Am I dumb for wanting this at 17?

Rachel - posted on 02/12/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Am I stupid and selfish for wanting to be a mom MORE THAN ANYTHING at 17? I've wanted to be since I was 15. Its my dream to be a young stay at home mom. The dad wants one too REALLLY bad he grew up with a huge family of mostly all teen parents. Advice please? And yes I have had newborns over night to "cure my problem" but it just made me want one more. I loved it

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Dove - posted on 02/12/2013

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You aren't stupid at all for wanting a baby... even at 17. HAVING a baby and wanting a baby are world's apart though. I've wanted nothing more from my life other than to be a mom from the time I was 14. I didn't actually become a mom until I was in my mid-twenties.... and it was a GOOD thing that it didn't happen any earlier.

Some teen moms are quite successful, but, personally speaking, it is a very good idea to be done with schooling and have a career (or career potential) before actually planning a family.

Your dream may be to be a stay-at-home mom and that is (imo) the greatest calling of a parent, but.... life doesn't always work out the way we plan. I'm telling you what my aunt told me over a decade ago. I didn't listen to her because, like you, I had a plan and nothing could ruin that. Reality hit me HARD though, so.... HAVE a back up plan. A good education and a career path are much easier to go after when you are 17 vs. in your 30's.

Shawnn - posted on 02/12/2013

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Rachel,

1. Have you graduated HS?
2. Has your boyfriend?
3. Do either of you have plans for secondary education beyond HS?
4. Do you have steady, DECENT income?
5. Does he?
6. Do you have a savings account of (at least) $2000 for emergencies?
7. Do you have your own lodging? Is it suitable to raise a child?
8. Do you have a guarantee that the boyfriend REALLY wants this, too, or is he just saying it to get laid?
9. Do you have an agreement (written) that says that he'll stick around for the long haul?
10. How are you planning on paying the medical bills? A birth alone runs from $10K-$12K in the US (and that was 15 years ago, so figure inflation into that)
11. Do you have medical insurance?

Let me be blunt. You want to be a "young stay at home mom". Admirable goal, well, sort of. I'd rather hear that you want to be a well-educated adult who's ready to have children.

Unless you can answer the majority of the above questions "yes", it's a stupid idea. It's NEVER a bright idea to bring a child into your life until you are fully prepared. And "wanting one MORE THAN ANYTHING" is not fully prepared. Why don't you ask one of those ladies who let you take a newborn overnight if they'll let you take that same newborn when they've got colic, or an upset stomach, or they're teething? That will help give you the REAL perspective on motherhood. And do it for more than just one night. ANYONE can handle a baby for one night.

Holly - posted on 02/12/2013

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at 17 yes, this is stupid. your best bet is to be financially stable. You don't have to wait forever... but at least have a home with you and your husband with enough room to grow a family, have a steady job, and get any schooling you want done FIRST...

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