4yr old is holding her BMs and I am at wits end

Debbie - posted on 01/26/2009 ( 73 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone! I am pretty new to Circle of Moms. Need your help. My daughter is 4 yrs old and is having difficulties going to the bathroom. She just holds her BMs. It's not that she cannot go, it is that she refuses to go. I know it hurts her and she is afraid. I have tried to explain to her that the more she holds it, the worse it is going to be. I have tried suppositories, mixing fiber in her food and drink, the reward system, etc. She will not have any of it. I even have put her back in pull ups just so she would go but nothing. I know my anger and frustration doesn't help at all but I am just beside myself. Not to mention, I am almost 36 weeks pregnant with my second one and my own emotions are a bit off the wall. Can someone please help me?! I really do not want to take her to the hospital for an enema so that it doesn't become a bowel blockage.
Debbie

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Helen - posted on 01/26/2009

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my son is almost 6 now and just resently started pooping in the toilet.one time he held in for 12 days went to emergency because he had a fever and chills they suggested a stool softner he went for hours. the poor kid was tired of pooping. they told me not to rush the potty training and keep using pull ups diapers whatever made him comfortable to go poo,he was 4.keep giving him fiber over his cereal,putting fiber in baked muffins,water,juice,water melons,berries.keep up the reward system,trying anything and everything,also talk to a doctor or nurse.some kids are just so smart that they think they don't have to go and can actually hold it in.my son said everyone else goes but not him.it took a long time and stiil sometimes holds it in for4 days.

Nikeisha - posted on 01/26/2009

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My last two do that, well my daughter who is 4 now doesnt anymore, she actually did this as an infant till she was two. We found out her intestine when she was an infant hadnt fully developed, so the nerves would back her up to when it was time to go, she was scared of it hurting. She eats lots of fruit and veggies, so this doesnt happen and shes been happy ever since. Oh and it will put potty training at a stand still!



My two yearold does it but we're not quite sure why as of yet!!!

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2009

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I have a 4 year old as well who has time where she refuses to go in the potty as well. What I have found is that when her stool is really hard is when she doesn't want to go. So what I have done is get her a root beer flavor laxative and it works fairly quickly. Then she will start going again. I get it at Walmart. I don't know if this works for you but it has worked for me. I wish you the best of luck I know it's really tough though.

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2009

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I have a 4 year old as well who has time where she refuses to go in the potty as well. What I have found is that when her stool is really hard is when she doesn't want to go. So what I have done is get her a root beer flavor laxative and it works fairly quickly. Then she will start going again. I get it at Walmart. I don't know if this works for you but it has worked for me. I wish you the best of luck I know it's really tough though.

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2009

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I have a 4 year old as well who has time where she refuses to go in the potty as well. What I have found is that when her stool is really hard is when she doesn't want to go. So what I have done is get her a root beer flavor laxative and it works fairly quickly. Then she will start going again. I get it at Walmart. I don't know if this works for you but it has worked for me. I wish you the best of luck I know it's really tough though.

Laura - posted on 01/26/2009

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my now 7 year old son STILL does this! He once went 7 days without going and when we finally got him to the pediatric gastro doctor his bowels were so distended they were about to burst! We had to give him 2 enemas, 3 days of massive laxatives and then put him on Miralax. 2 years later, off the Miralax and he starts holding again. He was going a little bit, apparently not enough cause one day he started throwing up and throwing up - 16 times - and when we took him to the ER he was full of poop again! That was a year and a half ago, and he is back on a huge dose of Miralax every day and we have to watch and look at every BM he has so we can make sure he doesn't die from bowel distention.

This is a very serious issue - I would just make sure you are not stigmatizing going to the bathroom, getting him enough water (juice can constipate, except prune), fiber in his diet and making sure he knows it is OK to go.



Good luck!

Marguerite - posted on 01/26/2009

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Raspberries and blueberries in a fruit bowl, you can put some pineapples in and their juices that will be yummy for her!

Connie - posted on 01/26/2009

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Feed her fruit! She won't be able to hold it in! Especially Blueberries!!!!! If she is eating junk food it will be hard and not loose and scare her into not wanting to go....



Good luck!

Marguerite - posted on 01/26/2009

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Have you tried flax seed in a smoothie or in yougart? You can also use baby food prunes and mix in flax seed and blend it in with yougart and strawberries in a smoothie. even ice cream with a fiber substitue would work. Make her sit on the toilet for a while around lunch time, my son always has to go right when lunch is ready.

Debbie - posted on 01/26/2009

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Thanks ladies!  I will try the pears. A friend of mine said she uses miralax so I thought about trying that too. I will give it another day and if nothing happens, I will call the pediatrician.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/26/2009

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When I taught preschooI had a little girl who would do the same thing. Her mom would make her drink prune juice or eat prunes. It would always work but sometimes she eventually got over it around the time she was close to 5 (she was also 4 at the time). So good luck. My son seems to be ok at the moment (he's 3) and if I know he has to go but tries to hold it I just make him go in and sit until he goes. He doesn't like to be there forever so he goes. I hope it gets better.

Julia - posted on 01/26/2009

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I think  Dr s know best ..You would,nt want her to get  ill..at least  ring a Peadiatrc Ward in Your Nearby hospital to ask their opinion.. Good Luck

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2009

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My neice was doing the same thing. it can be common with kids who have constipation. They went to the dr and she actually took medicine for awhile to get her more regular, softer stools and then things proceeded like they should...but until you get the stools to be softer and less painful I don't think you will solve the potty training thing.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2009

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My neice was doing the same thing. it can be common with kids who have constipation. They went to the dr and she actually took medicine for awhile to get her more regular, softer stools and then things proceeded like they should...but until you get the stools to be softer and less painful I don't think you will solve the potty training thing.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2009

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My neice was doing the same thing. it can be common with kids who have constipation. They went to the dr and she actually took medicine for awhile to get her more regular, softer stools and then things proceeded like they should...but until you get the stools to be softer and less painful I don't think you will solve the potty training thing.

Angela - posted on 01/26/2009

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Have you tried giving her pears? canned fresh, masshed, however. Pears are kinda like...prunes. but yummy. She won't get diarreah, but, will make it so she has to go. Also tea and coffee works too, but, you might not want to give her that. I let my 4 yr old drink a few drinks out of my coffee and that works wonders. (and she does not get too hyped up.)



 



 

Abby - posted on 01/26/2009

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He's not much of a fit thrower, his brother was for awhile and I learned real fast the calmer you are and the less attention you give the faster it passes.  I know how hard it is to be calm, I regret the way I acted sometimes with my 2 year old but we are past it now and both came out fine.



Tell her that if she cries she has to sit for say 7 min, if she is good only 4.  If she poops she is free to go.



As far as the tantrums, I know it is hard, SO hard, to stay calm.  What I stared doing was putting him in his room, not turning on the baby moniter, setting a timer for 5 min. I did not allow myself to go back untill the 5 mins were up.  That ment we were both much calmer.  How well that will transfer to a bathroom I don't know but...



 I'm sure your neighbors have seen enough of the good mom in you taht you are safe!!!



Just make up your mind to not react to her fits, not to let her be in control and stick to it.  You'll fail once or twice, I can't image with your emotions!!!



Let me know how it goes...  Or if I can give you any more info based on my experiance.

Abby - posted on 01/26/2009

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He's not much of a fit thrower, his brother was for awhile and I learned real fast the calmer you are and the less attention you give the faster it passes.  I know how hard it is to be calm, I regret the way I acted sometimes with my 2 year old but we are past it now and both came out fine.



Tell her that if she cries she has to sit for say 7 min, if she is good only 4.  If she poops she is free to go.



As far as the tantrums, I know it is hard, SO hard, to stay calm.  What I stared doing was putting him in his room, not turning on the baby moniter, setting a timer for 5 min. I did not allow myself to go back untill the 5 mins were up.  That ment we were both much calmer.  How well that will transfer to a bathroom I don't know but...



 I'm sure your neighbors have seen enough of the good mom in you taht you are safe!!!



Just make up your mind to not react to her fits, not to let her be in control and stick to it.  You'll fail once or twice, I can't image with your emotions!!!



Let me know how it goes...  Or if I can give you any more info based on my experiance.

Debbie - posted on 01/26/2009

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Thanks Abby! I will try again. I have tried that but her screaming tantrums get to be a bit much. I am sure the neighbors think I am beating her or something (will not be surprised if  child services comes to my door :) ). Did your son do the same thing in the beginning?

Abby - posted on 01/26/2009

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My 4 yr old son used to do the same thing.. Ok he still does.  Now when he finally gives in to going it clogs ours toilets.  We make him sit on the potty for 5 mins or untill he pops every day after lunch.  He normally goes within 2 mins so he can get down.



Give her lots of juice, praise her when she goes, like it seems you are.  You cannot force her to poop.



How to start?  My thought would be to one day anounce, "new rule!"  And tell her the deal.  as soon as she does poop she is free to get down. I do not make it fun for him, no books, no toys, just get it taken care of. 



Hope that helps... Good luck!

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