2nd time posting here. I didn't find out I was pregnant after my first trimester and had drank.

[deleted account] ( 121 moms have responded )

I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life and not know what to do. I am just so upset because I was drinking so heavily before I found out I was pregnant. I have an abortion scheduled for tomorrow and I am still at a loss on what to do. It seems like everyone is telling me to go through with it that is in my life because they don't think I could handle if I harmed my baby for the rest of it's life and I don't know if I can. Please don't judge me. Yes, I drank way too much and I am paying for my mistakes now. I had a close family member die in those 3 months and it was an awful thing to go through and I was dealing with it the wrong way and trying to avoid it by going out with friend's and etc... I heard even if your ultrasounds look good there is no way to tell if it has FAS until it is born. I obviously quit drinking when I found out I was pregnant but I am still so scared that it's already too late. I am already past 14 weeks. I keep praying and asking God what I should do, but I just don't know. Please if anyone has any positive stories of drinking heavily before finding out you were pregnant please let me know and give me some advice. I really don't want to go through this abortion but I don't know if I can handle the rest of my pregnancy in the shape I am now. I can't stop crying and worrying. Thanks :)

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Jackie - posted on 06/03/2011

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Why are you posting this a second time when you got some pretty good feedback the first time? Just curious..

If you want my opinion again I think you should keep the baby. The chances of something being wrong are far less than everything being ok. Even if the baby has FAS, he or she will still be perfet to YOU because it is YOURS. You will know exactly what I mean when you lay your eyes on your child for the first time. If you are already past 14 weeks then baby already has a sex and all that. Please don't make a decision that you will regret for he rest of your life based on the internet and what ignorant friends tell you.

There is also adoption to look into if you're just really not ready to be a parent whether the child has special needs or not.

Good luck

Kate - posted on 06/03/2011

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My heart goes out to you my dear, you are in a position no woman wants to be in. Before you make any decisions I wanted to share a few things with you that it seems like you may not be aware of. FAS absolutely CAN be detected on an ultrasound. So you need to get to a doctor who employs a sonographer and have a scan done. You can also have genetic testing done, it's expensive and it can be painful and invasive, but it will tell you if your baby is healthy or not. There are all kinds of genetic and growth markers that trained professionals can look for to tell you if your baby is healthy or if it has a problem. My MIL is a high risk pregnancy sonographer and scanned both of my girls in utero and did the genetic testing on my second. It's amazing what they can determine before your child is even born with the technology today. I also use to work for an adoption agency, and a lot of the mothers that we had giving up their children were alcoholics and drug addicts. It's amazing how many of those babies were born perfectly healthy after some of the things they went through. So don't under estimate the determination of the human spirit. I think some people were just meant to be here, and they will get here no matter what they are put through, or what it takes. All I want to offer you is some simple logical advice, don't take any further steps until you've sat down with an OBGYN or a Pediatrician and gotten ALL the information about what the possibilities are that you've done damage to your baby. Another thing to consider, and I could be wrong, but I think I remember reading this in one of my pregnancy books, is that you're not actually sharing a blood supply with your fetus until 6 weeks after you become pregnant because for those first few weeks it lives off the yolk sac while the placenta develops. The placenta is what creates the exchange of blood, which is where the concern of alcohol passing on to the fetus comes into play. Bottom line, you do what is right for you. No one can tell you what to think, how to feel, or what to do. Those are all your decisions alone. Just make sure you are well informed, and you've exhausted all your options before you make your decision. Good luck love, I hope you find some peace no matter what you do.

Dana - posted on 06/03/2011

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I know someone who didn't know she was pregnant at all. She drank, smoked pot AND took birth control the whole time. Her child had no issues when born and is a perfectly fine 9 yr old with honors in school.

Sharon - posted on 06/03/2011

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I'm not even trying to do that now. You're scared enough. You have reason to be scared.

People just want to tear down a woman who chooses to do right by her fetus and herself. I don't understand why anyone would to condemn a child to a life of suffering. Those people make me ill. But this will turn into a debate about abortion and what you need is to find a support group that uplifts you in your decision to do the right thing for your fetus and yourself. You won't find that here, except from me and a few others. To many bible thumpers wanting to tear you down.

Carrie - posted on 06/04/2011

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I was 19 when I was pregnant with first child. I didn't find out until I was close to the end of my first trimester. I was drinking and smoking heavily until I found out. I was terrified when I learned that I was pregnant. I thought about FAS and all the other birth defects that she was going to be born with because of what I had done. I too, thought about an abortion. I just couldn't do that. I worried all the way up until the day she was born. Healthy. She's 16 now and I couldn't imagine what my life would have been like without her.

My point is, you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what cards you will be dealt. But you deal with them...I
have a friend that did everything right during their pregnancy and their baby was born with a physical defect. She loves him and he is a very sweet little boy.

I would never suggst abortion. See your doctor, talk about it. But listen to what your heart is saying....I don't think its something you really want to do if you are this torn about it.

Take care:-)

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Shirley - posted on 06/04/2011

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This is heartbreaking :( Not that it makes a dif but do you mind me asking how old you are & if this is your first pregnancy? I am 31 & was 17 when I found out I was pregnant with my first of 2 beautiful daughters, getting pregnant at such a young age I was drinking & "smoking" all the time until I found out I was pregnant both my girls turned out fine & I was actually 1 1/2 past my due date and had to be induced for both. If deep down this child is really what you want I think getting the abortion would not be the best thing, It is of course in your best interest to get the advice of your doctor but honestly think things will turn out just fine, if you continue with the pregnancy the will give you the option to have an amnio....

Dana - posted on 06/04/2011

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I'm glad you've decided what was best for you and your baby Dawn. Since you've decided not to go through with it and made your decision, I'm going to lock this thread.

Good luck!

Dana ~ WtCoM moderator

Ami - posted on 06/04/2011

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do not have an abortion that is murder honey you will regret it for the rest of your life

Katherine - posted on 06/04/2011

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SO glad to hear you're keeping the baby!!!!!!

It will all be ok.

Jénine - posted on 06/04/2011

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If your drinking is the only reason you are aborting the pregnancy, cancel your appt!! Get quiet with God & pray for peace with his guidance. You are doing the right thing when you don't feel pressure or confusion. People who have done everything according to the "book" have had babies with handicaps. These babies are blessings and you will know only know to what degree when you are that babies mommy. Please don't be hard on yourself & enjoy this most precious gift! Wish you blessings and peace!!

Kimi - posted on 06/04/2011

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You poor thing I would hate to be in your situation. I would just like to clear something up without sounding overly pro life to you.
If you have an abortion there is a 100% chance that you will regret it and know that you put an end to a potential life. There is still a chance for this baby to have a happy life with or without side effects from your drinking.

Randi - posted on 06/04/2011

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Hi my name is Randi. I did not know i was pregnant till i was almost due and i had drank during th first three months also. From what i understand in the research that I have done the baby is in a different sack in the first three months so the drinking then would not harm your baby. But this is just from the research that i have done. If u think u r strong enough then only u know what u are capable of right.

Hollie - posted on 06/04/2011

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Dawn,
Try to take a moment to listen to yourself. If you want an abortion then don't look back. If you have any hesitation in getting an abortion that is your mind saying "no, lets not do this". What your hesitation comes back to is the answer you have been praying for. It is highly unlikely that any harm was done to the baby. FAS is something that is looked for in a level 2 sonogram and a doctor will be able to tell you with 99 percent certainty if the baby was affected (some dr's will not admit this for fear of lawsuit).
Whatever your decision know you are not alone either way you choose no matter what, please if you need someone to talk to I will send you my contact info. Keep your head up and listen to yourself.

[deleted account]

Again I want to thank you all for the kind words and support. I am keeping my baby and going to live out the rest of my pregnancy as healthy as I possibly can. If something happens to be wrong I am just going to put it in God's hands and let go of all my worries. I feel very strongly in my heart that I made the right decision in keeping my precious baby.

Debbie - posted on 06/04/2011

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I know a girl who drank heavily and smoked pot for the first six months of her pregnancy..the baby is just fine. He is 3 months old and is meeting all of his milestones. How can you predict what will happen with this child? Please stop drinking now, and take care of yourself the rest of your pregnancy. You can give this child up for adoption, or you can turn your life around and take care of him or her. But abortion is not the answer, especially one in the second trimester.

Sue - posted on 06/04/2011

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Have you discussed this with your Dr. ???? If you don't have the abortion are you planning on keeping the child, giving it up for adoption?? Just let me tell you my story...my husband and I did a lot of camping, canoe trips, bike rides etc... with our friends when we were younger. We were in the beginning stages of trying to have our first child. I got pregnant immediately. Neither of us thought it would happen like the "first time" so I continued to drink, did lots of shots and carried on like always. Well, long and short of it is this...It wasn't a really bad hangover or ever the flu I had 10-11 wks later. I was pregnant. OMG!!! scared to death because of the drinking. I know there are no guarantees in life. My daughter was born perfectly fine and heathly. She graduated Valadictioran from high school and is on the Dean's list after her first yr. in college. Please have a very honest discussion with your Dr. or someone at plan parenthood or some other organization. If you don't want the abortion then don't go through with it. Stress and worry won't help you either...but information and knowledge will. God Bless you and I pray everything turns out well regardless of your choice.

Therese - posted on 06/04/2011

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Dawn,
You have a kind heart and it may help you to know that you are already a mother, and a good one. You wouldn't have posted in this forum if you didn't want to help this baby.
I don't know if this will help you, but I am also someone who drank heavily and was self-abusive prior to finding out I was pregnant at around 14 weeks. I worried throughout my pregnancy but was gifted with the most beautiful, healthy baby, that has grown up to be the most gorgeous and kind-hearted 12 year old I have ever met. She is mature, good natured, compassionate and extremely bright. So many, many, children start life in similar circumstances and arrive bouncing, healthy and rosy cheeked. Please try not to worry, and find someone that you can talk to in person. Mum is usually your best bet, even if it might seem as though she won't understand, she usually will. Your story is as old as the day is long.
Even though you are confused now, things will become clearer for you with time. Stay strong and I wish you good luck :)

Kandi - posted on 06/04/2011

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i say keep the baby. haveing a baby is one of the most important thing abot being a woman is your child. your baby now is a very special thing that has happened now matter what you did. keep that child keep it

Dorothy - posted on 06/04/2011

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Dawn, I am pray that I am not late repling to your post. The wrong thing to do is have an abortion, because abortion is murder in the eyes of God. That is a living human being, your own flesh and blood that you are paying someone to kill. Don't kill your child, God will help you through this.

[deleted account]

I drank a bit when pregnant with my oldest son. My OB/GYN had just finished telling me I wouldn't get pregnant without intervention because of a small uterus. Doctors are not infallible, I got pregnant 10 days later and 3 weeks short of the appointment to begin the 'intervention'. I reconnected with high school friends and we spent many evenings drinking wine (yeah to excess a lot of the time), throwing BBQ's and drinking beer, even went and took a mud bath *while* drinking wine up in the Wine Country. My son is 18, just graduated highschool as a life member of the scholarship federation, is one of the most intelligent people I know. Get some genetic counseling (even medicare/medicaid pays for this if recommended by your doctor), and learn everything you can before making your final decision. My gut feeling is that your baby is fine (I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was over 9 weeks because of my situation), so your biggest decision is are YOU ready to be a mom? Parenting is forever, its a big challenge to rise to. If you aren't ready you have two basic options: abortion and adoption. On that decision, you have to listen to your own inner voice, and maybe a counselor (planned parenthood has excellent counselors and contrary to popular belief they counsel for adoption as well as abortion and often for keeping the baby, based on the situation of the pregnant woman). Good luck! And please let us all know how you are doing, whatever decision you make.

Lucy - posted on 06/04/2011

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Good Luck.. only you can make this descion and I feel sad for you tthat tyou have to listen to so many strangers.. please confide in a close friend.. your mum.. anyone!

User - posted on 06/04/2011

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Don't do it if you have ANY doubts at all. It sounds like you do. Plus why in the world would anyone terminate a baby, if it had an illness? No one is perfect. I work with people with mr and idd. They are some of the happiest people I know. Good luck to you and your precious angel.

[deleted account]

Hi Dawn, I feel kind of strange since this is the first time I have ever posted anything. It seems like you have gotten some good advices so far. I think the first thing you should do is TALK WITH YOUR DOCTOR. They will be able to address your concerns. I also agree with the person who said that if you don't feel comfortable with having an abortion, than don't. I know you are scared and there are reasons for your concern. Hopefully that can be address with the doctor. If you don't feel comfortable with having an abortion you will regret it if you have one. Please make sure you have the facts before you make any decisions. Then decide what you can live with. If you feel like all you can do is provide this child life, give birth to the child and then give them up for adoption for someone else to raise. Who knows though, you may be surprised at what inner strength may come out in you if you choose to keep the child and raise them yourself. It doesn't sound like the father is involved in the situation so you probably won't get much support from him, but hopefully you have some close family members and/or friends that will help you find your way as a new mother and be supportive. Also, if you haven't told the father, you may want to do that out of respect whether he would care or not. You also mention that you don't know if you can handle the rest of your pregnancy in the shape that you're in. I think you will feel much better after addressing your concerns with a physician. There is also counseling which sounds like might be helpful. All I'm saying is there is hope, all is not lost. I'm also wondering if God has told you what you should do, you just don't want to hear it. Sometimes God tells us what to do and we don't like His ideas or we disagree, but we're always better off following his guidance.

Best Wishes

Wende - posted on 06/04/2011

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Don't go through with it!!! And please don't judge yourself too harshely. You didn"t know you were pregnant! I also drank fairly heavily before I found out that I was pregnant. I found out a 7 weeks, but my daughter is as perfect as can be. Your baby would be much better off having a life with a loving mother like you then no life at all. Even if there are some side effects from your drinking, you can deal with as they come. My guess is your baby is going to be as perfect as mine was. I babysat for a brother and sister who had an acholic mother who drank and did other drugs while she was pregnant and sold her babies before she even had them.
They are sweet children and healthy too. As long as you take good care of yourself now that you know you are pregangt and love your child, you will both come through with flying colors. You will be a great mom!!!

Jodi - posted on 06/04/2011

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We have adopted our three children. If parenting is not something you feel you are capable of, there are many families out there that are willing to love your baby as much as you--and have continued open contact with you--if you feel you are not able to handle any special needs your child may have. Every life is valuable and with purpose. You don't even need to make an adoption decision now-or later-or at all. It's just an option. We love our three children more than anything in this world. They are not perfect by society's standards, but perfect for us and our family. I pray you make a decision you can have peace with.

Mary Helen - posted on 06/04/2011

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DON'T ABORT!! That babies heartbeat started 18 days after it was conceived. Aborting would be murder. Do you want to live with that the rest of your life? Better to carry and more then likely your baby is okay, since you've not drank when you found you was pregnant. I know you are gravely concerned of damage you might have done, those babies are well protected in the womb. This baby will be such a joy to you, even though right now, you have serious doubts. Relax and enjoy the movements of that growing child ... God doesn't give you more then you can handle ... you have to go with what you feel is right and I'm sure that is the answer. I have a quote on my refrig. "When I have a problem I pray about it, and what comes to mind and stays there I assume to be my answer. And this has be right so often that I know it is God's answer."

Sandra - posted on 06/04/2011

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Sorry reread and saw that you decided to keep your baby!! I'm so happy and excited for you. Stay strong... its all worth it. Praying for you.
Sandra D

Agatha - posted on 06/04/2011

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The baby grows leaps and bounds in the beginning my dear! Don't be fooled that there is nothing going on just because you can not see or feel it. That is when the major organs are forming and after just a few weeks the heart and brain are fully operational and yes a baby can feel pain!!

Sandra - posted on 06/04/2011

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I'm not sure when you posted but I really hope you heard these positive stories and keep your baby. You said you were praying to God and God's answer is always to keep your baby. God has a plan for ever single life He creates and I know so many amazing stories how unexpected child or even children born with issues have been the best blessing in the world. Life changes can be scary but Trust in Jesus. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, They are plans for good not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 God loves you and this baby could be the best thing that has ever happen to you.
Sandra D

Viki - posted on 06/04/2011

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Drinking in the beginning won't harm the baby. It's later when the baby is growing that it will hurt it. The baby should be fine and it's up to you to go through with the abortion. If you really want to keep the baby don't let people tell you otherwise. Your choice and your life.

Siobhan - posted on 06/04/2011

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God bless & I pray everything will go well with your pregnancy! A new life is such a blessing, congratulations! : )

[deleted account]

I made my final decision and decided not to go through with it. I also felt the baby move a good bit last night I think that was God's way of letting me know what to do. I am just going to do my best at staying healthy through out the rest of my pregnancy and try to let go of all my fears and worries. Thank you all for all of your prayers and support. It truly means a lot to me :)

Agatha - posted on 06/04/2011

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Unknowing weather or not you hurt your baby is far better than knowing you killed your baby! My sister was in the same situation as you and her little girl is now 4 and is a perfectly healthy, smart, happy girl! I hope this helps! Praying for you!

Liha - posted on 06/04/2011

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You can only move forward from here. Stop looking back. Embrace your pregnancy and enjoy bringing forth a new life.

Siobhan - posted on 06/04/2011

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I didn't find out I was pregnant until after my 1st trimester as well. I had taken 2 pregnancy tests & got false negatives! I drank moderately those 3 months most of the time, but did have a couple weekends where I drank a LOT. I felt badly when I found out I was pregnant, but I felt that everything would be alright & it was. I've heard stories with both outcomes- child being normal & child having FAS. But I've come across many families that include children with some pretty severe disabilities & while it's not easy, they couldn't imagine their lives without their precious child.

I'm praying that you will allow the grace of God to carry you through this frightening time in your life. God loves you & your unborn child. If your baby has health issues or FAS, it won't be an easy road, but it would be a worthwhile one. You won't be able to do it by yourself, only with His help.

As others have said before me, a child with disabilities is still a valuable person who can enjoy life & contribute to the world. If you're praying to God about what to do, He has already given His answer. Only Our Heavenly Father had the right to take a life away. Instead of asking God if you should keep this baby or not, pray for the strength to deal with any challenges & that you would hear what He intends for you to do. Pray for the health of your child. He is listening, He loves you & He loves your precious little baby. If you're open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, then you will be at peace with whatever you are lead to do- raise your baby or adoption.

Also, I think the arguement that you should abort a child with a health condition so they can avoid a life filled with suffering is unsound. Every person on this Earth suffers at some point in life, that's part of being human. No one can know what a person's experience & purpose in life will be. I've suffered tremendously in my life due to depression. Should my Mom have aborted me? I hope you haven't gone through with something you'll regret for the rest of your life. My prayers are with you.

Lori - posted on 06/04/2011

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@ Brittany S ... Using guilt to guide someone IS forcing your own morality down their throat! She obviously does not trust God or hear His answers ... so those who profess to know what He would or would not want are not helping. God will still love and forgive her, no matter which direction she goes. The only advice she asked for was: "Please if anyone has any positive stories of drinking heavily before finding out you were pregnant please let me know and give me some advice." She didn't ask for lecturing or preaching.

Brittany - posted on 06/04/2011

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@Lori F....she asked for peoples help. If she didn't believe in God she would not be even praying about it and wanting to try and do what God would want her to. So we actually are not forcing our beliefs down her throat we are encouraging a fellow believer in the right direction.

Lori - posted on 06/04/2011

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I don't believe it is right for anyone else to push their own morality down someone's throat when they are already struggling. Let her look inside herself and she will know what is best, just as you look to your own sources. Each life has a different purpose - she doesn't need judgement, she needs support. She is already judging herself - why pile it on even thicker??!

Teresa - posted on 06/04/2011

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If you're praying and asking God what to do, I guarantee that He would NOT tell you to abort. Your baby is a life and your responsibility.

User - posted on 06/04/2011

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A little curious how someone can say they are not "judging" someone considering abortion but call people "bible thumpers." Bible thumpers sounds judgmental. Shouldn't someone give equal respect to all people?

Jana - posted on 06/04/2011

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First honey you are on the right track for praying, next see if you can find a good church in your neighboorhood. Go to the preacher and talk to him, some Baptist preachers have counceling for this very thing, and there are people that are wanting babies you can give the child up for adoption if you thing you can't handle raising a child. Please don't do an abortion, I am not judging you at all...but the abortion places rarely tell you that having an abortion CAN hurt your chances of having children later in life when you think you get ready. The guilt of having one can also hurt your mental well being as well. I will be praying for you too sweetie. I pray you know GOD loves EVERY person on this earth no matter what they have done. That is why he sent his son Jesus to die for your sins and mine. All you have to do is Believe he will forgive you and ask him in to your heart and life and he will do everything he can to help you. I was in a simular situation when I was younger and I faced being pregnant and not married, I prayed to GOD for help and he helped me. I have now been married for 32 years in July and I not only have 3 beautiful daughters ages 30, 29 and 28 but also a grandson 6 and Children are the best thing that ever happened to me after asking GOD to forgive me. Then when you ask GOD to forgive you, you need to do one more thing...FORGIVE YOURSELF! You are beautiful and GOD Loves you very much! Please find a good bible believing church and start attending it as often as you can...you will see it will be the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby. I know it is hard to change old habbits, my father died from drinking and he claimed he tried to stop but it got the better of him. I lost the privelage of having a father at the age of 15 and I think it contributed to my feeling lost and needed someone to understand me...I turned to the wrong thing and found myself in the situation of being pregnant but it is what we do about our situations that prove to be what makes us better people for it. Thank you for considering my suggestions and I will be praying for you and your baby. A mother of 3 in Georgia.

Brittany - posted on 06/04/2011

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Dont go through with the abortion. God would not want you to end someones life.

Sherry - posted on 06/04/2011

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Dawn, If you are praying to God then you are on the right track. Our Lord can guide you through whatever trouble, whatever pain may be inside you. Start by confessing you're not perfect. God knows this and loves you anyway. Then remember that the life you have inside of you is just as precious and awesome to God as any other life. Just because you have made mistakes does not mean you need to continue them. Please understand, I am not judging you for anything but I would hate to see you end a life for whatever reason. I had an abortion many years ago and all my counselors comforted me with advice that it was the right thing for me. It was not! It has haunted me all my life, but by God's grace and guidance I have been forgiven and my life is blessed with three children. Instead of trying to plan for the time ahead put your life and the life of your child in God's hands and let him lead you. Begin by finding local Christian groups in your area. You don't have to make a decision on adoption yet but please remember Jesus said "If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matt 21:22) Please take care, I will be praying for you. Whatever you decide remember God will always love you and be there for you. If you would like to please email me at 1hope61@gmail.com. God's blessings to you. ♥

Danielle - posted on 06/04/2011

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There is no right answer - you have to do what you feel is best. No one should ever judge you. Have you thought about talking to someone - a professional counselor? There are no tests out there to assure he does not have FAS?

User - posted on 06/04/2011

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I miscarried before I knew I was pregnant (about eight weeks). During the time I drank and played competitive soccer. I went into awful ppd afterwards and couldn't get out of my head that I possibly caused the miscarriage. I still can't get that feeling to go away. The unknown feeling has probably torn me up more than if I just had a miscarriage.
Out of all honestly, life has surprises, and the baby you are caring has a small chance of FAS. Also, women who have perfect pregnancies still can have a child with issues. I fear you will have a lot more regret losing a baby that could very well be just fine then going through the pregnancy. Even if the child is born with any issues you will still love that child and have no regret.
You say you don't want to go through with it. Then don't! If you don't think you can handle this fear the rest of your pregnancy, then think about going through your life with the regret that you possibly lost a perfect child.

Melinda - posted on 06/04/2011

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Please don't do this. Talk to your doctor. Adoption is another option if you feel you can't raise the child.

Lindsey - posted on 06/04/2011

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I think it is completely up to what you truly feel in your heart. I however would keep the baby. The likely hood of alcohol doing a ton of damage at that age is much less than later in your pregnancy. If you think about it, back when my parents were born their parents smoke and drank their entire pregnancy and the rate of abnormalities was much less then. I think that god meant for you to have this baby, and that everything happens for a reason. When i got pregnant with my baby i was on birth control, and partied my fair share. I now have a beautiful baby. Have you asked to see if they can do more extensive blood work on the baby, or an amniocentesis test? They might offer more insight! Good luck with what ever you do, but just know even if you terminate the pregnancy you will spend the rest of your life wondering if it was the right decision. Either way you will be ok and God only gives us what he knows we can handle!

[deleted account]

Let me start by saying I didn't drink heavily, but I did drink quite often with my first. I was in my twenties and drinking liquor and beer especially during the first trimester. She is now 13 and never suffered. I've also had an abortion and that was a very hard choice. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had the children I chose not to have. Neither road is an easy one for you. The real question to ask yourself is which choice provides more opportunity for joy. Sounds like you want to avoid risk and guilt, but life is about pursuing joy. Try quieting your brain and listen for the voice of your heart . Then, don't judge the answer. There isnta right choice, just your choice. May you find the strength to make it and give yourself a break. Be well.

Lori - posted on 06/04/2011

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Dawn,

I am going to give you the same advice I gave my little sister when she was raped and found herself pregnant at 16 and being forced to have an abortion by our parents: YOU are the only one you have to live with EVERY DAY for the rest of your life. Make the choice YOU can live with.

Don't worry about what others say - it's not their life, their body, their conscience, or their baby. It's yours. Look yourself square in the eyes, in the mirror ... listen to yourSELF.

Best wishes for you, honey. I know it's not an easy decision.

Holly - posted on 06/04/2011

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i drank heavily for the 2 almost 3 months of my pregnancy because i didnt know i was pregnant. so i know how u feel i was so worried bout my child my whole pregnancy till i gave birth to her. Shes now almost 2 and is perfectly healthy. Best of luck to you hope things work out for the best for you

LeAnn - posted on 06/04/2011

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You never have to ask God whether you should kill a child. The answer to that should be obvious. He only knows right now whether your baby is healthy or not, but if your baby isn't healthy, He will give you the strength to deal with it and raise your child. I have heard of plenty of women who drank before finding out they were pregnant and their babies were just fine. No one knows what amount of alcohol it takes to cause FAS, but stopping as soon as you find out is the best you can do. If you truly don't think you could raise and FAS baby, even with God's help, at least give another couple who are desperate for a baby the chance to raise him or her. I think you'll be a great mom no matter what, though. Only a good mom would be so worried. Someone who's not a good mom wouldn't care & would just keep on drinking.

[deleted account]

I have no personal experience in this situation. All I can say is that I did see my best friend drinking before she knew for sure that she was pregnant and her daughter was born perfectly healthy. My mother all said that she drank before knowing she was pregnant with both me and my younger brother and were both and still are perfectly healthy. I do have a child with special needs so I do know the struggle that brings....but if I had known when I was pregnant that my son would have autism I wouldn't have decided not to have him. I think you will feel the same way about you child and if you don't there is always adoption. You sound like you need more time to think about this. You should take that time.

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