Advise on teenage dating

Caroline - posted on 01/12/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 16 year old daughter is asked by a 16 year old school mate boy for a date. Need pointers from you guys.

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Shawnn - posted on 01/13/2013

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Evelyn's points are good. I will emphasize that a 9:30 curfew for a 16 yo is a tad early. I always adjusted curfew to fit the activity.

Yes, meet the parents, if you wish. But, at 16, I was happy if the kids hung out at my house and we got to know them first. You'll know if there's anything 'off' by having him hang out at the house before allowing them out.

Do educate your daughter on how to say NO, and stand by it, as well as how to handle other situations, and about contraceptives. I'm not saying they'll jump into the backseat on the first date, but it's better to be safe.

You cannot stop your daughter from growing up, and the sooner you address relationship issues and questions with her, the better off you'll be in the long run. I was always perfectly open and honest with my kids, and my eldest (approaching 19) is still a virgin. He has plenty of girlfriends, but he's decided to wait until he finds 'the one' and marries her.

Debbie - posted on 01/13/2013

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As a mum of 3 girls and one boy, my eldest daughter is 21 and newly engaged and my 18yr old daughter has been with her boyfriend 3 years, Evelyn's points are great, most importantly I would emphasise to your daughter not to feel pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to do, that's it's ok to say no and that she can talk to you about anything, and controversial i know but of it looks like its going to turn unto a sexual relationship get contraception sorted just incase, definitely get the lad around to yours so you can get a feel for him and how he is with your daughter and curfew should be dependant on where they are going cinema etc, good luck and enjoy the next phase of being a Mum x

Evelyn - posted on 01/13/2013

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Actually that could go either way. But if they do not do it then by all means do it yourself. I never chaperoned my daughter on her dates at all. Either her dad or I would drop off and pick up after date was over and take her date home and then head home ourselves.

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Caroline - posted on 01/13/2013

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Hi Evelyn one more question. As the girls parent should we be responsible for chaperoning?

Evelyn - posted on 01/12/2013

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Another thought came to mind, there are going to be times that teens do things they do not want to have parents know about. You need to expect this to happen. They are not perfect version of a young man or woman at this point and can and will make mistakes. We as parents do that too. It is also important to note to your daughter that any of her actions will have a reaction and can in the future make or break somethings for her in later life. Talk about Facebook, texting, and taking pictures and posting them. People who are from colleges and even employers look at these a lot and if there are things on them they do not like they can decide against your daughter. If it seems questionable, tell she does not have to do what the rest do. Also check the curfew times of your city or county for deciding her curfew.

Evelyn - posted on 01/12/2013

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Yes, talking to the boys parents is also a good thing. A curfew of 9:30 might not be too good but maybe a bit later like 10ish so that if they go to a movie at say 730 they have time to get in unless the parents are driving them. If they are out in public, chaperoning is not usually necessary. But in the home they should not be out of the public rooms of the house. No bedrooms even with doors open. That can give them chances to do things you do not want. As far as alone dates, if you think they need to be chaperoned allow them some distance. But at 16 most do go on dates alone. Just do what you feel comfortable with at first and then allow the alone dates later. But do encourage one thing: Tell you daughter that she does not have to date one boy exclusively. If she does then she does not get the chance to date a lot of different types of boys and learn about what she likes in a guy and what she does not. Have her father get heavily involved at this point in her life as he does influence the kind of guy she will maybe one day marry. Have him talk to her about what guys might expect of a girl and what reactions they might have to certain things. The big point is to be open to her so she can talk to you both no matter what is going on.

Caroline - posted on 01/12/2013

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Thank you Evelyn. Should I talk to the boys parents? Should they be chaperone? Is 9:30pm curfew on weekend good? Any more specific rules? I am more concern on alone dates? Should I even allow it? Until what age?

Evelyn - posted on 01/12/2013

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If you are needing pointers from moms, I can answer this as my daughter is now married.

1) Have her invite the young man home to meet you before going on the date unless you already know him.

2) Set rules on how dating is to go. Time lines, curfews, knowing where they are going, who they will be with unless on a date alone, what time to expect back. Also make it understood if rules are not followed that there will be consequences to them.

3) Have them come to the house and hang out there.

4)Keep open communications with your child. Its important that they know that they can come to you at anytime.

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