2nd child ?

Julie - posted on 10/29/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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me n my fiance r trying for our 2nd child thing is we dont want emma 2yrs 6mths to feel/be left out in anyway possible by anyone family n friends how do we do this ? n any ideas what the sibling rivalry will be like ??

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Rebecca - posted on 10/29/2009

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We had our daughter when our son was 22 months. He was jealous for the first few weeks and now all he wants to do is hold her. She is now 3 months old and he turned 2 in september. We too were worried about this but once they know the baby isn't going anywhere they will come around. I let him help me change her, he gets her diaper for me and a little bag to put it in, he tries to carrie her car seat, it's funny as hell. He gives her her pacifier if she starts crying and i'm busy in the kitchen, he starts her swing for her is she starts yelling for the fish to start to turn again. Your little girl i'm sure will feel left out at first but just try to keep things as normal as you can adn then slowly adjust in to live with another. We kept taking our son to the water park on hot days and we would bring along our newborn. We would still go for walks, he would get to pick a special movie becuase he was a big brother. Treat as if it is a reward for her to have a younger sibling. Our family aren't any different then they were...if anything they don't pay attention to the baby lol. I think they doit to make sure our son doens't feel left out. And in public right from the first time we were out with our son people stop and talk and talk and talk about how cute he is...people still do that for him and no one mentions the baby. I was terrified people would start ignoring him in public also but try not to worry about things like that and let it stop you from adding to your family. She will love to have a younger brother or sister some day and if you wait to long you might feel that there is too much space between them. Our daughter was unplanned adn the best thing that happened to us! We are planning for #3 to start trying early spring '10. Oh and we also get my family to watch our daughter so we can do things with just our son, special time we call it. When he's been good he gets time alone with us together instead of one at a time as one is usually busy with the other. Seems to work good for us. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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My son was only a little over a year when I got pregnant for the second time. When I started to show I told him there was a baby in my belly and he was going to be that baby's big brother. We would talk to my belly together and by the time I was due he was hugging and kissing my belly several times a day by choice. Once the baby arrived I also tried to let the him help out with little things like handing me a burp rag or diaper...anything to make him feel like he was helping to take care of his brother. He totally loves his little brother and really the only problem I've had so far is him hugging the little one too much!

So I guess my advice would be just to talk to your daughter about what it means to be a big sister and keep her involved once you do have another baby.

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Desirea - posted on 10/29/2009

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ok everyone has a different experience.. my mother in law had hers 5 years apart and I had mine 2 years apart and they've experienced the same level of sibling rivalry. To be honest, when my youngest was a baby, my oldest boy loved him, the problem with that didnt start til they were much older. They were the best of friends for a long time, even slept together even tho they had their own beds and rooms but as they got older and in thier preteens it changed somewhat.. now I deal with them fighting and driving each other crazy every day... but from what I understand that is typical and will even out as they get older. I dont think there's any really 'good' time to have one child, much less a second.. you just have to make it work as best you can and try to balance things as much as possible. I basically have to buy two of everything or buy something else of equal value for the other child if I get one of them something... just something you do when you have two kids or more.

Kelly - posted on 10/29/2009

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Our first two (boys) are two years apart. Then there is a gap of eight years, and then our younger two (girls) are four years apart. We've never had a problem with sibling rivalry at all. They all get along great. Just try to show how important and special each one is, and if you see family/friends paying a huge amount of attention to baby and leaving big sis out, make sure to give her some extra attention. With both sets of ours, it was surprising, the oldest wasn't jealous at all of the baby, it would be the baby showing jealousy of the bigger sibling. For example, I remember sitting on the floor with son #1 on my lap, and son #2 being about/less than a year old, and crawling over and trying to push his big brother away from me. Son #1 never could stand for his brother to cry, he would crawl up in the crib with him and hold him; we used to refer to him as his "built-in very best buddy", and that is truly how he treated him. The girls were about the same way; the older was so excited to be a big sister! Don't worry, just love them both, and it will work out fine!

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