4yr old is holding her BMs and I am at wits end

Debbie - posted on 01/26/2009 ( 73 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone! I am pretty new to Circle of Moms. Need your help. My daughter is 4 yrs old and is having difficulties going to the bathroom. She just holds her BMs. It's not that she cannot go, it is that she refuses to go. I know it hurts her and she is afraid. I have tried to explain to her that the more she holds it, the worse it is going to be. I have tried suppositories, mixing fiber in her food and drink, the reward system, etc. She will not have any of it. I even have put her back in pull ups just so she would go but nothing. I know my anger and frustration doesn't help at all but I am just beside myself. Not to mention, I am almost 36 weeks pregnant with my second one and my own emotions are a bit off the wall. Can someone please help me?! I really do not want to take her to the hospital for an enema so that it doesn't become a bowel blockage.
Debbie

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Lou - posted on 01/27/2009

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Hi there.



Had the same problem with my boy who was 3 at the time.  I am a nurse and in the end, I gave him childrens milk of magnesium laxative for 2 days(the package recommendations)I then brought baby enemas and got comfortable in the toilet with him.I locked the door and sat with him for 3 hours! I knew he wanted to go...he hadn't been for 4 days.I thought the milk of mag would do it...I had also given him A LOT of fruit juices.....In the end, he screamed, pleaded..begged cried for a diaper...I just kept strong....kept telling him to use the toilet and when he STILL refused(3 hours was a long time!)I told him if he didn't us eit I would give him "butt medicine"



He still refused...so,I held him down and gave him the baby enema..(quite an accomplishment as he is 55 pounds!)(thank god for tiled floors!)



He jumped up ran to the toilet and used it every time after!!!!



I only had to use the threat of "butt medicine" one time after.....



persevere...it will happen...just don't give in....

Ruth - posted on 01/27/2009

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Just a thought: If you can interest your daughter in eating dried prunes regularly, pretty soon her body will win. It may take a day or two but eventually mother nature will take over and your sweet daughter will enjoy the sweetness of the prunes in the process.  Keep the fact that prunes will cause her to have a normal, natural BM a secret. If she won't eat the prunes, try prune juice mixed with sparkling mineral water, it makes it taste like a soda. If your daughter loves oatmeal, you can also try putting ground flaxseed in the oatmeal and keep that a secret too. One of the biggest deterrents to successful BM's is lack of water and fiber. The ground flaxseed will also provide her with wonderful Omega 3's. Best wishes to you and your daughter. RB

Janel - posted on 02/04/2009

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My two year old was doing the same thing. I thought she as doing it on purpose and the doctors kept telling me it was a control issue because of the birth of her new baby brother. I didn't think that seemed right because she seemed like she was in pain. And sure enough she has internal hemorrhoids. After a little bit of prep H internally they have shrunk and she can go normally now. We also do miralax. But 1/2 capfull ended up being too much for her. So we just do enough to cover the bottom of the cap. And it takes about 4 days to work well. But don't do enemas or anything to force her to go. Just keep doing the miralax and maybe have your doctor look and see if she has internal hemorrhoids.

Camille - posted on 02/04/2009

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Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go is it painful or the seat is cold any silly reason and try to assure her that you are there and supporting her I find with my three year old that logic works the best with him. When we were having the same problem I would say hey the sooner you poop or pee the sooner you get to have fun with mommy or watch you favorite show. With the outburst I tell him mommy will come back when you calm down and some times he will follow me or try to provoke me but I just sit him in his room and tell him when you calm down then you can come out after about 2 to 3 min he usually is done but you must stay calm when you get upset they learn that when you can't handle thing this how you react. I know it is hard but I look at it this way how would i react if this was someone else child. For some reason we take it more personally when it is our child but you have too remember the every one gets upset and it is completely normal to react in a child like manner our job is to teach them how to react better when they are upset! but it still a process there are adults that still throw tantrums lol!

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F.A.S. - posted on 09/01/2012

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give her miralax and when she does have to go she wont be able to hold it or make her wear a pull up most kids hate to wear them and tell her when u go poop u can take it off

Elizabeth - posted on 01/30/2009

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I have not read all of the suggestions and stories, but has anyone conciderd that it could be a pshycological thing?? I know we as parents don't want to hear such a thing, but maybe it is a control issue, she has. I remember seeing an episode of 'Super Nanny' where one of the kids would only go out in the yard, like a dog. I believe Nanny Jo said it was a control issue. Perhaps consulting a psycologist would be worth a shot? A suppository and such things are a temporary solution, they force her to go. And since you said she just refuses to do it . . . . Ask your Ped for their opinion and ask for a psychologist you can talk to , even if they dismiss it. What have you got to lose?



 

Jamie - posted on 01/29/2009

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My son did this too. His pediatrician put him on a cap full of Miralax a day, usually in the morning until he started going then each week you decrease it a little. It takes time but you just have to stay with it.

Mary - posted on 01/29/2009

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My 4 yr old son was the same way, except he would just go put a pull up on himself and tell us after the fact! We found using an egg timer helped out with getting him to sit long enough to go. Also, instead of rewards, we started taking his favorite cars or trains away everytime he didn't go in the toilet. Then, he had the opportunity to earn them back by going. It worked very effectively. We hung is toys in ziplock bags on the bathroom wall so he knew what he could get back by going. It has been 4 months with no problems.

Elexis - posted on 01/29/2009

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This could b a control issue. Offer her options all day long. Red shirt or pink shirt? This swing or the one next to it? Go potty in this bathroom or the other? Slip some baby lax into her juice. When u ask her which potty she'll HAVE to make a decision.



It could also b that she tears her rectum when she goes and would rather hold it than feel the pain..again I would try a baby lax for that and follow up w/ prune juice and high fiber foods.

Sheila - posted on 01/29/2009

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When my son had this problem last summer, the nurse suggested that we change his diet to limit giving him foods that can constipate like cheese, pasta,...and to give him lots of fruit, fiber, and juices.  She also suggested mixing some Miralax in his drink once a day.  It's supposed to be a stool softener to help make it more comfortable when do finally do make a BM.  I decided to hold off trying to get him to poop in the potty until he was able to go again comfortably and regularly.  I also made sure not to make a big deal if he had an accident in his pull-up or underwear, thinking it would only embarrass him and compound the problem.  Once we did start trying to potty train again, I made sure to praise him for sitting on the potty at all, even when there was no poop.  My husband got really good at knowing the signs of when my son was about to poop and would run and sit him on the potty.  After a few successful BM's in the potty like this, he slowly began going on his own.  By the end of the summer, everything was fine.  I now how frustrating and heartbreaking it can be to see your child like this.  During that time, I found myself crying and praying for my son to just be able to poop regularly again.  I never would've thought I'd be praying for poop, but I did every day.  I hope all goes well!

Krista - posted on 01/29/2009

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My 3 1/2 year old daugther did the same thing for months! We are free of it now...thank god, but here is some advice...

First, set up a really good reward system for her first. My daughter loves the "bouncy/jumpy places" you know the indoor blow up bounce/slide etc...? So we used that to bribe her. I put a picture of a jumpy in the bathroom to remind her what the reward was for pooping on the potty.

Second, you need to give her some mineral oil or Miralax in her juice or milk. She wont taste it and never know it's there....don't tell her or she wont drink it. This will prevent the stool from hardening and hurting her when it finally comes out. Also, you can use the Miralax regularly to prevent further problems.

Lastly, don't obsessively talk about the issue with her. If you catch her holding her BM then you need to tell her it is not healthy and go and place her on the toilet. She should be consequenced for holding it as well. If you talk too much about it, there becomes more anxiety around it. Eventually she will do it and it will soon be over. I was pregnant when my daughter was doing this too and when the baby came she was going finally...and no regression! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Raysa - posted on 01/29/2009

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My 3 yr old son has had the same problem if not worse! I tried it all...changed the milk to soy, the stool softners, changed the diet...seemed like everything...now its' a little better. I give him spoonful of Mineral Oil everyday and it has made him less afraid I still wants me right next to him when he goes but WOW what a difference...( I even tried the yogurt that suppossed to regulate you!) Try the mineral oil....

Brooke - posted on 01/28/2009

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I have a daughter that went through the same issues.  After trying to manage it through diet and fiber, we finally went to the dr and he suggested miralax.  It was in her morning juice every day and it worked wonders.  I also had her sit on the potty with a tv table set up in front of her.  She loves to color and draw, so thats what we would do while she pooped. 



After a couple of months I no longer had to use the miralax.  She is now 5.5 and has no issues.



 

Brooke - posted on 01/28/2009

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I have a daughter that went through the same issues.  After trying to manage it through diet and fiber, we finally went to the dr and he suggested miralax.  It was in her morning juice every day and it worked wonders.  I also had her sit on the potty with a tv table set up in front of her.  She loves to color and draw, so thats what we would do while she pooped. 



After a couple of months I no longer had to use the miralax.  She is now 5.5 and has no issues.



 

Tiffany - posted on 01/28/2009

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If your daughter takes children's vitamins do away with those for a while. The iron in the vitamins can make their stools hard and that doesn't help the situation.



My daughter is almost 4 now & had trouble with constipation basically since birth, we use to mix a little bit of prune juice into her milk-her doctor suggested it. I'm not sure of much else here. But I do have to add that my daughter use to hold her stools in because of the constipation and right before she turned 2 she started vomitting severely..we took her to the doctor & he said it was food poisoning but 2 days later she was still vomitting up everything and turning pale so we headed to the ER. It turned out that she had intussusception which is a type of intestinal blockage where the small intestine & large intestine telescope into one another. If we had waited another day our daughter could have died. That was the SCARIEST thing I have ever been through in my life. Luckily my daughter was okay and didn't even have to have surgery for it, they treated it with a barium enema. I don't want to scare youat all. I just wanted to give you insight that it does happen, I didn't think we would ever go through anything like that but it did happen to us. So please involve her doctor with this. Hopefully some of the advice the other mothers have given you will work for your daughter, if not don't hesitate to get her pediatrician involved with the treatment because my family was that 1 out of 1,000 that something worse did happen to.

Sharon - posted on 01/28/2009

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When my oldest had trouble going we were told to fill the toilet with hot water to cause steam to rise and sit her on the loo as normal. This would help moisten the stools and relax her. It seemed a bit wierd but we were willing to try anything by that time and gave it ago. It was a bit hit and miss the first few times but after a couple of days it did work. We kept this up every couple of days for a month. By then she was going regular and no longer needed the steam.

Hope that helps.....Good luck

Debbie - posted on 01/28/2009

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We made a little progress this morning before school. Even though it was very big, it was the biggest one in almost 2 weeks. She did it in a Pull up but at this point I am not going to stress over that.  I am just glad that she wasn't able to hold it back as much. Maybe there is hope for us yet :)



Thanks again for all your support everyone :)

[deleted account]

Miralax is very safe. All it does it take more water to the bowels to soften the stool and make it easier to come out.



My doctor recommended that we start with 1/4 teaspoon 3 times a day. Up it to 1/2 teaspoon after 2/3 weeks and so forth until you get to 1 teaspoon. We have been using it for 3 months now and only starting to see real results now. I guess it depends on the child. My daughter was pretty badly backed up when we started.



My doctor also said to continue with the Miralax even after the stool has softened. Not sure for how long, but we go back regularly for check-ups.

Kavitha - posted on 01/28/2009

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Hi.....

My 2nd daughter has this problem. She is 2 years old now and she has a problem of having normal stools one day, soft stools (to the extend like diarea) another day, and hard stools the day after. On the days she has hard stools, she will scream and yell just to bring a large poop out. While doing she will also bleed and it really hurts to see her bleed. The peadiatrician suggested that we put her on lactulose on a daily basis. But yet, when she has hard stools, we will need to insert the enema just to help her release. I have tried prune juice, pears, fruits, and everything that people have been telling me and it never works. I worry that she will have trouble later in her life with this problem.

Sarah - posted on 01/27/2009

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If you prefer not to use miralax, i use baby calm, or child calm. its magnesium in a smaller drinkable amount, that is safe for children. Its a natural muscle relaxer, and helps BM with little or no pain. check with your local vitamin store and nutritionist for info on it, its what helped me and i had problems from about 2 years till i was about 19. its the only thing that truly worked. Its totally consious, one time it hurt, and from then on, they want to avoid it. just be patient, and be consistent, sitting on the potty at least ten min a day. hope this helps!

Pat - posted on 01/27/2009

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Ok I think you are panicing too much. We as humans have a cycle of between one and three days... some people go once a day, others twice a day and others twice a week. I think you need to relax a little and so does she. I see most people say not to make this fun, If you have a problem going, what do you do? take a book/mag and sit and wait. I do recommend what the others are saying about helping the pooh soften so she can pass it easily but I also recommend not making an issue of it. Try a sit just before naptime and making it part of her bedtime routine. Try reading a story to her and say as soon as the story is done she can get off. Get her some special wipes for her bum and a spray for her to push when she has done too. Most problems with children are solved by not making an issue of the problem and reward when they do what you expect them to do.

Pat - posted on 01/27/2009

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Ok I think you are panicing too much. We as humans have a cycle of between one and three days... some people go once a day, others twice a day and others twice a week. I think you need to relax a little and so does she. I see most people say not to make this fun, If you have a problem going, what do you do? take a book/mag and sit and wait. I do recommend what the others are saying about helping the pooh soften so she can pass it easily but I also recommend not making an issue of it. Try a sit just before naptime and making it part of her bedtime routine. Try reading a story to her and say as soon as the story is done she can get off. Get her some special wipes for her bum and a spray for her to push when she has done too. Most problems with children are solved by not making an issue of the problem and reward when they do what you expect them to do.

Debbie - posted on 01/27/2009

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For all the miralax users, how many times do you give it before you see improvement? I gave it yesterday and today I/2 cap, maybe alittle more) And this evening she had a tiny BM. No where near what she needs but hopefully it is a start.

[deleted account]

My daughter is 4 and a bit and we started seeing a doctor 3 months ago about exactly the same issue. She is on Miralax now and we have made great progress. Her poop is soft now and I put her on the toilet after every meal to see if she will go. She still wears pull-ups, but most days they are still clean at the end of the day. I can definitely recommend it. It also helps, I think, to do this in conjunction with your doctor's support. Just so you can have follow-ups and ask questions and such. Because it can take a while before you see any results and it helps if the doctor can tell you if you're making progress or not. O, we are also making a poop chart. It helps to see on paper what is going on.

Wendy - posted on 01/27/2009

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I went through the exact same thing with my daughter a couple of years ago. We did the suppositories, mixing fiber, changing diet, and even had to endure two enemas. The only suggestion which my doctor gave us was to sit her on the potty every day at the same time (approx.) to try to move her bowels.  It sounded really ridiculous to me at the time, but believe it or not, the technique worked. Make sure she recieves lots of praise once she has had a movement...a little treat doesn't hurt either. Good luck. Things do get better.

Casey - posted on 01/27/2009

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You could get PlumSmart juice into her a lot easier than mineral oil. Give her a few ounces of that every day. It worked great for my daughter.

Christina - posted on 01/27/2009

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My three year old has this issue too. It becomes a viscious cycle b/c at first she isn't constipated, but once she holds it in (for days sometimes) things get hard and when she does finally have to go, then it is very painful, which only leads to her resisting going poop even more the next time! First I tried to get as much fiber as possible into the kid to help make it easier to go, but that didn't help much. Our GP praised us for trying the fiber and lots of water, but suggested that we try Miralax (or Glycosol) on a daily basis to get her going regularly without pain. She suggested we stay on it for several months to give her time to forget about pooping being painful and to let her body learn normal bowel habits. So far so good. After several weeks on the Miralax she no longer cries when she feels like she has to go. I tend to shy away from medications, but in this case I am ok with it. Miralax doesn't mess with your electrolytes the way some laxatives do, and it is not perscription. Children's dose is half a capful (adult dose is a whole capful) and I give a little bit less. Good luck!

[deleted account]

BTW, about the tantrums...my older daughter (now 19) went through having temper tantrums. I used to have to sit outside with my son (now 22) while she screamed bloody murder. I was also afraid my neighbors would think I was torturing her!  When she started the tantrums I put her in her room and told her that her behavior was not acceptable and that when she was ready to talk about it, she could come out. Then I'd shut the door and let her have her tantrum. It took about two weeks solid of the tantrums and putting her in her room but eventually she figured out that I wouldn't bend, so she just stopped. A few weeks later she started again, I think just to test me, but I kept the routine and she stopped after a day or two.



I would say being consistent with your response will be the biggest help. Your daughter is facing uncertainty now with a new baby coming. Stable routines, reassurances, consistent responses to behaviors, and lots of love is necessary.



Good luck!

[deleted account]

My daughter at 4 years old was doing this also. It sounds like it's a problem with constipation, as it was for my daughter.  When having a BM hurts, you really don't want to go!  I had a hard time dealing because she drank a lot of water and ate lots of fresh fruits and veggies but still was constipated. She was also having a lot of bladder infections at the time. I actually took her to a urologist to figure out why she was having so many bladder infections. It turns out that constipation can prevent the flow of urine and helps to cause bladder infections. The Dr. recommended we start with Miralax.  I am an RN and give it to older folks in the hospital all of the time, so I knew it was gentle. 



I used Miralax with my daughter to get her going and now I give her 1/2 of  an adult yogurt drink for immunity/bowel function daily. The strawberry ones taste good and she loves them. They keep her regular.



Good luck!

Tina - posted on 01/27/2009

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My son also did this when he was three. In the end, he held it so long and so often that his colon actually lost the ability to squeeze out the poo. My pediatrician recommended that I give him mineral oil on a daily basis. If you just mix it in with her juice, she won't even notice that it's there. Mineral oil basically just slicks up the poo so that she cannot hold it in. It slides right out despite her best efforts.

When he turned four, he just decided that now it was safe to poo on the potty. Maybe she'll decide on her own when the time is right. Good luck. I know this is such a frustrating situation!

Jessie - posted on 01/27/2009

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My 1 y.o. did that (now she is 3).  We took her to a pediatric gastroenterologist and he said over half of his patients are seeing him for the same thing.  He told us to put her on Miralax for 6 months to a year (the time he figured it would take her to forget about whatever bad experience she had).  He said Miralax is not systemic (meaning is stays in the gut and does not get absorbed into the rest of the body).  I'm not sure if he would recommend it to a 4 y.o., but my 4 y.o. niece got a bowel obstruction from doing this.  You don't want to go there.  Taker her to a pediatric G.I. if you like.  It worked for us.  We took her off it after 6 months and she hasn't had a problem since.


 

Adrianna - posted on 01/27/2009

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when my daughter was little, she loved prunes. She had no problems going poo. Then she decided she did not like prunes anymore. Her poo then started hurting, like you daughter she too was afraid to go. I gave her some child laxatives, then she relaxed more about going. I think the drug store may still have these child laxatives, or perhaps the health food stores may have a safe alternative for children. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2009

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My pediatrician had me try Miralax.  About a 1/4 of the cap and then adjust to the kids.  It will really soften her stool and then it won't hurt to go.  If you give to much you will clean her out.  It is not very pleasant.  Also if she is drinking a lot milk, I would back off.  With my daughter who is just now starting to hold her stool, fruit roll ups work best for her. 

Charity - posted on 01/27/2009

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try giving her a laxative so that she will go... I know that she can go but if you give her a laxative she will not be able to hold it... after she finally goes try giving her a stool softener of some kind... Just a suggestion

Rose - posted on 01/27/2009

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My daughter did this soon after I toliet trained her at 2.  She would hold it for up to 4 days and then it woudl really hurt and she had some blood in her BM as a result.  I gave her Miralax, and tons of fiber (cracklin Oat bran), fruit (chocolate and yogurt coverd raisins were a fave!!) and water.  I also had to have her sit on the potty for about 10 minutes after every meal.  She did not fight it, plus I let her chew gum, blow bubbles, listen to music etc and made it fun.  It took almost 6 months for her to be completely over the holding of it.  Then I stopped the Miralax and continued with the high fiber snacks for another 3 months.  Then she was able to carry on a more typical diet.  At just 4 you would never know we went through all that for her poops!!



Good Luck and hang in there with baby number two!

Shana - posted on 01/27/2009

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you know i also put my daughter in a nice warm bath. be ready to see poop because it relaxes them and they can't help it.

Shana - posted on 01/27/2009

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My daughter does the same thing. I have no idea why they do that. you sound so much like me. and being pregnant does not help. my uncle deals with Herb's he gave me an herb that is called Slippery Elm . It is in capsules and I mix just one in her juice or milk. and it helps some. i also watch to see how long she has not pooped and i give her the Sunsweet dried prunes i give her three or four . i think it soften it some. it seemed to work and just reasuring that it was okay to poop no mater if it was in a pullup or on the big girl potty. mine also does not want to stop doing what she is doing to go and just sit. I have to make her sit there. I got the leapfrog game system so that she could sit and play a game .so she doesn't feel like she is missing out on anything

Good luck with it and your new little one. let me know how it goes.

Sarah - posted on 01/27/2009

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I had the same thing and I saw my doctor, who is a totally wonderful lady recommended Miralax too. She said it's almost like having to get over a big hump in the road - once she's over it, she'll be okay.

She suggested using the miralax twice per day- not the once my previous doc told me. Regular usage of Miralax worked but it took us about 6 months of her pooping in her pants - she didn't want to do diapers or pull ups - what a nightmare it was.

This will sound gross but she does huge poops - very wide - so in our situation, I can see why it used to hurt her and why she started holding them in.

It can be a long hard road and I sympathise totally with you.

Debbie - posted on 01/27/2009

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Wow Shelly, sounds like our Ashleys should have been twins because my Ashley is also very strong willed.  



I am going to call the Drs office and see what the Nurses say (they are the ones who usually call back). I don't want this to get to the point that more severe problems occur. Then if ok with them I am going to continue the Miralax for a couple of days along with fruit, fibre, etc. Hopefully I will have good news very soon!



Thanks everyone for being so supportive :)

Charlotte - posted on 01/27/2009

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hi my daugher goes through the same thing so i went to the doctor and they gave me senokot to help her go it just makes helps to make it softer so it doesnt hurt now my daugher loves to tell every1 she done a poo and it not hurt no more

Karen - posted on 01/27/2009

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Hi Debbie,



Deanna just went through that - she would hold it in b/c it hurt.  She would feel the urge, we'd put her on the potty and then it would stop, we would do that all evening, then finally she would go with a lot of screaming and clog the toilet. We just couldn't imagine how such a large poop could come out of a 3 yr. old.



My Pediatrician suggested Miralax - it's over the counter.  Start out by giving her 1/4 tsp. in 4 oz. of juice.  By the evening, or earlier it will help her to go.  It's not a harsh laxative.  The normal dose is a capful.  When you get the bottle you'll see your not giving her much at all.  You have to regulate how often, how many days in a row.  I tried every day, then had to ween her down to every two days - she started with loose stools.



 



She will grow out of this and you won't have to use the Miralax for long.  It just dawned on me about 2 weeks ago, that Dee is just telling me she has to go.  I think she realized if she holds it, it's much worse.  She still struggles on the potty - but she pushes it out and has a big smile when it's all done.



 



Sitting on the potty till she goes - doesn't work - they just get a red ring around their bottom and their legs hurt after a while.  Once she did go - I gave her little inexpensive toys, or M & M's (only 3 - don't want a sugar high).  Something she didn't usually get.



 



Oh and a lot of prayer that she would understand and get it.  I'm sure that was the ultimate reason it worked.



 



Hope this helps.



Karen Boesch

Renae - posted on 01/27/2009

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get Miralax at Walmart , it is a stool softener and you just put it in their drink, it has no taste so she will not know the difference! that is what my ped. doctor recommended! it works! if you need to do an emema, you can get them at the store too! they really clean them out!!

Debby - posted on 01/27/2009

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Wow! What a flashback! Miralax is the answer short or long-term. My daughter has had this problem for many years & she is 7. Miralax use to require a prescription but is now over the counter. Speak to your Dr. about the appropriate dosage. After doing suppositories, enemas, screaming, crying, XRays, poopie accidents, going off & on Miralax, the Drs. & I just decided that just a small regular dosage until...whenever...to keep things soft will put the trauma that they experience to rest and keep things moving!

Erika - posted on 01/27/2009

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my eldest son jack experianced this. he woudl be to the point of agony, rolling around on the floor in pain. only manual extraction and an enema would help, and of course that was traumatic.....so went to a pediatric gastro doc....

he put him on a regmimen of mineral oil twice a day by mouth to loosen stools, it really worked, and we worked on high fiber diet....next we moved to Miralax, we stayed on this for atleast a full year, maybe longer. Now he still has to be reminded, you can tell he is holdig it somtimes, but thene he can run off and go with no problem--Finally thank the LOrd,

Yours sounds severe. I really, as a nurse myself, I really recommend a GI doctor consult.

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My 4 year old, also named Ashley, has been doing the same thing for years. She would hold it for up to 5 days at a time! I tried rewards, making her sit on the toilet every day, laxatives- but nothing worked! (She is a very strong willed girl) At her 4 year old well visit, her doctor said that it is not so much constipation as obstination! So true for my stubborn girl. He also explained how her bowels were stretched out from years of holding it in, that she truly didn't have the urge to go every day. He said to put her on enough fiber to help her go once a day. Do that for up to a year to help her bowel shrink back to normal size which will help her then feel that urge to go everyday.
We have found Mirilax to be the best and use 1/2 a capful a day (although you might need to start with a higher does at first and then find the amount that works best for you) We've also tried Benefiber, flaxseed, etc. Whatever you find works best for you. I know how frustrating it can be- I also was dealing with this while pregnant with my third! Keep at it and know that it might be awhile before it corrects itself. Best of luck!

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2009

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Here's the name off of the bottle: Polyethylene Glycol 3350 NF (PEG-75).

Our family dr. recommended it. I guess it's like a laxative. Sounds much like the syrup. The initial clean out might be messy but then it keeps things soft and moving. My dr. suggested after we tried the other things (fruit, fibre, bran....etc) and he was still able to hold it. You don't want to leave it too long or else the more serious things that others were posting is what will happen. It cost $30 from Walmart and is almost 100 doses I think. It's powder that you mix with water/juice and have them drink it. A girl I know has her son on it and swears by it.

Debbie - posted on 01/27/2009

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Thank you Ladies for all of your stories (some really scared me) and suggestions. Last night, I thought we were going to make a little headway because Ashley say she was going to Poopie but then she quickly changed her mind. I tried to make her sit there for a few minutes but she wouldn't have it and kept clenching her cheeks together.



Michelle, what is PEG?! 



Erin, I was thinking the very same thing about my pregnancy. But she seems so excited and wants her baby sister to come right now.



Carolyn, I will find out about the syrup too.



Not that I wish this on anyone, but I am glad I am not alone in this. Sometimes, I feel like it is because of me that she does some of these things. She knows that it is a way to push my buttons.



Thanks again ladies :)



 

Carolyn - posted on 01/26/2009

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See if her Doctor will recommend something called 'Lactulose syrup'  it worked for our daughter when she was 2 yrs and we still use it on occasion.  It is a naturally derived syrup, very sweet and a little sticky, can be given by the spoonfull or mixed into fruit juice or milk.  It may take a few doses but it soften's the stool as well as lubricating the bowels (to make the passing painless). 



 



You might want to introduce her to it without telling her, add it to her last drink of milk or juice near bedtime and she probably won't notice anything.  Stir it really well and give her just enough to quench her thirst so that she's more likely to get the full dose (an overnight pull-up might be needed once the bowels start to move).  You can increase the dose gradually until it starts to work and ween her of as she becomes less affraid of releasing her stools.  Check with your Dr. first to rule out any other causes....hope this helps, we went trough hell fo over a year, patience is the key!  Good luck with your baby's arrival!

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2009

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Oh my....my son is 4 and is now holding his bm....we also have tried everything. Our next option is PEG (the short form)....our dr. recommended it and it can be bought over the counter at Walmart. It's like fibre but doesn't give gas & bloating. Apparently it is a god send....and right now that is what we need. I hear you about being at wits end. No matter what you try you get no where!! Trust me....we just had a day from ?@#%. We are starting him on the PEG this weekend when we are going to be home for a few days because the dr. said that he will have clean out first...then you keep them on it for month because it will take that long for the bowels to go back to their normal size. Hopefully it works. Something to look into. Hope this helps.

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I also recommend the Miralax. My almost 4 year old daughter would hold it for days until we tried this and then once she realized it wouldn't hurt, the issue has gone away. I wonder if your pregnancy might be another factor. Kids sometimes need to feel in control of something and this might be her way of gaining extra attention. Things may get worse before they get better, especially right after the baby arrives.

Helen - posted on 01/26/2009

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my son is almost 6 now and just resently started pooping in the toilet.one time he held in for 12 days went to emergency because he had a fever and chills they suggested a stool softner he went for hours. the poor kid was tired of pooping. they told me not to rush the potty training and keep using pull ups diapers whatever made him comfortable to go poo,he was 4.keep giving him fiber over his cereal,putting fiber in baked muffins,water,juice,water melons,berries.keep up the reward system,trying anything and everything,also talk to a doctor or nurse.some kids are just so smart that they think they don't have to go and can actually hold it in.my son said everyone else goes but not him.it took a long time and stiil sometimes holds it in for4 days.

Nikeisha - posted on 01/26/2009

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My last two do that, well my daughter who is 4 now doesnt anymore, she actually did this as an infant till she was two. We found out her intestine when she was an infant hadnt fully developed, so the nerves would back her up to when it was time to go, she was scared of it hurting. She eats lots of fruit and veggies, so this doesnt happen and shes been happy ever since. Oh and it will put potty training at a stand still!



My two yearold does it but we're not quite sure why as of yet!!!

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2009

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I have a 4 year old as well who has time where she refuses to go in the potty as well. What I have found is that when her stool is really hard is when she doesn't want to go. So what I have done is get her a root beer flavor laxative and it works fairly quickly. Then she will start going again. I get it at Walmart. I don't know if this works for you but it has worked for me. I wish you the best of luck I know it's really tough though.

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2009

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I have a 4 year old as well who has time where she refuses to go in the potty as well. What I have found is that when her stool is really hard is when she doesn't want to go. So what I have done is get her a root beer flavor laxative and it works fairly quickly. Then she will start going again. I get it at Walmart. I don't know if this works for you but it has worked for me. I wish you the best of luck I know it's really tough though.

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