3 yr old on xbox 360

Emily - posted on 05/20/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

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How do I get my husband to agree that it is not wise to let our 3 yr old play xbox 360 games that have wolves that attack and you have to fight off and/or "bad guys" that you have to battle/shoot. He doesn't see the harm in it and thinks she is learing the difference b/n "good guys" and "bad guys", and I can't seem to articulate why I think this is wrong for her age.

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Melisa - posted on 05/25/2013

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Despite what other posters have said, there is a correlation between violent games and aggressive behavior (not necessarily criminally aggressive) and between excessive game/tv time and problems with inattention. Numerous psychological studies have shown it to be true. Here's a link from the American Psychology Association about it: http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/200...

I personally agree with you that violent games and programs are not appropriate for young children and my husband and I have come to an agreement on that, though he didn't see the harm in the beginning either. For my dh it was violent movies rather than games, We were able to agree because it's important to me, and he trusted my judgment. As others have said, though, compromise in parenting does need to work both ways. For us, my husband also enjoys science based programs (ie Myth Busters & stuff like that) so he watches those with our son instead.

Good dads often like to share their interests with their kids, which is what it sounds like he is doing, so kudos to him for that. Maybe you two could buy a new game that he enjoys & that you are comfortable with that will allow him to still share that time with her. That's the route I would take anyway. Good luck!

Daina - posted on 05/22/2013

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As a mom, married to the "fun dad".... I can totally relate. Explain to him that although you may differ in opinions on this matter, it is not something that you are comfortable with your daughter viewing at this age. If he wants to play video games with her there are more age appropriate ones available. We love to play Wii bowling and tennis as a family with our four year old on special occasions. And explain while video games are fun for him (and my hubs too) it may not be the best age.... There will be plenty of time for that in the teen years!

Nicole - posted on 05/23/2013

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To Amber: The issue is not that video gaming is too "boyish" for a girl, but that the games are too mature for a 3 year old.

Honestly, I feel the fact of the matter is that you are uncomfortable with it, and that should be enough for your husband. There are a few things I'm unexplainably uncomfortable with for my 2 year old, and I make sure other people respect that even if they think it's ridiculous. If he can't respect that, then maybe hide the games or "run out of batteries" for the controllers or "lose" a wire lol.

JamieRose - posted on 05/23/2013

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My son played video games and watched super heros when he was young against my wishes, it was too much for him and it caused trouble in school. When we took it all away he started to get better. 7 years later same thing w/ my next son hubby just did not listen. Working to stop behavior is so much harder than just not letting it start.

Christie - posted on 05/23/2013

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We are gamers too and my son was very hyper and video games created an outlet for that when we could not go outside (military, some locations were too cold and my imagination stretched so far) and me & him would have a discussion almost every time he played, about real and pretend, about why I won't let him play certain games, and how he is to never emulate the behavior because it is not acceptable for real life. Even with his ADHD, he is becoming a wonderful young man, not violent at all, not whacked in the head and very smart. Each child is different, pay attention to how she acts after she plays and make sure your husband notices as well so that you can discuss maybe limiting until she fully understands or allowing this special bond to continue.

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Christal - posted on 05/24/2013

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... because violence is not the answer and she should be working on other things.....

Michelle - posted on 05/23/2013

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I let my 3 year old play Minecraft. She's obsessed with zombies. She was before Minecraft. I like it because I look at it as Legos that I don't have to pick up off the floor. I usually keep her in creative mode, peaceful setting, so there are no zombies. She also plays Assassins Creed and "Cowboy game" Red Dead Redemption. Of course, her idea of playing them is just walking around. There is no fighting or death involved. Honestly, some of the games are Rated M for a reason, and I think letting kids play them too young desensitizes them. I don't think it makes them violent, but it does seem to desensitize them to violence. We are not talking cheesy 80's Chuck Norris movies. These games of today are incredibly graphic and real life like. The Xbox was intended originally for grown up gaming, not kid gaming. Nintendo has always tried to market to the kids, but XBOX has always seemed to target the mature audience.

Now if you have any devices, there's a lot of fabulous learning apps. My favorites are the ones by Kevin Bradford.

As far as the hubs, I would find a compromise and stick to it. Consistency between parents is important. Maybe minimize the gaming to where they are only killing wolves and aliens and not people. That's how I did it with my nephews for years before they hit tween age.

Amber - posted on 05/23/2013

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Nicole, no! This father/husband has a different matter of opinion...it's not a matter of disrespect. If it was a matter of disrespect it would work both ways...the wife/mother does not respect the fact that he sees no issue with the child playing mature videos games. So they can not agree. You recommend she lie or mislead her child and husband?! It is true not every issue will have an agreement. This is what compromising is all about. Communication is a families foundation. If they can not keep that in tact the relationship will fall apart.

Heidi Lyn - posted on 05/23/2013

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I don't agree with the poster who said that it making you uncomfortable should be enough for him, UNLESS you have a relationship where this goes both ways and you also regularly make consistent concessions in parenting based on his gut feeling alone. Or unless you are super freaked out about it.
In parenting there is always going to be something that one parent thinks is a big deal and the other sees as "part of childhood." My husband grew up in a much stricter family than me and sees a lot of what I do with our daughters as "spoiling" when to me it is just how every day life with kids works. There are issues when something is very important to one or the other of us and if a spouse is losing sleep over something, then yes, the mature thing to do is be the one to back down because the issue you see as not a big deal (I tend to be the "fun" or lenient parent in my marriage. My husband is the stickler for rules and bedtimes and such) might seem like a big deal, and if it is causing true marital strife, then yes, marriage comes first over me thinking that my daughter isn't hurting anything if she has her feet on the furniture. You have to ask yourself, how important is this to me? How important is this to my husband?
Maybe he sees this as important bonding time. It can be hard for dads and daughters to find common ground.
We are actually a (pc,I'm not very familiar with xbox) gamer family. I play casually. My husband plays seriously. My five-year-old also enjoys games. She's been playing World of Warcraft for about a year and a half now. WoW sounds similar to what your child might be playing. It's got cartoonish graphics, nothing that I would think could cause nightmares, and you are usually doing white knight sort of "kill this bear who has been terrorizing the village" sort of quests (or occasionally you are killing boars just to level). I don't feel that this particular game is detrimental to my child.
Of course, there are games I wouldn't let her come near. My husband won't play Diablo when she is in the room because he thinks the themes and graphics are too disturbing, for instance.
Also addiction is a real thing. Not because games are "bad" but because like television or any other entertainment, they can become a consuming part of a child's life, so yeah, you need time limits. You need to keep an eye on what she is playing and talk about it.
So if you just want a list of reasons why your husband is wrong here, I do kind of agree with him that this is no big deal, but it is a good chance to step back and have both of you evaluate your sides of things and try and come up with a compromise (a time limit, specific games only, etc.).

Jessica - posted on 05/23/2013

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As a wife to a gamer husband and a son destined to be, I try to balance time with technology and time with other activities. My 5 year old does play on XBox and the computer and has since he was younger, but only age appropriate content (Sesame street books and dancing, beavers throw a party for Mother Nature, educational or physically interactive games, etc.) and only for a specific, supervised amount of time.

We also allow educational games on our phones and iPad, but at appropriate times and NOT as a babysitter or consistent source of entertainment. Say when we're in a long line at the post office or somewhere they can't run around, make noise or amuse themselves. In restaurants they get crayons and paper, outside they can act wacky and be kids (safely, not in the street or anything), they can bring a toy or two into the car or books... So on and so forth. And technology is ALWAYS a privilege for well behaved kids and one of the first things denied if they are not.

Amber - posted on 05/22/2013

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Video games don't creat violent people. I wouldn't worry about it. Many kids don't even have fathers who are attentive to their children. Consider their bond a special one between the two of them. While you and her share others. ....the truth is...if her dad wasnt around for some tragic reason....you would miss the two of them playing these hunting games together. Do you really want your little girl to be into baby dolls, Barbie dolls, cheer-leading, and sorority life as her major focus?! Let her explore. Allow her to grow. Enjoy watching her live simple adventures with her father. My daughter played violent video games with her dad since she was VERY small....she watches FOX cartoons....and it's hardly rotting her brain or turning her into a criminal. She's well-rounded and has a close loving relationship with both of her parents. T.V.and video games don't have to freak you out, just like the arcade didn't need to freak out our parents.....or whatever else kids use to do back when our mom's and dad's were little. Don't be over-barring or over-protective. This is a cry-baby-over-reacting age in which we are living....just remember that.

Sharole - posted on 05/22/2013

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As her Mom and his wife, you have the right to say "NO". You have veto power! Trust your instincts and put your foot down for the sake of your daughter. Surely hubby can find something else to do with her. Sometimes we need to be the "bad guy".

Kahla - posted on 05/22/2013

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I don't understand why your 3 year old is playing x box in the first place??? Come on a 3 year old. What has happened to this world. That would be the day I'd let my 3 year old play video games!! What happened to " playing"

Sherri - posted on 05/22/2013

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It will desensitize her to real violence and she is too young to distinguish between what is real and not real. How many little girls think if they grew there hair long enough we could use it as a rope to climb up a castle wall? What is the difference between wolves and huskies? Will she be frightened of big dogs, will she think they can't harm her? Psychologically she simply doesn't have the experience to process these kinds of video games and they certainly teach her nothing constructive that a 3 year old needs to learn.

Maneesha - posted on 05/22/2013

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Other than all the obvious reasons like nightmares and exposure to violence I am also attaching an interesting link. You must watch it as it explains the physiological reaction that watching TV has on kids - am sure that this applies to video games too. Please watch! I used this clip to explain why I don't want the grandparents to put the TV on when I am away!

Mme - posted on 05/22/2013

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I would say
1) She is only young once. Why not let her have some blissful ignorance about the dangers and horrors in the world.
2) There are many more age appropriate things he could be doing with her.
3) They have no educational value.
4) They can desensitize her to violence. And what happens when she starts fighting in school. She has seen it in the games, you approve the games, so how can you expect her to know when its ok to fight? How can he expect her to learn anything but violence from it?
5) It can give her nightmares.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/20/2013

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Well, because it can give her nightmares. It is to graphic at that age. If she should be playing anything, it should be level g rated.

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