8 yr old daughter won

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2010

Seriously Alisha - grow a pair.

A DAY??? Any kid can hold for a day. A week of what? Of eating her own cooking? Of doing her own laundry?

My daughter (7 yrs) went through a BRIEF rebellion of not picking up her own clothes and putting the clean ones away. hhhmm how things changed when she had to wear stinky wrinkled clothes to school. I am NOT going about crawling on my hands & knees picking up her things when she's perfectly capable of doing so herself.

Shelley - posted on 10/01/2010

Alisha - what does she like to do? how does she spend her free time? does she have friends? Does she spend time with you or her dad/siblings? What does she say or how does she feel about doing chores?

Alisha - posted on 10/01/2010

I have tried that sometimes it works for about a week then she is done she could care less if it affected anyone else. she will just sit there and cry or if she is by herself she will go up and fall asleep. she could care less about buying anything or playing with anyone.

Alisha - posted on 10/01/2010

I have tried that she doesn't care i sat there one day 8am to midnight i finally gave up and went to bed but thanks for the advice

Shelley - posted on 10/01/2010

My daughter will be 8 in November. Her chores are: picking up and putting away any toys or personal items she brings into the common areas of the house before bedtime, keeping her room picked up (we do the "cleaning" together), clearing the table after each meal, and folding the washrags & handtowels. Many times she complains about having to do chores, and I gently remind her of all the things she DOESN"T have to do. I agree with many of the moms here - you are not the family slave. Family means working together. Try to find a chore she's interested in. If that doesn't work, try having her start out by helping you; making meals, doing laundry, etc... and make it a fun time for her. Nice conversations and a bit of sillyness can make a big difference. We add one new chore every year of age. We also "negotiate" on chores if she gets tired of doing the same one all the time. The main thing is that she is helping out around the house and doing her share of the work. My daughter gets no tv, computer, etc.. until required chores are done. Make sure you are consistent and follow-through with any punishment or consequences for not doing the chores. Sometimes these consequences are harder on parents then the kids, so we might just "let it slide". Don't do this, or all your hard work was for nothing!!

Denikka - posted on 10/01/2010

I agree with a few other moms here. If she doesn't want to be a contributing member of the household, then she shouldn't reap the benefits either.
My 18mo has (a) chore and that's helping me pick up his toys and put them away at night. I don't expect a whole lot out of him, he usually only picks up one or two things, but he's expected to help.
If an 18mo old can do that much, then an 8 year old most certainly can.
I would second the suggestion to stop doing things for her. Things like her laundry etc and don't let her use fun family things (like game systems or the TV or computer etc)
Most importantly, be firm and consistent.
Good luck :)

Sherri - posted on 10/01/2010

Well then since she doesn't want to contribute to the family unit then she obviously doesn't want to be part of the family. So she doesn't get laundry service, restaurant service, can't sit at the table with the family for dinners, or on the couch for TV time or on any special family outings if she must go due to age then she could remain in the car.
She is 8 you need to more creative and cunning then she is. Do not let her get the best of you and most of all don't let her for a second think she is getting to you. This is what she wants and right now she is winning. You need to turn the tables on that a.s.a.p.
I am pretty sure she will rather be part of the family unit than on the outside looking in. It takes all family members to make a household run smoothly. She also needs to be contributing to that. My kids have chores and we DO NOT offer allowance everybody contributes and does there part to make sure the house runs like a well oiled machine. That is what a family unit does to run efficiently.

Karen - posted on 10/01/2010

okay, so all i can offer you is what my mother did for my brother and i when we were younger and it seemed to work well and i hope to implement it when my son is older as well - she made out a chore list for us and put a price beside each chore (ie - making bed was worth .25/day, putting clothes in laundry was worth .15/day) and each time we did it, we put a check by it under our name. at the end of the week she would total it up and that was how much allowance we got. if we were having a "lazy" week we didn't get much (if anything) but we learned early on that if we wanted to buy something we needed to do the chores. my mother had a strict policy that if we wanted something out of the everyday necessities we needed to contribute a certain amount of our own money towards it. it took away the fights about chores because it came down to a "do it or don't , it's your loss" kind of thing. good luck and hth

Louise - posted on 10/01/2010

Can I just ask what you are expecting her to do? At 8 years old my sons had to keep their room tidyish and lay the table for dinner, they had to stack any dishes they used during the day in the dishwasher and would take it in turns to empty the dishwasher. If you are asking to much of her then maybe she is rebelling. It is important that she does something to contribute to the family but it must be age appropriate. Also a small reward at the end of the week is important to give her self respect. If she does not do her chores then she does not get paid it is a good lesson to learn. Make her goals achievable and if she is still on strike then mum stops taking her to her friends house and clubs and does not make sure her uniform is clean for school.

Jodi - posted on 09/30/2010

I'm assuming then, that she is capable of driving herself around everywhere, cooking her own meals, even washing her own clothes? Because my kids would want to be capable of all that if they didn't do their chores......



Admittedly, I also pay my kids a small allowance each week, which gives them a little something of their own THEY can use to reward themselves. They know they don't get that either, if I have to battle with them over chores.



You need to find her currency - something she DOES care about. Then it is MUCH easier to make it clear chores are not an option.

Di - posted on 09/30/2010

So hard! I'm living with 3 teens, and I hate to tell you, it gets harder the older they get - especially if they've gotten away with it when they were younger.
At eight, she is old enough to negotiate (but have your terms ready, a list of a small number of chores she can choose from - that way you are still in control) Dont just focus on her chores though, add what you and any of your family living with you do as well. This way she can see everyone is expected to contribute and you cant be accused of picking on her. Then write up what is agreed on, along with the consequences for not complying and display it to refer back to - you could make it a contract and get her to sign it. You could include penalties but also natural consequences, eg not cleaning the bathroom could cause illnesses to spread. This might help tie why the jobs need to be done with things that will actually impact her. Including our teens in the decisions helped until they were 16 or so - when they were able to organise rides to events they wanted to go to, or work to earn their own money.
Check with her freinds parents on what her friends do for chores etc. It helps if your all pretty much in line as the kids compare, and if she knows you've done your homework its harder for her to pull the wool over your eyes!
Something else to consider is volunteer work of some sort - done together. This helps to promote a not so self centered attitude, especially if it highlights what she has, and what other dont.
Good luck, and be gentle with yourself. It might end up being a case of picking your battles.

Angie - posted on 09/30/2010

Since when does an 8 year old have a choice about doing chores? If you have to, take her by the hand and stand over her until the chores are done. She'll soon learn that it's better to do the chores than to have you hovering over her.