26yr old wanting adopt older children?

Ashley - posted on 08/10/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am 26 years old and my husband is 29 we currently have 3 kids 2 boys(7 & 5) and one girl who just turned 3. We want more kids. But I want to adopt because I feel that there are so many children out there who need a home. Is crazy that I want an older child, not really old but older than 7 I would go up 15.

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Jodi - posted on 08/10/2012

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I disagree with Chaya. My stepson's mother has long-term fostered a number of older children in the past, since my stepson was about 9, and some have been older than him and some younger. The ONLY one that didn't work out was one that was younger. So while I recognise that birth order MAY affect personality, it isn't the only factor in the development of personality, so shouldn't be the only consideration. Many psychologists have agreed that personality develops depending on the child's temperament, as well as the environment in which they are raised (so you are not actually BORN with a personality, you are born with a temperament, which is not exclusive to birth order, but first borns often develop certain personality traits BECAUSE they are first born ).

However, having said that, you need to remember that by adopting an older child, you are most likely adopting a child that has some issues, whether developmental, social, emotional or otherwise. You don't end up in the adoption process as an older child without having experienced some major trauma of sorts. You have to be prepared for that, and be prepared for the fact that these issues could have impact on your children.

If it were me, I would consider fostering children for a while and see how that works for your family before you consider permanently adopting a child.

Chaya - posted on 08/10/2012

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Birth order affects personality, you don't want to mess with that. There are characteristics that are specific to firstborns, don't cut that short. I'm the 12th of 13, my younger brother was born after I left home, I've always had to be the peacemaker and rseposnsible for my oldest sister because she wouldn't do it.

Ashley - posted on 08/10/2012

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I can see what your saying since my son is 7 and the oldest and is used to be the oldest it would be hard for him not to be any more.

Chaya - posted on 08/10/2012

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I would recommend that you don't mess with birth order, but adopting is a wonderful thing and a great experience. I have two adopted, one biological, and one foster,I don't remember which is which.
If you can afford to adopt, contact people in your community who would know about such stuff, pastors, adoption lawyers, agencies, etc. I wouldn't recommend goign through state social services because those kids either don't get adopted out or they get terroized for a few years first. I'd like to believe otherwise, but I'm far too familiar with the foster care system to believe otherwise. (both foster child and parent, and in several states.)
I got my foster because my friends former foster mother is/ was raising her 8 year old great granddaughter. Grandma has medical issues, so we are living close enough for me to help grandma where needed, and GD can walk to see grandma if she wishes

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