Any advise on what to do with my 13 year old daughter who does not want to go to school?

Terrie Lynn - posted on 01/27/2013

First of all, yeah, she's hearing imparied and I get that, but, she's also pretty smart, now as a parent, you know whats best for her, but as a parentas well you need to look further into what can really be the issue. She may just have a case of Mommy Leave Me Alone Blues. Just enroll her or first ask her what interest her then give her a choice to pick that interest, try a trial run and that solution just may be solved. Now on the other hand, it could be just that she feels left out because she may see at her diability as not being somewhat normal and she must be reassured that she is as normal as the next person and that there are good people out here who it just doesnt matter too, especially with children. They just want to be friends. Ask your daughter if she is being bullied on as well, that could be an underlying issue also. Check into that immediately..Dismantle it if it's so..

Shirley - posted on 01/25/2013

Have you given any thoughts to maybe your child is Gifted?
Which is why school has been so boring all these years.. She is bored because she's not being challenged. because its so easy to her..
If she's aceing everything, try and see if you can bump her up a grade, see if the teachers will give her harder studies, I'm guessing she's in the 8th gr, because my son is also 13 and in the 8th gr.
Let her try her hand at 9th grade or 10 grade studies and see how she does, if she can wiz right thru those, then I think you might have a gifted kid on your hands :) Good Luck.

Lyssa - posted on 01/25/2013

Thank you all so much for all your thoughts and imput. Her hearing is tested on a regular basis and although I know when she gets a cold, her ears are completely blocked and I know she doesn't hear, my daughter insists and I have no signs to show otherwise and her Doctor agrees that she hears everything and this is not the problem. I really don't think she is autistic but I think that a processing problem may be involved but because she has always been classified as 'hearing impaired' I have never been able to get the schools to do any further testing on her.
She is basically a homebody and she would love to be home schooled but I don't want to isolate her anymore by not being in school. She was on the honor roll for first quarter of this year but her grades fluctuate all the time and sometimes she barely has a passing grade. I am going to try to get her some therapy for the short term and see if that helps. We are in US - not Australia but I am originally from UK. Thanks again everyone!

Leila - posted on 01/25/2013

Have you considered that she may have something on the autism spectrum? I have 2 adhd kids and your daughter doesn't seem to have the classic symptoms. Lack of focus and lack of social skills, even being tough to handle are all autism symptoms. Plus she sounds brilliant if she is able to be on the honor roll with her lack of hearing.
It's very tough to get a correct diagnosis but it really helps to have one so you and she know what you are dealing with.
Both my boys generally have no interest in having a social life but I encourage them to develop at least one friend. We've had to move a lot and that's been tough for them, but one good friend makes a big difference.

Suzanne - posted on 01/23/2013

I have to say, I and my brother who is 4 years older then me, went through the same thing, school was boring and we hated being there. We later found out after testing that we were both advanced students and the reason we thought school was boring was because we were not being challenged enough in our classes, once that was figured out , the school was able to adjust our classes so that we got what we needed out of school and enjoyed it much much more. My 14 year old son just went through the same thing this year and he went from Fs because he didn't want to do the easy work, to honor roll ! Good luck with everything!

Yolanda - posted on 01/23/2013

Do you socialize her with the Deaf community at all? Sometimes, what you can find there in support and friends is all that is needed.

Annie - posted on 01/23/2013

I am surprised that no one has suggested home schooling?It sounds to me like as well as maybe having hearing issues,as she is an honor roll student,she may need more of an academic challenge...I guess it comes down to where you live.I am guessing australia,by your reference to 'kinder',so maybe home schooling doesn't get much support and maybe you work full time?I don't know,There are plenty of options online for high academic achievers who want to learn more that what school offers.Online schools and the like.I have looked into them for my 15 yr old in the past but they were costly in the UK .I dunno,just a thought..?

Dove - posted on 01/22/2013

When my daughter was 5 she tested just above the low end of normal in one ear and just below the low end of normal in the other... Just wanted to put that out there. ;)

I would 'assume' she's been having fairly regular hearing checks (they do them at every well child check up), so if that's been an issue someone 'should' know about it.

Eve - posted on 01/22/2013

I'm with Arielle, I actually think the problem might lie in her hearing. If it is a constant struggle hearing and trying to make out what people are saying, it could become really tiring. She might have just gave up and says she is bored as her excuse so as not to be asked more questions. I definitely think something below the surface is going on. Also make note, home life is probably easier since she has had years to adapt to the family.

Jodi - posted on 01/22/2013

Arielle, I don't think anyone suggested that it was JUST a teenager thing. I would hardly say the response are callous, but they are making a variety of suggestions to the OP, which is why she posted here in the first place, to get a lot of different viewpoints in order to come to some solution. Your suggestions are no better or worse than anyone else's based on the fact none of us has ever even set eyes on this child.

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2013

I was bored in school too. When I went to college my grades went up because I was challenged. It also helped that in college kids didn't make fun of me for understanding things like kids did in high school. When kids know that they will be made fun of during high school for good grades & understanding, they don't put full effort into the work.

Arielle - posted on 01/22/2013

I am rather disappointed at the calloused answers I'm seeing on here. If she's been protesting since kinder, I'm sure it's not just a teenager thing. You say she was born hearing impaired and the surgery was to put her on the low end of normal? I have done a lot of research on the hard of hearing (I took ASL as my foreign langauge in HS) and even if your hearing is in the "normal" range it can be very tiring to focus to be able to understand everything going on, especially for 6 hours a day. My hearing is fine, and I know when I'm in busy, loud areas (such as a party) I will often zone out and become "bored". I suggest you check her hearing again and see if you can possibly get her into lip reading classes. I also suggest you look into charter schools in your area that will allow her to work at her own pace. If she's capable of doing sophmore English, they'll let her. Good luck, and I hope you are able to find a way to make school exciting for your daughter.

Jodi - posted on 01/22/2013

Lacye is right about the flipping burgers. One of the best things for my son and his thinking towards school has been that he got a job as a cashier at the local supermarket this summer. I pretty much told him that if doesn't pull his finger out and work hard, this is his job for life, and he just looked at me and said that as much as he is enjoying working and earning a bit of money, this isn't what he wants to do as an adult.

Lacye - posted on 01/22/2013

Tell her tough shit and to get her ass on the bus.

Ok I'm kidding! (sort of)

Just let her know that she may not want to go to school, but she is going to have to go. Unless she wants to be flipping burgers for the rest of her life, she needs to get an education. No school is not fun all the time, but guess what, neither is life. It's time for her to learn to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

Lakota - posted on 01/22/2013

My son is also on the honor roll and is in honors classes. He says he's bored also. But, he works hard for his grades. I think bored = sucks. :)

Jodi - posted on 01/22/2013

If she is an Honor roll student and feeling bored, I highly doubt she is ADD. I'd say she IS bored. She is possibly not being challenged enough by the work at school. She needs more exercise at higher level thinking. You have to talk to her teachers about how they may be differentiating the learning in the classroom for the students who are more capable than others, and how they are encouraging extended learning. There are ways to make it more interesting from the kids who NEED to be more challenged in order to maintain their interest. Otherwise, yes, some of those higher learning students get VERY bored.

Dove - posted on 01/22/2013

She does have a good reason for saying she's bored.... She's a kid and it gets your attention. Kids have trouble focusing on things they don't want to do... and drifting off and daydreaming are also normal of kids that are being 'made' to do what they don't want to do... any excuse to try and get out of it and see what mom and/or dad will do about it.

It still doesn't sound like she has any problem other than being a normal kid. Good luck finding a cure for that.

Lakota - posted on 01/22/2013

Lyssa, my 13 year old son does the same thing. He has been bored with school for a long time too. He still gives me a hard time every morning about getting up and getting ready for school. Your daughter doesn't have ADD if she's doing well in school with no difficulty- she's on the honor roll. Be careful telling a therapist that you think she has ADD just because she's bored with school, day dreams, and doesn't want to socialize outside of school. Some of them like to medicate when it's not needed. I'm not sure what you expect the school to do. As far as socializing, she may just not be ready to "hang out" with her peers. Tell her to suck it up and go to school. She doesn't have another choice, does she?

Lyssa - posted on 01/22/2013

Thanks for your reply Dove but a child does not say she is bored at school since Kindergarten without a good reason. It is just not a question of boredom - it is hard for her to focus and she drifts off and daydreams which is why I think she has ADD. I think this is where the social challenges for her come into play too. I will definitely try to get her into a therapists office though and perhaps someone will start some testing on her and get to the bottom of the problem because the school do not seem willing to do that.

Dove - posted on 01/22/2013

I will add that the socialization issue could be a bit concerning and perhaps talking to someone to help her learn to deal with HOW to socialize could be beneficial.

Dove - posted on 01/22/2013

Who cares if she's bored? School is her job and sometimes jobs are boring. Doesn't mean we don't have to do them or we have a disorder just because we think it's boring. Sure, there might be a disorder involved, but.... a lot of kids think school is boring and they don't want to be there. If she is capable of focusing on her work and is getting good grades.... I'd be more inclined to think the 'it's boring' and 'I don't want to be there' attitudes are simply that of a normal 13 year old.

I hear almost every day from my older two (come to think of it... my preschooler as well) that they don't want to go to school. I just let it 'roll off my back' and make sure they get there anyway. My preschooler is the 'prized pupil' as far as his teacher is concerned and my older two are mostly A students with the occasional B. They are simply normal kids who would rather be having fun and hanging out than doing school work. Oh well. Such is life.

Ariana - posted on 01/22/2013

I would follow their suggestions and get her into a therapist. If she refuses to go to therapy have her grounded from the things she likes, going out, tv, gaming stuff, anything like that. Basically she'd be grounded until she's ready to cooperate and goes to a session. Try not to have it so it comes off negatively right away so that hopefully she will go willingly.

If you suspect ADD try to et her analyzed at school for testing.

Maybe she really is bored but that doesn't mean she can not go to school. If your daughter is also having issues socializing could you try to sign her up for things outside of school, maybe a sport or activity she'd like (like dance, gymnastics, soccer) or try to get her to go to a youth group. Maybe she's not liking it because she's not getting along with others?

I would definitely get some testing done and bring her to a psychologists to figure out exactly what's going on and see if they can help.