4 yr old wont eat at meal times

Bunny - posted on 01/11/2009

Thanks for all of the sugestions for my daughter. This morning she ate breakfast with do problems at all. I like the Idea of her not coming and going when ever she wants to during meal time. But I don't want to fight with her either. I gave her the option to eat or go to bed one night. She eventually did eat dinner. For the coment on leting her help me cook and letting her eat while cooking. My daughter helps me all the time make the meals and she may snack on what we are making but when we are done she is done. I'm going to give it another week and see what happens. The past couple days it seemed a little mellower and less battle. Thanks again for all the help.

Alysha - posted on 01/09/2009

I went through this with my two oldest children.. the way i got them to eat was whilst i was in the kitchen they came out sat down and watched me cut up everything ready for the meal... as i was cutting it up i was giving them some to eat and so far i have never had a another problem with them unless they were sick... it worked and it only took one meal :) try and see if it works for you i would be interested to know...

Rena - posted on 01/09/2009

I'M smiling as I read this because I JUST went through this with my almost 3 year old and have gone through it with my older son around the same age. I have a MUCH different approach to this. I know that the reason they did this was not because they were not hungry, rather a test of control. When I make dinner, they have no choice to not eat it. If they don't want to eat, then they will sit at the dinner table until they do. I will not leave it for them to come and go as they please. Each of my sons have simply REFUSED to eat and I sent them to bed without their dinner. This took only ONE TIME and they have never done it again. It was 2 hours of whining and crying and what not but 2 hours is a small price to pay for them to stop! It didn't hurt them not to eat dinner one night. They woke up the very next day hungry as anything and have not done it since! If you let them come and go as they please then they are not learning to do what is expected of them.  You should not have to hand feed her at 4 years old. It's the same as any battle with your child....be consistent and do not cave in or you will find yourself frustrated, as you are now, for a long time. I don't like to hear the crying and whining either but one day of it and it's gone forever....worth it to me!

Rebecca - posted on 01/09/2009

Hi! I have a 3 year old son that is similiar. He never seems to want to eat when the rest of the family is sitting sown to dinner. I take the approach of not battlig with him, because it ruins the family time for everyone else. I leave his plate on the table and he isn't allowed to have anything until he finishes it.  And he always does but it's after we are all done eating and everything is cleaned up. I figure as long as he's eating his meals it's okay if it's not with the family for now. When he gets a little older my opinion may change, but for now i pick my battles.  I have gone as far as to let my older kids have desert and not allow him too until he ate his dinner. I stick to it and he eats eventually.

Paulette - posted on 01/09/2009

Hi Bunny, I have gone through this too but with a son. She is at the age when they're aserting their independence even more. If you work or not has nothing to do with this behavior. She will accept attention positive or negative at this point.  I asked my doctor because my son  was giving me trouble and he is so thin. My doctor told me she went through this too and what she did with her child was...she cooked dinner and put it on the table and her child refused it, they wanted something else. She told them it was their only option and they could have this or nothing. She told them there would be no snacking later either. She said if they are hungry they will eat and if they do not eat till the next morning it won't harm them either. She also told me not to agrue the point either because as the parent we are in charge. To argue gives them some of the control. We are suppose to guide them and not the other way around. So, my advise is to no to make it a battle of wills or to argue. Basically, you need to put your foot down without argueing with her. This is what I do with my son too. If you don't you'll be cooking 2-3 meals and food is going to be wasted.

Paulette - posted on 01/09/2009

Hi Bunny, I have gone through this too but with a son. She is at the age when they're aserting their independence even more. If you work or not has nothing to do with this behavior. She will accept attention positive or negative at this point.  I asked my doctor because my son  was giving me trouble and he is so thin. My doctor told me she went through this too and what she did with her child was...she cooked dinner and put it on the table and her child refused it, they wanted something else. She told them it was their only option and they could have this or nothing. She told them there would be no snacking later either. She said if they are hungry they will eat and if they do not eat till the next morning it won't harm them either. She also told me not to agrue the point either because as the parent we are in charge. To argue gives them some of the control. We are suppose to guide them and not the other way around. So, my advise is to no to make it a battle of wills or to argue. Basically, you need to put your foot down without argueing with her. This is what I do with my son too. If you don't you'll be cooking 2-3 meals and food is going to be wasted.

Christine - posted on 01/09/2009

I have a 4yr old boy who does not want to eat at dinner time, we don't bother to fight with him cause it goes no where. I have always been told that they will eat when they are hungry, so we leave his dinner on the table for him and he'll either eat it or he won't. Neither one of my boys get any snacks at night if they don't eat their dinner, this does concern me a bit with my 4 yr old but he eats well through out the day. If you give her snacks in the afternoon try not to give her anything 3 hours or so before dinner and see what happens.

Good luck