Advice needed about babysitter please or just need to vent!

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

You had every right to be mad. I had a situation with my daughters g-ma that resulted in my daughternot being able to stay at her house without me around. I was not happy because my directions were ignored and they put my child in a situation that could have been avoided if the g-ma had just listened to me. Your childs safety and well being come before anything.

Sherri - posted on 01/28/2009

that is sad and you have every right to be upset, if she is angry with you that is her own problem...i would definitelty talk to her about it or set up something else to settle things...your son's safety doesnt need to be comprimised either by her lack of responsibility...

Shannon - posted on 01/28/2009

Honestly...I think she should never be allowed to watch your child again.  You need to feel like your child is safe when you leave them at someone's home.  And where was her baby?  You certainly have every right to be mad!  I would find another friend that is more reliable and has the same values that you do.

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2009

It sounds like an addict's behavior.  It's classic for addicts to react with anger toward someone who makes them aware of their own shame.  You are absolutely doing the right thing, removing your son from her care.  Someday, if she gets treatment, she'll see this as one of the appropriate consequences of her addiction.  You are definitely not overreacting on this one! (I agree with other posters, too - it's not possible to overreact when it comes to your child's safety!)  Hope your friend is able to get help and recover, and hope her little one is okay.

Kerry - posted on 01/28/2009

oh my god you have every right to be mad at her. It is a big deal these are children we are talking about. What if she just called out to you and said she was in shower and you left your son with her not knowing. Oh my god i would be fuming. She has no right to be mad at you at all. And where was her daughter when you were dropping your son off was she just playing in the lounge. That is sad im sorry but wen we have children and responsibilities live up to them and put them first. Partying is for when you dont have a responmsibility let alone being responsible for someone elses child. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD.....

Debi - posted on 01/27/2009

You are right. I didn't know that this was not the first time. It sounds like she might have a drinking problem. You can still be her friend, just not one that you leave your precious baby with. If you still want to watch her baby just make other arrangements for her to pay you back. It sounds like she could use a friend. Just be sure you and your family are safe and comfortable with what you can do for her.

Stacey - posted on 01/27/2009

Thanks. 

If her Daughter ,Izzy, would have been there I would have taken her with.  We have had her 3-7 nights a week since she was born.  She is just like one of my children and I would not leave her in a situation that I was not comfortable with my son being in.  But, her mom had taken Izzy overnight.  So at least she was in a safe place.

Thanks for all the Advice though.  I tend to overreact (so I have been told) when it comes to my children.  I was just questioning myself.  But, my sons safty does need to come first.  If I am not sure about a situation then he needs to be taken out of it.  Who cares what she thinks as long as he is safe.

She is no longer Married.  She is a single mom.  That is why we try to help her out and take her daughter as much as we can.  This is not the first time she has not been able to babysit when I need her.  Some days I go and pound and pound on the door and she never answers.  Yesterday she just forgot to lock the door so I could get in and see the real reason she does not answer the door.  When we keep her daughter sometimes she just does not come back and pick her up.  We do not hear from her until 1 or 2 pm the next day (she is suppose to be there by 2am).  But, I always forgiver her because she is my friend.  But, this time my son is done going there.  I dont have to put up with it anymore.

Bobbi - posted on 01/27/2009

Quoting Natalie:

Maybe you should talk to her husband candidly about what happened. See if it was just a one time thing or something that he is worried about too.

EEEK! Dont' talk to her husband lol that's just boung to stir up a whole lot of DRAMA!!!!

You were totally in the right here. I'm just wondering if this is how she responded on this occasion how many other times could she not have been responsible with your son? We want to believe in our hearts that everybody is going to care for our children the way we do, but sometimes it just isn't true. I'm not saying she isn't a good Mom but apparently her priorities aren't in line. "Good" moms don't get wasted at work parties when they know they have to be up and able to function the next morning, sorry.

Talk to HER and let her know how YOU felt. Don't blame her but let her know that you were counting on her and she wasn't there as planned. She obviously feels bad already or she wouldn't be avoiding you!

Hope everything works out!

Sylvia - posted on 01/27/2009

I agree with all that has been said so far, you did the right thing by not leaving your child there. Your friend should recognize that the two of you made an agreement and she did not come through.

Debi - posted on 01/27/2009

You did the right thing. You have to have your priorities straight and your kids safety comes before your business meetings. She may be more ashamed than mad. Talk to her and see what she is thinking. Depending on what she is thinking, It may be time to find another babysitter.

Natalie - posted on 01/27/2009

Maybe you should talk to her husband candidly about what happened. See if it was just a one time thing or something that he is worried about too.

Brenda - posted on 01/27/2009

I would have done the same thing. My children's safety is number one and you need to be 100% confident in that the places you leave your child are safe environments.

Nancy - posted on 01/27/2009

You are completly in the right!! How would she feel if she dropped her daughter off to you and you were passed out??? I'm sure she would not feel safe in that situation.  She is only venting her anger at you because she knows she's wrong.......and where was her 18month old while all this was going on??? You should have taken her with you and waited to see how long it would take her to realize she wasn't there. She is irresponsible and you did the right thing. Your childrens well being comes before anything else!!