time outs before it escalates to rage... but you know, sometimes easier said than done.

Helen - posted on 03/11/2009

hi my son is nearly 3 and is an only child, my h and i dont fight but he still hits and bites his cousens, no other kids just them, he got bad about 2 nd ahalf but he's  mainly out of it now, so i may be a lot of frustation expressing himself, so dont beat yourself up over it, its part of the reasn its know as the terrible twos,  time out works well, (tends to work better for my mother then me), just keep working on him he will get there,

Wendalyn - posted on 03/11/2009

its pretty odd. i am a single parent and i have a now 5yr old that at the age of 2 knew he was not allowed to hit other people and what not.  he does show signs of aggressions but not towards other children.  The fear of knowing the outcomes of hitting & pushing another chid he dares not hurt other children.  Outcomes of being disciplined.  But yes its a mixture of a lot of things that affect your child with hitting and pushing mainly the disciplining would be the key in fixing it.

Gwen - posted on 03/11/2009

Hey ! my name is Gwen,and I seen your post ,and it caught my eye,,,,only ,,because '''I lived it ,,every day. Going to school,,you no more get in the house ,,and the phone rings about your child. After a while you don;t even want to answer the phone...because you know ,,,already ,,who it is ,,,and why!!!. If you want to talk ,,my email is gwenseeger@hotmail.com,,,or gwenseeger@yahoo.ca,,my phone # is (403)891-1799,,I have free long distance in canada,,so email me with a time to call you and we can share ,,''ok''

Lacretia - posted on 03/11/2009

I can say that I have definitely experienced that so much lately.

My husband and I are having a really hard time. We argue so much lately, and our son Logan, who is only 4, has started acting out.

He has been telling both of us NO, and has even gone so far as to smack me. We (my husband and I) don't spank our children, so this was crazy to me.

I realized that the arguing is causing our son to be stressed out and he is acting out because of it. Acting out is the only way that he knows how to deal with this instability in our home.

My advice is to try really hard not to argue in front of your child/children, and be sure that both of you are reinforcing that you both love him so much.

Beth - posted on 03/11/2009

Good advice, Jessica!

Jessica - posted on 03/11/2009

well I am not sure... it could be one or more of those things or none- just a 2yr olds phase I would say. I think if you follow your heart, your instincts- you know what to do. Maybe try to lessen his exposure to the bickering. Try to get him to spend a block of time in the mid day either napping or having a quiet time. Perhaps a stricter schedule/routine every day. It does seem to help for a lot of kids. Stay firm and consistant when dealing with the behavior...stay calm so as not to overreact (that could feed the fire) and teach him that it is wrong and perhaps incorperate a 2 minute time out. No matter what consistency helps. If it is an attenetion thing- some times redirecting might be the answer.  Ignore tyhe bad behavior and replace it with a more desirable one. Try to remember to stay calm and not let it effect you too much- if he senses that, itmay make it even harder.

Beth - posted on 03/11/2009

I know, I need to "believe in myself"... sometimes that's the hardest part!

Natasha - posted on 03/11/2009

You are most welcome... We are there to help each other.

I wish you and the family all the very best, Believe in yourself it will get better... just enjoy every moment with him coz they grow up so fast... Just continue to build a circle of LOVE around your family

Beth - posted on 03/11/2009

Thanks girls, you are giving me good advice.

Marie - posted on 03/11/2009

I have an almost 4 year old step son and he has gotten kicked out of 4 day cares for biting, hitting, pushing, not listening & just being a mean kid.
The teacher's suggested to play more with him when his home with his family, do activities and play games.
The fighting between you and your man should stop cause that is where he is getting his anger and aggressiveness.
The wound up part means he needs to burn some energy or just wants some attention and someone to play with him. Play hide in seek or sit down and color or play tag outside or go build snowman when it snow's depending on where you live.
Pretty kids like ares just need down right attention and LOVE. I hope I gave you some advise and it works. Hang in there and take care.
Remember keep the fighting for when he isn't around.

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2009

my four year old was like that.........i took her to conseling and talked to the school about her behavior.....i tried not to scream or argue in front of her and things got a little better.

Beth - posted on 03/11/2009

Yes, Tracy, BOY DOES HE EVER. : ) I will encourage him to use his words more when he is feeling frustrated.

Honestly in my heart of hearts I think this is just an undesirable phase which we are having to work through. No complaints otherwise: friendly, polite, but really active and rough-and-tumble.

Tracy - posted on 03/11/2009

Does your son talk Beth? Encourage him to use "his " words to say what is wrong . Consistancy is important when you punish him for hitting . If you change your method everyday he will become confused . Pick a key phrase  that he will learn is your way of reminding him about his behavior , for example , "hitting is not allowed" and then a quick time out in the same place everytime. He will get it eventually , repetition , repetition.....good luck :)

Amber - posted on 03/11/2009

When my son now 61/2 was that age he started with the same behavior, it just kept escilating until he kept getting kicked out of daycares left and right eventually we had to have him tested for ADHD and he is now doing great and his violent tendicies have stopped.

Mikel - posted on 03/11/2009

you need to stay on his case about it pet him on time out everytime and if that doesn't work try a different way

Beth - posted on 03/11/2009

Yes, he is an only child... and that is why I'm sure he has these moments at preschool (b/c he has to compete for attention, toys, etc.).... we are working on #2 but no luck yet! LOL I agree with you on the bickering too.

Natasha - posted on 03/11/2009

Is he and only child ?  This behaviour can be  due to various reasons. You must note when and why he becomes agressive. (monitor his day to day activities and his mood swings)

It could be due  to his home environment (you may have to spend more time doing (Tiring)activities with him).

You and your hubby should never bicker in front of him... children sense your mood. they depend on parents as their role models.

and It could be a phase.

Beth - posted on 03/11/2009

You are right, of course. H and I are going to have to try harder in that regard. Thanks. : )

Cassandre - posted on 03/11/2009

okay from personal experience when things are turbulent at home the kids will act out. It is the loss of the feeling of stability in the home. It could be many reasons but if there is tensions kids definitely pick up on it and will act out in the only way they feel will work to get them the attention and notice they want. Just hang in there and no matter how bad things get with the hubby NEVER fight around the children.