ADVICE!!! Wife with anger issues.

Dan - posted on 12/20/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am aware that this is a site for mothers but i need motherly advice. I am a 24 y/o soldier and my wife is a 21 stay at home mom(not her choice). We have a beautiful and extremely smart 10 month old girl who is advanced. She started walking and saying the common words in the past month. So my issue is this. My wife was never an angry person 3 years ago when we got married, but since the middle of the pregnancy and even more after the birth, she has such a short fuse and when she snaps, she snaps. It is near every day that she is yelling at our daughter for whinning or not sitting still or stupid stuff. she will be changing her diaper and will be yelling while directly looking at her or she will be frustrated with something else and will take it out on her by telling her to get the hell away and go bug your daddy for a change. It doesnt sound like much but i have been around mothers all my life considering the fact that my brother is an MNU RN and I did some clinical rounds with them. I when i talk to her about it she says that every mother does it and she doesnt have a problem. Just last night, our daughter was really tired and didnt want to be rocked and didnt want to be alone. When ever my wife would set her in her crib she would start screaming. after 20 minutes of this, she yelled at her, "You want to cry? I will let you cry all night!" and slammed the door stomping away. the reason she was frustrated to begin with was because I didnt get what she wanted on may way home from work. Maybe I am wrong.

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Dove - posted on 12/24/2012

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*It is near every day that she is yelling at our daughter for whinning or not sitting still or stupid stuff. she will be changing her diaper and will be yelling while directly looking at her or she will be frustrated with something else and will take it out on her by telling her to get the hell away and go bug your daddy for a change.

*Just last night, our daughter was really tired and didnt want to be rocked and didnt want to be alone. When ever my wife would set her in her crib she would start screaming. after 20 minutes of this, she yelled at her, "You want to cry? I will let you cry all night!" and slammed the door stomping away.

A GOOD mother would recognize that she needs help. Don't post her doing this crap, refusing to get help, and then try and say she's a good mother. Maybe you can set up a hidden camera to catch her acting like this.... protect your child. Your daughter deserves to be treated better.

Dove - posted on 12/20/2012

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It very well could be postpartum depression. She needs help now. Drive her to the doctor and tell them what is going on if that's what you have to do. It is not safe for you to leave her alone with the baby right now... no matter what you have to do to make sure that doesn't happen.

Amy - posted on 12/20/2012

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If your wife refuses to leave the house without you along with the other stuff I would say she needs some professional mental health. That's not normal behavior I understand not wanting to leave her daughter but if she gets that angry and still doesn't want a break then it sounds like there is more going on.

Amy - posted on 12/20/2012

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Maybe you should step in and give your wife a break, if you don't she could snap because it sounds like she's about to lose it! When you're home maybe you should take over the changing of diapers, entertaining, and diaper changes. Also suggest looking into daycare one or two days a week. I agree she isn't being very motherly but you haven't exactly said what you are doing to relieve some of her stress, and please don't tell me you work all day she's your daughter too!

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Dan - posted on 12/24/2012

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Alright so i took some of ya'lls advice. I started to talk to a counciler bout these issues. when she said she wanted to enroll my wife in a program, my wife said that there is no way that she will ever take those crazy pills, but what is even worse is that she said that she will not go talk because several bad things can happen... If she does end up joining the army, she does not want any psych records. and she also said that she will not let a paper trail be created that might prevent her from attaining custody if we split. she is a fantastic mother and would never steal our daughter from her, but i would not be able to sleep at night knowing that the only reason i am not with my daughter is because i did not give birth and my wife is the better parent by default. She did however agree to go to her doctor about her sleep issues and is starting to get on a better sleep schedule.

Lacye - posted on 12/20/2012

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Your wife needs to get some help with managing a baby. Her screaming at your daughter is considered emotional abuse and that could turn into physical abuse. It seems like you are trying to be there for her but she's just not wanting to take advantage of it. Have you talked to her sister about her behavior? Maybe she could help you out with the situation.

Lakota - posted on 12/20/2012

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I don't think it's that. I think she can't handle the hard parts of mothering. Screaming at your daughter is abusive. Your wife needs to talk to someone, attend parenting classes, medication, something. This isn't fair to your daughter at all.

Dan - posted on 12/20/2012

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I'm sorry i left that portion out. You are right Amy, I am rarely home. I work 12 to 14 hour, night shifts, at the ER with 5 days off every 2 weeks(not all at once). When i am home and awake. I am on the floor playing, feeding, changing, taking advantage of the time i have with her. She refuses to leave the house without me so i make sure that her and I actually go out but she refuses to leave our daughter alone with anyone unless we are doing a date night. I have asked her plenty of times to leave my daughter with me and just go tan, go to the gym, go to her friends house, drive. I didnt care. I try to give her breaks when i have the time, but she shoots them down. She apologizes when she loses control and she is a great mother. no one can make my daughter laugh the way she can. She never has any but rashes and hasnt gotten sick yet besides the high temp from the flu shot.
And a side note, her sister does come by and watch baby girl when ever my wife doesnt sleep well and needs a nap.

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