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Am I over reacting?

Melissa - posted on 05/16/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband isnt fair to our kids. He favors his biological children over my biological children. Here let me explain.. When he and I got married I had 3 kids and he had 3 kids and we have one together. The problems are huge! When it comes to chores around the house "my" kids have to do them but "his" kids do not. And if they dont then they get punished while his just sit around to be waited on by the others. Now I have tried very hard to make things equal in my house but it is very hard to do with my husband not working with me. Then I am getting yelled at for getting angry at his kids for not helping. My kids try and stand up saying that it isnt fair but he just yells at them. What do I do? How Do I make him see that the kids are starting to hate not only him but me for not being fair! HELP PLEASE

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Jodi - posted on 05/16/2012

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Have you had any family counselling Melissa? It might be worth a try. You can't have different rules for different kids based on their biology, that's just not going to work (as you can see). The issues of blending the family is what causes the greatest amount of problems in second (and subsequent) marriages, and is the biggest reason for these failing, so you guys need to find a way to get on the same page, or it's just going to fall apart. I'm thinking counselling is worth consideration.

Melissa - posted on 05/16/2012

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I have tried to do that with the rules he and I have sat down and written house rules but when it comes right down to the kids following them it only last a few days for his kids.

One of his children lives with us full time and then one of the girls comes on weekends. The oldest of the three doesn't come over anymore because he just couldn't get along with her.

Jodi - posted on 05/16/2012

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No, you are NOT overreacting. What you and your husband need to do is make HOUSE rules (as opposed to rules for individual kids). All the kids should be treated equally based on those HOUSE rules, and you and your husband should be upholding and enforcing those HOUSE rules together.

Blended families can be difficult. I've been there with my husband. My hubby had a fear that if his kids came here on their visit and had to do chores or were disciplined in the same way as the other children, they wouldn't want to come and visit any more. But the fact is, you have to be consistent with ALL the children. I finally made him realise that if his kids didn't want to come any more, it goes deeper than the handful of chores and rules we have here. Is it possible this may be your husband's fear?

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