Advice on retracting the foreskin of an uncircumcised boy

Cheryl - posted on 11/24/2009 ( 52 moms have responded )

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We decided not to circumcise my son and now that he is 17 months old the doctor told us we should be retracting his foreskin or else it won't retract when he is older. I watched them do it and he screamed bloody murder and I know that I will never follow through with it if he cries like that. I hate listening to him cry and knowing that he is in pain, any advice on an easy way to do it or something soothing to try?

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Ries - posted on 11/24/2009

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I have NEVER heard this advice, and am the mother of 4 boys and a registered nurse!...I was young and went to retract the foreskin of my first boy as a baby to clean there, and same screaming reaction occurred. the baby nurse I consulted told me that it does not grow enough to retract properly until 3-5 years of age and to leave it alone. foreskins do not even need to be retracted for cleaning until puberty. All my boys have turned out fine with no contact! the other complication is if you retract it too soon, the resulting penile swelling is a possibility, and it will be hard to get foreskin back over for a time, which is like putting a rubber band around his penis... and can cause severe damage. I suggest you are fine not doing anything and follow that mummy instinct that said this was wrong..., but if worried, get another medical opinion from a pediatric urologist who specialises!. good luck!

Tina - posted on 04/12/2011

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when they get older it will retract itself and as boys get older and explore themselves they do it naturaly but you should not be forcing it back at a young age. To keep your son's penis healthy clean it during baths and during diaper changes. You can use a mild soap, but once the foreskin begins to retract you should teach your son only to rinse with warm water.



Using soaps can change the delicate balance between the foreskin and the glans. Just like the female vagina has a delicate balance and cleanses itself so will the foreskin. Warm water is all that is needed. And until the foreskin will retract on its own you don't need to worry at all about cleaning underneath it. The foreskin is actually attached the glans when your son is born. It will gradually become unattached and "retractable" as your son grows. It does not usually become fully retractable until a boy reaches puberty. In some boys it takes even longer; there is no official age by which is must become retractable.



You should never, ever forcibly retract your son's foreskin. Never allow anyone else, even a doctor to retract your son's foreskin. To do so would be ripping it away from the glans of the penis.

Angie - posted on 03/10/2011

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Never force the skin to retract! It will happen on its own over time...up to 18 years! There is no care for an uncircumcised male except leave it alone until it retracts and then when it can retract, pull it back to wash and dry.

Robyn - posted on 12/01/2009

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Again...it is already fused together. It will detach itself around the age of 2-4 but in some cases will not detach until puberty. You should not pull back past the tip of the penis until it has detached. I think everybody is forgetting that this is a natural process. It was how things were done before circumcisions were performed. The first circumcisions actually only removed the foreskin that hangs past the tip. They actually left what was attached to the penis. It was only until Jewish men were pulling the foreskin past the tip to look uncircumcised that the Pharisees changed the procedure to what it is today. Please do you research before you something to your child that cannot not be repaired.

Ries - posted on 11/27/2009

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Quoting Cheryl:

I think that the reason my doctor suggested it is that the foreskin is sort of "gathering" above the head of the penis so that the bulge which his the head is 2/3 of the way down from the tip of his foreskin. Does this sound like what it normally looks like?



you sound like you are describing a "veiled penis" or one with a hood. I had never heard of this until our fourth boy was born 6 weeks ago at home... I had to race into the hospital on the third day coz his is about half way down and we had not noticed (and I thought it was stopping him voiding...) we were reassured by the head consultant at our cities only children's hospital that this was a 'variation of normal'. I was concerned he would never have sex! but he showed me how it will function later.. the scrotum will lift a little for the penis to come out fully. amazing! the only problem is that children with this can have a tendancy to kidney reflux, the dr told us this, and as one of our other children, a girl has this and it can be hereditory, we are able to get him checked early since it is most likely for our son, but may not be for others... it is only a 'tendency'. Kidney reflux can cause infections and based on the Dr's other erroneous advice, I think he is mistakenly thinking the foreskin is causing the infections in boys like your sons, that he has treated, instead of looking further and checking the kidneys of children with a veiled penile hood. i cannot escape the feeling that this guy has had a bad experience somewhere or is a pervert... what was he doing down there anyway in a child that was not circumcised?  



the interesting  part is that when I went home from the hospital, i noticed that hubby's is a bit like that too, only not as dramatic, obviously coz he has adult sized bits. But I like many other mums is concinced Your Dr is still wrong to force it out... we don't break girls hymens because one day they will not be able to use that area if we dont... the mums who wrote that boys do it themselves, are all correct, especially bath time. otherwise no boy would masturbate either for the pain eh??? Trust creation and the creater, it was made perfectly! even if it looks a little differently...

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Robyn - posted on 11/27/2009

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I think there is some confusion still on how far back the retracting should be. The foreskin that is overlapping the tip of the penis can be retracted to a point without causing harm. It is when you retract past the glans of the penis that causes the harm. The foreskin is attached at the glans and will detach on its own when the child is old enough. If you try to retract anyway near the glans you can actually rip the foreskin off causing a lot of pain and could cause other problems. I hope this clears some of the confusion. But there really is no need to clean under the foreskin because it is self-cleaning just like the clitoris on a little girl.

Charlie - posted on 11/27/2009

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I am astounded at the number of doctors giving terrible advice against all research and studies on retracting the foreskin .

Bonnie - posted on 11/27/2009

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Since my husband isn't curcumcised I didn't have my two sons curcumcised. My doctor told me to pull back the foreskin every time I changed his diaper. They never did cry when I pulled it back. I'm just wondering why didn't the doctor tell you to pull it back when he was an infant? I don't have any advice to give. Hope everything goes well with him.

Shyanne - posted on 11/27/2009

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My son isnt circumsized and I have heard to wait, and that it retracts on its own around age 4

Kim - posted on 11/27/2009

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My son had problems when he was 3yrs old, we were told to gently pull it back when he was in the bath, as its easier to do. he now has no prolems.

Lisa - posted on 11/26/2009

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As far as I was aware, you are not supposed to pull back the skin that early!! I was told not until they are around 4 or so, I might be wrong!! My boy is 3, and I have not tried it at all as Im scared of the pain!

Patricia - posted on 11/26/2009

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This practise has been shown to be completely inappropriate and current evidence based (scientific) medical practise shows that this should not be done. Should your son be battling with a "constricted" "exit for urine or repeated painful urination and infections then you should contact a respected urologist for advise regarding a decision to circumcise at this point...

Vette - posted on 11/26/2009

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my husband and I asked his mother as to why she got her two sons done(circumcised) her answer was "because it was the thing to do at the time". WOW , for us that was not good enough. you take that skin and it desensitizes the penis. we voted no and have no problem with explaining to our son why daddy is different then himself.

Charlie - posted on 11/26/2009

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Quoting Robin:

I don't have an answer for, but just a comment. I'm very surprised by the number of people who have not circumcise their sons. I'm sure they are all good reasons for not doing it. However, I did want to say that it is better to have it done a child than to have it done as an adult. Children will forget about and have no problems from it. I'm a nurse and have seen men as old as 80 who have had to be circumcise and the out come has not been good.


Robin i wouldnt be surprised only 10 % of men in the entire world are circumcised .

[deleted account]

Quoting Robyn:

We chose not to circumcise our two boys. My husband is also uncircumcised. I did a lot of research when we made that choice so I knew all the facts. I understood that I shouldn't pull the foreskin back because it is attached to the penis. I understood that it would retract on its own. My oldest is now four years old and one day he was on the potty and showed me that he could pull his foreskin back. It something that just naturally happens. You need to find a doctor that understands the uncircumcised penis, because what your doctor did was a violation.

And to the one that said that she doesn't agree with not circumcising: Even my second son's urologist (son has had to have surgery for undescended testicles) thinks that circumcisions are totally unneccessary. If it is kept clean then there is no problems. I understand that if a man gets to the point that he can't keep himself clean then that could be a problem. But at that point someone else is cleaning him too. And what about older ladies that can't clean themselves either. Are you going to suggest that a female circumcision be done because it would be easier. There is no difference. There is a double standard and it is unfair that our little boys are the ones that suffer.

Sorry didn't mean to get on a soap box.


Right on, glad to see informed mothers on it! I was totally SHOCKED to see someone write that in response to a post where all the mothers writing had intact boys. Sorry but its not 1950, do your research and you will see it is not recommended anymore, and its cruel. I am against cosmetic surgery for infants, don't know about you...

HELEN - posted on 11/26/2009

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HEY, I DON'T KNOW OF AN EASY WAY NEITHER, I WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING AS MY SON IS 19MONTHS OLD AND SO I ASKED THE DR, AND SHE SAID IT WILL DO IT IT'SELF WHEN HE TURNS AROUND 2, BUT TO KEEP AN EYE ON IT IF IT DOESN'T, MY MUM ON THE OTHER HAND SAID TO TRY DOING IT WHILE HE IS IN THE BATH, SO IM A BIT CONFUSED TOO, SO I HOPE I HELPED A LITTLE LOL, IF YOU GET ANYMORE INFO ON THE SUBJECT CAN YOU LET ME KNOW TOO, TA. HELEN.

Peita - posted on 11/25/2009

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My doctor told me to show my son how to do it himself at about 2 1/2 or 3 yrs of age! This way there is no reason for there to be any pain, he will pull it back as far as is comfortable for him, it will stretch out over time! Get a second opinion from another doctor if you are concerned! Hope this helps!!!

Heather - posted on 11/25/2009

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Do not pull back the foreskin until the child is 4 or 5, my son had problems and had to have his changed, the doctor stated that it is self cleaning until the age of 4 or 5.

Alison - posted on 11/25/2009

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Hi Cheryl,
Great decision on not cirumcising medically there is no reason for it I have three boys aged 12, 8 and 5 and have never had any issues from pre school age I have just encouraged the boys to gently pull their own foreskin back whilst in the bath my specialist told us that is all we need to be doing. Good luck but dont panic yet your son is still young.

Alison - posted on 11/25/2009

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Quoting Cheryl:

Advice on retracting the foreskin of an uncircumcised boy

We decided not to circumcise my son and now that he is 17 months old the doctor told us we should be retracting his foreskin or else it won't retract when he is older. I watched them do it and he screamed bloody murder and I know that I will never follow through with it if he cries like that. I hate listening to him cry and knowing that he is in pain, any advice on an easy way to do it or something soothing to try?


 

Vette - posted on 11/25/2009

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we have a 16month old son and uncircumcised also , we were told not to pull the skin back because it will go by itself when he gets a erection on its own. i personally dont feel messing with it is a good idea.

Trisha - posted on 11/25/2009

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This may sound a little out their but my family is caribbean and I was taught that with little boys after they bathe to put a little oil( baby oil or pure virgin olive oil) on the tip of their penis and blow at the tip until it whistles and this will help to ease with the retraction of the foreskin when they become older.I still do this to my 2 yr old and his foreskin retracts with no issues.good luck.

Shayla - posted on 11/25/2009

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I have 3 boys, the oldest is 14 so they did ithe circumcision within the fisrt 3 weeks back then, his was done very nicely and he has had no problems since. However, following in family tradition, I stupidly had my second son done, and they screwed it up so badly it was infected from day one and then the dam doctor went on holidays...this was supposed to be a specialist mind you. My family doc gave us some antibiotic cream and said let it heal as best you can. Once it had healed and the "bell" fell off we discovered not only had she NOT cut the foreskin properly, she had not done a correct or complete job and the foreskin had now attached itself to the ridge of the penis, so basically my little guy has an abnormal looking penis which now needs to be re-done, he is 3 and complains of pain anytime it is washed. I have yet to ever see him with an erection yet my 18 month old, uncircumcised boy gets them frequently. I can only assume this to ha been messed up. You can actually see the penis itself is partially pushed up and bent within the foreskin from this screwup. A little off topic I know, but all the more reason to NOT circumcise. My family doctor advised us to just let nature take it's course and my little one will pull the foreskin back himself around the age of 5-7, it is just a natural occurance when they get an erection for it to "pop", and it does this a little at a time to avoid tearing. This is the best advice in my opinion, as there is no force, no voilation, no pain. In addition, when my oldest was done they used Emla cream to numb the area, I know he did not feel it as I was there and breast feeding him as the doc performed the procedure. My second son, the "specialist:" did not use cream, she stuck a needle in my baby that was suppose to numb him, and started to cut right away...he was screaming and looking at me, I will NEVER forget the look in his eyes..the next time a doctor tells me a procedure like that will not hurt, I will ask them to prove it first. To this day I regret having him done, I still have guilt and nightmares over it 3 years later. Needless to say I dread the day I have to take him to have it repaired...

[deleted account]

My son had the same problem and the docs said just to leave it, unless it became painful or started ballooning when he pee'd. As he got older I told him to have a practice when he was in the bath, he's 10 now and has no problems at all. I'd be leaving it alone unless it causes him any problems x

Margaret - posted on 11/25/2009

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I have three boys- all adults now. My oldest was circumcised without my permission (he was in neo-natal care and it was done before I could object) many years ago but the two younger boys are not. The oldest had issues- the younger two did not. Their foreskin retracted on it's own when they were about 4-ish and they were taught to clean themselves. There is not a medical reason to circumcise a baby boy, and no reason to force the foreskin back unless there is a problem- I would go to another doctor- just because the foreskin is a bit longer than the head of his penis is not necessarily a reason to do so. He is still a baby and since it is causing him pain when done- and he is not in pain when it is left alone I would definitely check with another doctor.

Lorie - posted on 11/25/2009

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I am with Robin and many others on this soap box...circumcision is a "cosmetic" surgery and certainly NOT needed. I have a poor nephew who's mother had him done and they took too much foreskin off and now every time the boy gets an erection it hurts !!! How sad is that ??? And the fix ??? A skin graft...of some other boys circumsised skin to replace the shortage... go figure !!! And with it,side effects of desensitivity after healing. My guess, the boy will never have a good sex life. My husband and neither of our two sons (age 13 &15 ) are done.Upon the recommendation of our ped., we have never had infections or urinary tract issues and I Never Pulled their skin back !!!! Normal daily hygiene and "play" will take care of the issue. My MIL was told the old fashioned way of doing it, but I believe that information along with many parental myths is out-dated and discarded....And as a nurse I too have seen the issues with uncircumsised older men. That problem is caused by ignorant staff, not trained or not willing to do the job right, when you wash a retracted penis you pull the skin back, wash, dry and put the skin gently back over the head, this keeps the head from swelling and being pinched off by the foreskin. If this is not done properly then the resulting problem is the fault of the caregiver....Puh-Leeze !~!!

Robyn - posted on 11/25/2009

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We chose not to circumcise our two boys. My husband is also uncircumcised. I did a lot of research when we made that choice so I knew all the facts. I understood that I shouldn't pull the foreskin back because it is attached to the penis. I understood that it would retract on its own. My oldest is now four years old and one day he was on the potty and showed me that he could pull his foreskin back. It something that just naturally happens. You need to find a doctor that understands the uncircumcised penis, because what your doctor did was a violation.

And to the one that said that she doesn't agree with not circumcising: Even my second son's urologist (son has had to have surgery for undescended testicles) thinks that circumcisions are totally unneccessary. If it is kept clean then there is no problems. I understand that if a man gets to the point that he can't keep himself clean then that could be a problem. But at that point someone else is cleaning him too. And what about older ladies that can't clean themselves either. Are you going to suggest that a female circumcision be done because it would be easier. There is no difference. There is a double standard and it is unfair that our little boys are the ones that suffer.

Sorry didn't mean to get on a soap box.

Chelle - posted on 11/25/2009

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my nephews forskin was too tight and was causing him dicomfort. his doctor sugested then when he was in the bath rather then to retract it to insted just pull it left and right a bit giving it a gental strech and if this dont work for his tightness then by the time his two he will have to have it taken off...did your doctor say he/she was doing this because his foreskin had a problem or was too tight? im sure they are the only reasons you should be doing things in that area. if his penis is normal then it should be left well alone

Klara - posted on 11/25/2009

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"DON'T DO IT AT ALL", his foreskin will retract on it's own. He is way too young. My son is 2 and it is still intact. He screamed because everything is still together. Nature will take it's course. Think about pre medical days, they never removed foreskin or advanced nature. He will play with his penis and help the process on his own, be patient there is no hurry.

Alita - posted on 11/25/2009

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I have a 10mth old and was told never to worry about the penis except to wash and wipe but never pull back the foreskin. Let nature take it's own course, it was meant to be there and will retract in it's own time.

I would suggest contacting the medical council in your district to see if this is common practice for a doctor to be retracting baby's foreskin.

If if does't seem right it usually isn't.

Kim - posted on 11/25/2009

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i cant believe that anyone would tell a mum to do that let alone a doctor, i have 2 boys eldest is 5 i have NEVER touched his foreskin. it isnt needed and can cause infection, unlessn there is an actual problem with his foreskin leave well alone.

Melanie - posted on 11/25/2009

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Quoting Chelsea :

Best advice on retracting the foreskin is to let the boy do it himself when he's ready. It's attached like the seal newborn kittens have on their eyes. It will dissolve in time. Now you and your son's doctor should just leave it be and it will heal and in time your son will discover that he can pull it back. And FYI sometimes it doesn't retract until a boy hits puberty.

It never ceases to amaze me how little doctors (and parents) in America know about the natural penis. Technically, forcing the skin back before it's ready is sexual assault...



this lady is very right!!!

Melanie - posted on 11/25/2009

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I have been informed by my doctors and health visitors not to do it at all until he is about 4 or 5... start by doing it gently and if there is any pain stop... but not to try this til they are 4 or 5

Where do u live?? i dont think ur doctor should be giving u this advice.

Barb - posted on 11/25/2009

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I live in Australia. Our son who is 4 months old is uncircumcised. I asked the paediatrician about retracting the foreskin and he told us that there is no need to do it until he is about 4 years old. He told us that if you do it earlier you can actually damage the foreskin. If I was you, I would find another doctor for a second opinion. You don't want to damage it. All the best of luck

Cheryl - posted on 11/24/2009

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I think that the reason my doctor suggested it is that the foreskin is sort of "gathering" above the head of the penis so that the bulge which his the head is 2/3 of the way down from the tip of his foreskin. Does this sound like what it normally looks like?

Erin - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting Aria:

Oh my, if I were you I would be switching dr's. You are not ever supposed to retract the foreskin. Your son will do it on his own when he's ready. You can cause real damage forcing it back. It slowly detaches from the head over years. You son will play with his penis and pull on it and do what little boys do, and that's natural, how it's supposed to be. I am really glad you posted this question, I am sure there are alot of moms who don't know how to treat an intact penis, bit thankfully choosing not to circumsize is becoming more and more common.


This, exactly!

Krystal - posted on 11/24/2009

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A friend of mines son was told by the doctor to do the same but only because he hadn't fully developed the foreskin(he was 7 weeks premature) my son is 5 months old and the same doctor said that unless there is a medical reason don't bother touching it as cleaning it at this young of age will cause more harm than good

Jamie - posted on 11/24/2009

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You should never retracted the foreskin. It will do it on its own when your son is about 5 years old. It can cause a lot of problems if you force it.

Stacey - posted on 11/24/2009

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I asked my Aunty who is a midwife about this cos I wanted to know for my Son, even though I just assumed that it would start pulling back when it was meant to, and she said that you dont start doing it until they are 5ish, and you just tell them when they are in the shower to gently try to pull it back and clean it, you should never force it back because not only would that hurt but it could do damage, Im shocked that the Doctor told you to do this

Jami - posted on 11/24/2009

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Neither of my 2 sons are circumcised, Doc had told us not to pull the foreskin back to clean it, but my sister in law was told the same thing and now because they did not he has urinary tract infections. So we pull back the skin on both our boys to clean, but only once a day, have since they came home from the hospital and niether of them cry or scream when the skin was pulled back, only when we first did it then after that they were fine. I think that it is preferrence and you should do what you feel is right for you and your son.

Simone - posted on 11/24/2009

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i have been told at about 4 to 5 years , seriously if your doc told you this and did it that was so wrong hes a bloody tool and he should know better!
my son is 7 years and i only told him to do it from age of 6 as he did not understandf what to do.

Robin - posted on 11/24/2009

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I don't have an answer for, but just a comment. I'm very surprised by the number of people who have not circumcise their sons. I'm sure they are all good reasons for not doing it. However, I did want to say that it is better to have it done a child than to have it done as an adult. Children will forget about and have no problems from it. I'm a nurse and have seen men as old as 80 who have had to be circumcise and the out come has not been good.

Nikki - posted on 11/24/2009

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stop don't no way it can damage him!!!! i really will do its own thing and "pop" out when hes about 4 my son did one day he came to me and said look mom it didn't help that i had friends over thank god were all nurses and we just laughed but reall u need a 2nd opinion

[deleted account]

Oh my, if I were you I would be switching dr's. You are not ever supposed to retract the foreskin. Your son will do it on his own when he's ready. You can cause real damage forcing it back. It slowly detaches from the head over years. You son will play with his penis and pull on it and do what little boys do, and that's natural, how it's supposed to be. I am really glad you posted this question, I am sure there are alot of moms who don't know how to treat an intact penis, bit thankfully choosing not to circumsize is becoming more and more common.

Stina - posted on 11/24/2009

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All the different things doctors tell us!



Within the same office of pediatricians, I had one tell me at about 18 months to pull it back. He quickly showed me how. Then, later, I did it myself and wasn't able to pull it back over. Poor boy, his penis got all swollen and I had to bring him back in to the doctor- I was terrified that I had done something awful to him. The pediatrician pulled it back over and explained what happened.



Next visit, we saw our normal pediatrician and she told me not to worry about it, not to force it. When he gets older, to teach him to pull it back during his bathtime to let the water clean it.



He's 5 now and we've had no problems with basically leaving it alone. As he is becoming more independant in his bathing, we remind him to wash his private area, but it's uncomfortable for him to pull back the skin so we leave it alone still.

Chelsea - posted on 11/24/2009

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Best advice on retracting the foreskin is to let the boy do it himself when he's ready. It's attached like the seal newborn kittens have on their eyes. It will dissolve in time. Now you and your son's doctor should just leave it be and it will heal and in time your son will discover that he can pull it back. And FYI sometimes it doesn't retract until a boy hits puberty.



It never ceases to amaze me how little doctors (and parents) in America know about the natural penis. Technically, forcing the skin back before it's ready is sexual assault...

Suzy Gregg - posted on 11/24/2009

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I don't know what else you should try,but I do know that if you don't start retracting his foreskin now it will only hurt him worse later. I know this because I did not have my son circumcised ether and I did not retract his foreskin when he was a baby because I honestly didn't realize I needed to, and as a result at seven years old his doctor said he had to start retracting it or it would never retract. You don't want to let it go that long. Let me tell you it's much worse hearing your seven year old in scream in pain knowing you could have prevented it.

Charlie - posted on 11/24/2009

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Your doctor told you this ????
That is a worry , it is advised to NEVER retract a babies foreskin before it is ready to do it naturally , retracting a foreskin before its ready can tear the foreskin and cause infection .

Clarissa - posted on 11/24/2009

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I didn't circumcise my son either. This your asking was a concern of mine. But, I spoke with several men and they say the child eventually will do it on his own. My sister's son did it when he was 4 years old. It hurt him for a day. After that it was fine. Good luck!

Dakota - posted on 11/24/2009

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honestly I had started retracting my sons foreskin because that was what I thought was good to clean it but when I talked to my doctor about it he said that I shouldn't do that because it can actually irritate it and can cause an infection or open sore if pulled back to far... he said that it retracts by itself every time that he pees and that as long as he is taking his regular baths and just washing it like any other part of him without pulling it back it should be good enough.. I have two uncircumcised boys one is 4 and one is 2 and I have not had any issues with either one with following that advice.. I think that its a catch 22 and some drs say to do it and some say not too I think that you should look into it and maybe talk to other drs about it before deciding especially if it is so difficult for you

Firebird - posted on 11/24/2009

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I have heard that you shouldn't retract it until it starts doing it on it's own..... which is apparently around the age of 4, and to my understanding it really isn't supposed to hurt. Maybe you should ask a different doctor about it, I've also heard retracting the foreskin before it's ready can cause bad infections.

Renee - posted on 11/24/2009

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hmmm we didn't get either of our sons done either and i was told not to worry about touching the foreskin till he was least 4yrs old????

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