Am I wrong for not wanting my husband to be around his friend?

Cindy - posted on 07/10/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

0

0

43

90% of the time my husband smokes weed is when he is around his friend. Part of the reason he dosen't have a stable job is because he smoked weed while with this friend and failed a drug test. My husband insist its not his friend because it's his idea and not his friends to smoke. I feel that it doesn't matter who's idea it is, he usually only does it with this friend so that influences him somehow and he should not be around the influence. If his friend was a true friend then he would say NO if my husband brought it up.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jenni - posted on 07/10/2012

5,928

34

373

Well, your husband is an adult, not a child. Capable of making his own decisions and being held accountable for them. It's not his friend's job to babysit your husband. Do you honestly think guys would do that? "Sorry, I can't give you a puff off this joint, your wife wouldn't approve." I could never see any guy policing another guy friend that way. Especially one that probably thinks it's no big deal anyways to sit around and smoke weed all day (or is single himself?)



My suggestion would be to hold your husband accountable for his own choices and not to treat him like a child (even if he may act like one). If you treat him like one, he's likely to act accordingly. You can't force him to look for a job or quit, or cut back smoking. All you can do is discuss it with him and tell him how it makes you feel and the position it puts you in. You can't change people, they have to want to change themselves. But you can make them aware of how it is affecting you.



If it is a really big issue between the two of you, and you can't get through to him alone. I'd suggest marriage counseling to help your voice to be heard on the matter and to let him know how serious you are about it.

Carrie - posted on 07/11/2012

1

4

0

My ex-husband went as far as getting a doctor to say he medically needed to smoke pot. He was given the license to even grow it in our home. I was against all of it from the beginning. Besides having 2 young children in our house, I didn't want what all that could bring to our home. He did it anyway. It was a major factor on our divorcing. He ultimately chose the pot over me and his girls, ending an 18 year marriage. He said one time, "you knew I smoked it when we met." Which is true I knew, but I also believed he would some day grow up and be an adult, hasn't happened yet.
So I understand what you are going through. The other ladies are right he is an adult but is making bad choices. You need to deside what is best for you. In my experience, he is not going to change.

Dove - posted on 07/10/2012

5,771

0

1336

I don't blame you for not wanting your husband around this other person, but he's an adult capable of making his own choices. It would be nice if he respected your wishes about this, but that doesn't sound likely.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Chandra - posted on 07/13/2012

1

0

0

Your husband has the personal responsibilty to control those things that negatively affect his responsibilty as a husband and a father. You can't change your husband, but God can. His friend is also not responsible so don't use him as a scapegoat for your husband's choices that are not the best for his family. If they are smoking in your home you do have the right to say no, because it does affect your children and how acceptable they may be to those types of influences can be in their lives. PRAYER CHANGES THINGS.

Cynitra - posted on 07/12/2012

3

0

0

Check your husband into a rehab or else the police will check him into jail one way or the other.
Try to talk to him to check himself into a rehab facility because marijuana is very strong and the scent would get him into a lot of trouble.

Joyce - posted on 07/11/2012

3

1

0

Remind your grown husband that there are consequences to every action, some which will impact his life significantly and others not so much. Ask him does he really want to gamble with those types of life altering decisions/consequences.

Hope - posted on 07/11/2012

1

22

0

Sounds like the two of you need to have a serious decision. Question is it just you two or do you have children? If it is just the two of you then sounds like you have a decision to make, do you choose to continue to support his behavior. If not you could suggest he stop smoking unroll he has a job, I was married for thirteen years to a guy your describing. The difference is we did have a child, he never had a desent job. Because he wouldn't quit smoking, I on the other hand had a good job and worked my but off. Doing as much overtime as possible to make sure we could pay our bills. I got tired of being the adult in the relationship, decided I would do it on my own. He only wanted to party with his friends and always came before my daughter and I. So the question is do you want to share your life with someone you can count on or do you respect and love your self enough to give him an altimatum. Your friends and you smoke or our family trust me if he really loves you he will make the right decision. Or you can continue as things are going and be unhappy supporting some one who doesn't want to grow up.

Cindy - posted on 07/10/2012

0

0

43

That's Dove for posting /answering in an friendly manner. A lot of people post on here because they are feeling down want some friendly advice and it's nice to get it.

Stifler's - posted on 07/10/2012

15,141

154

597

How old is your husband 10? He's making his own choices! If he wanted to stop he'd stop hanging out with the friend.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms