Adoptive moms or birth moms who chose adoption

Merry - posted on 07/19/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Are you a mom who chose adoption for your baby or child?
Or are you an adoptive mom?

Adoption seems to have a bad stigma sometimes and many women choose abortion over adoption, and lots of women choose to give birth instead of adopting because theres a negative spin put on adoption sometimes.

Share your story!
Was it hard? Was it worth it? Are you happy with your decisions? Would you recommend it to others in your situation?

These questions apply to moms on both ends of adoption, giving up a child, and taking in a child.

Also, if you were or are a foster mom share too, the world needs more quality foster moms :)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ty - posted on 05/27/2012

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I am pre adoptive mom. My daughter has been living with my husband and I since April of 2011. It's been a blessing that she cling to us after 2 weeks of living with us. She turned 5 years old in January and she's an intelligent preschooler. Also, she's a social butterfly. No doubt, it was difficult to get her to try new things, such as eating healthy food and teach her boundaries. And I won't go into detail about her past but I will say, my daughter has come a long way and she is doing quite well.

People are probably wondering why hasn't she been completely adopted by now. Well, it's all because of us being a military family and moving to another state before the adoption process was completed. So, we are now in the state of New York, and we have to restart the whole 6 months adoption process all over again.( Actually those 6 months are passed due.) So we are patiently waiting for that call from the state of Arkansas to finalize the adoption.

Yes,the long waits with adoption suck,however, I must say when when my daughter calls me,"Mommy." I remember how great it is to have her in our lives.

User - posted on 05/25/2012

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I am a foster mom and adoptive mom. I have fostered 9 children (not at the same time) and after 5 years are now in the process of adopting a 5 yr old boy.

He came to us with a lot of emotional problems, screaming, crying, afraid of everything and every noise.

By the Grace of God, after one year and alot of PCIT therapy, prayers, bible stories, lots of hugs, and reassurance, he is like any other normal 5 year old boy. He is definately not the same 4 yr old that came to us one year ago. Thank God for healing our Son and the awesome work He continues to do in our life and our son's life.

Roxanne - posted on 05/25/2012

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Hi. We chose to adopt after years of trying to have a biological child. The decision wasn't a difficult one for us. We knew plenty of people who had adopted. We chose to adopt an older child through our county.Cost were very few. It costs more to adopt a dog than it did for us to adopt a child through the state. It was a great experience for us. Our son was 6 when he came to us after 5 years in foster care.We had a few rough patches along the way but the adoption process itself was smooth. Highly recommend it to everyone interested in adopting.

Jackie - posted on 09/29/2011

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17 yrs ago I chose to put my son up for adoption, I was 24 at the time and was in no shape (financially or mentally) to raise a child. I know I would have had the support of my family if I would have chosen to keep my child, but didn't want to feel like they "had to"!

My decision for adoption came in my 6th month of pregnancy and I contacted an agency near me. After soul searching and meeting with so many families, I kept focusing on a certain couple and made my decision. It was an open adoption, but I chose not to have them there for the birth until after I got out of recovery. After seeing my son only once in his first year, the adoptive parents insisted that it would be best if we "cut-off" all communications. I agreed because I was a college student and had just met a wonderful man whom I knew I would be spending the rest of my life with and wanted so much to have a family with one day. I had written a letter to my son that first year of his life that stated when he turned 18, I would love to meet him and has since regretted ever writing that letter.

I am happily married to the same man that I met shortly after giving my son up for adoption and we have two beautiful children (ages 13 and 8). I recently went back to school to get my bachelors in....yep, Social Work & Adoption. I am scared as hell if my son ever finds me, not wanting him to think the worst of me.

It was a very hard decision, but I don't think I would have done it any other way. I would rather see an adoption than to see a young parent take on a responsibility that they can't handle or go through an abortion.

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Laura - posted on 06/27/2014

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I placed 2 children for adoption with the same family 21 and 19 years ago. It was the best/hardest thing I have ever done. I loved those babies with all my heart but love wouldn't feed or clothe or educate and care for them. Just this week they contacted me. They are happy healthy and loved and thankful for my decisions. I hate that I have been judged harshly in my decisions more so than my friends who have chosen abortion. I think every woman has the right to decide for themselves but for me me abortion was wrong.

Lara - posted on 10/23/2012

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My husband and I chose to adopt after 4 years of trying to conceive, the first two years without any assistance, then another year of clomid injections, and then 2 failed IVF's. Of course, if you ask my husband, we are still trying, lol. We started with domestic open adoption. Within one year, we had 3 matches. Our first match only lasted a month. The birth mom was only a month away from delivery when she chose us. We were so excited. The day the baby came she changed her mind and decided to parent. It was heartbreaking. About two months later, we were chose again. We had 4 months to wait this time and we spent the whole time worrying because our birth mom was not what I would consider a traditional birth mom. She was married, but career obviously was important to her. She changed her mind before he was born. I imagine she realized career couldnt replace the life growing inside her. Our last attempt was the most heartbreaking. Our birthmom was only 14. She gave us the baby at the hospital and we became parents. For four months, we loved our precious girl only to have her mom decide she wanted her back. after all. I thought this was the end to our adoption journey and thought we were done. Then a woman from our church went on a mission trip and came back with the most disturbing story. She first introduced us to our son Luca. He was 4 and starved, abused, and worse because he was mute. That became my focus, my crusade. And there we started our journey of international adoption. It was a long process filled with ups and downs but I knew God meant him for me.

Jazmyne - posted on 10/21/2012

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I was raped when I was 9 by the man who I called daddy. I got pregnant and gave my child up for adoption when I was 10 (it was closed) shortly after I was unadopted myself. Later when I was 16 I got pregnant again, (my bc failed) I gave birth to Caden who I also gave up for adoption to my aunt and uncle (open) I kept the son I now have with my husband. I feel that I am now in a much better place to care for the child I have now, However back when I was younger I was unable to care for myself let alone a child. It was a very hard choice for me to give up Caden however I know that I did what was best for him. I hope I answered your question.

Laura - posted on 10/09/2012

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When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, it was during the time my fiancee and I were having problems in our relationship. We would fight all of the time and our son witnessed a lot of it. When it started to affect him, I knew it was time my fiancee and I separated. That was when the test came back positive, and I knew at that moment that I wouldn't be able to bring a child into my situation. I was unable, mentally and financially, to raise a new baby, and I conflicted with myself on what to do, since abortion was not for me. I eventually settled on adoption in my seventh, almosth eighth month of pregnancy, and was very fortunate to find a close friend, unable to have children, registered with a local adoption agency. It was so hard on my daughter's birthday to see her, to breastfeed her, and to walk away at the end of my stay. But I know that it was the most selfless choice, a choice that would give her a chance at a good life, and I don't regret giving her that. I see her so often, and count my blessings that she and I are so lucky, and that we have an amazing person, her new mom, in our lives.

Kali - posted on 05/20/2012

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I gave my child up for adoption, it was suppose to be an open adoption but i didn't get papers signed and the adoptive mom likes to play with my emotions. has this happened to any of you?

Michelle - posted on 10/07/2011

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looking for other Foster Moms who are adopting? plz email me at momcr4@msn.com

Merry - posted on 07/19/2011

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My mom was a foster mom, we took in newborns while their mothers waited the waiting period before they could terminate their rights. These were moms who chose adoption for their babies, they picked a couple adopt their baby and then voluntarily terminated their rights.

We had 25 of these babies over the years and usually had them 4-6 weeks until they could go home with the adoptive family.

One baby had medical problems and his adoptive couple backed out, he was headed to state foster system and because of his epilepsy and since he was half black half white his odds of adoption weren't too great. My parents said no way, and we adopted him! He's been like a son to me and he truly brought so much joy and happiness to our family. Even though he was way more of a handful then another child I knew! He was and still is a blessing to us.

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