Am I an un-involved mommy??

Ashley - posted on 06/03/2010

Thanks! It's so funny, I am so logical about everything but when it comes to my son's quality time and making sure not too much tv or getting enough exercise, I feel like I can't weigh it out and feel good about how much he does do with me and how blessed we are.

Tracy - posted on 06/03/2010

Ashley, I know a woman who is really an uninvolved mom. She works full time, so she only sees her boy from about 5 pm to bed time during the week. But EVERY weekend she sends him off to one relative or another so she and her bf can have "alone time". It averages out to around 20 hours a week. She does take him on a week vacation just the two of them every year. And she wonders why he's starting to be such a turd at 8....

It sounds like you and your son are spending time with your mom, and that's great! You are very lucky.

Ashley - posted on 06/03/2010

Most of the time I am there for part of the day with him, or I go run errands and drop back by.We live really close to one another (less than 2 miles) so I am around for a lot of the time. I just don't want to feel like I am opting out of taking care of him, just because someone asks to help. He normally spends about 1-2 NIGHTS a week or less depending on what's going on, and never in a week is he over at her house more than at home, (he was when I worked but not anymore). I guess I just wanted to know what was normal for other Moms and see how much their kids spend with grandparents etc. I am SOOO GRATEFUL for my mom and although we aren't that close, we are together alot because of my son, so I guess that is a plus as well. Thanks for all the input!!!

Anna - posted on 06/02/2010

sometimes its hard to say. theres nothing wrong with needing your time or even needing time away from him. i wouldnt be worried, kids are always great with others. and he knows your stress, and can feel when your nervous and thats probably why he gets even worse that the typical terrible two year old. your are mommy and NO ONE can replace you, he wouldnt want them to anyway. i think too much grandma time is if hes with her more than hes with you like a lot more.

Erin - posted on 06/02/2010

First off, children always seem to behave better for others then they do their parents? IDK why? But it does make it fortunate for us who would like to have others watch them on occasion :)

If your mom has his for an overnight 1-2dys/wk and maybe takes him out on an errand or something a couple days...so she sees him totalling 4 dys it could be alright? IDK it depends on if he is spending more time w/gramma then home then its a bit much. But then again, how many kids do this because gramma is watching them while mom&dad are at work? If you feel it is too much then why don't you try tagging along on some of the all dayers or errands so you tag along maybe 1/3 to 1/2 the time and the other part he's w/just gram?

I can understand being offended at times that your child would prefer the company of another individual then yourself, but this doesn't bother me soo much. I want my children to foster relationships with other individuals then myself and at some point I will hear "I hate you" so I brace myself for this moment...having other people to admire, learn from, and love are so very important and its great that gramma is able to do this for you all! My parents & in-laws are mostly in their 40's, working, and dealing with their other children that we don't get to see them and none of them have ever done an overnight w/out 1 parent there :(

Charlie - posted on 06/01/2010

Your mum sounds like my mum , i have to limit her , she gets offended when i pick him up to go home LOL .

She gets him once a week for a sleep over but she will take him when i need to do grocery shopping or am tired from being in my last month of pregnancy and i need sleep .

Be thankful for your mum , she sounds wonderful , if you feel you need more time with him just give her a set day or two with him and stick to it and make the most out of the time you do spend with him , make it quality time , just because you have great support doesn't mean you should feel guilty for using it , mummies are the hardest working people ever and deserve a break too especially if you are feeling overwhelmed , a happy relaxed mummy is a happy relaxed child if your mum helps you achieve that then great there is a lot to show for many cultures that have close , helpful extended families around , just think yourself lucky .

Deborah - posted on 06/01/2010

I don't think of you as a un-involved mommy but as an overwhelmed mommy. If you want to spend more time with your son but are scared of how he will react why not talk to your mom about what the two of them do together, and how she handles his tantrums (the very few he has). If you want to spend time with him but don't want to take away from Grandma time, why not spend a couple of days together doing things. This way you get to spend time with him and you can get a peak into how the two of them relate to each other, and it might gives you an idea about your son operates. Kids tend to act differently around their parents than they do around other people. Now if you are okay with him spending alot of time with Grandma (other than that little feeling of jealousy) don't let anybody make you feel guilty about that. Honestly if me and my husband and our son lived closer to my family he would spend alot of his free time with grandma, she comes to visit for a couple of weeks a couple of times a year, but he hates it when she leaves.

Joanna - posted on 06/01/2010

It does sound like a bit much to me, of course my daughter is 2 1/2 and I'm with her 24/7. I am lucky to have my mother-in-law to babysit but that's only if I have appointments or a date night, so for 2 hours at a time maybe, never overnighters. So to me, 2-4 day/nights a week sounds a bit much.

However I would say you are lucky, to be able to have some time to refresh (especially with a 2 year old), and also to have such a caring mom, who is also lucky to have such a good bond with her grandson.

My suggestion is, try cutting back so you have him more (like someone mentioned, 4 days a week is over half the week), or if you cant, make sure your time together is as good as it can be, with lots of cuddling, fun, and learning, but also teaching boundaries/discipline(AKA the hard stuff), because I think that's best learned from parents (and make sure your mom knows your wishes on how to teach him these things as well so your methods don't conflict).

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2010

If you didn't think it was too much, would you have even asked the question? I think it's great that your mom is so helpful, but I think that 4 nights is a lot. 2 is fine, maybe even 3 sometimes, but 4 is over 1/2 the week! I think maybe it should be a weekend thing. Afterall, I like having my weekly routine and I think it is good for kids to have that time at home with their parents, interacting, eating dinner together, etc.
Seriously though, what I think doesn't matter- it's what you're comfortable with. :)

Terra - posted on 06/01/2010

I don't see a problem with it right now. When he's school age I would limit it down, but for now...he's happy and you take care of all of his basic needs and give him love, etc. Let grandma love him up. You're lucky. My girls, 3 and 10 months, have 3 sets of grandparents and I have to beg and plead for someone to take them. My parents are in their 40s and they all have busy lives and are just too worn out from their week to take them.

Sherri - posted on 06/01/2010

Seems an awful lot to me. I only leave my children maybe once a year. I do have a husband but he works a lot, does all his sports (softball, ice hockey, bowling), then he has his clubs Bedford Men's Club. I am a SAHM and for the most part do it by myself most of the time.

Teresa - posted on 06/01/2010

Sounds like too much to me, but my dad has only watched my son (2) twice in his life. My girls (8.5) do an overnighter w/ him maybe 2-3 times/year at the most. They have extremely UNinvolved grandparents though. My mom is actually more involved and she lives 3000 miles away compared to my dad that lives 15 minutes away......



I've also been a single mom since the day my son was born. It's hard, but raising them is MY job.

Phyllis - posted on 06/01/2010

You sound like a lucky gal! As long as you make the time you spend with him Quality time, he is getting the best of both worlds. If you feel you need to cut back, I would maybe cut back the over nighters, and let the daytime trips stay.

Amy - posted on 06/01/2010

Four nights a week seems like a lot but I can't imagine being a single mom. If I didn't have my husband I would probably go crazy especially with a 2 1/2 year old because they can be really trying on your patience. However my son prefers grammie over my husband or myself, she's 4 hours away so when she comes to visit we are invisible to him! Usually every other month he goes and stays with her for a week now that I'm out on maternity leave I don't mind but when I'm working every minute that I'm not I want to spend time with him. It's great though that he's willing to leave you and let someone else watch him just remember it's the quality of the time not the quantity that will have a lasting impact on him!

Tracy - posted on 06/01/2010

I'd call you a very fortunate mommy! You get time to take a breath, which makes you a better mommy in the long run.

I was raised by my gramma, and I am thankful for her. My kids have one biological grandparent, my dad, and he lives in another city. They're starting to get two step grandparents, but it takes time for that relationship to grow.

Enjoy your time, and let your child bask in his gramma's love.

Liz - posted on 06/01/2010

I think it's great he's attached to his Grandma. I never had one. I'm 25 and still miss that I never had that connection.



I think it's normal for him to really enjoy time with Grandma, as he's with you mostly. Our kids get tired of hanging out with us all the time, too!







Trust me, you're not replaceable.