2nd Baby...Another Baby Shower??

Brittany - posted on 08/16/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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How does everybody feel on having a baby shower for each child you have? I have a 1 year son and we're pregnant with a girl now, due in December. I have people offering to throw me a shower but yet it seems that my older relatives say it's a greedy and not something I should do. I see a baby shower not only something for spoiling the new baby with gifts but having everybody come together to celebrate the new one on the way. Why is it fair that only my son gets a celebration and not my daughter? Let me know how you feel. Thank you!

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Sharon - posted on 08/16/2009

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Rules of etiquette should always apply. Its how most of society and those with higher educations see it.



I posted a definition of a baby shower previously and it says specifically that gifts are part of the party.



I don't understand why its so hard to grasp a new term? Its not a shower. Its a celebration. If society terms a shower as a party with gifts and you want to have a party without gifts - you feel you need to call it a shower because why???

Sharon - posted on 08/16/2009

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Don't be ridiculous.



Only one shower.



Celebrate the birth of your child of course! But having a shower and asking for gifts is TACKY and greedy.



People who really care will bring gifts anyway, but the definition of a baby shower is a party requiring gifts.



Have a party. Celebrate. Gift free. It is not the responsibility of friends and family to support each child you give birth too.

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Dawn - posted on 03/26/2012

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@ Sharon Grey: To quote you: "Rules of etiquette should always apply. Its how most of society and those with higher educations see it."



So are you assuming that those with a lesser education are tacky, unrefined people?? Because that is definitely how it sounds (and fyi: I'm not offended because I have a Bachelor's Degree...) but I think that assumptive comment was quite abrasive and judgmental.



You may be correct in the definition of what a TRADITIONAL baby shower is, but times are changing, and society does things differently...even from one year or month to the next. Who cares if she chooses to CALL it a "shower?" Even if she isn't expecting gifts now she's not allowed to call it a baby SHOWER??? Seriously...get a grip.



And may I assume that you probably have the so-called "higher education" you so rudely mentioned? If so, perhaps you should use that education to understand that it is very rude to assume someone's level of education (or lack thereof) merely based on a social and etiquette choice.

Dawn - posted on 03/26/2012

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Here's my take (since I am in a very similar predicament):



Say GIFTS OPTIONAL. Make a registry at your fave store with no expensive items...maybe just necessities. Some ppl I know suggested a diaper/wipe party, and they can bring one of your fave brand of all sizes. That is pretty much what I am going to do b/c I think what IS tacky is expecting people to buy you stuff, but people are going to imho...it's just the idea of celebrating a baby...people WANT to buy something, but that doesn't mean we have to basically say "oh well u are gonna get something anyway so here buy something I want."



I think saying gifts optional is fine. If it makes you feel better (and I might do this...havent yet decided) but I may leave the registry mention off the invite, and if people want to get something and ask if we are registered, THEN I will give the necessary info. but either way I think it's fine. And no big-ticket items. that would be pretty crappy i think (unless again someone OFFERS).



Best of luck to you! and remember: if someone doesn't like it they don't have to be there. plain and simple. If you so choose, to make those other people more comfortable, arrange a meet-the-baby party, and just have a simple baby get-together and if someone brings a token then just be happy for it. otherwise don't worry about it. ;)

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Quoting Sharon:

Don't be ridiculous.

Only one shower.

Celebrate the birth of your child of course! But having a shower and asking for gifts is TACKY and greedy.

People who really care will bring gifts anyway, but the definition of a baby shower is a party requiring gifts.

Have a party. Celebrate. Gift free. It is not the responsibility of friends and family to support each child you give birth too.



At one point in time, the "definition of a shower" may have been a party "requiring" gifts.  But this isn't true today.  I've been to baby showers where I didn't take a gift.  And I had several people come to my shower who didn't bring gifts.  I don't see what the big deal is but that's just me.  I definitely don't think a woman should automatically be considered greedy if she has more than one (like as in one per child).  Hell, even more than one for each child is ok.  A friend of mine had 3 baby showers when she was pregnant.  One from her co-workers, one from her family and another from her friends.  Not a huge deal.

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The old rules of etiquitte really don't apply anymore unless YOU feel that way. If you have a second shower and someone objects, then they don't have to come. I don't understand though, how anyone would not want to celebrate a new baby! I think maybe because everyone associates the shower with ONLY being about getting gifts. The gifts are nice but isn't it more important to celebrate life? I personally think that every baby is just as special as the last. It's not "in poor taste" or "bad etiquitte" (like some will tell you) to have a shower for each and every child you have. Who makes these rules anyways? The "rules" were probably written a hundred years ago anyhow, and this is 2009 so I say have a second shower! For one thing, you're having a girl and you had a son the first time, so there are definitely things you will need. For another thing, it has nothing to do with being greedy, although you will probably get a few people here saying something to that effect. Don't listen to them girl! Have your shower and enjoy! And congratulations Momma!

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