4 Months Pregnant & Just Got Dumped. What do I do?

Terri - posted on 06/23/2010

I think it's funny how after you posted your original question and stated that you weren't sure whether or not you were going to abort or put up for adoption it only took four responses for you to say screw him I'm keeping my baby. Through his sister he has attempted to make contact and you have called him a coward.

I think every woman out there should close her legs until she is sure the person she is mating with is who she thinks he is. You don't just decide after a "few months" that you want to have a child with someone especially after suffering the losses you have. I think you are a little bit irresponsible and should try being a little more understanding of the other woman's position as well. Too many people having to many babies when they can't take care of them.

Alison - posted on 06/23/2010

I agree, take him to court for child support! It takes two people to make a baby. He should have to financially support your child because he is the father, but if he is acting like this on a whim before your child arrives, do you really want him coparenting your kids with you?

Ms - posted on 06/23/2010

Get an education and get the best job you can so you can support your kids without this loser. You can do it! Be a strong woman and you will attract a strong, supportive man. Good luck!

Colleen - posted on 06/23/2010

Wow! This is a hot topic. First: congratulations on your pregnancy; that's wonderful news especially since you've been trying for 4 years.

2nd: for the loss of your daughters-I don't know how much time has passed since you lost them but it sounds like you need to deal with that grief. Either by talking to a therapist, a doctor or a good friend. I totally understand that pain. My husband and I lost 8 children by miscarriage, 1 by a drunk driver (I was 6 months pregnant) and 1 son who was 14 months old when he died from Leukemia (he is our most recent loss). So I totally understand your pain of losing a child. It is the worst thing we've ever had to live through. My best friend had her son on the exact same day as I had mine; our boys were born 13 minutes apart! So the part about not being able to see other peoples daughters because they remind you of what you've lost..I totally get that too. But I also think that her son has allowed our family (I have two surviving sons) to grieve the losses that we feel constantly by watching him grown and develop. I won’t kid you, it was hard at first to see him walking (knowing my son would never get to do that), and seeing him talking in sentences, and running to give her a hug...yes those moments hurt but I was also thrilled that I could watch her son do these things. In my mind I saw my little guy too. It does get easier with time...my friend is still my BEST friend and we still see her family and her son often. They are kind to not have his birthday party on the actual birthday of the boys (E & B). I too have many cousins who had children in the same year as my son was born, so there are always reminders about what isn’t there and what will never be. But in time they are not as painful. You need to allow yourself to feel the pain as hard as it may be, so you can move forward. Moving forward doesn’t mean you’ll ever forget your precious daughters, it just means that you’ve decided to live again and to smile and to cherish their memory. You need to do it for yourself, for your stepdaughter (if it’s his) and for your son (as I’m sure the grief is always there, it’s sneaky that way) as well as for the child you’re carrying especially if it is a girl. What a beautiful blessing that would be.

You’ve had lots of advice on the fiancé stuff! Get the paternity test. Give him another chance; raising a child on your own is possible and many people do it just fine...but if you can make the relationship work wouldn’t that be better for everyone involved. Imagine being told that you’re going to be a father with the woman you love and that you’re a father with the woman you no longer chose to be with all in the same week! Wow! I can imagine the stress. And with him not being able to have the child in your home (which I get to some degree), he didn’t know what to do, but leave (which wasn’t totally the right choice, but he didn’t have many options did he). Figure out if he’s the dad. If he is. The child is part of him and so if you want the relationship with him to work, she must become part of you. You’ll find that loving a little girl is really easy and the hugs she gives to you can represent those you didn’t get from your daughters. They’ll always be with you.

I’d sneak a hug whenever I could from “B” and my nephew just to feel tiny arms wrapped around my neck again. Children are easy to love. If she is his, let her in, let her help you to heal. Attend family functions again, you’re missing out on great family moments for you and your son; and you shouldn’t. Family will help you to heal. You have to face it, to heal.

Sending hugs of understanding. Good luck.

DANA - posted on 06/23/2010

Baby listen to to me. You don't need him, if he just flipped out like this 9 out of 10 he has still been involved with this other woman. I had three children that I raised by myself before meeting my husband and my youngest child was a newborn. I never received any govt asst and made it. GOD gave you that baby for a reason that could be your major blessing. Continue to pray, but let that man stay with the other woman and her baby. GOD will send you someone.

Joann - posted on 06/23/2010

well i know how u feel but i will keep my child put the matter in the hands of the lord and let the lord work it out for u and seek the help from the welfare it want hurt it will help a little and put the father in the hands of the lord he will work it out i wish u all the best god bless u and your little one on the way and the 7 year old one

Claudia - posted on 06/23/2010

Don't let pride stop you from having the baby you so clearly wanted. It will be tough without a doubt, but won't it be worse having to remember not having or keeping him/her.

Lisa - posted on 06/23/2010

First, congratulations on being pregnant again, and I hope (beyond all this drama being dumped on your doorstep) that your pregnancy is progressing well.

I also lost my first daughter. It SUCKED... she lived 2 hours and she was my world in those two hours. I still grieve for her every day. But that grieving has changed over the last 8 years... mostly because I was blessed with 4 other girls (no boys). In the time that I was trying to conceive our second child, until I was 18 weeks and found out she was a girl as well, I too couldn't be around a baby girl. Then, when I was 27 weeks, my second daughter made her way into this world. She is alive, she is beautiful, she is now 7. BUT, it was tough.

Even today, I see shades of my Mary in her sisters, and it makes me sad and happy all at the same time.

If you want my opinion, I say you have to do what is right for you during your pregnancy. It sounds like your DF hasn't really left, but more like, has listened to what you want (no baby mama drama) and is respecting your space. As for the sister calling you and pleading his case... don't jump the gun on that one... I have a feeling that may be a case of Nosy-sister-itis. Sounds like you speak with his family, and they give him updates on your wellbeing. So his sister decided to jump in. Of course I am measuring her by my own sister's yardstick, so forgive me if I am wrong.

I won't tell you that you are selfish, that isn't my call, and I don't know the whole story (there are always two sides to every issue). I won't tell you that you are justified, that isn't my call either. It just plain sucks that circumstances have come up that you need to deal with if you want to keep your DF with you or not.

He didn't leave you, as you originally wrote, he was asked to keep his drama away. As you have most likely experienced yourself, this kind of drama is sort of all-encompassing. In order to keep it away, the main player of the drama (the maybe-baby-daddy) had to be away. While you didn't create this drama, you have to either find some way to TRY to accept this child (you might surprise yourself to find you can do it, and will most likely love her as much as you love your son) or move on and be yet another baby-mama to your DF. Asking your DF to not have (what may be) his own child in his own home would not be acceptable to me as a human and as a mother of loss.

Again, it just plain sucks. I hope that you wouldn't consider aborting your child because with your previous losses, this would probably send you 'round the bend. In your case, adoption would be adding another loss, and again, not the best of things for your own state of mind, regardless of your financial standpoint. I do have to state that I am a HUGE proponent of open adoption for birth moms, but I with your past, it adds an element of Woah! to the mix.

I think that once you pass your loss milestones, and are more secure in your pregnancy... once you find out if DF is actually the biological father of this child, then you may just change your mind about having her in your home. Right now, this seems so new, and there are so many unknowns that are hanging in the balance.

I think you did the right thing for yourself, by asking him to remove the drama from the house, but you still need to be there for him to talk to. That is part and parcel of marriage... a rosy future starts out with a seed, some dirt, and sometimes a pile of horse maneuer to help make it strong. You just got the horse maneuer a lot quicker than expected.

Lisa

Nancy - posted on 06/23/2010

Sounds like he's the selfish one. If this other child is his, get a DNA test. It's not hard. I know lots of people that look nothing like their fathers, Looks mean nothing. Just know that if he was the right man to marry, he wouldn't have left. Be glad he left now rather than later. I'm not against abortion, but at four months, in my opinion, it's way too late and should not be an option. Adoption is always an option, but be aware that the father can now claim the child prior to any adoption and he could end up raising the child without you. Is there any reason you can't have the child, raise it on your own and he can pay his share of child support. That way the baby knows both mom and dad and you don't have to support the baby alone. It sounds like this guy is not right for you and not at all supportive. Who walks out on their pregnant fiance'? Except for a complete jerk! Better now then after marriage. Good luck in making this difficult decision. Hope you have a support system to help you out.

Patricia - posted on 06/23/2010

let him go and move on this is men all over ,you are better than him and you have proved it take a look at your 7 year old and smile

Melanie - posted on 06/23/2010

I think maybe some of the ladies here have misunderstood your post as a lot of them say you should get a paternity test and make sure you get your ex for child support. That's all good but that was not your question to start with or did I get this wrong? If the other child is his and you decide to give it another go then you will have to accept the child. I can understand that this would be very hard for you regarding your previous problems but that is not the little girls' fault. And as I said before, you came as a package too. Would it have been ok for him to say, yes I do love you but your child is not included in this? You have not mentioned how the relationship with the other woman ended, did he know she was pregnant when he left, or did he even leave her and not the other way around? I think people are very quick to judge but without knowing all the facts that is impossible for me. I would give him some space to sort it out and if you think that there is enough strength and love left in you both then you will make it work somehow.

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2010

I have been with my husband for 8 years. While our situation is not the same as yours be aware that there is NO way to avoid the drama of a child from another relationship if both parents want to be in that childs life. If you truly love him and want to be with this man, you need to do yoru level best to try and see things from his side. If this child is his (and I would demand a test) you need to understand that your baby now has a sibling, and it is not right for your hurt feelings or his hurt feelings to keep two children apart...they did nothing wrong. They are family, and I hope you can make some room in your heart for this child your soon to be husbands child, and just refuse to deal with the childs mother unless necessary but telling him that this child cannot be in your home....I have to agree with him, that is selfish.

Cindy - posted on 06/23/2010

I've never been on this site, but this is an interesting dilemma. Let me first say that I am 53 and have one child, a 12 year old. I waited for many, many years to marry and have a child because I found it was very easy to find men to have lots of fun (and sex) with, but my priority was to find a father for my (future) child. When I did, we formed a family... We have been married for 13 years and it has certainly had its up's and down's, but I married the right man - and that has made all the difference in my child's life. I would encourage you to read on, however, given my age and experience, you may not like what I have to say:



My first thought is that I find it disappointing that not one person has mentioned the child - not even you - the mother. YOur focus seems to be on you - how will you do it, where will you get money? Poor you, he cheated on you... Big drama. Whose choices created that situation?



Parenting is about raising responsible, contributing members of society. YOU do not come first here, YOUR CHILDREN do. So either buck up and deal with the fact that you've hooked up with a loser (may I say again?) and move on, or forget him and move forward alone.



This is exactly the reason that people should be married before they start having children.... Another question, that I did see asked, is why you have been trying for 4 years to have a child when you don't even have a husband or father for them??



I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way others do. It is your choices that put you in this situation and you've got some tough choices moving forward. You are mired in all the drama and your children will suffer tremendously for it. Grow up.

Aiesha - posted on 06/23/2010

First of all as mothers we are always fully responsible for our children whether a man is there or not. Your situation really has nothing to do with the other child, it is really about you and it seems like he doesn't want to be with you.... stop listening to his words and pay attention to his actions.... 9 out of 10 prior to becoming pregnant he has shown you that you that your relationship is not working out and he used the other child as an excuse.... so better know now what you are dealing with then to find out after giving birth.... God has blessed you with a healthy pregnancy keep your baby and keep it moving...... We're women....we can do anything.....Everybody is some type of statistic.... look at the US Census.... Taking care of your child has to do with you not your man.....

James - posted on 06/23/2010

well sweetheart,
By all means keep ur baby. if he is yours he will come back. in the mean while take care of yourself and ur son. you've been tryin to hard to let this situation discourage u. go ahead and raise ur child/ren by urself dont take on the stress around u everything works out for the best.
look at it this way you just have another person to love u more, you get more gift now 2 mother's day & 2 father's day cause u are now both mother & father to ur children
oh and when he comes around later on & want to be in ur life mayb cause ur kids turned famous tell him get the steppin

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2010

Let him go. You are a strong woman. Make him pay to help raise your baby. You wanted this child and this child wants you, don't kill it because of a STUPID man - yes, he sounds stupid and sounds like he can't keep 'it' in his pants. If he isn't "SURE" this other woman's child is his - he was probably still sleeping with her when he was with you. LET HIM GO! Move on without him. You just stay strong and carry on! Be strong and confident that you can raise this baby alone (for now - someone will come to you when the time is right).

*** If you believe in yourself, everything is possible. ***

Try to keep a smile on your face, even if it is hard. For your son, he needs you to be strong and to give him the childhood he deserves. Don't let a stupid, selfish, immature, horny bastard of a "man" ruin your happiness or stop the life inside of you from forming and having a happy life too.

Good luck to you sweety. I will pray that God gives you strength and love in your heart. You are stronger than you know. Keep a stiff upper lip and be strong for your boy.

♥ and light,

Melissa Pinilla

Natasha - posted on 06/23/2010

i wouldnt worry your self to much you have to stay came and stress free for your child and baby on the way. there is no point stressing your self out otherwise you might make yourself unwell. if i was you i would be getting some legal advice and then taking it further. i am sure you will be just fine with another child. if you are every stuck there is help out there for parents and children.

Dawn - posted on 06/23/2010

You can go to the State Department of Human Services and get assistance for Child Support at no cost to you. You can actually go now and get the paper work in place so that when your baby is born, all you have to do in contact the Case Worker and let them know. Paternity testing will be done if the father does not go ahead and sign an "Acknowledgement of Paternity". Even if you are not married, it is better to go ahead and pursue a "Order" for Child Support until such time as you do get married to the father. I hope you are collecting child support for your son. Call your local DHS office to find our more about your options. It is better to protect yourself and your children and get the legal work done.

Grace - posted on 06/23/2010

Now you know sooner than later, as painful as it sounds, you are better without him. In any case he was gonna leave you at some pointing time. Be strong and think about you and your unborn child, this will help you to make the correct decision. Much love gal!

Carrie - posted on 06/23/2010

I Definatly agree with all the other ladies... he is still responsible for that child financially and if you have wanted this baby for years then don't give it up for some dude! He will have to pay for that child no matter what! and if you are independant now then tell him to screw off, cause what kinda man is he if he runs out on one pregnamt Mom for another one?
I'm sorry you are going through this, but you will become stronger and wiser beacuse of it! :)

Demetria - posted on 06/23/2010

sweety 1st n for most stress isnt good for the baby. if he needs space give it to him . U have children u have 2 live for. keep praying ans asking God for guidance and strength . I can symp wat u r going threw my daughter father did the same thing to me. my daughter is nine now n doing well. there are some tuff days ahead of u but u have 2 do wat u have to for yrself n yr kid or kids. Rest assure that theyr going to be some for a short period n guess that sucker will come bac just to c how they made it. Dont stress dear we are woman n trust me we can handle it. Dont give up things mite seem a lil rough knw.

Amy - posted on 06/23/2010

wow, the judgement. why are we so quick to judge? not everyone waits 3 years after they meet someone to marry, etc. my husband and i met, 3 months later were engaged and got married 9 months after we met and we have a wonderful marriage and celebrated our 4 year anniversary in april. i don't understand everyone telling her to erase him out of her life....i know for one i have a daughter from a previous relationship and i am going to have to explain to her soon that her Daddy is not her biological father. she is going to be 6 (i wanted to wait until she could understand what i was telling her). so many women have men walk out and never see their child, i can't imagine telling someone to do this right now with her situation. Andrea, i'm glad you and he are willing to work on it--your child together deserves a chance to have 2 parents in his/her life. i don't think he is being selfish, he got hit with some big news...i don't necessarily think Andrea is being selfish either, i wouldn't want the start of that in my house either, but after everything is figured out they need to have his other child in their house, if it is his. he went off to sort this all out and deal with it, which is what she told him to do so she could avoid the drama of it. so, he actually kept what she wanted in mind. that being said we as women shouldn't be so quick to judge someone who is asking for helpful opinions. until you have been in that exact situation no one has room to judge.

the legal system is a joke btw. i have a friend and her son is 18 now and his father owes her $17,000 in back child support. well, they just got a child support check from the state of MD for $1.16. yes, it can work if the man is responsbile, but too often things like this happens. they need to make some changes in the system.

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

It takes two to make a baby so yes, you must seek legal reresentation in order to get him to provide for this child! He will have rights to the child as well so you're going to have to deal with that (i.e. visitation). Please do not agree to a "verbal" contract - get the courts involved so there is a legally binding contract. If he fails to pay, his wages can be garnished (after some time, I suppose). Good luck. Personally, I wouldn't want the guy back if he walked out of my life while I was pregnant - HE is the one being selfish - YOU are pregnant AND taking care of another child - HE is acting like a child - HE needs to MAN up and act like an adult! Good luck!

Debbie - posted on 06/23/2010

put the baby up for adoption. Be your older kids mom and quit looking for a guy.

Kirsty - posted on 06/23/2010

Personally I think you should concentrate on you, your child, and new Baby on the way. It really sux he is not doing things better, and that he isn't supporting you. Alot of men are just not thinking straight when all these things happen. And freak out and behave really badly. But there is always a bigger picture, and as awful and hard as your situation is, its in these really hard times when we have the oppertunity to shine. Being on welfare is not shamefull if you are need it, thats what it is there for. No one can be a Mum to your Baby like you can. It is an oppertunity for you to shine and be an amazing Mum, again, a blessing, celebrate!! the life youvé been trying for is there, in your tummy, growing, and he or she needs you!! don't let his actions sway you. If you concentrate on that, you may even inspire your ex to step up, and be a Man of character, and do what is right by you and your baby, what you do now could change everything, if you do things that are positive and rooted in love, if he is a good Man, he will respect you and see the beauty in you. But most importantly, you can respect you if you provide love and time to your children, abandonment is the most painful thing. My Dad never wanted me, and it affected my whole life, your baby needs you.. It's the most important job in the world, as you surely know, already being a Mum. Many women bring up there children with financial support from welfare, and do an amazing job of it, and can take pride in that. I hope that things look up for you soon, and that solutions come. I hope that you have lots of love and support around you, all the best :o)

Tina - posted on 06/23/2010

This is a touchy situation! You say you won't want this baby girl in your house because of the pain of loosing 3 baby-girls before birth.
This indeed is very painful- It's happened once to me and I could not fathom doing it twice over. :(
So my heart goes out to you.

Do you think it is fair though to punish this little girl by withholding her father (If that turns out to be the case)?

You're putting him in a situation to pick between a child that already is and needs his love and support and a child that will be born in 5 months...- For me the reality of being a parent didn't set in until the day my daughter was born- so I think you're putting him between a rock and a hard place.

No doubt he needs to get a paternity test- if he does turn out to be the father I think you should do some soul searching and figure out for yourself whether you can't open your heart for this little girl so your child can grow up with a father and this little girl can have her father present...

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2010

All I can say from basically being in the same situation at one point on my life is to put him on child support. Its not a lot but it will help

Susan - posted on 06/23/2010

Hi Andrea. Much sympathy and love coming your way. However a bit of tough love - move on! He sounds extremely selfish, arrogant and not to be trusted. Ignore all the drama - yes all of it and initiate some of your own. Ensure that you get financial child support from him and get the emotional succour and love from your obviously supportive family. You obviously want the baby and with their help you should be able to bring the child into the world and give it all the love it needs - the financial stuff can be sorted by your ex who should stand up and be a man! Good luck and love x

Vanessa - posted on 06/23/2010

i would tell him to get lost, he carn't think anything of you or the unborn child to do this to you, as for the baby, you will get threw somehow if you love him or her enough as long as it as a loving parent the child will be happy

Rebecca - posted on 06/23/2010

seriously? 90% of the world is an unplanned pregnancy! Geesh

Rebecca - posted on 06/23/2010

First thing is get your child support paperwork started ASAP! The DA will do a paternity test at birth. Get on WIC if you haven't already. They will be able to assist you with ideas on how to keep your new baby & be a wonderful parent doing it too! Listen I am a welfare mom. I work, I pay in a share & I served my country in a war WHILE PG. I take only what I need, I tell the truth on my application & I don't feel bad for it either! You do what you have to do for your children & when you can you pay it back to society any way you can! I have been doing it alone for 18 years & yeah, it's been rough at times but I would rather do it this way than put up with some man that doesn't know if a baby is his or not! Kick him to the curb and move forward for your children. you will make your oldest a stronger man for it in the end when he sees how a woman can carry on. Put on those big girl panties honey & lets do this!!!

Olivia - posted on 06/23/2010

i went through almost the same thing(i found out another was 4 months pregnant while was 7months pregnant)keep youre child God will help you,but take his stupid ass up for maintance....you didnt make this child alone and believe me if i was you i would rather raise my child by myself even if it means eating bread and water every night then to worry about my childs safety

Wendy - posted on 06/23/2010

He has to give you child support regardless of the situation. Take him to court. Make him take a paternity test too!

Melanie - posted on 06/23/2010

I think that if a paternity test shows that he is the father of the other lady's baby you will have to let his "outside" drama into your household. You came as a package and it maybe that he comes as one too.If it is not his child then there's nothing further to that story I suppose.If you love him you will have to accept that he may have another child with another woman and as long as he sticks by you I don't see a problem there at all. I would give him some time, get it sorted out, paternity test first priority and then go from there.

Rasha - posted on 06/22/2010

Don't make the baby suffer because daddy is being selfish. This baby still needs you. Let him go and when he finds out that this other baby is not his, if he wants to come back slam the door in his face. But let the child support court mandate an order because obviously he is still too indecisive and small minded to put himself on child support.

Ishah - posted on 06/22/2010

If you are already 4 months you shouldn't even be considering abortion at all!!! it's not just his responsibility, YOU decided to have a baby too. so now he's decided to walk out, you're going to blame him and not take responsibility for your own actions? Give the baby up for adoption or grow up and be a real mother. Don't let other people dictate how this child's life is going to turn out, that is YOUR responsibility.

Lara - posted on 06/22/2010

If I were in your situation I would give the baby up for adoption to a stable family with a mother and a father. There are never any guarentees but it is the most generous and selfless thing you can do. The baby has more of a chance for a healthy and stable upbringing if you pick and choose who you give it to.

Katena - posted on 06/22/2010

please dont do anything drastic you can do this and your emotions are crazy. I have dealt with second infertility and now am the proud mother of 6 boys. It will be hard but well worth it in the long run. Stand your ground. I am sorry you have had to dela with this at this point in your life. A baby is blessing. Good luck and breathe.

Laura - posted on 06/22/2010

A child is a gift from god and you should be grateful for that. You are a strong woman, you do not need a man to take care of you. Somehow everything will work out. It is NOT your baby's fault that he left. Let him take a break if thats what he says he needs. If it is true love he will come back to you, if its not then it isnt meant to be. YOU WILL SURVIVE! Raising kids is a hard job but you can do it. Get a good core group of friends, friends with kids are even better, they can help you out when you need it if it is advice or babysitting. I know you must be frustrated now and not know what to do, but you still have some time left. If you let yourself get worked up about this, who knows what will happen to that baby. CALM DOWN....everything will work out in someway, it always does. Good luck! :)

Amanda - posted on 06/22/2010

Well i know exactley how you feel, i was 7 mnths pregnant when my partner went & lived with another female which already had children herself. We had 2 children together with the new one coming along. it was prertty devastating that he choose that time to walk out for whatever reasons it was so hard to figure out how i was going to cope & being a young mum i was worried how i would handle raising 3 children on my own. But i did & the child support department will do everything to get him to pay child support it just takes a we while to get it in regular amounts but just be positive & do the best at what you can do it will get there aventually & maybe you'l might be able to sort something out with the father himself in time just think of the positive out of the situation not the negative but do what is right for you that is the main thing good luck. xx

Iridescent - posted on 06/22/2010

Thank you, Amanda! It's such a small issue, but it does make a person question honesty when the dates given don't match the rest.

Amanda - posted on 06/22/2010

According to her posted ultrasound, the baby is 16 weeks. It is actually shocking how many woman have no clue when they really conceived.

Jen - posted on 06/22/2010

I just don't understand why with the derth of birth control information and availability, there is ever a question of unplanned pregnancy.

Iridescent - posted on 06/22/2010

Possible, but by then don't most people go to the doctor for at least an initial pregnancy screening? That's midway through the pregnancy, and with her history of 3 babies passing away due to whatever reason, you'd think she'd be proactive with prenatal care, not neglectful. Just my thoughts on the issue here, certainly not a judgment. It's what I'd do in the situation.

Carla - posted on 06/22/2010

I agree. The math is a bit "off". Perhaps she meant that she found out that she was pregnant in April via pregnancy test. Maybe the baby was actually "conceived" in March?

Amanda - posted on 06/22/2010

First of all if it where me ......(well it wouldn't be) but if it where i would figure out y i am having so much trouble getting over this. As for the acceptance of his possible other child i am sorry but if you are going to be with this man you are going to have to deal with the other mother no matter what. And i am sorry but you are being selfish you expect him to deal with your 7yr olds other parent but you can't make the same happen for his. That is called a double standard. I don't know what your ex's relationship with your oldest is but i can tell you from personal experience that if he is dealing with your baby daddy drama then you should have the same respect. As for trying for more children that you don't feel you can support with out another person sorry hun but that was a bad idea all together. I have a 9 year old and a 1 year old and me and my other half were not planning to have any more but it happened the fact that you said you were trying is a bit disturbing.You just got engaged to him and 2 months later you are having a baby .........hum .......... to a guy that just sounds like you are trying to seal the deal. Look at it from his perspective first of all if this child is his you are going to have to deal one way or the other with that situation and you should have been thinking about that all along no offense but it happens. Me and my other half have been together 6 years and just had our first together but we weren't trying it just happened. We love him but my other half has excepted me and my oldest the way we are and i do the same for him. What you are asking for is unrealistic if you are going to marry him. I don't think that it was right that he left but i can see why he would. Also next time try and stay with a person longer before you get pregnant and you may want to try not trying for atleast 3 years and an actual wedding and not just a ring. I don't know how old you are but either way you are in the wrong on this one. I understand that you have lost children and i feel for you on that but you can't make a double standard just because the child is a girl and you don't think you should have to deal. Sorry but you are being selfish that is the bottom line. And if you are now saying you are going to have to give this child up because of financial hard ship then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. I'M sorry for your situation but it is of your own making.

Iridescent - posted on 06/22/2010

Nobody has even noted that this is June. She is 4 months pregnant, supposedly she became pregnant in April. Even if she became pregnant on April 1, and you add 2 weeks for the gestation consideration they add on, she would STILL be only barely 3 months pregnant (13 weeks). I don't get the math here at all.

Carla - posted on 06/22/2010

As a divorced single-mom, I feel compelled to respond. This whole situation is INSANE. 1st-Why are you 4 months pregnant by someone you have only known 8 months? Have you ever heard of birth control? Its obvious he hasn't. I get that you were eager to get pregnant, but shouldn't you wait until after the wedding to start the family? 2nd-How does your 7-yr old feel about all this? He's getting the message that the men in his mom's life aren't too reliable when the going gets rough. After 4 months of dating, this man is/was planning to be his stepfather. Then we have the "other-baby-mama-drama" from the woman that he was carelessly sleeping with 2 months before he met you. I'm sorrry. Engagement ring or not, this situation is just not looking too promising...

Katie - posted on 06/22/2010

get him to pay, get a court order, with paternity, give him a choice(wait he doesn't deserve a choice) file parenting plan after little baby is born, and put him in it with no rights(if that's the way he wants it), if he's going to be that way towards you to walk out, then he doesn't deserve the joy and amazing gift that you are about to experience. that is just my opinion, i don't know you, so you can do whatever you want, but that is what i would do.

Michelle - posted on 06/22/2010

you know you not at all because i am in the same boat as you my hubby to be has a son for aother realtoinship and she has tryied to break us up like seem i have been with him for like 7 years later and i dont blame you for not wanting the drama in your house cause i wouldnt want that ether so you not alone