A liar and a thief with complete disrespect for adults.

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am a guardian for my 13 year old brother-in-law. He was previously with his mom for 3 years and was encouraged by her to lie, steal and disrespect all authority from any adult. He has lived with me since June 2012, we have talked to him again and again, tried taking away all media(TV, radio, computer), we have given him extra dirty chores, as of late we have been doing military thrashing...but nothing seems to sink in to his brain that it is not okay to lie, steal or disrespect adults....any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Jodi - posted on 11/08/2012

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Ok, why are you guardian but still have to talk to his dad? Where is dad?

Jodi - posted on 11/08/2012

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Counselling isn't about words, it is about getting to the root of the problem. The very fact that your borther-in-law is living with you means that there have obviously been some situations in his life that have affected the way he feels about himself and others. Punishing for his behaviour isn't necessarily going to work. He evidently has had some negative influences in his life that have greatly affected his ongoing behaviour.



Counselling will help get to the root of the problem, and once a counsellor has helped you identify his issues, they may be able to help you with a plan to manage his behaviour.



This is a boy who appears to have always been rewarded for the poor behaviour, especially if his mother encouraged it. And this was happening during the formative years of his life. It won't be an easy thing to nip in the bud. Just think......he has been rejected by his parents here, and the only parent in his life who seemed to care about him, was the mother who probably, in some way, rewarded him for the very behaviour you are seeing right now. Only very consistent behavioural therapy will reverse what has already been ingrained into him, and a counsellor can help you with this.

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Amanda - posted on 11/19/2012

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Jodi,



Dad and boys live with us as Dad's health is not well, I dont have legal guardianship until Dad passes.

Dove - posted on 11/08/2012

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I'm just going to ditto everything Jodi has said as I don't yet have personal experience with a teenager.

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2012

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Ariana - The military thrashing is similar to the idea of martial arts. We had him in the yard doing situps, pushups, running in place...etc.



Talking with his dad now about the counseling.



Thank you for your advice.

Ariana - posted on 11/08/2012

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I would get him into some councelling, or possibly family councelling to work things out. I would hope that you try not to call him a liar and a theif around him (or within hearing) because, even if it's true, you don't want to label him as that.



I don't know what a military thrashing so I don't know if that's good or not...



For lying I'd say try to reduce opportunities to lie as much as possible. So don't ask him something you know the answer to, or something you can easily check. For other lying I would continue with the consequences.



It sounds like there needs to be some sort of councelling going on since he was encouraged to do this behavior before.



You could try to put him into martial arts as well. It boost self-confidence and self confidence. You also have to respect authority or you'll end up getting pushups or put off to the side etc. It doesn't seem like a lot but it can do wonders for some kids.



I wish I could give some better advice but it sounds like you've got your hands full, good luck!

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