All you moms with teenagers, have you noticed kids today are nothing like what we were as teenagers? I am wondering if it's because these kids don't have anything to stand up for. What do you all think?

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Jill - posted on 02/27/2009

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I was a jr. high teacher for 10 years (left after last school year to start my family), and I think, at least in coastal California where I live, kids these days suffer from lack of proper guidance and discipline.  I saw a marked increase between the time I started teaching to when I left of parents, particularly moms, who wanted desperately for their kids to "like" them.  They would have such a difficult time setting limits with their children because they were afraid of the conflict that would ensue.  Many of my students were never given chores around the house, even cleaning their own bedrooms.  Also, the "helicopter parent" syndrome is all too prevalent.   If a student got hurt, the parents often rushed in to solve the problems rather than guide the child in learning how to resolve the conflict on their own.  I can't tell you how many parents I've seen almost come to blows because their kids were fighting. 



On the flip side, without fail, those students who were respectful, responsible, and considerate of their peers had parents who were involved in their lives, yet allowed their children to suffer natural consequences of their behavior.  For example, rather than yell at the teacher for making tests hard, they encouraged their child to study better, longer, or whatever was needed to succeed.  They taught their kids conflict resolution, so their children were able to resolve conflicts with other kids without getting adults invovled.  In turn, they had more friends and were generally more likeable because they were easier to get along with.



Bottom line, I truly believe it comes down to the parents.

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Quoting Dorianne:

This is the generation that has had everything handed to them. They didn't have to work for it. As a parent I do take a lot of blame for that. As parents we have fostered this instant gratification atitude that teenager seem emcompasssed by. However, we need not fear because all is not lost. These teenagers will still grow in to responsible adults because outside of mommy's house the real world prevails. When the harsh realities hit them they will realize that you have to work and work HARD for all that you achieve. But of course as good moms we are there not to say "I told you so" but to comfort and support



I agree 100% with you on this. Nothing like a good dose of reality to make them realize what life is really like. But my question becomes now, when and how do you send them off into this world to find this out for themselves? In my case, I have a 17 year old that thinks he knows everything but has NO idea what he is doing with his life after high school. He is a decent student with a B average. He's very friendly and outgoing, but he has no ambitions and is a follower and a "pretty boy" who has been in trouble before for pot use. As a single mother with hardly no support from their father, I've explained to him that I do not have the funds to pay for a wasted year of college for him to "figure out" what he wants to study. He graduates from HS next year and he HAS to move out. I suggested that since he seems to be interested in certain technical fields, he should enlist in the Airforce where he could get the training (and discipline) he needs or take his time there to decide what he would like to do later. 



In his opinion though, he would like to just graduate and imediately go to work for NJ Transit like me. He thinks that because I work there, he can get a job immediately through my connections. All he sees is the nice paycheck and benefits. I want him to do more. I refuse to have him settle for this just because its easy. I've explained to him countless times that although I am grateful for my good job, it is not what I envisioned doing with my life. I HAD to take this job in order to support him and his sister. He has choices still. So ultimately, my question is, what do I do when he graduates? Kick him out so he can move on with his life and learn that everything isn't handed to him on a silver platter? I'm afraid that if I don't do anything, he will be under my wing forever.

Dorianne - posted on 03/02/2009

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This is the generation that has had everything handed to them. They didn't have to work for it. As a parent I do take a lot of blame for that. As parents we have fostered this instant gratification atitude that teenager seem emcompasssed by. However, we need not fear because all is not lost. These teenagers will still grow in to responsible adults because outside of mommy's house the real world prevails. When the harsh realities hit them they will realize that you have to work and work HARD for all that you achieve. But of course as good moms we are there not to say "I told you so" but to comfort and support

[deleted account]

I work as an educational consultant helping parents of "troubled teens" find placements in therapeutic programs. From my experience, it seems that the world teenagers live in today is very different from our generation with very different pressures. I don't think that they "don't have anything to stand up for" but I think they do receive mixed messages about expectations.

Shelly - posted on 03/01/2009

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Gale,



  I think a big part of the problem is that are children have been taught that they are owed something for nothing and another part of the problem is that some parents think they need to be thier friends and not thier parents....They are so afraid that thier kids are going to hate them...Well the days that my children tell me they hate me Ifigure I  must be doing something right...If you remember right our parents were are parents and we respected that.  Kids now a days are taught in our public school system that they have rights and that thier parents don't, thats why they have so many problems in schools with  the teacher having no athority There is a book out awhile ago called "Dumbing down our children" see if you can get a copy and read it it might scare ya to find out whats going on in schools these days!!!  Brad and I took the old fashion approach to our boys we believed in spanking and we didn't buy them every fancy toy that came out if they wanted it they earned it...It's called installing responcibility into our boys...As the saying goes " The two best things you can give your children is roots and wings not loot and things...And ya know with the economy the way it is we might just get back to that b/c mom and dad can't just dole out the cash like they were!!!   Thats one good thing I have seen in these tough times is that familys are starting to realy on each other again.  Not just parents and children but siblings and Aunts and uncles nieghbors helping nieghbors isn't that what it's suppose to be all about...for to long we have all kind of became islands...trying to do it alone!!!  I thank God for this site were we can have these kinds of conversations....God bless....

Keri - posted on 03/01/2009

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Thanks for your help, yeah my 9 year old is a rock. I am hoping once we move to the city that with the help of my parents and brothers, my 14 year old will get what i know he is craving (some guy attention).

I have tried to get to the root of what is going on in school but all i get out of him is that he hates the teachers. Starting tomorrow he is going back and things will change at home, i guess i just tried to make up for lost time but i know i cant spend the rest of my life living in guilt. I have enough with my 16 yr old, i am looking for long term care for him so i can return to work. We are drowning in bills and i have to go back to work. But i feel bad that i am looking into long term care because he is my son and i love him very much, just cant look after him full time with no income. Its funny how life can throw you a huge road block to get over, we were doing just fine on our own till last year.

I just find it hard on my own.

Gale - posted on 03/01/2009

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Quoting Keri:

I too do agree with everyone. I have 4 kids, my oldest is 21 and two teenage boys and a 9 yr old girl. My 14 year old is the one i am having trouble with. I live in a small town in Canada. A year ago my 16 year old went to the city for a surgery, it was a routine surgery but he had a alergic reaction to the anestetic and all his major organs shut down. They kept him alive on life support and flew him to another province with a larger hospital. I went with him ( i am a single parent, my other two kids stayed with friends) so we were 5 hours away from home. Long story short, we stayed there for 8 months, he had a heart transplant. He now is confined to a bed or wheelchair and requires 24 hour care. He takes up alot of time. I got really soft on my 14 year old out of guilt for being gone so long.
Starting school in september 2008, he was a different child. My quiet son with one of two friends became the popular kid with 20 friends. (he is in grade 9). He skipped school constantly, and i couldnt keep track of him. Now he has an average of 13% and needless to say is failing grade 9. I want to him to repeat grade 9, but the school system doesnt believe in failing a child. It doesnt seem to be about academics anymore. I will make them fail him but i cannot believe with a 13% average that they would put him into grade 10.
I seem to have lost him in all this medical stuff. My 16 year old still has appointments in the city once a month and he just came home beginning of February (he was in our local hospital till then). My 9 year old is demanding, so my 14 year old is on the side burner. I dont know how to change things around. I am drained emotionally and physically. We are planning to move to the city at the end of june, closer to family so i can have help but my 14 year old refuses to go to school. I dont know how to convince him the importance of an education. His father is a dead beat who stays incontact just enough to mess with my kids, he has drug and alcohol problems and has never held a job. How do i fix what my guilt has created? He is otherwise a good boy, not disrespectful outwardly to me, polite to other people, he has just turned to his friends to a degree. I dont understand the school thing, he just refuses to go and i have tried everything. I know that i have to be firm, lay down the law but dont want my home to be a war zone.


You know "stuff happens". You did not plan anything that happened to you son, nor your demands to care and be with him. If it was any of your other children you would have done the exact thing. What you need to do is set some limits for your 14 year old before he gets himself into serious trouble. Give him his limitations and his conquences. Make it tough for him to do anything but what you are wanting for him.



We have the beauty of an alternative school for kids that fit his description. The truth of the matter is that there has to be something at school that he is not wanting to face. I'll be the first to admit high school is rough, it's a place where you are just a number, well if you are lucky. Try to find out what is going on at his school. Work with him to find an alternative learning environment that he will participate in.



The 9 yr old, well she's just fine. She can be a big helper for her brother, she can read and help entertain him, and become a rock for both you and your son.



Keep us posted, as we are all concerned now for you all:)

Kelly - posted on 03/01/2009

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Wow, you have had it rough! So sorry for all you have gone through, with the medical problems. The first thing I would think of, would be that whatever help you can get from family after you move, or from your 21-year-old, or from whomever, you can use to take care of your son with the medical problems. This would free you up to spend time with your 14-year-old. I don't know at this age if you really can get him to understand the importance of education. He just may not be quite mature enough yet to look at the future. I think I would just take the stand that he needs to do it because Mom said so. I would just approach it honestly with him and let him know that yes, some bad stuff has happened, and yes, maybe he was neglected unintenionally for awhile, but now Mom is BACK in action, and together you are going to get caught up and get right in school. And if you have to sit down with him every single night and go over his work and keep him going you will. Maybe ask teachers for weekly reports, emails, etc. on his progress, whatever it takes. I think he would appreciate the attention and the effort you make to get his life back together. At first he might resent it, or act like he does, but really, kids do like to have your undivided (as much as possible) attention. I would just let him know you are doing this because you believe in him, and want him to be able to do what he wants later in life, even if he doesn't think it matters now. Well, this is just my reaction to your situation. It might not work for you or your son, but good luck, I hope he is able to come around for you.

Keri - posted on 03/01/2009

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I too do agree with everyone. I have 4 kids, my oldest is 21 and two teenage boys and a 9 yr old girl. My 14 year old is the one i am having trouble with. I live in a small town in Canada. A year ago my 16 year old went to the city for a surgery, it was a routine surgery but he had a alergic reaction to the anestetic and all his major organs shut down. They kept him alive on life support and flew him to another province with a larger hospital. I went with him ( i am a single parent, my other two kids stayed with friends) so we were 5 hours away from home. Long story short, we stayed there for 8 months, he had a heart transplant. He now is confined to a bed or wheelchair and requires 24 hour care. He takes up alot of time. I got really soft on my 14 year old out of guilt for being gone so long.

Starting school in september 2008, he was a different child. My quiet son with one of two friends became the popular kid with 20 friends. (he is in grade 9). He skipped school constantly, and i couldnt keep track of him. Now he has an average of 13% and needless to say is failing grade 9. I want to him to repeat grade 9, but the school system doesnt believe in failing a child. It doesnt seem to be about academics anymore. I will make them fail him but i cannot believe with a 13% average that they would put him into grade 10.

I seem to have lost him in all this medical stuff. My 16 year old still has appointments in the city once a month and he just came home beginning of February (he was in our local hospital till then). My 9 year old is demanding, so my 14 year old is on the side burner. I dont know how to change things around. I am drained emotionally and physically. We are planning to move to the city at the end of june, closer to family so i can have help but my 14 year old refuses to go to school. I dont know how to convince him the importance of an education. His father is a dead beat who stays incontact just enough to mess with my kids, he has drug and alcohol problems and has never held a job. How do i fix what my guilt has created? He is otherwise a good boy, not disrespectful outwardly to me, polite to other people, he has just turned to his friends to a degree. I dont understand the school thing, he just refuses to go and i have tried everything. I know that i have to be firm, lay down the law but dont want my home to be a war zone.

Cassie - posted on 03/01/2009

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I totally agree. I am fairly young still and I can see a difference in just a few years. I have a teaching license and spend lots of days subbing. I only graduated about 7 yrs ago, so I would have thought these kids I see would behave as well as I did in high school, but they don't. They don't respect people, they take a lot for granted, and they are rude. I could go on and on. I think something needs to be done about all the kids turning around and telling their parents if they don't do something they are requesting, they will sue them or put them in jail. The kids need to grow up and take responsibility! Urg...

Sarra - posted on 03/01/2009

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i'v just relised that after reading all of your replie and veiws i'm the only one in the uk your all from america just felt very proud of our failing system may be were not letting our children down as much as we think.

Sarra - posted on 03/01/2009

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i'm goingto be the savior of teenagers it seems being in the uk yes we have a chav culture of lazy,idel,will be benifit scroungers but saying that my sons school and his mates have a high standard the school moto is learn,acheive,suceed,there is so much presure that at thhe age of 13-14yr kids should know what career they want to go into and have collage and uni to aim towards and between conversations on xbox games and ps3 games education and future plans till they really old 30 in there eye lol so tey see to be under a lot of presure,my only worry is that i was always out on my bike or out with sun and home when it was dark maybe popping home for food lol but kids today don.t seem to go out as much do to the yob culture and undesirable people,sad but true,i love being with teenager even listening to there problems hope fully giving a few boys an idea on how a girl should be treated[the day of shilvery will arise]but i keeps me young and they have so many interesting thing to say .

Gale - posted on 02/28/2009

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Quoting Joann:

Children today do not have the discipline or consequences that we had in the past. Most people are completely against corporal punishment and it no longer exists within the schools. The extent of punishment for our children in their schools today is a good talking too, or suspension from school, or detention. Parents no longer have the “right” to discipline their children and all too often are too busy to even care. This new parenting mindset came from Dr. Spock of the 1970’s and this man’s only child ended up committing suicide and yet the schools and most parents still follow this man’s ideas on how to raise, discipline and punish our children. We have also taught out kids that no matter how well they do in sports or other areas they will still get a trophy, which gives children the impression that they don’t need to try hard to reach the top that mediocre is okay, they’ll still win either way. Many years ago our government thought it was best to tell the parents of the United States how they will raise, teach, and discipline their children and we are beginning to see the direct results of that in our children today. Think about it….all the shootings in our high schools, parents killed by their kids and now an eleven year old boy being brought up on charges of shooting his pregnant step-mother! When parents are allowed to be parents again, schools start issuing strong punishments for bad behavior, we stop pampering our children, and teach them the difference between right and wrong and give them strong consequences for bad actions our children will begin to improve, but I sometimes wonder if we’ve gone to far to turn back now???



Joann,



 



You have hit the nail directly on the head. You are right in everything you have shared. I don't think we have gone too far to change things back, but parents have to decide to stand up and be the adult, the one in charge and grab the bull by the horns and set it straight. What my husband calls, "the tail wagging the dog".



There are so many mom's on this website that are steady excusing their children's behavior. It almost makes me sick to my stomach. It does not matter what age your child is, right is right and wrong is wrong. No excuses.

[deleted account]

I think that kids are definitely different.  We say, that when we were kids if we did some of the things that our kids do, then we would get our butts beat.  However, teachers and parents have had our hands tied with the amount of discipline that we are "allowed" to dish out.  We can't reprimand our children because we certainly don't want them to feel bad about themselves.  We have to reward them for mediocre work so that they have good self esteems.  The result is that children feel as though poor or mediocre work is good enough.



We also involve them with so many activities and homework, that they don't have time to just decompress and be children.  No one honors committments any more either.  No one actually feels obligated to follow through with committments that they make and their children are following suit.  Today, it is perfectly acceptable to say that you will go to a birthday party and then just not show up if something better comes along.  No phone call, no apology, no feeling of guilt.



How do we find the right balance?  Being a good partent is not easy, but the rewards will last a lifetime!

Andra - posted on 02/28/2009

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I totally agree with Jill. I have three teenaged daughters. The two eldest are in public high school, while I still homeschool the youngest one (she is dyslexic and a little behind--we had issues with the public school). And I am still homeschooling their younger brothers. The kids in their public school are so different from the way we were...they have no respect for authority and have no work ethic. Everything is done for them. My girls were in shock for months when they started going to ps because of the way the kids acted. Hannah (my oldest) cried FOR THEM for weeks. She prayed for them..and still does. She told me, "Mama, they don't understand what they are doing and what they are missing!" She really hurt for them. She has told me many times that she wishes we could adopt them all so they could see what life is really all about...that real love exists and when you work, you feel better about yourself. She will be going to college next fall and wants to be an English teacher...(Not bragging on myself as a parent because God did it through me...I didn't really know what I was doing!)

Manon - posted on 02/28/2009

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your right they are not the dif is we were disaplyne and they are not thats because we are not allowed to raise them like we wont

we can't spink their ass and we all know that sometime they deserve it.

Amie - posted on 02/28/2009

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I don't have teenagers, yet, but I'd like to share my opinion as I have teenage siblings. I'm 27 but I can remember my parents would say the same thing. They had it harder, kids were losing respect, they had no ambition, etc, etc. The one thing they did agree on though is it's not the kids fault really, it's the parents. From a young age parents need to guide and teach their children and set a good example for them. If they don't it's the kids that suffer.

I can remember being a teen and going through some rough times. I was venting to a friend the one day about how my parents always wanted to be involved, they wanted to know but not help me get out of trouble. Her response kind of took me by surprise. She said, at least your parents care enough to want to be involved. I had never thought about it like that until she said so. To me they were just being meddlesome and unhelpful. I was 16 at the time. Even after hearing it though I still didn't truly get it until I had my own kids. I truly do want to do everything for them but also know on the flip side if I do they'll end up spoiled rotten little boobs that will expect everything to come from mom and dad. I want respectful, responsible children so I'm doing my best to raise them that way.

I'm close with all of them but they know too I am not their friend. Their friends may like me and think I'm a cool mom but they've also seen me tear a strip off my kids and put them in time out if they deserved it. I remember the first time it happened with my oldest. She was 5 and decided since her friends were allowed to go down the block where I can't see them she could too. I looked outside and she was gone. I was out the door in a shot and looking. Didn't take me long to find her either. I told her in no uncertain terms I do not care what other parents are doing, she has to follow our rules. The one kid wasn't such a great influence and actually tried to tell me to chill out and let Nicole play. I took her hand and took her home too. Told her parents what happened and why I was bringing her home. They did nothing about it but I wasn't surprised. Their parenting skills were lacking to say the least. I would never allow my kids to speak to one of their elders that way and get away with it. She no longer has contact with that child or her other siblings. Parents like that really infuriate me! It is up to us, as their parents, to teach them respect, responsibility, consequences, boundaries, etc. If they don't get that from us where are they going to get it from? Teachers and other adults should not have to carry the burden of our children. We had them they are OUR responsibility.

As for my own teenage siblings they're good kids. They do have all the bells and whistle toys that are available out there now but they've earned them. My sister is 15 and is looking for another job. My parents recently moved so she had to quit her last one. My brother who is 14 has been looking at college/university options and trying to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life after high school. They have a good relationship with my parents and with me and our one other brother who is a year younger than me. While they don't go to mom and dad about everything, what teen wants to really? lol! They have my other brother and I for the things they want to talk about. Mostly it's to complain about certain behavior they see people their age engaging in (drinking & drugs mostly, sometimes sex) They come to us though because they don't want to worry mom or dad. And while we try to keep their confidences some things we do go back and tell mom and dad about if it poses a threat to them. Of course they don't always like it but given a little time they get over it and see why we told. =) I'm not saying their completely mature yet either. They still have a ways to go but over all their on the right road and moving towards adulthood with good heads on their shoulders.

Joann - posted on 02/28/2009

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Children today do not have the discipline or consequences that we had in the past. Most people are completely against corporal punishment and it no longer exists within the schools. The extent of punishment for our children in their schools today is a good talking too, or suspension from school, or detention. Parents no longer have the “right” to discipline their children and all too often are too busy to even care. This new parenting mindset came from Dr. Spock of the 1970’s and this man’s only child ended up committing suicide and yet the schools and most parents still follow this man’s ideas on how to raise, discipline and punish our children. We have also taught out kids that no matter how well they do in sports or other areas they will still get a trophy, which gives children the impression that they don’t need to try hard to reach the top that mediocre is okay, they’ll still win either way. Many years ago our government thought it was best to tell the parents of the United States how they will raise, teach, and discipline their children and we are beginning to see the direct results of that in our children today. Think about it….all the shootings in our high schools, parents killed by their kids and now an eleven year old boy being brought up on charges of shooting his pregnant step-mother! When parents are allowed to be parents again, schools start issuing strong punishments for bad behavior, we stop pampering our children, and teach them the difference between right and wrong and give them strong consequences for bad actions our children will begin to improve, but I sometimes wonder if we’ve gone to far to turn back now???

[deleted account]

I do think kids are different these days...Then I also wonder what our parents thought about us when we were teenagers!?  I too believe it's up to the parents. Like it always has been! We are the ones that instill the wrong and right into these kids.

Alicia - posted on 02/28/2009

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there is a difference with the kids now a days even from when i was younger. if i acted like most of the kids today i would have gotten my butt kicked! also remember alot of kids are having kids now a days. they have no clue how to be curteous themselves let alone teach their babies!

Kelly - posted on 02/28/2009

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I think that having good communication with them is really important, from the time they are little. My kids know I am not their "friend", but I am someone who remembers how it is to be a kid. My parents were really EXTREMELY strict, and were the type that thought that kids don't grow an opinion (or feelings) until they are old enough to vote. We have always been the type of parents who do things with our kids and are involved in their lives because we honestly love kids. I enjoy spending time with my kids, at any age. But I know that loving my kids means it is my responsibility to turn them into productive, responsible, trustworthy, caring, and yes, happy individuals. They get that, at least so far. My 17-year-old told me recently, that looking back, he had a great childhood and wouldn't have changed anything. He didn't want anything from me at the time, we were just alone in the car talking. And trust me, we were some of the more strict parents of any that we know. My kids don't get to watch PG-13 movies until they are actually 13. My 15-year-old still can't watch R rated movies. They aren't allowed on 4-wheelers, and they for sure aren't going to anyone's house unless I know the parents (have relaxed that a little with the oldest, but I'm still very picky about parties and such, I have to at least know and like the kid). So I agree that being their "friend" is not what they need. If you always make a point to help them understand why you make the decisions you make, I have found teenagers to be easy to reason with.

Fleur - posted on 02/28/2009

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Of course they are we had a lot more freedom than them and we did not realise what the world was like, and as mum's ourselves we do not want them to know so little as a result they are more worldly than we ever where... They stand up for there own rights, or mine does at least, yet is still willing to listen to what I may have to say..

Dora - posted on 02/28/2009

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Quoting Angela:

I definitely notice a high level of incompetence. It's weird because when I was younger I was expected to do a lot, (as were other kids at the time) and I met those expectations. Now it seems like kids are not expected to do anything. They also seem to have a very entitled attitude, which bothers me a lot.



You are right on!

Dora - posted on 02/28/2009

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Are we moms with teenagers of today like moms of yesteryear? Different times now!

Gale - posted on 02/28/2009

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Quoting Denna:



Quoting Gale:

All you moms with teenagers, have you noticed kids today are nothing like what we were as teenagers? I am wondering if it's because these kids don't have anything to stand up for. What do you all think?







I really don't blame the kids. It is the parents who have let the kids take control of the homes now. The kids are telling the parents what  and when they will do something. And what's worse is the parents are letting them do it. Kids have lost all respect for authority because of this. Therefore, they do as they please with virtually no consequences. The parents need to assume their roles to be their kids' parent first before trying to be their friend.





While it is very true what you are saying, as is it true what many mothers here have said, parenting has more to do with what I see than most other external factors. But, let me share some specifics that I have noticed over the years and had to battle in my own home.



For some reason: parents are busy trying to "keep up with the Jones". I remember my oldest coming hom in first grade and insisting he could not go back to school unless he had Nike socks. He was forced to wear the right clothes, or be castigated.



Secondly, there are the parents like many here have mentioned that want to be best friends with their children. I tell mine all the time, that I am NOT their friend. Same as my students, this is not a friend you are looking at. LOL



Then there are those parents who just don't give a rip about their children. I'm sure everyone here has seen these parents. If you are in educationing the young, you see it daily. There are so many parents with serious issues that are preventing them from parenting. Drugs, alcohol, or just down right sorriness.



Three very visible situations that keep parents from doing the right thing by their children, and there we are sending our children to school with these types of children, and it just rubs off. I'm sure everyone has head that familiar phrase, "Johnny gets to do it", or "Johnnie can go" or ""Johnnie has one".



Do you give in? 

Kim - posted on 02/27/2009

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I agree with the post be Kelly Wally.  So far... Knock on wood .. my teens are doing way better than I did as a teen. I think a lot of it has to do with the amount of quality time you spend with your kids. Take time to talk with them openly about the things you have done in the past. I don't tell them all the details, but my hopes are that they will learn from my mistakes. They don't see me as a hypocrite. They see someone who has learned some hard lessons. Not to mention having to be responsible for my actions. I have also put a lot of time into reading with my kids beginning right from birth. I am very picky about what I allow my kids to watch on TV. Some of that is out of my control for my teens now.. but when they were younger and I am that way with my younger 2. I didn't allow a lot of the video games, either. I think that a lot of parents just want to keep them busy doing something so they have more time for themselves. I'm by no means the perfect parent.. FAR from it. The more time you spend with your kids when they're young, the better the chances, I think. I've had some difficulties with my 9 yr old son.. but he  was diagnosed with a couple of disorders. Be sure you're not overlooking anything like that. Kids these days are very spoiled ! Times have definitely changed !

Denna - posted on 02/27/2009

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Quoting Gale:

All you moms with teenagers, have you noticed kids today are nothing like what we were as teenagers? I am wondering if it's because these kids don't have anything to stand up for. What do you all think?




I really don't blame the kids. It is the parents who have let the kids take control of the homes now. The kids are telling the parents what  and when they will do something. And what's worse is the parents are letting them do it. Kids have lost all respect for authority because of this. Therefore, they do as they please with virtually no consequences. The parents need to assume their roles to be their kids' parent first before trying to be their friend.

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I agree. I'm often at a loss myself on how to reach a happy medium. I believe my kids have been spoiled and given too much in their life. For this reason they are unappreciative of what they DO have and expect everything handed to them on a silver platter and I admit that I have contributed to this behavior. Growing up, I had VERY strict parents. I wasn't allowed to even sit in front of my house for more than 5 minutes at a time. Needless to say, there were no parties, no friends & practically no life. Because of this, I felt suffocated and needing to get out of that situation got pregnant at 14 and was kicked out to face the consequences on my own. Now that my own children are 17 and 13, I thought that by doing the opposite of what my parents did to me would be the answer. I do have limits. They are not out until whatever time they want. They are hardly ever out, but i do occasionally let them go to friends' parties (something I was NEVER allowed to do). And they do have alot of nice things & clothes that my parents never gave me. STILL there are issues. They are lazy and unappreciative. They will do what I tell them.... but why should I be the one to tell them to pick up the empty containers they leave on the counters? or when to wash their clothes? or clean their rooms? Why must they STILL lie to me about what they do? Sneak out at night? steal my car while I'm at work or sleeping? etc...etc...

Kathlene - posted on 02/27/2009

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i'm thinking your right. I have a 13 old boy and he is now fighting with us about everything. He is having trouble in school and we have been on him every day but nothing seem to work. There are days that i just pull my hair out. He always ask us about jobs and if you have to go to college for them and how many years. we have tried to get him excited about it all and he just slacks off and i told home if i were doing what he does at work i would be fired. and he justs laugh



 

Kelly - posted on 02/27/2009

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I actually just want to say, that my teenagers are much better people than we (me, my husband, our friends) were. My boys attend a really small charter (not private) school. It is geared toward college prep and leadership, and has been a wonderful environment. I strongly encourage alternatives to traditional high school, if the opportunity arises. By the way, they both chose to go there, over going to the high school with the kids they had known their whole lives. My boys are really involved in our church also, but honestly, so was I as a teen, and I still was not a very good person. I just wanted anyone with younger kids to know, raising teenagers isn't always as bad as you hear about. I think the high school years are so much better than the middle school years.

Kathlyn - posted on 02/27/2009

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Just don't give up on them. Life now is harder on us so it will be much harder on them in the years to come.

Kathlyn - posted on 02/27/2009

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i THINK the generation of kids now just don't have a care of a worry in this world. They don't fear anything and I'm fearful for them.

Christina - posted on 02/27/2009

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Quoting Jill:



I was a jr. high teacher for 10 years (left after last school year to start my family), and I think, at least in coastal California where I live, kids these days suffer from lack of proper guidance and discipline.  I saw a marked increase between the time I started teaching to when I left of parents, particularly moms, who wanted desperately for their kids to "like" them.  They would have such a difficult time setting limits with their children because they were afraid of the conflict that would ensue.  Many of my students were never given chores around the house, even cleaning their own bedrooms.  Also, the "helicopter parent" syndrome is all too prevalent.   If a student got hurt, the parents often rushed in to solve the problems rather than guide the child in learning how to resolve the conflict on their own.  I can't tell you how many parents I've seen almost come to blows because their kids were fighting. 






On the flip side, without fail, those students who were respectful, responsible, and considerate of their peers had parents who were involved in their lives, yet allowed their children to suffer natural consequences of their behavior.  For example, rather than yell at the teacher for making tests hard, they encouraged their child to study better, longer, or whatever was needed to succeed.  They taught their kids conflict resolution, so their children were able to resolve conflicts with other kids without getting adults invovled.  In turn, they had more friends and were generally more likeable because they were easier to get along with.






Bottom line, I truly believe it comes down to the parents.






I couldn't agree more.  I think that we need to stop pointing our fingers at the younger generations and start realizing that the older generations are responsible for raising them.  I understand that you only have control over your kids for so long.  You can't keep your 16 year old around you all the time to make sure that they are behaving and representing themselves in a manner that you approve of, but that's why you instill the traits into your kids at a young age that you want them to exemplify when they get older.

Angela - posted on 02/27/2009

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I definitely notice a high level of incompetence. It's weird because when I was younger I was expected to do a lot, (as were other kids at the time) and I met those expectations. Now it seems like kids are not expected to do anything. They also seem to have a very entitled attitude, which bothers me a lot.

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