3 year old son with MAJOR attitude- how do I break the attitude??

Marilyn - posted on 03/27/2010

You might try ignoring the temper tantrums, nothing is more worrying to a child than lack of attention, especially if he has commanded it for so long. Dont say a word, just remove him say to his room or the bathroom, shut the door, hold closed if necessary, this sounds cruel, but he must learn that this behavior is not accepted and will not be tolerated. Its sometime harder on the parent carrying out the punishment than on the child, after all its not hurting him, more just showing him who is boss and what will and will not be tolerated. I had one that used to throw toys at the door when put into his bedroom, but after a while he stopped doing that. This needs to nipped in the bud before the behavior escalates with age to majorly unacceptable tantrums. Hope this helps.

Heather - posted on 03/27/2010

Just so ya know, I took the time to find a link on the web with an article that helps explain what I was trying to say about colour therapy. Here is the link
http://psychology.about.com/od/sensation...

Further experiments demonstrated that light could be combined to form other colors. For example, red light mixed with yellow light creates an orange color. A color resulting from a mix of two other colors is known as a metamer. Some colors, such as yellow and purple, cancel each other out when mixed and result in a white light. These competing colors are known as complements.

Color Psychology - The Psychological Effects of Color
While perceptions of color are somewhat subjective, there are some color effects that have universal meaning. Colors in the red area of the color spectrum are known as warm colors and include red, orange, and yellow. These warm colors evoke emotions ranging from feelings of warmth and comfort to feelings of anger and hostility.

Colors on the blue side of the spectrum are known as cool colors and include blue, purple, and green. These colors are often described as calm, but can also call to mind feelings of sadness or indifference.

Color Psychology as Therapy
Several ancient cultures, including the Egyptians and Chinese, practiced chromotherapy, or using colors to heal. Chromotherapy is sometimes referred to as light therapy or colourology and is still used today as a holistic or alternative treatment.

NANCY - posted on 03/27/2010

DEAR HELP,

CONSISTANCY IS YOUR BEST BET. IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS UNDER CONTROL NOW. I WORRY ABOUT YOUR FUTURE.

BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

Rebecka - posted on 03/27/2010

I would have to agree with Donna Truesdale. It sounds like maybe he needs some down time. I know it is harder as a Mom to have him right there and not "doing" anything, but take that time to get down on the floor with him and play with him on his terms not anyone elses. Another idea, have you had him tested for anything like Autism? My friend's child acted a lot like this before he was diagnoised. There are also perfectly "normal" children that cannot handle a lot of changes, a lot of activity, or a lot of other children and their "tantrums" are actually a cry for help because that is the only way they see real results. I have six boys who are now ages 20 to 10, so I do have a lot of experience with this type of situation. One thing to remember, get control...it you don't or can't have it at 3, don't expect to have it when they are 13...and yes, there will be times when you would love to have the 3 yo back! LOL! As for the uncle and the swear words. Yes, he picked them up...when he is 5 he will go to kindergarten and he will hear them there. That doesn't mean he has to use them. My kids know there are words we use at home and words we don't. They are on the playground ( the younger ones) and some are going to high school...some college...they hear them on TV (no matter how hard you try to stop them...just one visit to a well meaning friend's house with different rules and your kid is exposed to something he isn't used to). So make it a negitive for him to use any of those words. But be sure to watch yourself because, kids don't understand the old "Do as I say, not as I do" idea. If you don't want him using them, his parents can't use them in front of him. But the best advice I can give is to hang in there and pour love on him. I remember once when one of the boys was about that age just grabbing him and hugging him and kissing him and not letting go until he was totally and completely exhausted! (So was I). Some kids thrive on attention and they really don't care whether it is negitive or positive attention, so someone's idea of taking everything away and making him sit by himself where no one is paying any attention to him may work. I did have one child like this. When we had a problem with him throwing trantruims, we would strap him safely in his car seat in the middle of his room and close the door. They stopped because he no longer was getting any attention and so there were no results. We would insist (when he stopped throwing the tantruim) that he use the words we knew he had to tell us nicely what he wanted. Those are my ideas. Hope they help.

Heather - posted on 03/27/2010

I know this is going to sound "way out of the box" but hear me out and take what you will from my suggestion based on experience. Have you have had the opportunity to teach your son the world of colour? Does he know what is red, green and purple? If he recognizes these three colours, then this experiment will work and may give you some insight on his attitude. So here goes, remember this is speaking from experience...I have a light sensitive daughter, whom is now fully grown, however, I could not figure out why she seemed so angry, all the time and to no avail I could not find anyone that seemed to be able to provide an explanation...until I seen a doctor at The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto, ON. During a lengthy interview with a panel of Doctors, they decided to try an experiment with her. Using different colour of lens and transparent colour sheets they took a piece of red paper and asked what colour she saw. She said the paper is red...correct, then they put a transparent green sheet over top of the red paper and asked what colour did she see the paper as now? She answered purple...correct, then they took the red sheet out and layed the transparent green over a white piece of paper and asked her what colour she seen then...amazingly she answered purple! They continued to switch different solid sheets with different colour transparent sheets and many times she was right except for when they used red and/or green in the equation. Bottom line became that she was not filtering the colour red properley. They did not know if she would grow up with this subtle problem, but what we did was...bought sunglasses that had green lenses and sheets of transparent green sheets (similar to school project folders), she was hesitant to where glasses for any reason so we treated the glasses just like sunglasses. She worn them when we went in the car, for a walk, anytime we were outside in the daylight, she worn them, and it became as routine as shoes and a jacket. When we would read stories, I would place the green sheet over the page she was reading and the little breaks her mind got from this "red" to purple started to relax her. So as the days moved on, the more times she worn the glasses or had the green sheet on her books, the more she became less angry during the "off times". She did grow out of it and whether the colour therapy helped her grow out of it or not...do not know...but it did make life way, and I mean way more tolerable because she became more relaxed. It didn't take long to see a difference either, days, not weeks and no medication needed. So, again as far out of the box as this may seem, it's a nonevasive, nonmedicated, nonlife threatning way to just give it a try. It worked for us and I hope that you will try... just to see if you have the same problem we did...and if it works, someday you can tell another mother about an off the scale method of colour therapy experiment!

Naomi - posted on 03/27/2010

BTW that response was left by my daughter.

Naomi - posted on 03/27/2010

As a teacher I applaud you for all that you are doing. I have some parents who have simply told me that they just don't know what to do and give in to their child's tantrums. This makes it very difficult in a school setting- trust me I've experienced it. I also wonder if there are any other differences you notice in comparison to other children his age developmentally. I have a niece who was diagnosed at a very early age with Asperger's Syndrome (A PDD Disorder which is also seen as very slight autism). It's very difficult to diagnose but since it was discovered at an early age she has gotten great help and is a very successful young student now in middle school.

Above all else DON'T GIVE UP! Children crave and need discipline and structure. It creates a healthy environment all around and is necessary so that they can learn to their best ability.



I also want to let you know that I am only a Teacher, not a mother. But I can tell the difference in the children who have discipline and those who do not in their home environment- even when they throw tantrums. May God give you the strength and guidance that you nedd!

Wendy - posted on 03/27/2010

Ignore unwanted behaviour and praise good behaviour. try to distract him away from screaming shouting etc. give rewards appropriately. don't bribe, or bargain as every child will always call your bluff!!

Amanda - posted on 03/27/2010

First, thank you for posting this....My 3 year old daughter has been doing some of the same things. Her preschool teacher recommended the following technique which I haven't had to try yet...just threatening seems to have worked so far.



If the child throws a fit while going out in public start getting a babysitter everytime and then make the child pay the babysitter with one of their toys.



Good Luck!

Elisha - posted on 03/27/2010

There are a few book I would suggest that can be very helpful. First is - How to make your child mind without losing yours by Dr. Kevin Leman. Second - The Five Love Languages of Children. Third - Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. They are all very helpful. The love languages will not only help you with your son but with relationships in general. They are all christian books.

Kilkenny - posted on 03/27/2010

hi

it sounds to me like he may not have an attitude problem it may run deeper my reasons for saying this are my son sreamed hated everyone and everything and the reasons for all this behavour is he has autism. I am not saying ur son has autism but he could have a few little issues that u may want to seek advise on. my son had lots of lets call them issues and i knew something wasnt right. please dont think im a know it all and that imm saying ur son has this or that as im no doctor just a mum like you.best wishes i hope you find the answers you need xxx

Betsy - posted on 03/27/2010

My daughter is 3 1/2 and is pretty well-behaved but she has had her phases as well (I echo the sentiments of a lot of the replies - first, have him checked to see if the anger has to do with anything physical. Be consistent, reward the good, and change tactics relating to the bad behavior (i.e., ignore him) when he's acting up. My husband thought I was being mean (yes, I heard the "she's only 2 1/2" line more than once), but I told him that I absolutely refused to raise a brat. I MADE him read Dr. Dobson's book "Dare to Discipline", and that did help us both - my point there is that everyone needs to be on the same page. Same rules, same consequences, and consistency. I also agree that you should talk to his teachers at school and activities - you want to give your kid the best and fun activities, but it may be a little too much, and I would be curious to hear if he's acting up with them like he is with you. My friend Gail's daughter was going through horrible tantrums at 3, and one day her daughter did a "classical" temper tantrum - laying on the floor, face down, screaming, arms and legs pounding - and Gail started LAUGHING. It was just too dramatic, and Gail said she couldn't help herself. The tantrums stopped almost immediately, probably because her daughter wasn't getting the usual reaction. May be worth a try. As for the language - and I mean no offense to your family - but I think the UNCLE is the one who needs a mouthful of soap. Some people don't realize how much they swear, but if they care at all, there are thousands of other words in the dictionary, and if anyone wants to be around my kid, they better look them up! Good luck!

Dee - posted on 03/27/2010

That is why I love the show "The Nanny"

When you hear him sware simply tell him this is not nice and give him a word to use instead like. You mean , you don't like that,or" ratts", that is terrible isn't it?Every time he uses the bad words use a different word instead to replace it. Do not make a big deal of it but be careful to show him how to react to problems in a POSITIVE way.

His uncle should do the same. Watch his TV viewing also. Shows that display a disrespectful attitude towards adults should be avoided like The simpsons and family Guy etc. When you feed him do not give him choices. Just serve him at meal times and then if he wants something he has to ask nicely and without the temper tantrums. Ignore the bad behavior. Whenever you can Read to him. At bed time and at lunce time,something soothing and upbuilding. He will learn he gets no attention when he is rude and acting poorly.

Best wishes to you and little one and

Liz - posted on 03/27/2010

He is bored...My son was the same way!!! It can be frustrating, I know. I put him in some classes at the local recreation center...if helped... Good luck :)

Nicole - posted on 03/27/2010

With my 2 year old, I let her have her fit, and I tell her that when she calms down and says things with her manners, then we can go back to doing what we were doing. Then I go, a couple feet from her (same room), and continue with what we were doing by myself. . .she fairly quickly looks around, thinks about and then comes and joins me. . .



It hasn't stopped the problem all together, but it certainly has limited the amount of time the temper tantrum is lasting.

Heather - posted on 03/27/2010

sounds exactly like my son!!! try a "good boy chart", get a large peice of poster board and write "_____'s good boy chart" at the top, give him a sticker EVERY time he does ANYTHING good, and write next to the sticker what he did. then at bed time, go over the chart and review all the good things he did, and try giving him a penny or nickle (depending on your finantial situation) for every sticker. at the end of the week, take all his change and count it up and take him to the dollar store. As far as the cursing, my mother-in-law would use a drop of hot sauce on the tounge. it burns, but it gets a point across, it's also more natural than soap if/ when swollowed; tell him what he did, do the drop, remind him again that "cursing is NOT acceptable" and offer a drink of milk. as far as time outs, find a quiet place in the house for the chair where he wont disterb others, when he throws a tamtrum or screams at you, immidiatly put him in his chair and walk away, he's in a CHAIR!, so leave him for as long as it takes for him to calm down, then tell him how to respond properly, and have him repete it, dont give in to bad behavior, it will only make it worse, not matter how stressed you are, because they will see the weakness and exploit it. make sure he is sleeping enough at night, as well as a nap in the afternoon (works wonders for my kids). well, i have tons more ideas but i think this is long enough, if you wanna talk more feel free to send me a message. good luck hun!

Kristen - posted on 03/27/2010

Oh ya one more thing.....The love and logic idea is a great one....a very effective program. Keep your chin up! This independant streak is going to be awesome in an adult...its just not fun in a little one!

Kristen - posted on 03/27/2010

There could be a serious chemical imbalance happening here. I would consult your doctor for starters......I have a four year old, nearly five (in June) who also seems to be angry a lot and has no medical condition. I really have to focus on being positive with him. He has the most horrendous mood swings and is especially sensitive to negative energies in the home. Some kids are just fierce this way and honestly professional help is not something to be ashamed of! I think the world would be a much better place if more people got help!!!! If the doctors find nothing then please talk to a child therapist who specializes in behavior. You wont be sorry!

Kistie - posted on 03/27/2010

I took a Love and Logic class, the system seems like a good one although the classes are just watching videos so maybe check it out online and see if you like the theory.

Yvonne - posted on 03/27/2010

You have heard enough and maybe tried most and it still does not work, you may try this.

First of all,you need to be consistent with whatever you do. Find a nice family maybe in another country and go there and spend some months.

Secondly, only give him what he likes best when he behaves.

Finally, pray for him. If you don't know how, ask. Whether you believe it or not, it works!

Good luck!

Ruby - posted on 03/27/2010

I have learned that my son responds better to older kids (at least 5 years older) being around, kids he doesn't see everyday but know. It's something about another kid telling him no and setting limits and boundaries on what they will tolerate in-order to be included in the fun that just might snap him out of that. Good luck and remember the "3's" are almost over.

Denise - posted on 03/27/2010

try a postive aproch .......... look at things he does that is good ......pick ur battles wisely w the 3 yr old hes trying to c what he can and cant get away with ......... do not spank him its only going to get worse .......when he screams no he doesnt want food or drink just say to him in a very nice voice ok im not screamming at you so please dont scream at me and keep inforcing it .........if it doesnt stop put him in his room by him self w nothing in it and tell him 3 minutes if u stop screaming you can come out if he does it a gain put him back in for 3 more minutes keep repeating it ......... soon he know ur the boss not him ........cause right now he thinks hes the boss not you ....i hope it works .....it worked on my 1st child when he was 3 about going to bed..... it might take a couple of days but he'll finally get the picture some kids are hard headed .......hope i helped u just be consitent w it and it should get easier ........your friend denise carter-restani add me on fb if ud like ......id could even talk to him on the phone for you .......did it to a friends 3 yr old at x-mas and she said he minds her better now...........

Lisa - posted on 03/27/2010

do you think there might be something medical going on with him?

Fiona - posted on 03/27/2010

oh my god how hard is that............... my only advice is to just walk away into another room when he starts his tantrums just completely ignore him. if you stick to that for a few weeks or as long as it takes he will eventually give up as he will know it's pointless as no one is taking heed of him hope this helps.

fiona.

Millissa - posted on 03/27/2010

Krista,

First, you are not alone. My youngest child, who is 7 years old, continues to have an "attitude". It is her way or no way. I felt like I was failing her but we not failing them. I found a GREAT book that helped me understand her better and how to manage her attitude better - RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I found her idea of turning the negative thoughts into positive thoughts really made a difference on how I managed Bree's attitude. We continue to have moments however it is much better. The best advice, other than reading the book, stick to your ground and do not give in no matter how much you want to. Once he realizes you are the boss (parent) the attitide will decrease. Kids occasionally go through stages were they test our limits. Remind herself - I am a good parent. Good Luck.

Sharon - posted on 03/27/2010

Ignore him when he bahaves badly and lavish attention and praise when hes good . Just walk away and leave him to it - if he screams no to food - stop asking! he will answer a lot more nicely if thats the only way he will get fed!



Yup I have a girl with attitude, we have just found a way to keep the fun side of her while still being well mannered and considerate ... and stick at it. it took a good few months to get progress

Cindy - posted on 03/27/2010

I've had really good luck with the info at http://www.loveandlogic.com/ My husband and I went to a day long seminar and have some of the audio books. I've had good luck selecting just 1 or 2 approaches and sticking to them.

Christine - posted on 03/27/2010

Maybe trying to hold him tight and show him that you mean business,not tight enough to hurt him. Then at the same time explain to him why you are putting him in time out. Some times you have to show them though love along with the punishment. Then when you take him out of time out explain to him again why and then try giving him a snack and maybe do something fun with him. He is just looking for more attention. It is hard went through the same thing. I had concealers help me and show me what to do. It is hard to get it down at first but in afew weeks it really worked shocking. You may think the same thing I did you are giving him alot of attention,but for some reason some kids just need alittle more. Also try reading to him at night before he goes to bed. At first he is not going to want to sit or stay still but in afew nights he will lie in his bed and just listen. You will see a big difference in a few weeks. Good Luck! Chris

Lenea - posted on 03/27/2010

I suggest getting him evaluated for underlying medical conditions, such as hearing, balance, pain, vision,etc. There has to be a reason for all of that anger, and my guess would be frustration. He may not have the vocabulary to tell you, or even know, that he cannot hear or see clearly, for example.

If this is not medically caused, then you need to get with a good therapist and have him evaluated for learning or behaviour disorders.

If his world is confusing, that causes frustration, which in turn causes anger, that then causes the acting out. He may be literally screaming for help.

You can deal with the symptoms he is displaying, or you can find a treatment for the root problem. I have seen 'miracle' behavior changes after tubes were inserted in ears, or glasses prescribed, or special therapy's applied, etc.etc.

Good luck.

Barbara - posted on 03/27/2010

Krista, This brings back memories of one of my three children and his behaviour when he was this age. He would throw himself down and kick and scream and roll all over the floor when he didn't get his way. My mother tried to tell me to speak softly and gently to him when disciplining him but I was a nervous wreck and I would spank his bottom and tell him why I had to spank him but it did not do any good. He continued....my mother didn't believe that it was all that bad until she took him to the grocery store one day and he asked for candy and she replied he could not have any before supper and he threw himself down in front of her and rolled and kicked and screamed violently in front of everyone. She took her cart and turned away from him and went the other direction and when he realized that she was not around, he ran after her and said, "Granny, you left me!" She told him that his behaviour was unacceptable and that she would not tolerate it. They left the store and she told me about it and said that she would never take him to the store with her again. I smiled at her but understood her reaction....now she knew what I was going through so I got books and read them and started turning away from him when he threw the temper tantrum and he would run after me and throw himself down in front of me again and I would turn away and go the other direction. It was hard but finally, he would come to me and ask, "Mommy, why are you leaving me?" I told him that I was not leaving him but his bad behaviour. I told him that his behaviour was not nice and that if he continued to act ugly, I would not put up with the bad behaviour and if he wants something, he will need to tell me calmly and nicely. It did not take long for him to straighten up because I was consistent and he knew the tantrum would not work.

I demand respect from my children, please, thankyou, yes maam, no sir, when speaking to adults and I told them everyday how much I loved them and how proud of them I was for being good children and even when they were having a bad day I let them know that I cared.

I kept them in sports, baseball, softball, basketball, dance because children have alot of energy and need to burn it off in a constructive way. All three were excellent sportsmen and healthy.

Too many children are on medication for ADD due to some parents not having the patience to deal with their childs hyperactivity so they take them to the doctor for the medication to be given without proper diagnosing of the condition.

I was told, it could be ADD but I refused to give my children medication and watch them turn into zombies and that is exactly what the medication does to them. This is my opinion of ADD and I am sure that the medication will treat the true patient of this condition but is not for children who are simply hyperactive because of their environments, food etc.

My children are all grown now and are 31, 25 and 24. I have been truly blessed to raise them and see them turn out to be wonderful, intelligent, happy, and healthy individuals with different personalities that I absolutely adore.

I am sure that you will do fine with your child who is probably not able to tell you what it is that he is angry about or frustrated with but as he gets older, he will calm down and be able to communicate his feelings much better and you will also.

God bless you in the raising of your child and possibly children to come.

Barbara Medina, (Clinical Laboratory Scientist)

Anna - posted on 03/27/2010

I know that when my son swears or has a bad adittude (now 4) I just ignore him and walk away. Recently, he gets better and i can start reasoning with him.

Debra - posted on 03/27/2010

This is a phase he is going through but must be corrected, quickly. As for the uncle and his "picking" up on the swearing, tell the uncle that if he wants to be around your family that he needs to clean up his foul mouth as your 3 year old does not need to hear that as he repeats it!!! As for your son repeating it explain that adults use these words without thinking but it isn't polite and that he shouldn't use them, himself. If this doesn't work... a small amount of liquid soap works WONDERS!!! I also agree that he may be bored and needs a sport to be involved in, check with your local Y or Sports facility to get him involved in something. I hope these suggestions help, also talk with his Peditrician for suggestions. It sounds like you are trying to be the best parents you can and God Bless.

Veronica - posted on 03/27/2010

How about praising him when he does something nice? It could be an outing to a movie, going out for ice cream, or whatever his favorite activity is. We had a similar problem with our back then 2 year old, he is almost 4 now. Now the problem is, he wants to do everything to get the positive praise. Sports are wonderful for boys! From swimming to soccer, anything to get them tired. Also, social activism gets them tired too. We do a clean up in our neighborhood twice a month. We walk from one end of a long road (2 miles one way) with our red little wagon and pick-up trash.

Dana - posted on 03/27/2010

Hi Krista,



I just read a book that has really opened my eyes and changed my outlook on parenting. The name of it is The Million Dollar Parent, by Kate Raidt. She covers every aspect of life and how it affects family life. I highly recommend it. You can get it at fatnoggin.com. It is one of the best books I have read about parenting.



From personal experience, I do agree with some of the other responses that it is the age. However, that doesn't help, does it? Keep trying different things until you find what works. Something will work! Hang in there. Count to 10, walk away, whatever you have to do to keep your cool. It won't last forever.



Take care and good luck.

Tonika - posted on 03/27/2010

i know this may some crazy but ignore the negative behavior and reward good behavior. When you tell him no and he starts to scream....turn your back to him and ignore him. The behavior will get worst before it gets better. But it work with my 6 year old son with autism!

Tan - posted on 03/27/2010

Do not allow him to throw or break things. Some things have to be dealt with, and those are two. I work in the school and when children are allowed to do wrong and not have consequences, we, educators have a child with an attitude who thinks no one can tell them anything. Remember parents are not the only ones to deal with children. They do grow up and deal with others. Parents have to prepare children to live in the real world without them at sometime. Life goes in stages, and redirecting, dealing with those challenges at home set children up to be more socialable and succeed outside of the home. Ther are some things parents can ignore, but others have to be dealt with. We do our children a disservice when we do not prepare them for the REAL world. It starts when they are small and the apple of our eyes.

Jannie April - posted on 03/27/2010

try ignoring him completely, as hard as that will be

everthing else you are doing is giving him attention.

make sure his environment is safe, don't worry about what he throws or breaks, and walk out of the room. give yourself a time out.

Tan - posted on 03/27/2010

It is evident that timeout is not working, so try practicing right responses when he does things inappropriately. It may take a while for him to get it, but he will. Also, make a BIG deal when he responses appropriately. Kids love praise and it increases their self esteem.

Darrolyn - posted on 03/27/2010

Having him in sports and staying as consistant as you can are very important. I also like the suggestion of reading him stories about good vs bad behavior and ignoring him when he has outbursts. It is hard to tell about little ones, mine are 40, 36 and 30 years old so I am going thru grandchildren now. Keep in mind you may have him in too many sports and he is wanting more of you. The other idea is having him checked for ADHD. It's hard to tell in some young children and the usual tests are non-invasive, just questons about his activity level. I would recommend this just to be on the safe side. I say this because it runs in my family and although I knew my nephews had it I did not really know much about it until I was diagnosed with it at 50. It's not a bad thing, in fact, I find it to be a blessing in some ways but it does need to be worked with.

Suraiya - posted on 03/27/2010

all i can advise you is that just ignore his attitude and behave normally when he shouts or shows bad attitude. It is the reaction that he is getting which is making him do it, if you don't react he might stop misbehaving. you have already told him what he is doing is punishable and have punished him as well but to no avail so try ignoring his attitude. I hope it works

Quiltnqueen - posted on 03/27/2010

Dear Krista,

I am 61yrs old and have 5 adult children.They are all fine people with well disciplined children as well. They used the methods of child raising they learned at home and from the Bible.

Children all try different ways to control you. I am an old fashion parent and I believe as the Bible tells us, spare not the rod. A little corporal punishment goes a long way. of course not in public, your discipline should be established at home to achieve the results in public. First of all do not reward any bad behaviour with bribes, rewards. charts etc. You must establish your authority over your son,. When my children would whine, or fuss a little pinch or slap on the bare leg would suffice with the admonition that there would be no fussing. I also would tell them as they got older that I could not understand them if they talked that way they needed to get themselves under control and speak in a normal tone otherwise I would not listen. My mother used to tell us if we wanted to fuss she would give us something to fuss about. Time outs are worthless, some kids even like them. you never win and he still has an attitude. My kids knew if I or their Dad were serious because they said we gave them the "evil eye".

Now is the time to get your son under control otherwise you will have a nightmare teenager. As far as the swearing teach him it is unacceptible and discipline him if he uses it. Ask Uncle to please respect your home and wishes or he is not welcome there. You are responsible for your children's outcome not his!

And lastly, never discipline in anger! My husband used to say, "don't let them get your goat, if they know where it is tied up your lost" Say it one time and act on it the next. Always get their attention first, this is important. I would take their face and make them "look me in the eye" and repeat what I told them. then there is no excuse that they did not hear you. If they disobeyed they were spanked with a wooden spoon or spatula never your hand. Always take the time to explain to them after that you love them, but not their disobedient behavior..Hug them and console them. Disobedience and lying were what we spanked them for the most. Remember good parenting takes time, patience and sacrifice. Do not be afraid to leave a store or public place to take your child out and give him the love and discipline they need. this is your God given responsiblity.

Stephanie - posted on 03/27/2010

Neveen, you need to see a doctor. You may have a chemical imbalance. What you did is a crime in this country, you could go to jail and your child could be taken away from you and rightly so. If you cannot control your temper you need to put your child/children in a safe environment until you get help for this problem. You cannot hit your child like that- ever. Please, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD and ask for help.

Lea - posted on 03/27/2010

I have a 5 year old who was doing the same thing, key is ignore, ignore ignore, if you react it gives the behavior power. If he says No, go with it. Do you want a cookie? No?? OK no cookie then. (except for diner no choice there, come and eat, no question no asking tell him it's dinner time) It's hard but when he is throwing a fit at home, walk away, even if you have to go into the bathroom and close the door, I go read a book or do do laundry. My son from age 2 was responsible for putting his laundry away, responsibility is also good, because they are trying to "figure out how the world works" . Reward charts didn't work for us, we ended up getting a lot of storage totes, and packing up ALL his toys, DVD's and his room. He had to earn each thing back, when he would act out, we would calmly walk to whatever toy he had earned back and put it back in the tote and he had to start over again. From the party supply we got coins and he had to pay for TV/movie time, he would earn coins for doing good things, like saying yes, please/thank you (with out being prompted) being nice, we made such a big deal out of all the good things he was trying to earn his things back and coins. Would even ask if he did this could he get something. Each child is different, what works for one might not for another. You know your child's personality I am sure you can figure out what will motivate him to do "good" instead of "bad". And I have to say soap worked for us, I told him that's an grown up ONLY word, it's not nice to say it, if you do I will wash your mouth out with soap, I ONLY had to do it twice and no NO bad words! He even is correcting his 2 year old sister when she says a bad word. I herd him tell her, "don't say that, you will get the soap, it's YUCKY!". It's hard to deal with this, but please remember never get into a power struggle that always gives what ever he is doing power. And try ignoring him, it's amazing, they want an audience to the drama, no audience no fun! One last thing, breath you are a great mommy, you see what's happening and what to change it! (make sure Daddy is on board with what ever you try too)

Sherrie - posted on 03/27/2010

Hi Krista ~ We all have been there in one way or another. I am an "older" mom and am now so enjoying fabulous teens and older kids! You'll survive this~ God is so good ~ I have found that it may be a matter of TOO MANY CHOICES in your child's life. When we give our child too many choices they become wise in their own eyes. SO when we give them choices all day long...what juice, what cup, what movie, which park....then when we say "time to take a nap"....they still think they have a choice. It will be tough work but you will be greatly blessed if you explain to your little one that you are going to try something new ~ you are going to start tomorrow and from now on "no choices" and that he will be expected to do what is requested immediately, completely and without complaint. GIVE NO CHOICES AT ALL. It will be so hard!! I did this myself and it worked.I KIND OF MADE IT INTO A FUN GAME FOR THEM AND FOR ME! Explain that we must learn to obey...Mommy obeys God. No bribing though....but you may reward with HEAPS OF PRAISE AND HUGS AND KISSES!!!! I thought a GOOD MOTHER GAVE CHOICES~not so! Too many choices confuses a child and makes them always think they have a choice with everything. OH KRISTA ~ praying for you...it's never to late to try something new!

Carol - posted on 03/27/2010

it seems like he's throwing a tantrum and your falling into it hook, line,and sinker. try ignoring him. when he sees that you will not respond to his way of getting attention, hopefully he will calm down. try the calm talking again, and tell him you will talk to him when he is not fussing.. he's old enough to understand that.. and smart enough to know how to push your buttons. good luck

Nikki - posted on 03/27/2010

Maybe the calm talks need to stop as well. Have you tried acting just like him. Throw a fit so big and say the same stuff he says. Every time you don't like something or (just randomly) make a huge production and see if it shocks him. I have had success with "turning the tables" so to speak with my children. I have completely emptied their room to nothing except a blanket to sleep on. I eliminated their room of toys, dressers, books, beds even and made them sit there with nothing for a week. When they finally realized I wasn't playing games, they straightened up. If he doesn't want to eat, don't feed him. He will eventually get hungry enough he will eat and he will eat with no contest. Sometimes you gotta go the extra mile to be harsher than normal to prove your point and to make them understand that they do not make the rules in your house.

Good luck to you.

Deborah - posted on 03/27/2010

I agree that giving attention to negative behavior reinforces it. I would ignore his tantrums and tell him you will talk to him or give him what he wants when he stops crying or screaming and walk away. This has to be practiced at home first because you can't do that in a store. When he stops you can go over to him and give a hug and then give the choice or whatever to see if he will respond in a more appropriate way.

Alisa - posted on 03/27/2010

This is definitely something you need to deal with now...how to, that is another problem. Standing your ground and not letting him push you over that line is important because that just empowers him more. I would definitely keep him from being around people like his uncle....sorry, but that is just completely inappropriate for a 4 year old...or any child any age. In our house, if you cuss, you get your mouth washed out with soap. Don't bargain, bribe, or compromise on your rules. It is hard, but stick to them. I also agree that ignoring his outbursts can go a long way...he is doing it for attention, so don't give it to him. But also reward and compliment good behavior (WHEN he does it on his own...not when you ask him to). If you ask him to start behaving and he does, simply say thank you...that makes mommy feel good. Most importantly (at least for our family)...lots of prayer time. We have 4 children 13, 11, 9, 7...so been there...just know that this will seem like a piece of cake compared to the issues you deal with later...you will survive!

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2010

Hi Krista,



My daughter is almost 6 now and I remember those days like they were yesterday. She was the same age when she went through similar displays of attitude and anger. Believe you me, I just knew that somewhere in my hospital paper work that she had come with a reciept. (smile) Not that I wanted to return her....at this point, I merely wanted a rebate for all my hard work!!! She was driving me crazy...My best advise to you is keep doing what your doing and be consistent.....it will pass. At this point he is exerting one of many phases of independce and testing boundaries. Just keep doing what your are doing. 3 1/2 to 4 were the hardest for me, but 4 is right arround the corner, and for me 4 and 5 were the best ages ever. Hang in there MOM!!! It will get better!

Mojdeh - posted on 03/27/2010

Dear Krista, I am not an expert but I tell what I know hope you can use it. First of all, I think they all go through stages, but it seems like ur little man enjoys the attention. Although I understand you want to yell at them (and any parents knows how hard it is not too) try to stay calm and don't give him too much attention. Calmly tell him what he is doing is wrong and the biggest thing is being consistent. I also would talk to his doctor, sometimes these are symptoms for something else (again not an expert.....).Use your motherly judgment; after all you know the best. He is too young too, they change quickly...it is not end of the world. Hang in there Hun, it will be ok.