Am I wrong for wanting my child to have my last name?

Patricia - posted on 03/31/2010

You should also think about this legally. You need for him to sign the birth certificate stating that this is his child so you can receive support. That is the main reason for giving the child the father last name.

Sara - posted on 03/31/2010

there are a lot of comments about if the father is a positive influence and involved in the childs life that the child should have his name. We as mothers are usually the biggest influence in our childs lives so why cant the child carry our name? my son has my maiden name as my father only had daughters and i want to carry on the name, its a totally personal choice and i hope you arent influenced by what society thinks is 'right'.

Susan - posted on 03/31/2010

I think you have every right to give your child's your last name. When my son was born, I gave him my last name, his father had no desire to be a parent and I personally felt that my son's father didn't deserve it. After 11 years he comes back into the picture and wants to talk about his last name and I said no. Ultimately it is up to you, but I think you need to consider the age of the child and how it will ultimately affect them, by changing their name.

Rebecca - posted on 03/31/2010

i do not think you are wrong by giving your child your last name all of my child have my maiden last name as me and my current partner are not married but i was married before,i am glad i never gave the kids my married name. I think in my situation that my children should decide when they are old enough who's name they want mine or there dads. There dad also agree with me that they should make the decision

Kellie - posted on 03/31/2010

personly i dont think you are wrong i gave my little boy my lastname and i it was the best thing i did but it is up to you

Tammy - posted on 03/31/2010

I think it would be very confusing for your child not to have his daddy's last name.

Monica - posted on 03/31/2010

Just for a different perspective. In some cultures it is the norm for the daughter to take the mothers name. In some scandinavian cultures the daughter's last name is the first name of the motther with dottir (daughter) added. Just as the sons is the first name of the father with son added (eg andersson). So for a start there is no one thing that is 'right'. Do what you feel happiest with. Friends of ours who were married but she had kept her maiden name, made the decision that the gender of their first child would dictate the last name - a girl would get hers, a boy his. They had a girl so she has the Mom's last name. As has their son who came later as they wanted to keep the kids names the same. Another case, the Mom was the last of her line, Dad wasn't so if their son had his name her family name would disappear (from that line anyway), whereas Dad had brothers who could have kids, so they gave their son her last name. Finally, there could be some legalities where it may be easier if your child has the same name as you (e.g. the example about the Mom being stopped at customs as she had a different name to her children), so there could be real advantages to having your name. Anyway, do what feels right and know you are not the only one to make this decision, for a whole range of reasons!

Sam - posted on 03/30/2010

both my daughters have my last name as i wasnt married to their father so i strongley believe that they shud have the mothers last name unless the parents are married even if i was living wif there father i wuda chosen my last name.

Jessi - posted on 03/30/2010

I would have to agree with sandra you are the one who carried and gave birth to your child. Both of my kids have my last name and i think that i deserve to give that to my child. but you do what you think is right forget what everyone else says because it is what you have to live with no one else can do that

Nancy-lee - posted on 03/30/2010

my daughter's last name is hifenated (sp?) which mine and her fathers last name. it worked out well for us. its completely your decision but maybe you should talk to your childs father about it and see what he says. if he isnt in the childs life then i would personally give the child my own last name.

Sharnetha - posted on 03/30/2010

My 18 year old daughter has my last name. It is possible that she may marry and change her name. My reasons were because I was not married to the father. I also have a son (12) he has his father's last name, but I would not name him a Jr. I wasnt marry to him, but I've known him since I was 14, about his family etc. I guess I am a yin-yang type, so right or wrong varies. It is your decision to make... live with no regrets whatever you decide.
Best wishes & Congrats

Cristina - posted on 03/30/2010

I've struggled for 13 yrs trying to get my daughters last name changed to mine and if I could go back to that day when I was signing her birth certificate I would.. don't make the same mistake I did besides if your married you can put what you want if not you have to do a paternity and if you wait I think in some states you can ligitimize or add the dad within a yr of birth just call and ask your hospitals birth certificate clerk or vitals record office.. don't get confused about our thoughts.. make sire it's what you want and understand the laws.. they are crazy.. gl

Chris - posted on 03/30/2010

My oldest had my last name when he was born, but after his dad got legal paternity, he wanted him to have his last name. We were never married and actually my son was conceived by rape, so I really didn't want him to have his last name. My lawyer told me that there was nothing I could do to stop him since the court would grant it anyway, so I didn't bother fighting it and now he has his dad's last name. I just wanted to point out that it might not end up being up to you, but you can always try.

Robena - posted on 03/30/2010

I agree with your decission, especially if you're not married. I have friends who chose to give their children the fathers surname and then broke up, leaving the children and mother with different names for the rest of their life.

Linda - posted on 03/30/2010

You can do whatever you want. My husband and I have two children, one has his last name and the other has my last name. They are 13 years apart so it won't be weird at school. Many women I know keep their last name when they marry too. These are modern times. Other cultures have the children take their mom's last name. Good luck with your decision.

Christy - posted on 03/30/2010

No your not wrong. How is your relationship with the father? I divorced my son's dad, so I didn't have a choice but when I remarried, I hyphenated my old married name with the new one because I didn't want my son to be different from all of us. I think it is your choice if your not married. Good Luck with this.

Jeanne - posted on 03/30/2010

This was a question that I faced once upon a time and a lawyer advised me not to try as it could be really expensive if the father chose to fight it. I wish I had done it, however when my son was 18 it chose my maiden name for himself to honor me and the family that raised him and took care of him. I would consider combining both names as many parents have done and then let the child make their choice when the come of age.

Felicia - posted on 03/30/2010

when my baby was born, her dad and i was not togather. He said he was going to be there so i gave her his last name. Well she has not ever meet him. Every one said it was her right to have his last name. That way is somthing happend to him she could get his benffits. He was not a good person. then I meet the man she calles dad now before we gut married she know his was griffis mine was hays and her was hoover. Then we gut married and had our other kids and they was the same as ours she wanted to know whos last name she had I lied and told her i picked it out for her . Then she felt left out she was the only hoover. If i would of give her my last name I could of told her that she had my last name then maybe she would not fell so left out after we gut married. It really bepends on if he is going to been in thier life. The most important thing to remember is that this is your baby let know one tell you what to do.

JESSICA - posted on 03/30/2010

MY YOUNGEST SON'S DAD PUT UP A HUGE FUSS ABOUT HIS LAST NAME BEING MY LAST NAME, SO HE TOOK ME TO COURT ABOUT IT AND CAUSED A SCENE. MY ADVICE: DO WHAT OUR JUDGE DID IN OUR CASE....GIVE YOUR CHILD BOTH LAST NAMES SEPARATED WITH A HYPHEN. LEGALLY, YOUR CHILD CAN USE BOTH OR EITHER ONE THEY WANT. ONLY CONFUSION CAN COME IF YOU DON'T AGREE WHAT TO PUT ON MEDICAL/DAYCARE STUFF. PRESCRIPTIONS HAVE TO BE ASKED BY EITHER LAST NAME FOR MY SON CUZ HIS DAD ALWAYS JUST USES HIS OWN LAST NAME, AND IT SOMETIMES CAUSES TROUBLE. GOOD LUCK (AND DON'T LET THE DAD PUSH YOU AROUND!) ;)

Susan - posted on 03/30/2010

Let's go with perfect situation - everyone matches for simplicity's sake. Next best - two last names, but you will be together forever - I recommend hyphenated last name to cover both. If something happened to you, it would be a pain for the caring father to get school paperwork done, etc. This will simplify if he chooses to transition to a simple last name matching his. Same goes for you.

Not to be a cynic, but a realist with all of the current possible situations, and we all don't have much information about your situation :
If you are in a situation where, realistically, he's just going to be a minute factor, and a rare participant in this child's life, cutting ties quicker is easier for all and your life as the parent is easier for paperwork, schools, passports, etc. Here's the tricky part, on the birth certificate, his name needs to be there. What if you have to go after him for support because he falls on hard or not-so-nice times? You are still both financially responsible for this child. Hyphenated would make it easier to tie up the story in a neat bow.

Obviously you care enough to never be the type of mother that walks away for whatever reason. You are the constant. You need to have your name in there SOMEWHERE.

Esther - posted on 03/30/2010

No,your not wrong.If you don't have his name,why should your child.

Debra - posted on 03/30/2010

No you are not wrong

Danielle - posted on 03/30/2010

Me personally, if the couple isn't married and the mother chooses for the baby to have her name than that is completely acceptable.

Kalle - posted on 03/30/2010

I gave my daughter my last name but her father and I broke up while I was still pregnant. If we had been together I probably would've given her his last name.
But every situation is different and no one should tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Whatever you feel is right is what you should go with.

Korral - posted on 03/30/2010

my kids all have my last name, but they have thier dads as a middle name. this works for us. theres nothing wrong in keeping your last name going.

Tiffany - posted on 03/29/2010

Well in this day in age it really doesnt matter anymore. Just pick one. I chose to give my daughter my last name even though i was still with her father then, and im glad I decided to do that. In the end its all up to you.

Michelle - posted on 03/29/2010

No, you're not wrong! I encourage it! I did it, but now he is trying to fight me in court to have it changed, no decision has been made yet, but you have every right to have him/her have your last name, if you're not married! Go for it girl!

Zoe - posted on 03/29/2010

Congratulations on your pregnancy! And your last name is nice and short and easy to pronounce, even near the beginning of the alphabet - strong choice.

My husband and I have different last names, and we both wanted our kid to have our last name. We agreed that a boy would have his, and a girl would have mine. (She's a girl, yay :-) My mother-in-law cried, but no one else made a big deal of it - and she's over it now, too.

My parents divorced when I was a kid, and my mom went back to her maiden name. My sister and I liked our mom's name better, and we wanted to have the same last name she did, so when we were teenagers, we changed our last name to hers. Dad was supportive of the change, although his mama too was pissed!

Lastly, it's a pain to have a different last name from your children - my aunt, who kept her maiden name, was stopped at the airport when bringing her two children back from an overseas trip. Airport security thought she was kidnapping them.

You have my support!

Kristin - posted on 03/29/2010

It's entirely between you and that child's father and no one else. Do what's right for you three.

Kate - posted on 03/29/2010

I agree with most of what others have said - it's your decision but it may be worth considering what your last name would be if you married the father - would you change it? I chose to keep my maiden name and added my husband's name on the end, and he did the same so that we had the same surname, that way we knew that our children would have both of our names, as I felt that my name was a part of my identity that I didn't want to give up just because I was getting married.

Shannon - posted on 03/29/2010

i think that if you're in a loving relationship with the father and figure you're going to stay with him and possibly marry him then you should give the baby his last name, so if you do marry him, then you'll all have the same name (assuming you take his name). but if you're not sure about him, and you think in a few years you wont be with him and you think things would be easier for you to have the baby have the same name as you, go for it! but just so you know, a lot of guys think its a big slap in the face when the mom wont name the baby after them.

but what you decide is right for you. dont let other people make you feel bad about your decision. after all, its your life, not theirs!

Sorrelle - posted on 03/29/2010

i gave my children both last name but now i am no longer with their father i just use mine wen filling out forms.so maybe u could use both and if u change ur mind then u can still use urs.dunno if this makes any sense hope it helps.

Laura - posted on 03/29/2010

well, here's a thought... a friend of mine gave her son HER last name, then when he was old enough (i think he's 6 now), she gave him the option of having it changed to his father's last name. might cost a little more doing it that way, but i thought it was a very good way of going about it.

Jamie - posted on 03/28/2010

I'm assuming you are not maried to the father, in this case I say the baby should have your last name unless you are planning on marrying its father in the near future. Since you as the mother will most likely be taking care of doctors appointments, school, etc. it will be much easier for the baby to have you last name. If you are planning on marrying soon, then I would say go with the fathers last name. It ultimately is up to you!

Natalie - posted on 03/28/2010

I think if you're not married to the father, have issues, are on and off again or don't even plan on marrying then the baby should have your name. Because if you guys do split then your child will have a different last name as your and that can be confusing in many situations....
But if you guys plan on staying together and all ofthat then there's no problem in giving the child his last name.
ALTHOUGH, if you give the baby your last name and you do end up getting married to the father you can always change your child's name so you all have the same last name.

Kendra - posted on 03/28/2010

That's completely your decision to make. Just don't make it for the wrong reasons. I'm going through trying to make that decision myself. My daughter has my last name since her dad wasn't a part of my pregnancy or a few months of her life. But with my child I'm pregnant with now, the father hasn't wanted anything to do with my pregnancy, but he expect me to give the baby his last name because it's his first son. It's your decison, and in the end, I'd have to agree that it does depend on the situation.

Peggy - posted on 03/28/2010

I would have to agree to Brandi on this one. It is totally your decision, don't let anyone try to make it for you. If you are not married to the father, you can always change the last name if you marry, and give the baby your name now so you both have the same name. You know that you will always be there for your baby--will the father?

Leanne - posted on 03/28/2010

My son has my last name.. I made it clear that there was no other choice in the matter. If my boyfriend and I were married it might be different. However, we are not and if we were to one day break up I would probably end up will full custody and my son having my last name makes things just that much easier.

Remember if you ever do get married you can always change the baby's last name later.

It's really all up to you.. And if you want that child to have your last name then don't listen to what other people are saying and do it.. In the end it doesn't really matter and no one will be interested in the last name, only interested in the new baby.

Brandi - posted on 03/28/2010

Are you married to their father??? If no, then give them your last name, I would. If you are married to him and kept your last name, why not hyphenate the kids' names

Wendy - posted on 03/28/2010

my boys have my last name.There father havin 8 other children before my two said it all to me.If we seperate and they have his last name it mean nothing to him he does not pay or see the others denys at least 6 of them.In my eyes there my babys my name my responsibility.Now he denyin mine pays me no money.They no who he is and they more than happy with mummys name.

Sharon - posted on 03/28/2010

My kids have my last name. I don't give a shit and a half for what other people think.



Oh and I'm married to their father.

Marie - posted on 03/28/2010

It is Totally and Absolutely up to you. I felt the exact same way with both my kids, and actually ended up hypernating both surnames. My (then) partner was absolutely against having both surnames so i gave him some advice... do something about making mine the same, or our babies surname will stay combined. If I had been on my own I would definitely given my kids my own surname. They are a part of you - well thats how i felt anyway. We're are now married, so as promised I have changed our kids surnames to my husbands.

Brean - posted on 03/28/2010

my daughter has both last names, however, my last name is her second middle name. just a suggestion. =)

Heather - posted on 03/28/2010

Do what is best for your child and what you feel is right. I had my daughters last name changed to mine

Colleen - posted on 03/28/2010

My son's biological father had made it very clear through his actions that he was not going to be a big part of his life even before he was born. But even if he had wanted to be a part, I stil would have given my son my name. If you feel it is the right thing to do, then do it. Both my mom and my now-MIL were pressuring me the whole time I was filling out the paperwork at the hospital to give him the father's name. and I know that if I had I would regret it to no end. It is your child and your decision, noone else can make it for you.

Brandy - posted on 03/28/2010

You are not married so you aren't entitled to give your child the father's last name. Examine yourself and your motives and make the decision that feels best to you in your heart. If you and your child's father marry later you can always change your baby's last name. It cost a little over $100 to do, but you can always do it later so I hope that takes off some of the pressure =)

Blackwood - posted on 03/28/2010

Will the father be a positive aspect in your child's life for long term?? If yes, then you could use both names, if not then maybe you have the right, but whatever your desicion is make it for your child's sake, not too prove or get back at this man. Best of luck

Stevie - posted on 03/28/2010

idk that just depends on how you feel and sometimes the feelings agenst the father can change that and thats ok i am proud of my madin name and my married name i wish my daughter still had my madin name nothing i can do about it but im ok with her name as well a very easy to be proud of name as well (she was adopted after i had her...) i think its ok to change last name if your arnt married to the father idk why i feel that way but like i said im married and i am proud of the name ive taken on so i think maybe that has something to do with it if he isnt really in your childs life i say go ahead esp but no i dont see anything wrong with it one bit

Sandra - posted on 03/28/2010

you have every right to do so. I gave my daughter my husbands last name and sometimes I regret it, because were having hard times, and probably going to get a divorce, I kind of wish she had my last name instead of her deadbeat fathers.



I look at it like this... you gave birth YOU choose name

Heather - posted on 03/28/2010

I think that it depends on your situation. If the father is a part of the childs life then maybe you should leave the name alone unless he agrees to have it changed as well. But if the father is not going to have anything to do with the child then by all means give the kid your name. Ultimately though it is up to you and what you think is best for your kid.