Am I jealous?

Jackie - posted on 03/17/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have a wonderful and beautiful 7 months old baby girl. For the past couple of months I have felt like I have missed out on some thing in life like Baby Showers and Wedding Party type stuff when I was pregnant and when I got married. I am happy with my daughter and my marriage...



When I was pregnant my husband's family didn't do anything for me or my daughter, no baby shower, no baby gift, no congratulations. We weren't married till two days before I gave birth due to waiting on the state to grant him his divorce.



When we got married, it was a quick marriage because I due any moment at the time before I was going to give birth. We had planned to get married at the beginning of 2009 or atleast by summer but couldn't due to the state didn't grant him his divorce till Aug. So we didn't actually have a wedding just went to the court house.



Now, I feel like I missed out on both events.. I had one baby shower from my family before we even found out what we were having and nothing at all from his family. We haven't done anything about a wedding or a wedding party and its not looking like we are going to due to the fact that his family has a bunch of weddings already going on this year.



His first marriage was a full wedding, dress, cake, party, guest, friends, family everything.. I told him that and he feels that because that marriage failed that it was that big of a deal.. His family also threw a big baby shower for his ex wife and they got lots of gifts and everything..



I have told my husband how i felt about it and now he is saying that I am just jealous.. This is my first and what seems like my last child and this is my first and I don't plan on a divorce..



Do you think I am jealous??

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Jessica - posted on 03/17/2010

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Big weddings are a waste of money. Use the money you'd spend for an enormous wedding towards an exotic vacation for the two of you (or family) or a house, whatever. Use that to invest in your future not to entertain others for one day. No one will remember that your flowers cost $20,000.00 or your dress was $5,000.00 but your credit card company will not forget. They'll send you a monthly reminder AND tack on a little "fee" while they're at it. ;) You have your man and a beautiful baby, build on that not on what you didn't have. I hear Africa is gorgeous this time of year.

Alison - posted on 03/17/2010

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Sounds like you are being punished for the failure of his first marriage. No, it's not fair. Remember though, it is part of the package you bought into when you chose to hook up with a divorcee. Every man comes with perks and some inconveniences. Try to be grateful for the man you chose and accept this as part of the price.

That said, do make a plan to have a real wedding celebration and/or renewal of vows, maybe at 2 years or 5 years. My sister in law is planning hers for their 10 year anniversary (they also had a very low-key wedding). You do deserve your day in the sun and it is not too late!

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Lucy - posted on 03/17/2010

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I can understand your feelings, it does sound like his family are being a bit thoughtless, but try not to let it get out of proportion by stewing over it. Maybe they didn't know how much fuss you wanted made with your husbands divorce going through all at the same time? It may be they just felt awkward and didn't know what would be appropriate.

I think it would also be worth just stepping back and having a good look at what you have in life- A husband you are happy with and a lovely baby. That's the stuff that really matters, not parties and presents.

When we got married we had hardly any money at all, we put together our whole wedding (including a honeymoon booked last minute 2 days before the wedding to get a bargain!) for less than £1000, but it was the best day ever because of what it meant to us.

I know it's tough when you don't have a close relationship with your in-laws, I'm in the same boat with mine! But try not to take it personally, and just enjoy what you have :)

Stephanie - posted on 03/17/2010

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I guess kind of since you do want what his first wife (and many other women) had. I'm sure most women would feel the same way you do though. I didn't take it personally that my fiance's family never threw me a shower and they aren't doing anything for us getting married but then again I never wanted a baby shower just a baby, never wanted a wedding or reception, just the marriage.



Those big celebrations don't mean much to me. I just feel blessed that I have such a great man and a wonderful little boy. It's more than I could've imagined me having this soon in my life. If you really want it though, maybe you could just have a big vow renewal celebration and go all out with that.

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2010

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I was married at a courthouse and never had a baby shower with my first son except with the church I was attending and with co-workers. I have now been happily married to my husband for over 7 years, we always wanted a big wedding eventually but it hasn't happened yet and at this point I could careless as long as we are happy and together, that's really all that matters. As for his family not giving a shower or any congrats I'm sure it has nothing to do with you they just might not like the fact he was just divorced and got re-married while having a child with the new woman. I would just let them act how they are going to act, eventually they will come out and be happy for all of you.

I don't think you are jealous but things just happened so fast and now you are just now getting the chance to dwell on it. It will pass I'm sure. Just think about what you have and how happy you will all be together regardless of big parties =) Good Luck

Kayleigh - posted on 03/17/2010

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i dont think your being jealous hun i totally understand



it isnt fair for them to do that for the first and not bother with you and your child, and its not fair for hi to say that

Marcy - posted on 03/17/2010

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Jackie its pretty common for families in this same situation to not want to have parties since they have already done this once before. I wouldn't take it personally. Honestly, they prboably feel like they shouldn't have to spend the money and do it all over again. its a tough nut to swallow because although its not intentionally directed AT you, it does hurt your feelings. Truth be told, if he went from waiting to get a divroce to right in to another marriage they are probably not all that keen on the idea of running out and having a party anyways. I wouldn't call it jealousy it sounds to me like due to the situation, you got the short end of the stick. Its too late to have a shower and a wedding party but its never to late for your husband to treat you and your feelings (one in the same) with the care and kindness that you deserve.

Nicole - posted on 03/17/2010

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You're not jealous, you just would like this baby, and wedding to be special as it's your first. Maybe his family is feeling a litte burned from his first marriage.

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