Chenele - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 29 moms have responded )
Is it too soon to tell the boys they are adopted
Chenele - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 29 moms have responded )
Is it too soon to tell the boys they are adopted
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Alison - posted on 05/26/2011
I was adopted and have known as long as I can remember even though I've never met my birth mother. My parents gave me and my sister a beautiful poem when I was a teenager about how we're the products of two different kinds of love: the mother who loves us enough to give us good homes and the mother who loved us enough to raise us well.
Donna - posted on 01/18/2010
its unusual for kids to ask if you are Mum and Dad - so maybe someone has said something in earshot and your son is trying to figure it out - the answer is YES tell him he is adopted and you are mum and dad but chose him rather than made him. Don't announce it or that makes it a big deal - a good time with young children is when someone is having a baby as the subject often comes up " where do babies come from? " especially if you are at the checkout in the supermarket !
. - posted on 01/16/2010
I'm donor concieved and was adopted by my social father (my mum's ex was ment to be my social father) in early 2000.
I was told when I was 9 about how I was concieved. I recommend telling them before they hit puberty
Leslie - posted on 01/16/2010
I don't think it's ever too soon to tell them they are adopted. My son is adopted and I had someone told me before he came that because she was honest from as little as he could speak it didn't seem to be a big deal. My son knows he different and adopted but because we are so open and care free about it, I truly think for now he's okay with it.
Jolene - posted on 01/16/2010
Most babies who are adopted were given up out of PURE love! Love for that baby was 1st in their birth mothers thoughts. She felt that giving them to loving parents who could provide for them the things she may not have been able too was the BEST thing for that child. She was being so very UNSELFISH (not keeping them for her to love because they were hers to keep) in her decision, and usually for someone who is too young to be a mother. There are NEVER TOO MANY people who love a child or want what is best for them. Tell them.
Colleen - posted on 01/16/2010
as an adoptive mom of three adopted children, it is never ever too young to tell them. You should use the word in the home freely. "I am so glad God brought you to me through adoption, I am so lucky" or any other way you like. My children are 11 12 and 15 and it has never been an problem in our home :) - good luck!!!!! and congrats ..
Erin - posted on 01/16/2010
I was adopted, and my parents told me when I was very young.
Rosemarie - posted on 01/16/2010
The baby book "All About You" for adoped children can be bought at a Hallmark Card store, or maybe even in some book stores.
Becky - posted on 01/15/2010
Both of my children (almost 7 and 14) are adopted and they both know it. We always answer any questions truthfully and both of them know they are special because we chose them. We have a special day (their choice) on our adoption days with both children to celebrate us becoming a family. My 7 year old daughter still refers to when she was in my tummy, although we have told her the truth I think she chooses to believe she came from me. My 14 year old son, used to say that "God put me in ******* tummy and then gave me to you and Daddy". I like his way of thinking. Good Luck and many happy memories.
Jerry - posted on 01/15/2010
NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! My children the 5 and 6 year olds have known they were adopted since they could talk. They still have touble understanding, but that question will never be a surprise.
Kayla - posted on 01/15/2010
We adopted our 6 year old daughter, (adoption was final Nov. 20) but, we have had her since she was 9 months old (LONG, HARD, adoption procedure) and she knows, that Jesus brought her to us AFTER she was in someone else's "tummy" she is content with that info for know... we will offer more info when she has more questions.... GOOD LUCK!! It takes a STRONG woman to do what you're doing (I KNOW)!!
Where can we get that adoption book mentioned by Rosemarie Kirk??? THAT would be WONDERFUL!!
Rosemarie - posted on 01/15/2010
Children should know from the beginning that they are adopted. Just hearing the word when they are babies and telling them their special story as they grow makes it easy not to ever have to sit down and tell them because they already know. I have a son, who we adopted at age 7 mos. and a daughter who we adpoted at 13 mos. There is a special adoption baby book you can buy which helps you to tell them their special story from the time they are babies. The truth is always the best way to go.
Jean - posted on 01/15/2010
No! Our son was adopted at 3months. He always new he was adopted. I read books about adoption to him. We were always open to questions with true answers that we knew and what we believed he should know.Today at thirty he just now looked for his birth parents for medical reasons. That was only after he had his own son. He still says we are his parents and does not have a close relationship with his birth parents. He does call them around holidays to keep them up on his life and family.
Kelly - posted on 01/15/2010
My sons's Dad terminated parental rights when he was 1 month old. I married someone when he was a year old so he was always around my husband and I knew that he would grow up assuming that he was his Dad.....I told my son when he was four years old so that it would be something that he always knew...I would then bring him up in a discussion every now and then so that he didnt forget. I also gave him the option (and reminded him of the option) to meet his biological dad whenever he was ready.......then when I found out that my son had a half brother, I brought it up again and told him...that is when he chose to meet him and his new little brother. My son was 6 or 7 at the time...there was never any anger or resentment toward me and I think it is because I told him at a young age. I have heard too many stories of children getting angry and having identity crises from not being told things like this until they are older. Just my two cents :-) Hope it works out for you.
Janice - posted on 01/15/2010
my husband and i are in the final phases of our adoption. our boy is 6 months old and we've already told him he's adopted. we plan on adding more kids to our family through adoption so it will be a very common word around our house. They're never too young to know. They are so precious and as mothers, we couldn't love them more if we had carried them ourselves. That's something we want this baby to know. Good Luck!
Tammy - posted on 01/14/2010
I have a friend whose Dad calls her "the chosen one" She is 17, her Dad is an OB/GYN and delivered her knowing that he was the adoptive Dad. She has heard the adoption story so many times that it is a true love story for her. Do tell your sons that they are adopted--tell them that they were chosen--deeply desired--wanted--and that it was love that brought them to your house.
Medic - posted on 01/14/2010
i am adopted and i have known as long as i can remember, i guess i was a lucky one because i got to see my birth mom all the time and she has been there for every major event in my life all i have to do is call her and she is there. i would never hide it.....my parents chose me and my birth mom loved me so much she wanted better and she picked my parents. i am thankful that i know and didnt have to figure it out.
Becky - posted on 01/14/2010
I've looked over all the replies that you have gotten and I have seen that the majority of them are from people who have either adopted or people who are adopted
Let me start by thanking you. It i because of amazing people like you, adoption is made possible. I am a birthmom and I cannot tell you how much it means to me to see the comments people have posted on here.
Being a birthmom, I know that I want my son to know he is adopted. However, I left it entirely up to the family that he is with to tell him. They are his parents and they know what is best for him. If you think your son already knows, maybe it would be best to tell him.
I don't want my son to know because I'm selfish. I want him to know because there is another Mom out there that, just because I gave him to a family, loves him with all her heart!
Chenele - posted on 01/14/2010
Thank you all for your wonderful advice, support, and encourragement!
Tara - posted on 01/14/2010
YES! You are his Mommy & Daddy!
I have a step mom - due to life, she IS my real mom.
I also had a son when I was 15, he has a Mom & Dad... they told him from day one & have a pic of the three of us (me pregnant as ___) that has remained on the wall with other family photos.
My opinion is that you tell them the truth if they ask (don't ever lie). The truth is you are their Mommy & Daddy... but they have other people that they came from too. Please make sure that they know that all parties love (or loved depending on extenuating circumstances) them very much & they will have a much easier time with it.
Good luck and much love.
Helen - posted on 01/14/2010
I'm adopted and as long as I can remember, I've always known. My mum and dad explained that I was chosen for them and that I was special as effectively to my parents I was a gift. Like others who have commented, being honest and open about it is probably the way to go. Good luck!!
Justine - posted on 01/13/2010
My husband and I almost gave up our baby when we were just dating, and the adoption councilor and the adoptive parents told us that they would always tell our baby about us and how "because he is so loved that his birthparents weren't sure if they could take care of him fully so they gave you to us". Just keep telling them that so many people love them. We did end up keeping him which I'm very happy about! So good luck and if you are still feeling nervous, contact an adoption agency and talk to their counselor, they usually have really good ideas cause they deal with it every day!
Bronwyn - posted on 01/13/2010
My father is adopted and didnt find out untill he was a teenager. He cant forgive his parents for not telling him that they were not his birth parents. Lots of books first. If they start asking questions try not to lie to them honsty will pay off in the long run.
All the best and what a special person to give these children a chance & family in life
Christi - posted on 01/13/2010
i would ask a child therapist just to have informed dission. my mother in law was adopted, and she pretty much knew from an early age because her skin was darker, but i would definately talk to someone.
Angie - posted on 01/13/2010
I'm adopted and was told by my mom and dad when I was 3. I'm glad they did it when I was younger because although I probably didn't completely understand what it meant, I grew up knowing that I was adopted so it was just a fact in my head & not anything I had feelings about (if that makes sense).
Geraldine - posted on 01/13/2010
I adopted 2 boys and I have told them they were adopted when they were about 2/3 yrs of age. Then I told them again when they enter school. They are both glad that I did.
I feel that being open with your adopted child will help them to become a confident and stable person. To this day, both of my boys feel that I gave birth to them and make reference to "when I was in your stomach..."
Children will understand more than you think they do. Just be honest and let them know that you love them.
Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2010
No it never too early to tell. I have two adopted boys and both have known their adopted since they could talk. They both have seen pictures of their birth mothers. We have read books and talked about adoption and the day we got each of them. They have also been told why my husband and I are their parents and not their birth mothers. (I have a 4 and a 7 year old.) I am also adopted I have known since always. Good Luck and Take Care
Jaime - posted on 01/13/2010
If you're that unsure, then maybe speak to a counselor about it to get some information and some ideas about how to approach the conversation.
Chenele - posted on 01/13/2010
We read them books, but we have never come out and told them they were adopted. Manny has started asking us if we are his mommy and daddy, so I think it is tome
Manny has started asking us if we are his mommy and daddy so I know it's time to tell him but I'm not exactly sure what to say