Am I a horrible mother?

Lynsey - posted on 04/25/2013

I feel awful and ashamed and carnt stop cryin or hugging my daughter I was crossing the road and I accidentally stormed out and a car was coming so I quickly went back onto pavement then the man got out and shouted abuse at me I feel like a unfit mother as anyone felt like this or is it just me I daren't go out anymore :( I need help I'm scared I'm gonna get her took off me

Nicole - posted on 02/02/2009

Oh honey, join the club. I always think i'm gonna break the high chair because after i get him in it i yank on the tray just to make sure it's latched because i too had an incidient, but i suspect the older brother was involved. I have my sneaking suspisions!!! I was always so proud of myself for not letting my oldest son get into any kind of incident and he is a total, um how do i say this nicely, wussy. Definetly not the BOY that my younger son is turning out to be. so it's all ok.

Nicole - posted on 02/02/2009

Oh honey, join the club. I always think i'm gonna break the high chair because after i get him in it i yank on the tray just to make sure it's latched because i too had an incidient, but i suspect the older brother was involved. I have my sneaking suspisions!!! I was always so proud of myself for not letting my oldest son get into any kind of incident and he is a total, um how do i say this nicely, wussy. Definetly not the BOY that my younger son is turning out to be. so it's all ok.

Pati - posted on 02/02/2009

Hi

accidents do not make you a bad mother, not caring would qualify you but you do care. You are not doing this on purpose so relax. I think you are a busy mom and trying to do to much at once. Slow down a bit, take the extra second or two to make sure all is in place, latches on doors and seat bealts and trays. When its changing time gather all the items you need before placing him on the table. I got a small 2 drawer dresser and put it next to changing table with all her cloths in it. and on top was all the items I could need to wipe, clean, powder , clean her nose whatever it was all with in reach of me and her.

If this is keeping you up at night I would suggest talking to someone about it. Your pastor or doctor or counsler. Good Luck and remember we all have accidents.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2009

Kids get hurt all the time. My daughter fell down the stairs just after she learned to crawl. She had a bump on her head for a few days and I felt awful! She is fine now and a super smart girl. Accidents happen. What matters is that you learn from them so they don't happen again.

Chris - posted on 02/02/2009

Constantly thinking about the accidents may lead to causing new ones.  If you were a horrible mum you wouldn't be so cut up about it.  All mums, including myself, have made silly mistakes.  Sometimes we try so hard to do things right that littles things get forgotten.  My son slipped off the couch when he was little and actually knocked himself out for a few seconds.  I'd never felt so bad in all my life.  He'll be 12 this year and all he knows is how much I love him.  Try to plan a little ahead so that you can relax and take your time with daily tasks.  Please stop thinking of yourself as a horrible mum.  Horrible mums don't contantly worry about there children and wouldn't be on this site reaching out to others for help.

Kim - posted on 02/02/2009

No, you are not a horrible mother...trust me I have met some while working in an ER as a nurse. I've met a mother who did not cry when we told her that her 13 month old son was dead. I've seen a mother try to tell me that the 3rd degree burns on her daughters diaper area was from an allergic reaction to laundry detergent. The first mother let her boyfriend beat her son because he was whining, the second mother intentionally placed her daughter in scalding hot water for crying. These are horrible mothers, you are a new mother. THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE. All new mothers make mistakes, it comes with the territory. When my oldest son was 3 months old I left him in on the bed. I made sure to put him in the center of the bed so he didn't fall off, yet he decided to learn to roll that day. He didn't stop at rolling just once but kept going until he fell off the bed. I felt horrible, but it happens. My 2 1/2 yr old tried to shave last week while I was in the same room with him and cut his upper lip. He didn't cry at all. I didn't even know he had done it until I saw the blood, things happen! I have childproof doorknob covers on every door in my house, but my 2 year old can still manage to get to things and places he shouldn't be. Sometimes he gets a boo-boo...but he'll live. Just like kids learn from there mistakes, mothers learn from theres. I have been a mother for 8 years now and just the other day I went to the store and when I got home I realized that someone unlatched my sons carseat. So I had secured him in the carseat, but the seat was secured to the actual vehichle. The only thing you can do is try a little harder and learn from your mistakes. Don't loose sleep over it because if your overly tired that is when another accident will happen.

Beth - posted on 02/02/2009

I'm guessing this is your first child?  The fact that you are horrified by these accidents and losing sleep says you are a good mom.  I have 3 kids 11, 9 and almost 4.  Here is a breakdown of only a FEW accidents to make you feel better:  my first child, I put in a car seat in July and she got a burn on her leg from the metal buckle (left a good mark) not to mention the few times over the years my kids have been pinched on the legs while snapping the car seat straps....my third, her arm got pulled out of socket while playing with her and we ended up in the emergency room (talk about feel like a bad parent)  my second child, when he was a few weeks old, I was so stinkin' tired that I fell asleep with him in my arms and woke up after I dropped him on the floor, my arm went completely limp!  He was okay, but I felt so horrible for sooo long.   The list really could go on.  The good thing about this type of accident is that you learn from them.  I bet you will check the tray on the chair from now on, and buckle him in the stroller.  It's not the end of the world and by no means ranks you with truly bad mothers, BUT with each of these natural mistakes, we should learn from them and try to be more careful.   Thank God he was okay and move on, no need to lose sleep.  The more sleep you lose, the bigger the chances are for you to do this again.  Nobody is perfect and your concern alone shows great love.

Erin - posted on 02/01/2009

My daughter will be 2 this month and has had 2 trips to the emergency room. Her first incident was at her 1st birthday party. We rented a hall and I was in the kitchen cleaning up and my sister runs into the kitchen screaming call 911 Ansley hit her head and isn't breathing... she was breathing, we now think that she was so tired from the excitement of the day that she "passed out" and did hit her head, but not hard on the concrete floor of the hall. The EMS responded to the 911 call, but when they got there she was acting fine, so they suggested that we take her to the ER for a cat scan. Do I know exactly what happened... No. Does that make me a bad Mom? The second ER visit happened about a month ago. We were all in the kitchen filling plates for supper and she was standing on the kitchen bench playing with some tupperware bowls and waiting for her food when off the end of the bench she went...none of us seen how she landed. She started to cry and when my husband picked her up she went limp in his arms ( I freaked out). She was out for about 45-60 seconds and then she started crying again. Another trip to the ER, another cat scan, and thank God another "we can't find anything to worry about". Unfortunetly things happen, sometimes when we are right there. It doesn't make you a bad mom... it does sound like you are a little frazzled or tired, and maybe you just need to slow down. Enjoy him, they grow so fast!

Kylie - posted on 02/01/2009

There is no way that you can watch them every second, no matter how vigilant a mother. I challenge you to find a mum that has never had an injury occur to their children in a series of events that could have been prevented if only you were endowed with an extra set of arms, three more eyes and a strong dose of ESP thrown in. It sounds like your baby likes to play Houdini, it may be an idea to be extra careful with checking that he is strapped down as often as you can get away with it, but do not beat yourself up. My step-daughter got a concussion at age 3 because she refused to stop jumping on the bed. Naturally she fell off, smacked her head on the wall and when I picked her up to comfort her, she threw up all over me (eww..). my eldest daughter had an injury of an intimate nature at age 4 when she slipped and landed on a barbie car. Another trip to the emergency room. You feel bad, but unless you have a lot of bubble wrap and aforementioned extra attachments, accidents will happen. Just make sure you give the appropriate treatment and move on.

Maria - posted on 02/01/2009

No your not a horrible mom. They are called accidents because that's just what they are ACCIDENTS. I'm sure you will make sure he is buckled properly and his high chair is put on correctly and never leave him on the changing table again before anything seriously happens. This is how you become a great mom, by learning to be more careful.

Heather - posted on 02/01/2009

 I have a friend who felt the same way. She took her son for a walk in the bjorn and tripped over an uneven bit of sidewalk and fell down face first. She felt terrible and refused to be left alone with him for weeks. THe fact is accidents happen. What would make you a horrible mother is if you didn't care that he got hurt in the first place. Try to relax and take your time when you can. If you are unsure how something works look at the instruction manual again. We all feel a little inept at times but if you do your best and love you son then you are a great mom.

Cathy - posted on 02/01/2009

NO!!!! You are not a horrible Mommy....Accidents do happen.Look at yourself and ask, (Are you neglectful?) If the answer is no...Then just make yourself more aware of whats around your baby...Cathy Anderson. Milford Pa

Sheri - posted on 02/01/2009

All Mum's make mistakes it is just to learn from them and not to dwell on them and let your brain consentrate on the tasks at hand not the ones you can't change but the future ones you can...

Amber - posted on 02/01/2009

Ok if you are a horrible mom, then so is every mom, you need to understand that accidents happen, no one is perfect. He's going to get hurt all the time, he's 1, wait till he's 2 or 3 or 4 or 16 I mean it's going to happen. There are a lot of things you could be focusing on rather then that, like how lucky he is to have a mom that loves him so much, don't lose sleep over it he's ok right? He didn't break any bones? He didn't need to go to the hospital? He's not going to remember any of these small incidents so why don't you just let it go... it's ok.

Enna - posted on 02/01/2009

No, but do try to not repeat as you might be a first time mom sometimes it is not easy and we tend to forgett safety comes first... Don't stress just be more careful take your time when doing things. Trust me no mother is perfect one is expecting you to be there are no real guide for raising a child. Our mother have done there mistakes, we make our and our daughters will do theirs.

Brenda - posted on 02/01/2009

Hon, relax. You are not a horrible mother.  We all go through these things.  I'll never forget the first time my son got hurt.  He was about I'd say five months old and I went to set him in the crib and I got his leg hooked on the rail and dropped him in.  He rolled over and bonked his head on the crib rail, and screamed, of course he didn't have a mark, but I felt horrible!  At about one and a half he swallowed a nickle and got it lodged in his throat that I missed when vacuuming.  And then a while after that he tripped over something I'd left on the floor and ran right into the corner of door facing with his forehead.  Its a wonder the kid didn't have stitches from that one he had such a gooseegg on his little head!  I felt horrible about both but there are times when we can't do everything.  No one is super mom, and even though we'd like, sometimes the latches don't fit in right, or we think we did it right but we didn't.  They're accidents, and they happen, and they'll keep happening no matter how much we wish they wouldn't!  Try and take your time and don't think about what happened, because that'll make you more nervous and more likely to miss something!  You're a great mom because it bothers you, if it didn't that would be the bad part. 

Hannah - posted on 02/01/2009

You are definitely not a horrible mother.  You are human, probably a bit tired and trying to do lots of things at once, as we all are.  Anyone who thinks "that wouldn't happen to me" is either kidding themselves or has just been very lucky.  You try to be the best mum possible but accidents happen.  I've driven home once then realised that I hadn't fastened my daughter's car seat straps.  I'd been at work all day, was tired and probably distracted.  It's not an excuse but now I make a point of double checking.  My daughter has also fallen down the stairs whilst I was in the shower.  We don't have stair gates because I believe that it is better to teach a child to do the stairs safely than to risk them not knowing and the one time a gate is left open accidently, the child sees it as attractive because it's normally out of bounds.  Grace has climbed the stairs safely since before she could walk but she was messing about and fell down.  She was fine though, just not sure about my nerves (and it was a good job the window cleaner wasn't about as I dashed out of the shower stark naked and covered in soap!!!!).  Just take a breath and remind yourself that you are not a machine.  Things happen and as long as they are ok and you try not to let it happen again, that's all that matters

Hannah - posted on 02/01/2009

You are definitely not a horrible mother.  You are human, probably a bit tired and trying to do lots of things at once, as we all are.  Anyone who thinks "that wouldn't happen to me" is either kidding themselves or has just been very lucky.  You try to be the best mum possible but accidents happen.  I've driven home once then realised that I hadn't fastened my daughter's car seat straps.  I'd been at work all day, was tired and probably distracted.  It's not an excuse but now I make a point of double checking.  My daughter has also fallen down the stairs whilst I was in the shower.  We don't have stair gates because I believe that it is better to teach a child to do the stairs safely than to risk them not knowing and the one time a gate is left open accidently, the child sees it as attractive because it's normally out of bounds.  Grace has climbed the stairs safely since before she could walk but she was messing about and fell down.  She was fine though, just not sure about my nerves (and it was a good job the window cleaner wasn't about as I dashed out of the shower stark naked and covered in soap!!!!).  Just take a breath and remind yourself that you are not a machine.  Things happen and as long as they are ok and you try not to let it happen again, that's all that matters

Dawn - posted on 02/01/2009

No you are not. But at the time it happens I think I get more upset than my child does.When my daughter was 8 months old she was sleeping on my bed which is about 3 feet off the floor I put pillows around her and she rolled off I was afraid she had a concussion. I was way more upset about it than her. Kids are very tough and durable. It is amazing what they can go through and come out fine. Just hang in there.

Margie - posted on 02/01/2009

Hey.  First, take a deep breath -- everyone has been where you are.  I'm further down the road now, but  I remember what it felt like to be making those types of mistakes.  The good news is, your "mother bear hormones" are totally kicked in, and you're making yourself appropriately alarmed at needing to protect your baby!  The mammal kingdom is amazing! 

You might want to consider whether you are having some behavioral / focus issues that you need too be aware of for yourself, though.  Consider getting regular sleep (8 hours), drinking water (8 glassesI) and spending 15-20 minutes of "me time" early in the morning.  Learn to be still, stay connected and "in the moment" and be "present in your experiences".  Sometimes, moms who have too much going on have a very busy brain that has them engaged in fears / regrets / anticipations, rather than being fully connected in the present experience.  It's a great discipline to be "comforable in your own skin" and to "stay in the moment".  That's where life is lived.  I wish you the best!

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2009

Dont be so hard on urself, we all have accidents some u cant prevent we have all been there at some point ut alot of us wont admit it because we think we will get judged, firstly we dont get an instruction book when we hav a baby do we its just advice from others,

every day is a learning day we neva stop once we become a ;parent eveery day is different please dont feel like ur a bad mother because ur not, im a mum of four and mine have accidents all the time iv now learnt to not be so hard on myself, only the other day my youngest had an accident and it was my fault i got upset, but then thought it was an accident i didn't intentionly do it.... so just take small precaution and stop being hard on urself. h

there will unfortunately be plenty more accindents hun.

Nina - posted on 02/01/2009

Your not a horrible mother. Kids have these accidents. My little one fell out of her high chair once. She got out of her straps. These things happen.  Chin up, your not the only one

Alison - posted on 01/31/2009

r u a 1st time mum-dnt worry these are just accidents like u said and no doubt u have learnt from these we all make mistakes dont worry and let it take over ur life ur little boy looks so happy and healthy he will have forgotten about it. having kids is a learning curve we all make mistakes were only human!! just enjoy your boy!!

Liggie - posted on 01/31/2009

Every new mother makes mistakes. Just thank God that he had no real injury.  Stop beating yourself up and slow down.  Take more time to make sure he is secured when you have to leave him.  All of these accidents can be prevented if you relax a little and take your time.  I baby rolled off the couch, climbed over a gate and fell, hit the coffee table and blacked her eye and cut her own hair with manicure scissors!  She is now 18 years old.  You are not a horrible mother and these accidents could have been bad but sounds like they were small in the grand scheme of things.  Take a breath and slow down.  He will survive and he needs you to be calm for about 19 more years!

Kirsty - posted on 01/31/2009

no your not a horrible mother accidents happen, the other night i put my daughter on her belly looked away for a slipt second she rolled over and hit her head on the floor and she only four months old i was worried but just kept an eye her, just remember to double check straps and harnesses and you'll be fine (i'm a first time mom)

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2009

accicents happen hun its life ive had accicdents b 4 with my kids it happens to all of us but yr deff not a bad or horrible mother

Patricia - posted on 01/31/2009

no you are not a bad mum we all have misshaps with our little ones and beleive me they will come fick and fast onece they are on the loose you just have to make sure they are tired in and if you cant do so pick them up and take them with you.

Erin - posted on 01/31/2009

Don't be too hard on yourself, but please don't forget to use seatbelts. The high chair tray isn't the safety restraint. The buckles need to be buckled. Strollers, high chairs, tables, they all have em. Use em for safety's sake.

Jayne - posted on 01/31/2009

I think you should be more kind to yourself!  Don't beat yourself up, what's done is done.  You will be more careful no doubt in the future.  Go to bed at night thinking of all the moments you shared with your child(ren) and how they made you laugh and melt your heart, not where you went wrong, or where you could have done better.  Your little guy is way cute!  Have fun, J.

Jayne - posted on 01/31/2009

I think you should be more kind to yourself!  Don't beat yourself up, what's done is done.  You will be more careful no doubt in the future.  Go to bed at night thinking of all the moments you shared with your child(ren) and how they made you laugh and melt your heart, not where you went wrong, or where you could have done better.  Your little guy is way cute!  Have fun, J.

Larissa - posted on 01/30/2009

of course not every mum has accidents n if its ur 1st child ur gonna hav more then ppl wit 2 or 3 kids no1 can prevent these things all u hav 2 do to fix it is make sure he is buckled in n dnt leave him unattened where he can fall off n stuff like dat but all kids hav accidents so try not 2 stress

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2009

Hi I'm a mother of 4 and young and i am always in a rush you are not a horrible mother you have just had some bad luck. Try to slow down and proper what you are going to do before you start. Take time with your son so what if the washing is not done there is always tomorrow, Also have fun with him and believe me your luck will change in time as you learn with you son cos lets face it they don't come with a manual

Cris - posted on 01/30/2009

I think you should take the time to check your baby is safe and things are done up properly by double and treble checking things, especially as like all mums we are always in a hurry and tired. if you need to leave you child even for a few seconds on any high place. just put them down on the floor while you do it. a few more seconds to put them back is better than injury. if it is hard to remember somtimes just change on the floor anyway. Also if it keeps hapening  wearing an extra harrness in prams etc may give added safety which will ease your mind and stress you out less.  

Hayley - posted on 01/30/2009

you need to take more care. we all lose our focus but you are extremely fortunate that your son has not been seriously injured. If you are having trouble coping with the guilt you have placed on yourself, talk to a doctor and ask for support and help. Maybe you are trying to do too many things at one time, but you are not a bad mother.

Samantha - posted on 01/29/2009

hi it  doesnt mean u r a horrrible mam accidents happen. my lil girl is 4ever hurting her self she is only 8 month and im sure she will ave more bumps in life. you sed he rolled of the changing table wel just to let you feel like u not the only mam who has turned the bk on their child 4 split sec. id just got out of th e bath n my partner bought my daughter up n i put her on the bed while i got dressed next min i no she is  on floor screamin. i bet there is plenty of other mums out there that ave dun the same thing.

 

so no u not a horrible mother.

Janell - posted on 01/29/2009

I'm pretty sure you are the furthest thing from a horrible mother and honestly the fact that you are even concerned about it makes you the best Mommy. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have goofed up in the last 9 months... I even locked Sage in the car (with the air on) at Target and had to wait till my husband got there with my spare keys.... eeek. The point it that we are human and we make mistakes and it's those mistakes that make us even better mommies! Keep your chin up.
You know what too.... the whole Mommy guilt thing is universal. We all have it. I have the most horrifying thoughts cross my mind because I worry so much. I guess it comes with the territory.

Tiffany - posted on 01/29/2009

You are not a horrible mother. We all make mistakes as mothers. You have to forgive yourself, thank God your child is okay & move on. You are guilting yourself so much that you're not sleeping and that is not good for either of you, if you continue to beat yourself up over it & fret so much about these accidents you are not keeping your mind clear to prevent things like this from occurring again. Things like this have happened to the best of us and any woman that tells you it hasn't happened to them is either June Cleaver or in denial. When my daughter was small I pinched her bare little chubbyy leg in her car seat buckle-it was summertime-she cried forever, it left a lil bruise and everytime I looked at it I bawled and was ready to call the mommy police on myself. Same thing for the time I cut her nails and took a chunk(what it felt like to me at the time) out of one of those precious little fingers. It bled forever but not as long as my heart did. And of course my child rolled right off the couch onto the hardwood floor in a split second. It happens, you just have to learn from it & be more cautious next time. When you think everything is safe, double check.

Sara - posted on 01/29/2009

no way! I mean even the fact that you asked the question shows you care. Accidents happen, but as long as they don't become dangerous, you should be fine.

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2009

are u a first time mother? besides the point every mother questions if they are a bad mom its normal and they were accidents that the point of them they are accidents u didnt intenionally do it to him next time you have to be careful and make shure his surroundings are safe for him. :)

Kyra - posted on 01/29/2009

Thank you all very much for responding to my post. I definitely feel that I have just been in a hurry and just tried to get things done too fast. I have learned from my mistakes and I don't leave my child alone EVER! I double check everything & make sure he is secured. I have told my mom but her response was so carefree "Do not worry, you will not let that happen again right?" I just needed more advice from other mothers. It is good to hear that other moms do make mistakes too. I just hope this guilty feeling will go away with time. oxox Thx again, Kyra

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2009

No i dont think your a bad mom nor do i think that your little one would think that ... But i tell you what it only took one time for my baby to have a fall off the bed when i was getting her and outfit  now i must say she is never alone if i go get something for her she comes with me ... YOu must also remember at this age they dont know about danger just the fun in what ever they are doing ... So all you can do as a mom is check and sometimes recheck everything that your doing to make sure he cant fall and g et hurt but it does not mean your not a good mom by no means  just take your time and it will all work out :)

Is this your 1st baby ?

Corinne - posted on 01/29/2009

You're not a horrible mother...you just need to make sure you follow the "rules" for all children's equipment. It's there for safety reasons so that these little accidents don't happen.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just be a bit more cautious.

Corinne - posted on 01/29/2009

You're not a horrible mother...you just need to make sure you follow the "rules" for all children's equipment. It's there for safety reasons so that these little accidents don't happen.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just be a bit more cautious.

April - posted on 01/29/2009

Dont be silly, of course your not a horrible mother. I bet the three accidents you've stated wont happen again. Parenthood is a learning curve for both mums and babys. I forgot to strap my daughter in her puschair 1 day, i was in a hurry and forgot. Didnt notice untill i was home again, i felt so guilty. I think a lot of parent's have moments when they think it'll b ok to leave them for 2 seconds while you get a shirt or something off of the floor. You turn your back for second and bang something happens however you cant watch them 24/7, accidents happen. You learn from your mistakes. Stop working yourself up over it. Enjoy being a mum, the fact you feel guilty over it says to me you love your son loads and would never intentionally let anything bad happen to him. Just take things a little bit slower and dont let yourself get rattled by anyone or a situation, easier said then done i know. STOP feeling guilty, it happens to the best of us. My mum banged my head off of a cast iron bed post when i was about 3-4 months old, some say it shows, ha ha Xxx

Tammi - posted on 01/29/2009

Not a horrible mother. But you just sound "hurried". You just need to pay a little more attention to what you are doing at that moment, and your surroundings. Sounds like you r boy moves around alot, so just be aware. Make sure he's buckled up. Be patient.

Jolene - posted on 01/29/2009

Your not a bad mother! Accidents happen. But you should defiantly make sure he is strapped into everything there is potential to fall from! Just learn from it and continue on.

Joy - posted on 01/29/2009

As everyone above has told you, no, you are definitely not a horrible Mom.  I struggle with this same question daily.  Let's see, in my son's 15 months....I've dropped him, trapped his finger UNDER the tray on the high chair, pinched his skin a few times with the harness straps that everything comes with, put him down without realizing he was still unsteady and watched him fall....the list goes on and on.  It happens.  We are human beings and we make mistakes too...especially with something as huge as this task of being a Mom.  All I know is that I'm sure the same stuff probably happened to us when we were babies and here we are, safe and sound and our parents didn't kill or maim us.  Somehow we survived and somehow, so will our children.  I think the fact that it bothers you proves how GREAT of a mom you are.  Like someone else said, if it didn't bother you, then I'd be worried.  You'll be fine, and so will your baby.  When I find myself stressing over this kind of stuff I always just take a second to BREATHE.  It's amazing how a few deep, slow breaths can help.  And like the girl right before me just said, he will hurt himself MANY more times than you will....

Mandy - posted on 01/29/2009

no of course youre not a horrible mother, we all have accidents none of us are invisible to these things, it happens to all of us when were thinking about the next task that needs to be done, just take your time hes a lovely little boy and will always love you

Heather - posted on 01/29/2009

You are not a terrible mother.  Mommy's aren't perfect.  Accidents happen.  I have had several times where I have fallen with my twins.  I am a clutz.  Thank god for car seats.  I felt terrible too, but think of it this way.....your child is fine and you learned from it.  Isn't that what matters?