am i a bad mom?

Joan - posted on 02/27/2010

you are not a bad mum, have you seen baby einsteine dvd s, there is one that plays motzart music while showing bright coloured tpys and patterns, but your baby in a vibrating chair infront of the screen and if you are lucky baby will be so inquisitive about the colours and music, i did this with my grandaughter and when my other 3 grandchildren were born the dvd made its way to their house, some ppl will say its wrong to put your child in front of the tv, but when needs must....i used to sit my children in their bouncy chair in front of the washing machine!!!..good luck...oh have you thought about baby massage, most health centres with health visitors are bound to have one trained up for this, i went with my second daughter and watched her learn with her daughter (second grandaughter), it was blill and some of the body strokes help with colic, what have you got to lose, plus you meet other new mums, as for your husband..its his lose...not seeing babys smile, or watching baby while sleeping, some men are like that, mine didn't and wouldn't change nappies, mind they were the real terry one's !!!!!! xxj

Jodi - posted on 02/27/2010

Ladies, thank you for your input :)

Jodi Adams
WtCoM Moderator

Rebekah - posted on 02/27/2010

BLESS YOU! My son cried constantly for 6 months. The doctors told me it was colic, but a Mom can only take so much! I was getting NO sleep and walking a path through my carpet. I finally took him to an ENT and had him scoped only to find out that he had Acid Reflux. They put him on medicine and 1 week later he started sleeping through the night and was a MUCH happier baby.

Wendy - posted on 02/27/2010

I agree with all the mommas and grandmas who say that it is not good for either mom or baby for mom to try to deal with a crying baby when she is overwhelmed and stressed out. I promise you that as long as all of baby's other needs have been met, fed, dry, comfy clothes and comfortable temperature, you should check to make sure that nothing is causing the baby pain or injury and then walk away and get yourself calm. When my second child was born, we didn't know that he was autistic, and he was just miserable, poor little guy. I had to teach myself to get him squared away, and then I would go sit in my car and cry and get it out of my system, then when I was calm again, I could go back and deal with my son. I always made sure that he was safe in his crib or his pack and play, his diaper was clean and he had at least attempted to feed before I went outside, but boy did it ever help to just get my little "pity party" done and over with, and then I could handle helping him get himself calm again. Babies are amazing creatures, they intuitively know when Mom is stressed out, and they will respond to that accordingly. If you have a friend or a neighbor that can come over and back you up, that would be a big help as well, because even if all they do is come over and sit with you while you deal with the baby, at least you have an ear and a shoulder, you know? There is no such thing as a perfect Momma, and you are only setting yourself up for failure if you think you have to be perfect. All you can do is the best that you know how to do, love your baby above all else, and take care of yourself so that you can handle taking care of your little one. That's why we are all in this group, isn't it? Emotional support is extremely important, and the more you have, the more control you will have over everything in your life.

Mary - posted on 02/27/2010

HE is 4.5 MONTHS OLD

Lindsey - posted on 02/27/2010

Try Nutramagin formula by Enfamil. Very expensive, but did the trick for my SUPER fussy baby. Good luck to you....It will get better. Your husband needs to step it up!

Aimee - posted on 02/27/2010

no! it doesn't make u a bad mom. he needs to be a big boy. u'll have to tell him that he's 41/2 now and when ur out shopping look for kids his age and say look he's ur age and his mommy or daddy aren't holding him... u don't ask ur hubby to watch ur son, u tell him i'm going to the store i'll be back. he'll get over it. my daughter doesn't play w/ her toys for long either,so i don't know what to say there. hope i helped u out in anyway.

Mary - posted on 02/27/2010

Your son is starting to see that his crying will get you to hold him and carry him. I would suggest that you start to put him in swing, bouncer, or crib and allow him to cry himself to sleep if need be. You need your sanity and this is very important stage in the life of your son. You are a great mom by even thinking that you are a bad mom :)

Cathy - posted on 02/27/2010

Try getting one of those exercise balls you can sit on. Then you can sit on it with the baby and bounce...much easier on your back. You can also get a baby carrier to put on your front or back which frees your arms and is easier on your back, as well. You're not a bad mom. It's better to put your baby down than get crazy 'cause he's crying. BUT it's also important to get creative, 'cause they need a lot of attention for the first year. Take him for a ride in the car or in a stroller. Think swaddling and movement and before you know it you'll be past the fussy phase.

Kylie - posted on 02/27/2010

My daughter was like that, luckily she wasn't too heavy though. She constantly had to be in my arms, I had all the swings, bouncers and toys available and she refused to sleep or sit happy unless in my arms either. I bought a baby rock sling and I would carry her around in that until she went to sleep, usually not too long, then hang her in the sling on a makeshift holder and she wouldn't notice she wasn't being carried around anymore. This would usually give me a few hours at a time, it was the only way I could get her to sleep more than a couple of minutes at a time and have my arms free. It was my lifesaver otherwise I was going insane. This was good for a while then everything settled down by itself and we were all happy.

Clare - posted on 02/27/2010

You definitely need time out. Can you ont talk to your husband re the problems you are having? After all a new baby is supposed to be shared by both parents.Iit should not be one sided.

Have you seen your doctor or health nurse about your baby's crying problem. There could be a valid reason for his problem. They may be able to recommend somewhere where you could take him to have his problems assessed. It could just be a sleeping problem which has mounted up. Try and talk to a proffessional.

Patricia - posted on 02/27/2010

Don't feel bad, you Do NEED a time off. Too bad your husband doesn't help, and I know first had when you don't have anybody to help you with your baby. You can go crazy and please be careful with Postp. depression. My son was very demanding too when he was a baby and at times I felt so overwhelmed. A baby swing can do wonders. Try one and play with him a little while he's in there, that way he'll adjust better to it.

Good luck and hang in there ...it'll get better.

Patricia

Amy - posted on 02/27/2010

I don't think you are a bad mom. Try not too be so hard on yourself. Sometimes it's helpful to have a stroller if you are going to do a lot of walking since that can be hard on a little one and wear them out. It's okay to let him cry. Let him know that he's a big boy and tell him when your tried or your back hurts. I let my youngest one know when I cannot hold her and that "mommy has an owie on her back". Try to be patient. If you give in, you may not only injure yourself but you will reinforce that all he has to do is cry to get his way.

Pamela - posted on 02/27/2010

I'm assuming by now, you ruled out any physical problem at his last well baby visit. Try putting him a walker-let him discover that he can move by himself!! That could be exciting!!

Zandria - posted on 02/27/2010

I say you are doing just the right thing. It isn't healthy for him or you to carry him like he is attatched to you. I am a 15 year child care teacher who specializes in infants and toddlers. If he is to grow and learn that he is ok playing independantly, he may need to cry until he catches on that playing by himself is fun! Just hang in there, it won't take forever.

Samantha-Jo - posted on 02/27/2010

try colic water. He might have gas problems. My husband would lay our son on his chest while he was laying down watching tv and rub his back, you can try that too, or a rocking chair, there are alot of little tricks. Try making the shhhhhh sound, it helped with my youngest. I know it's frustrating, but get to know your baby, what bothers him and what he likes. You can try bathing him with that lavender body wash for babies, it helps them sleep.

Tracy - posted on 02/27/2010

!st of all your baby is not a big anything he is a baby and is trying to tell you something find a great snuggie and wear him for a while-one of mine need to be kept close for the 1st 18 months or so-she is now a very independent woman-Your child is only a baby for such a short time don't let is slip by with out enjoying him and letting him draw his comfort from you-your his momma you'll do great

Catherine - posted on 02/27/2010

First off you are not a bad mom.....it won't hurt him to cry.....he needs another distraction....maybe a music box or an exersaucer....my daughter always put her boys for tummy time and they cried but she tried to put herself in another place. Babies don't come with manuals its a total learning curve and every baby is so different....good luck and keep your chin up

Anna - posted on 02/27/2010

There are worse things you could do, so no it doesn't make you a bad mom. Eventually he will get used to it. You feel like you're going crazy because you are long over due for a break, so stop asking and put your foot down and tell your hubby you are going to get your nails done, hair done or whatever makes you feel better. Let him get mad. You should be upset that he doesn't seem to think you need one. I would take at least one day a week if possible to do something for you or start with 20min. a day of alone time to relax. Oh and your baby will play with his toys longer as he gets older just be patient.

Karie - posted on 02/27/2010

"..does it make me a bad mom cause i wont walk around with him?" No, this does NOT make you a bad mom. This is good for your son. If you constantly hold him when he cries, the issue will get worse when he's older. Sometimes you just gotta let him cry. If you know he's fed, changed, not sick in any way, then he's fine and he's just doing it for attention. Which of course isn't a bad thing, but if it's ALL the time, then it can become issue. Keep in mind, this wont stop if you keep doing it. If you need a day off, by all means take one! If your hubby gets mad at you for asking for some time alone, that's not fair, he needs to step up and take some responsibility. He needs to be there for YOU and support YOU as well as your son. If you have nowhere to go, just go for a walk, or plug in some headphones and listen to music in a different room. Read a book even, outside if possible. Everybody tries to be the greatest mom but we're not perfect. We learn and grow as our children do. My suggestion is to just let him cry. I hope things work out for you. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me a note. :)

Melanie - posted on 02/27/2010

Getting up and taking a few deep breaths sounds pretty healthy to me. The one thing we have to do for ourselves is trying to TAKE CARE of OURSELVES so that we are in a good healthy space to care for our precious little ones. Get a good baby carrier and maybe ask in your family for someone to come over so you can step out for a few minutes. Have a good talk with the DAD as he needs to help out or really, find someone who can help. Good luck. I can hear, understand, feel your desperation.

Emma - posted on 02/27/2010

NOOOO DONT EVER THINK YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER BECAUSE YOU GET FRUSTRATED. as the father of your child your husband should step up and help out when you need a break. Even if he gets mad he will get over it and he is just going to have to deal. this wont last long i promise! i went through the same thing with my son. one thing i realized about my son is he likes variety. so i would alternate when he got tired of something i would put him in his swing which he enjoyed , to his saucer, to his pack n play dome that had toys that dangled from the top , to his vibrating rocker. There is nothing wrong with letting him cry because you dont want him to get used to u picking him up every single time he cries. Take a couple minutes to calm yourself . i had my first child while my husband was in school....so it was really hard for me because i had to do everything on my own and was in a town where i knew NO ONE!! i enjoyed taking camrynn to wallmart and just walking around it was very relaxing for me to just not be sitting at home and camrynn enjoyed it also.

Sue - posted on 02/27/2010

I know it is rough. My first was the same way. Luckily he was born very premature and was very tiny or my back would have never taken it. However I kind of learned my lesson. I put her in her crib and let her cry it out. I decided she needed to learn to self soothe. After a few days she seemed to get the hint and doesn't do it as often. Four months was a rough age. My son wouldn't have never reacted that way. He would cry forever and we lived in an apartment. The people upstairs complained. Hope you get a break soon!!

Raina - posted on 02/27/2010

NO U ARE NOT A BAD MOM!!!! my son was diagnosed with ADHD with a mild case of autism at the age of 3, he couldn't even play or concentrate on toys, cartoons, if got mad at me he would pick up a toy and throw it at me, every time the toy either hit me in the face or on the back of my head, one time my exhusband and i took him to chuckie cheese and he got so mad at me because we had to leave, HE WANTED TO STAY, because he was agree with me he bit my shoulder and ended up having lock jaw, by the time my ex pried his jaw apart i had a hole in my shoulder and bleeding really bad, my son would put his hand in a pot of boiling water, put his hand on the burner when it was red hot look at me and laugh, he could climb up walls, one time he actually ran up the wall and fell flat on his back, he thought it was funny, i didn't know what to do and any time i asked my ex for help, he totally refused, I WAS A BAD MOM and i started to hurt him, I stopped myself by having a flashback of my childhood, i promised myself that when i had kids that i would never abuse them the way that i was, so i locked him in his room and took the phone and smokes and locked myself out of the house, yes there was an extra key hidden outside, then i made a call for help, an outreach counselor came to my house the next day, he told me that i was not a bad mom, i was a good mom because i made the call for help, he suggested to join a moms and tots, it not just a play group but it was a great place to get lots of suggestions on how to deal with the problems and the dangeruos situations, when my daughter was born, i was worried that he would be jealous and hurt her so i got him involved with bathing, dressing, feeding, ext.., he did an awesome job, better then his father, but i was at the end it was way too much and soo hard that i asked my ex to help out by taking my son with him in the evenings doing moves with the equipment, he refused, one night the kids and i were going shopping and he was moving 2 bobcats, alls i wanted was for him to take his son, but he said no, well the kids and i were leaving before him, i put my daughter in the car and walked over to the 5 ton flat deck truck and put my son in the truck, he was so happy that he was going with daddy, then told him to sit and wait dad would be out in a minute closed the door walked over to the car and drove away, was i ever worried about his response, it turned out that they had fun and from the moment he started to spend time with his son, this gave me alone time with my daughter and i would take two hours every sunday for myself, i went to the laundromat, and when it was being washed i would leave and go play cards at my gf house, as he got older things that he did or was doing got worse, my son has special needs which got him into preschool monday to friday from 9 am till 3 pm.

My advice to you is stick to your guns, you cant carry him all the time, and when he does get frustrated and mad, WALK AWAY, he does it and he knows exactly what he is doing and he knows that you will give in, well dont even if you are in a mall, store, anywhere, and yes it is embarrassing and some people will say that you are bad, terrible or even abusive, well let tell you this, YOU'RE NOT you are being a good mom.

my son did the very same thing in the superstore and because i refused to pick him up he threw himself on to the floor and started to yell, kick his feet, he threw a tempertantrum, i walked away out of his sight, but i could still see him, when he realized that i wasnt there he stopped crying and got up and walked towards me, still not able to see me until he got to the end of the isle, there was only one person who said something, trust me it was very very mean and ignorant, it was an elderly lady and my response to her was asking her how she dealt with her kids when they did the samething, in the older days the only way that people dealt with their kids was by spanking them, she had no response and turned around and walked away, i also had other people that said i did the right thing, this incident was not only done in public but also infront of my mother and grandmother, they both told me that i was being abusive and a bad mom and that i should get some help to punish my son, i told both of them that i was being a really good mom because i didnt do like they did by hitting me and leaving bruises and leaving permanent damage or abuse that i carry for the rest of my life.

call the public health nurse, they have names and numbers to places and people that are willing to help, when i went to moms & tots the only thing that i paid for was my coffee, us moms brought a snack for the kids and stayed from 9-11:30.

give it a try and if the first one isnt a good fit for you try another because you will find one that fits not only you but also fits your son, it took me 3 tries, just stay calm take some real big breaths, everything will work out

Sarah - posted on 02/27/2010

Try a swing, boucey seat or does he use a pacifier? Otherwise maybe he has colic. Which there is nothing you can do. And no child has ever died from crying. If he is fed, changed and not in pain then there is nothing wrong with putting him down and letting him cry for as long as you want/needDon't feel like a bad mom...you need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of him. It's totally natural to feel frustrated just put him down in his crib and leave the room and relax and breathe. You'll be fine. Maybe ask a friend or relative (mom) to take a turn if you need a break.

Marie - posted on 02/27/2010

Oh, and find a good baby sitter to watch your baby for a few hours so you can have a break, your baby can tell if you're tense & that just makes them upset too. I'd even baby sit him for you, if you lived near Salt Lake City. I love babies & have had 3, my youngest is 6.

Celita - posted on 02/27/2010

dont ever think your a bad mum... you are doing right not giving into him. you need to set boundries its a phase. once he gets used to it he should calm down. dont forget babies dont tend to have a proper routine till 6 month plus

Marie - posted on 02/27/2010

If you're trying different things & doing the best you can you're not a bad mom. My son was like that too & I finally found something he liked-sometimes helped him fall to sleep too. It's a jumper, one that hangs on your door casing. I know he may be a little too young but find one that has a head support & see if he likes it. Good luck!

Becky - posted on 02/27/2010

I would make sure that there isn't a problem first. If all is clear, try a swing, music or even one of those carriers that you strap to you. You may want to have a heart to heart with the hubby. He's not a sitter, he's the DAD! Everyone needs a break. You are not a bad mom. You are human, and we can only take so much. If you have friends that have kids, get a play group day together, having other adult support helps a bunch and can help distract the baby too! Hang in there, this too shall pass!

Becky - posted on 02/27/2010

I would make sure that there isn't a problem first. If all is clear, try a swing, music or even one of those carriers that you strap to you. You may want to have a heart to heart with the hubby. He's not a sitter, he's the DAD! Everyone needs a break. You are not a bad mom. You are human, and we can only take so much. If you have friends that have kids, get a play group day together, having other adult support helps a bunch and can help distract the baby too! Hang in there, this too shall pass!

Wendy - posted on 02/27/2010

NO, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM! Babies cry, especially at that age. You are right to put him down when you need to ... and you DO need to! This is the colic age ... so very normal to cry a lot. And it WILL PASS! Do what you need to get through ... maybe try the swing or a ride in the car or a bouncy chair (I know the swing and bouncy chair say they're for older babies, but they sure helped us at that young age!). If you really need a break, put him somewhere safe - his crib - and leave the room. Your sanity is so important!

Also, maybe talk to your doc about reflux - my two both refluxed terribly, and cried because they were in pain! (The didn't spit up much, but you could almost see them "chewing" it back down, if that makes sense).

I don't know you, but will pray that this phase passes quickly for you, that your husband will be more supportive, and that you will have the strenght to survive this trying time! Hang in there. YOU'RE NOT A BAD MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jocelyn - posted on 02/27/2010

Sorry - sweetie, but you've got a loooong way to go before your son will be able to entertain himself with his toys for longer than a few minutes. At 4.5 months, I think it's miraculous that he's able to focus on anything other than you for any amount of time, let alone the 5 minutes you've noted. I'm going to tell you what someone told me a long time ago when my daughter was a big bundle of baby tears: that's what babies do. They cry. They eat, the sleep, they poop and they cry. Just focus on the future - which is coming up fast - where you'll be so tired from chasing after your son as he runs around that you'll actually miss these days. You really, really will. The first 6 months are very hard, so just focus on the future and stop worrying about whether or not you're a good mom. Just enjoy your baby, because it's the only chance you get. Before you know it, he'll be dashing out the door to hang with his friends. Best of luck to you!!

Andria - posted on 02/27/2010

He might have some digestive issues, I had a friend who had this issue with her son. I encouraged her to get acidopholous and give him just enought that stuck to her pinkie finger before each feeding. (it's a powder you can find at the health food store) The crying had subsided quite a bit. I can't gurantee it will work but if her his pulling his legs to his stomach alot, gassy, or spits up this may be the case. ( I had gotten the info from my holistic doctor fyi)

Debbie - posted on 02/27/2010

Change your expectations. Forget being the "greatest mom". Be the most patient, loving, and understanding mom your son will ever have. Then get help for yourself, so that you can feel good. Hire a nanny or sitter, so that when your baby has his regularly scheduled nap in the afternoon, you can get out of the house and go to a yoga class!

Jenelle - posted on 02/27/2010

kyla, same problem here!! i know EXACTLY how you feel. i have a 7 1/2 month old who constantly cries ALL day and ALL night. he wants to be carried and walked every second of the day. if i dare sit down while holding him, the screaming starts again! i mean really?? i cant even sit in a rocking chair??? he doesnt even want to be put down to eat! you are most certainly not a bad mom. you have other things you need to do, right? dishes, laundry, vacuuming, moping, etc etc etc. not to mention, you need to just take a breather sometimes!! you have to take of your "mom hat" from time to time. a baby needs a happy, healthy (and preferably back pain free) mommy more than he needs to be carried around all day. you're not alone sister!!!! i'm right there with ya!!

Cindy - posted on 02/27/2010

You are NOT a bad mom. You are just stressed and tired. Your husband needs to step up and realize that. We all need a break sometimes wether it be from a 9-5 job or a 24-7. Kids will test you all their lives and crying to get their way is something they start right from the begining. If you have no place to go try a movie you can sit down and relax and even take a cat nap if you choose :) If you are not ready for that have your husband watch your son while you go to the store. bring a book with you stop by the park stay in the car if you want read a chapter or two. sometimes just the scenery can help relax you. Good Luck! and remember we've all been there.

KATIE - posted on 02/27/2010

He is only 4 months! That is what babies do; they cry. It is his way of telling you that he needs or wants something. Have you talked to your pediatrician? You may want to look in to see if he has colic...babies who have it cry more than those who do not have it. Also, if you are tense, he can sense that and it may bother him. Just breathe and remember how lucky and blessed you are to have such a precious baby boy. It will get better, trust me. He won't play with his toys for longer than 5 minutes until he gets older; until he is able to sit up on his own and has complete coordination. Don't rush him to grow up. It will go by faster than you think and you will end up wishing he was still small and is wanting to be held. Try putting on some music, not too loud, and sing softly to him and dance or rock with him. I had to sing the Carpenters to my little one and it is still something that calms her and she is 17 months old. As far as your husband goes, tell him to grow up and help you. He is the child's father and should act like it. Not to mention he should support you. If he doesn't help you out, then leave the house and take the baby with you. You will be amazed at what walking around a mall for an hour will do for you, even if you have your baby with you.

Colleen - posted on 02/27/2010

Have you tried a vibrating chair? That was the only thing that would work on our daughter. Also -- he will play w/ his toys as he gets older -- he's still pretty young. And, yeah, you are SO not a bad mom. Just the fact that you are worried about being a good mom shows that. :)

Julie - posted on 02/27/2010

You're not a bad mom. Anyone would get burned out and need a break in your situation. If your hubby won't watch the baby, find a babysitter. There are services that provide excellent babysitters. They do background checks on them and they're certified in First Aid and CPR. You need to take care of you and that doesn't make you any less of a mom. I would also talk to your pediatrician to make sure he doesn't have acid reflux or something like that. My son liked the Fisher Price swing that swung sideways. He was a cryer too and that really worked. Hope at least some of this helps!

Cherie - posted on 02/27/2010

I think that a baby carrier would be good if he wants to be held. Also, my daughter loves her swing. The seat comes out of it and turns into an infant chair and she does great in it. She would cry and cry like your son and when I took her to the doc he said that she could have reflux. We switched her formula and have been very careful to not feed her a bottle over an hour old and she has been doing great. She hardly cries anymore.

You are not a bad mom. It's hard to figure out what your LO one wants when you are a first time mom. And make sure that your husband respects and honors you by helping take care of BOTH your child. You deserve a break and good for you for asking for help. Also, it's ok to set him down in his crib and walk away for a few minutes so you can calm yourself down. It doesn't mean that you are a bad mom.

Good luck!

Heather - posted on 02/27/2010

No you are definately not a bad mom because your son cried. By the sound of things, you are a wonderful mother! You are doing everything that you can to calm him down. I have an 18 month old daughter and she was the same way for quite a while. And what I found to work was put her in the bouncer and put her in font of the tv. She loved to watch the colors change and move and the noise seemed to catch her attention. And sometimes you are going to have to let him cry. If he is not hungry, tired, constipated, or hurt in any way, he is just crying to cry. It is called purple crying and it will eventually end. SO you may have to put him in his crib or the bouncer and let him cry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And that will not make you a bad mother either. I know it will be very difficult because it was for me. But he will eventually learn that he is just fine and does not need to be held constantly. My daughter did and it is definately worth it in the end. ANd if it hurts you to the point it makes you cry, just remember do not cry in front it him. Go in another room and cry for a few minutes. I did and it did seem to help. So just realize, you are doing a great job and you are not a bad mother. I hope you take my advice and atleast try it. I wish you all the best and God bless!

Judy - posted on 02/27/2010

Your baby is not unusual! Yes, you need to have someone else hold him! No you are not a bad mom. Is there a family member or friend that you could have come over to spell you so you could go to the store with out him? Don't be afraid to ask! This is temporary, even though it feels like it will last forever, it won't. Yes, it's OK to put him down for a bit. Do you have a front pack, a snuggly, something that you could put him in ON you? That helps!

Mishana - posted on 02/27/2010

you're certainly not a bad mom. us mothers tend to feel like we're never doing enough for our babies. dads tend to be more laid back about such things coz they see the bigger picture: baby's growing up ok, putting on weight, then it's ok. but we want our baby to be happy all the time and we feel guilty if it's otherwise. i would say get him lots of toys (different kinds - overhead gym, musical toys, toys that light up and talk) and experiment. lay him on his back but entertain him so he learns that he can be with you without being in your arms. i can't carry my baby around much either. i'm petite and he's 51/2 months and 8kgs. i sing a lot to him and play games like peek-a-boo or clap my hands or make faces and noises. he loves the attention and after a few tries understands that it's ok to be on the bed or sitting in his bouncer but still have me playing with him. you must keep experimenting and don't give up. your his mom and his most treasured being. never forget that! teaching him new habits is a sign of love not rejection.

Consolata - posted on 02/27/2010

You are not a bad mom; you are only human and over stretched. My son was the same way for ages he was colicky and "Only mummy and her Breasts" could sate him and keep him quite. But luckily my hubby helped out right from the beginning so he was used to him and this allowed me to get some time out. At 4 months your son would not really play with toys. You need help and relief - sit the hubby down and let him no he has no choice but to partake in the rearing and caring of your baby - let him know you are at breaking point and that you cannot go it alone any more. And as Joan said below get a swing - my daughter practically lived in hers - so we could get the much needed breaks we greatly needed.

Shirley - posted on 02/27/2010

No. Take him to a physician to see if he has a fiesure up inside where he poo poos.

Find out if he is having colic, If he has no physical problems, then don't hold him continually. He needs sleep time. He needs to learn to spend on the floor with something he can look at so he can learn to entertain himself. Of course, hold him for comfort some, but don't let him make you feel guilty for needing down time. You have a home to take care of. Do the normal things you need to get done without carrying him around. You do your job and allow him to do his job of napping twice a day at least and going to bed at around 7- 8 at night. He needs this structure and time with you. If you hold him continually he will be not learn to find strength inside himself. He needs time to learn to turn over, learn to crawl and eventually walk.Crying keeps his lungs strong. Let him cry it out when you put him down in his bed for his nap. It'll take only a few days for him to learn to go to bed and sleep by himself. He'll learn to enjoy his floor or playpen time and learn to find his own strengh to grow and learn. I'm not saying never hold him. I'm saying for you to be a good Mom you need time to rest and do chores, go to the beauty shop and get a baby sitter. After a certain age the churches have Mother's day out programs for a nominal fee, so you can take half a day or more off and let someone take care of him while you shop, etc. It will a more rested Mom. They have one day a week or twice a week programs. Just know this, "This too shall pass". It sounds like you are a good Mother who loves her baby, but just needs to have more structure other than holding him constantly. Give him both hold time rocking, and down time.



Shirley (mother of 5 children, the last 3 were 22 months apart. I nursed them until `10 months of age. They got penty of hold time and I got a balanced day.

Mary - posted on 02/27/2010

A couple of things. First, relax. Easier said than done but putting him down to take a few slow breaths is a great idea. Stop thinking you're a bad mom. You love your child and this will get better. Second, talk to your doctor and keep talking to him/her until they give you some answers. And some help. Your son probably has colic or some other physical chllenge and there are helps for that. Third, get your mother or some other relative to help you. If they took your baby for an hour or two a couple of times a week, you would get some rest and they may, after spending more time with him, find solutions that you're too close to the situation to see. Stop being hard on yourself and focus on finding resources to help you.

Laura - posted on 02/27/2010

your definitely not a bad mum! most babies go through the stage of wanting your attention in some way shape or form, its usually to do with separation anxiety, and every child goes through this at some point in their child hood, my daughter is 2 and a half and she's still going through it, but they do grow out of it at their own pace! If you feel you need a day off, trying explaining to your husband how you feel, he should understand.

When your baby starts crying and wanting to be picked up, try distracting him with a few exciting toys, maybe a baby chair/swing might help. Try not to give in to him because he may also be finding out how far he can push your boundaries and this could lead to possible problems in the future with behaviour, start as you mean to go on! (he's only going to get heavier!) good luck

Robin - posted on 02/27/2010

First, u r NOT a bad mom..!! Babies r clingy...they get used to being held...he needs to learn how to calm himself down and or learn how to "play" by himself... ( they WILL learn this..) I know its tough and heart-breaking;but, all the crying/screaming will pay off...u will be able to tend to other things ( such as yourself ..) Try feeding him more..maybe he's hungry or gassy..a swing is great..(if it has music,,even better) Hope all works out.

Heather - posted on 02/27/2010

I don't know if I totally agree with the crying out thing. I tried it, but my gut kept telling me to pick him up. And as my own mother used to say, always trust your gut. This is also a time of bonding with him and building a trust that you will be there for them. I mean, he's only 4 1/2 months old. Yes, they do start to test bounderies at this age. But they are still only babies. I do recommend get the Love and Logic series. It's a nice balance of discipline and buidling trust with your kids. Get the the baby/toddler series. It should be at www.loveandlogic.com.

Marissa - posted on 02/27/2010

Well first if at all possible get your husband on the right track and get some help. I was the exact same way i wanted to be super mom! I wanted to do everything and never ask for help aside from my husband who would do the exact same thing as yours. Them I got the best advice. You can only be your best when you are at your best. You have to remember yourself and that everyone needs help. You son is at the age of learning where they start to see that crying gets me what I want. I was told by my pediatrician to let them cry for a couple of minutes then go back and reasure them that you are there but don't pick them up and continue this until they learn that crying will not always get them there way. This took about 2 weeks of doing religiously but it worked. It because a battle of wills with them and the are very persistant. Reach out to other family if possible.