AM I WRONG FOR NOT LETTING MY SISTER SEE MY KIDS WHO I DONT GET ALONG WITH AND WHO THEY DONT KNOW?

TIFFANY - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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MY SECOND SISTER(TANIEA (I HAVE 3)AND I DONT GET ALONG AT ALL AND WE NEVER DID) AND TIARRA(MY MIDDLE SISTER) KEEPS TRYIN TO TAKE MY KIDS TO SEE HER(TANIEA) AFTER I FORBID CONTACT WITH HER! I'VE TRIED TO BE CIVIL AND DEAL WITH HERBUT ALL WE EVER DO IS FIGHT. EVEN AFTER SHE MADE UP STORIES AND LIED TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABOUT ME JUST TO BE MEAN AND EVIL. SHE EVEN TOLD MY MOTHER I TRIED TO SLEEP WITH HER BOYFRIEND!! THATS NOT ME!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!! I'VE ONLY BEEN WITH ONE MAN MY KIDS FATHER FOR THE LAST 11 YEARS AND I INTEND IT KEEP IT THAT WAY! MY KIDS ARE 3 AND 1 AND THEY'VE ONLY SEEN HER 4 TIMES! NOW AFTER I HAVE TERMINATED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND DEALINGS, MY MIDDLE SISTER KEEPS TRYIN TOGO BEHIND MY BACK AND GET IN THE MIDDLE. TIARRA(MY MIDDLE) VIOLATED MY TRUST BY SNEAKIN MY KIDS OUT MY HOUSE TO SEE TANIEA(MY SECOND SISTER). TANIEA AND I DONT GET ALONG (IM DEAD TO HER)AND I FEEL LIKE IF SHE CANT DEAL WITH ME SHES NOT GONNA DEAL WITH MY KIDS! AND TIARRA(MY MIDDLE SISTER) DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT. I TRIED TO BE NICE AND CIVIL WITH HER(TANIEA) BUT SHES A BITCH AND THATS ALL, SO IM DONE WITH HER.I MEAN WHY SHOULD I KEEP EXTENDING MY HAND AND KINDNESS TO HER AND SHE KEEPS SPITTING ON IT IN RETURN! AND UNTIL SHE CAN DEAL, AND BE CIVIL WITH ME SHES NOT GONNA BE AROUND MY KIDS AND THEIR FATHER FEELS THE SAME WAY. I KNOW IT MAY SOUND HARSH AND LIKE IM HURTIN MY KIDS BUT SHES NEVER TRIED TO BE AN AUNT TO THEM THEY BARELY KNOW HER! AND IT CAN STAY THAT WAY. SHE HAS NO RIGHTS TO MY KIDS AND JUST BECAUSE WERE RELATED (NOT BY CHOICE) DOESNT MAKE HER THEIR AUNT. SHE HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WITH OR FOR THEM SHE MISSED THEIR BIRTHDAYS, NO XMAS GIFTS, PHONE CALLS OR ANYTHING EVER. AND WHEN I TRIED TO PAY HER TO BABYSIT SO I COULD WORK AND SHE COULD GET TO KNOW MY KIDS SHE REFUSED, SO DONT TRY TO BE APART OF THERE LIVES NOW JUST TO SPITE ME. NEITHER OF MY SISTERS HAVE KIDS OR EVEN WANTS THEM SO THEY DONT UNDERSTAND WHERE AS A MOTHER IM COMING FROM WITH THIS.LIKE YESTERDAY WE LEFT MY MOMS HOUSE AFTER ONLY A 5 MINUTE VISIT BECAUSE SHE(TANIEA)WAS THERE! I CANCELLED OUR ANNUAL FAMILY TRIP TO WILDWOOD JUST TO AVOID THE DRAMA AND EMBARRASSMENT OF MY MOTHER. IM TRYING TO KEEP THIS ISSUE AWAY FROM OUR MOTHER CAUSE I KNOW THIS WILL HURT HER, BUT ALL SHES GONNA DO IS TAKE TANIEAS SIDE AS USUAL AND LET HER SEE MY KIDS REGARDLESS OF WHAT I WANT OR HOW I FEEL(ITS BEEN THAT WAY SINCE SHE WAS BORN) IM THE OLDEST)WELL I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO? IF THIS MAKES ME A BAD MOM AND AM I WRONG FOR THIS? ALL FEED BACK IS WELCOME. THANK U!

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Aileesha - posted on 05/29/2010

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First of all your not a bad mom but you really should let your kids see their Aunt. How you feel should never come in between the rest of the family. There may come a day( and I hope it never happens but you may not be able to care for your kids and you just may need her help). Don't take how you feel and what happened between you and your sister out on your kids. They may grow to have a really good relationship with their aunt. Just take it into consideration. Time will heal all wounds and life is really too short to hold a grudge. What would you tell your kids to do in the same situation. I will pray for you and your family. Family really is everything!

[deleted account]

I can understand how you feel. I have a similar situation going on in my family. Honestly, I would be angry with the family members that aren't respecting your wishes. You are those children's mother and it is your right to choose who they have a relationship with. They aren't giving you the time you need to allow the wounds to heal because they just keep reopening them by pushing the issue. I think that you need to sit down with the other family members and tell them that they need to give you time to heal and stop pushing the issue or they won't be allowed to take the kids off without you. I totally agree with how you feel. We have totally alienated ourselves from my husbands entire family because they won't respect our wishes concerning the family member that we have an issue with.

Sherry - posted on 05/30/2010

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Ouch... I don't envy you this one that's for sure.

It's my opinion that if you feel you cannot trust your family it's time to make it known. if your sister (the one that takes your kids to the one you don't get along with) insists on disrespecting your wishes you can let it be known that you will not trust her with your kids. if you have indeed made an attempt to sooth things over but the sister you don't get along with continually disrespects you and continues badmouthing, rumor starting and even underminding what you say I'd strongly suggest you sever ties. You dont' need that garbage!if your omther and other sister have a problem with that then so be it ... it's your job to raise your children, keep them safe, and teach them right from wrong. If another adult is continually underminding you then your just teaching your children that that's ok... Time to step up to the plate and lay down the law.. make sure you have your husbands support (which I'm sure you do) but stand firm... if your problem sister decides that she'd like to see her nephew/niece it's her responsibility to patch up negative feelings and attempt to be civilized.. don't allow your kids to be thrown into a bad situation (like the situation between your sisters and yourself) that's just going to traumatize them in the long run. If your problem sister wants to see them simply state it will be at your house and she will fallow your rules. If at any time she badmouths you to your kids KICK HER OUT at which point you may have to explain to the kids that sometimes when someone is being mean you have to make them go away because it isn't appropriate to be mean and nasty and hurtful

Firebird - posted on 05/29/2010

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Regardless of why you don't get along with your sister, you have every right to decide if she is someone your kids grow up to know. If I didn't get along with my sister, my kid wouldn't know her. Heck if I didn't talk to my own mother, my kid wouldn't see her. Your family needs to respect your decision. I personally wouldn't leave my daughter alone with one one who did not respect my authority as a parent. It's not going to make your kids lives any better or worse if they do or don't know your sister.

Nicole - posted on 05/29/2010

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I think you are doing the right thing by protecting your children from all of this! GOOd for you! It must be very difficult for you. If you sister can not respect your wishes I would not allow her to take the kids anymore. I do not think the sister you do not get along with should get the privilege of spending time with YOUR children and I am not sure it's evan a safe situation for them. They will realize soon enough what's going on and how will you explain all the drama. I think you are smart to just stay out of it! Good luck!

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13 Comments

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CAROL - posted on 09/07/2012

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I am having the same problem with my sister. I feel her interference has already had a negative impact on my relationship with my eldest 2 children so I am trying to keep her out of my life and the lives of my youngest 3 children. My sister has even asked my 18yr old daughter to completely disregard my instructions and take my younger children to meet up with her. My youngest 3 children are 12, 9, and 3 yrs old what sort of impression is she giving to them....I know exactly what, the same as she gave my eldest. Basically not to respect my wishes or feelings at all

Magaly - posted on 03/06/2011

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I don't think you are a bad mom, you are protecting your kids. I say live your life the way you want to and surround yourself with those that add to you. If you want to go on a family vacation, then go regardless of who is there. Don't let someone else ruin YOUR day. Don't let them have that power over you. I feel I have a similar situation but I'm at a point where I'm just going to live my life by my rules, take it or leave it. Life is too short.

Jessica - posted on 05/29/2010

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I agree with the comments about you being a good mother, and that you perhaps have some options other than being so firm about cutting her out of your immediate family. Seems to me that this situation is slowly EVOLVING. If you feel uncomfortable with your sister then let it be, and in regards to your kids relationship with their aunt, perhaps it can evolve in a compromise where you allow them to hang out with her at a family gathering or something. There is something to say for taking the high road where you allow her the privilege of getting to know them.

Christina - posted on 05/29/2010

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A mom has to trust her gut. I understand that it is not ideal to cut contact with family members but people dont have an automatic right to your children because they are family. My maternal grandmother has never met my children. She is a bitter and nasty woman, why would I expose my children to that? When I was a child she told me that I was a ditz and had to learn to cook or I would never find a husband. As an adult she told me that she really didnt care for my opinions or my feelings. Why in the world would I expose my children to a woman like that? (PS My mother doesnt even speak to her mom!)

Jessica - posted on 05/29/2010

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You are the mom. Go with your gut. If you feel your sister is a trouble maker and she will be a negative influence on your kids then by all means keep her away. If she'd make up lies about you to tell to your own mother who's to say she won't lie to your kids?

One thing i've learned is that even if they are related to you, some people are like cancer. You just have to cut them out.

Hope - posted on 05/29/2010

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well this is a hard one.. I can feel how hurt you are by all you had to say. First I thing that I am wondering about is if your sister has children? If not or If so then would you want to be able to be an aunt to them? We adults are so good at taking things away from our children. Things that could benefit them in ways that we do not see. For me I would never not let my brothers see my children. However I am not big on anyone taking my children with them so they would come to my house or I would go to theirs. You as a parent have to be able to show your children that even though you may have issues with someone does not mean that you can not work them out.
Another way to look at this is from your mothers stand point. How would you feel if this situation was between your children? What would you want them to do? Would it be easy to watch your children be this way? What do you teach your children when they fight? I am sure your mother is the one who gets the hardest part in all this. I personally would be so hurt if my boys were fighting like this. I would find it hard to be able to have family time or even holidays would become very stressful. So maybe step out of your shoes and look at it from all directions. If your sister wants to have a relationship with your children you should not stand in her way. However setting up some guide lines would be helpful. I have a drunk as a father. So my children sadly have only got to be around him three times total. Now my guide line with him is that he is more then welcome to come over when ever he wants. He is not to take the children and he will not come to my house drunk. When he has been hear I am nice and never rude for I want them to have a relationship.
Both myself and my husband come from family's who see allot of each other and I would never set up my children to treat family in such a way as to estrange them from any family member. Unless we are talking about some one who went to jail for a crime against a child.
I hope I was able to help you a little bit or at least point at another way to see your situation. And Please do not think I was saying your a bad mother. For if you were then I would hardly think this would be bothering you at all. Just the idea that you posted this speaks louder of love, more then anything.

Christina - posted on 05/29/2010

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I think that it is up to you who you expose your children to and that your family should respect that. I have several family members that I do not speak with or have any contact with. You can choose your friends but not your family BUT that doesnt mean you have to have a relationship with them.

Andrea - posted on 05/29/2010

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You're not a bad mom, but life is too short for this kind of behaviour. Why waste so much energy on keeping your kids from your sister if she isn't harming them? You don't have to see her if your other sister brings them to see her so what's the big deal?

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