Any advise on dealong with a hormonal 17 year old who thinks he knows it all????

Cindy - posted on 03/15/2009

I have an 18 year old son who has always been smart and is now a freshman in college.  When he was 15 years old he left his dad's house to come live with mom (me).  He was going through a tough time in regards to his father and so he hit some of the rebelous ways some teenagers can seem to do.  He was with a couple of girls who shop-lifted and he was driving the get-a-way car (as I had to explain to him...he thought since he didn't actually steel the stuff, he should have been ok).   He got mad at an officer once and tried to push him aside to go around him.  This caused him to serve 5 days in juvenille hall.  He wore black all the time, listened to some real hard rock music, had long hair (but no piercing or tatoos).  He even dropped out of school when he was half way through his junior year (I found out two weeks later).  Basically, being rebelous in many ways.  Before all this we had been really great with each other.  We made it through this trouble time and I am so proud of who he is now.  He got his GED and  is a body builder attending college and loving it.  He learned a few things the hard way.  He will tell you that he learned a lot after that trip to juvenille.  But in regards to what I felt my part was in order to make it through this is that I tried to make sure I picked the right battles.  Like for instance, he wanted a mo-hawk once, well...I let him do it.  Fighting over what his hair looks like is not important.  It's his hair.  I left to battles to only the important things...such as grades.  And although I didn't approve of the way a lot of things turned out...it is all great now. 

Joanna - posted on 03/13/2009

Wow, you know two weeks is really a sudden change. Is it possible that he's been experimenting with drugs or alcohol? I would really be concerned and get help if I were you...from what you've writen he's exhibiting a lot of red flag behaviors.

Before becoming a stay at home mom, I worked in a residental treatment facilty for teens with emotional and behavioral problems. There are different reasons why he might be displaying the behavior you wrote about...probably none of them are very good. Can you insist on meeting his current girlfriend? What are her family and friends like? Could she be exposing  your son to a lifestyle that's harmful? It sounds like his behavior change coincided with their relationship.

You might try talking to a school counselor or if you're involved in a church, your religous leader. I'm not trying to sensationalize this but please don't let yourself or other people talk you out of intervening. It could be nothing but it could also be your son's life. Teens can get into trouble so fast. They're not necessarly the best at asking for help. Sometimes those behaviors are their way of asking.

Sally - posted on 03/13/2009

I feel you.  My son is only 11 and i am dealing with alot of attitude lately.  Thank god grils have not come into the equation yet,  But I will tell you what my mom told me.  "It is not your job to be his friend.  It is your job to be his mom.  There may be days were he tells you he hates you but in the long run he will respect for setting boundries for him." 

I would restrict his girlfriend time if his grades do not improve.  Does he have a car?  It was the first thing my mom took away when I wasn't following the rules.  Now days I hear alot of my co workers with kids that age taking away cell phones.  Good luck.....