Am I wrong to want my daughter on Christmas morning?

Samantha - posted on 12/15/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am in need of desperate advise... Here is the basics of my situation, I had a baby with a guy and when our daughter was 2 we broke up, never married. He loved her and all but only wanted to see her a few hours on the weekend, always a Sunday ( when the partying was done). We would always fight, all 4 years we were together and that's why it didn't work out, I didn't want our daughter to see that but it seems wether we are together or apart it doesn't matter because it seems every holiday we fight. The first year he came over and watched her open presents and the took her Boxing Day to his families house to open presents, then the following year we faught long and hard for days and it came down to our daughter being able to open presents in the morning and then he came and picked her up brought her to his side to visit and then brought her home for dinner. Now at this point in time he still only takes her one day on the weekends and only for a few hours and never over nights. This whole time I was still living with my parents because I was ready to make the big jump with someone I knew I couldn't be with forever. The next Christmas with minimal argument he had her from the afternoon after she opened her gifts on Christmas morning till Boxing Day. The following year me and my daughter moved out of my parents house, and I finally met someone new and we moved in together, got married and had a child together and this made the next Christmas incredibly harder. We agreed months ago so that we could avoid fighting that I would get her this year for Christmas dinner and that he only wanted her Christmas Eve, so I agreed. But now the fight has begun again because he says he is taking her over night and bringing her back sometime Christmas morning. Am I wrong for being upset and not wanting him to take her at all? He never specified it in the agreement for an overnight stay. I need help, overly stressed here... Sorry for the long read but thought the whole story was in order to understand

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Lacye - posted on 12/16/2012

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Why did you ask the question "Do you think I'm being unreasonable?" if you don't want to actually hear that some people do believe you are being unreasonable? Did you just want to have your feelings justified and have somebody else tell you that oh he's just so horrible and he's the worst father EVER for making mistakes? Well here's a hint, he's human and humans make mistakes. That does not mean that he doesn't love his daughter. Did you ever think that maybe he wants his time with his daughter as well? Did you ever think that maybe he loves the child yall share together too? You have had the child for Christmas morning every year from the way you make it sound and he asked for it this year. I don't believe he is asking much.

As I said before, yall need to settle this in court after the new year. It's obvious that the two of you can't and won't get along and work things out for the sake of the child (and don't tell us that you are trying when you just sat there and put all the blame on him for all of this.)

Samantha - posted on 12/16/2012

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He had her last year for dinner, and he agree that this year I could have her for Christmas this year... Whenever he offers something to me he always leaves something out just so that he has a loophole to screw me around and get under my skin. It has always been my idea to talk out details in advance so that things like this don't happen so he quickly agrees to something to shut me up and usually goes back on what he says and then I am the bad guy and get called every name in the book. I try really hard to get along with him for the sake of our daughter but he makes it very difficult. I don't think I am being unreasonable when I say I want my daughter for Christmas morning, she lives with me, it would be a nice expierence for her to open gifts with her 1 year old sister, and her dads reasoning of "I have a Christmas tree too, so she can open presents here" is not a very good one when a child's belief in Santa is still in tact, she is only 5 for crying out loud. For a soo called father who wanted abort his child has no rights in my mind. So you can think what you want of me being unreasonable.

Samantha - posted on 12/16/2012

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He had her last year for dinner, and he agree that this year I could have her for Christmas this year... Whenever he offers something to me he always leaves something out just so that he has a loophole to screw me around and get under my skin. It has always been my idea to talk out details in advance so that things like this don't happen so he quickly agrees to something to shut me up and usually goes back on what he says and then I am the bad guy and get called every name in the book. I try really hard to get along with him for the sake of our daughter but he makes it very difficult. I don't think I am being unreasonable when I say I want my daughter for Christmas morning, she lives with me, it would be a nice expierence for her to open gifts with her 1 year old sister, and her dads reasoning of "I have a Christmas tree too, so she can open presents here" is not a very good one when a child's belief in Santa is still in tact, she is only 5 for crying out loud. For a soo called father who wanted abort his child has no rights in my mind. So you can think what you want of me being unreasonable.

Sandi - posted on 12/15/2012

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If he gets her Christmas Eve he may keep her over night because he will already have her. If he wants to keep her over night let him pick her up after Christmas dinner and keep her until the next day. That is his daughter too and he is entitled to a overnight stay. Don't stress it he is still trying to get under your skin.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2012

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I agree with Michelle: You have had her every Christmas morning so why can't her Dad have that this year? I think you need to come to a long term solution and that would be to do alternate Christmas mornings. That way you can plan ahead and not fight weeks before.

Raising a child when the parents aren't together is a lot of give and take. You need to pick your battles and put aside your own feeling sometimes. I have 2 children from my first marriage so I know what it's like but we don't argue over Christmas. I celebrate the Danish Christmas on Christmas Eve and then they celebrate Christmas day with their Dad.

Lacye - posted on 12/15/2012

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In the best interest of all involved, yall need to have visitation set up through the court. If you can't agree with each other when you will each have her for the holidays, then this is something that has to be done. Yes it is understandable why you would want her with you on Christmas morning, but you have to remember that she is his child too. When parents aren't together, some sacrifices have to be made on both sides for both parents to be able to spend time with the child.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2012

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I do understand why you want her with you this Christmas but he is her dad and from the sounds of it he never gets her for Christmas morning so I understand where he is coming from as well. The reality is with no court order you can do what you want however, I would talk to a lawyer and get some things written down so you don't have these issues every year until she is 18

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