any MARRIED moms feel like they are SINGLE moms?

Dawn - posted on 05/30/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i have been married for about 5 yrs and my husband is TOTALLY useless...i have a 14 yr old and a 5 yr old...obviously the 14 yr old doesnt need much entertaining but the 5yr old does.!! i do everything entertain , play driver,be a maid,etc.....there are days i wanna scream and RUN!! am i crazy!!??

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Staci - posted on 06/01/2009

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I've been married for 2 years, we have a almost 3 yr old and a 15month old. I feel like I have to do everything, from cooking, cleaning, wiping dirty butts, doing all the laundry, and entertaining my boys who need a lot of that. My husband works from 730am-5pm and every other Saturday till noon. but the rest of the time he goes into his "game room and spends all this time to himself even tho the boys are crying for him, he just ignores them. It's very frustrating and I wish I could get him to understand that he needs to at least spend time with his kids and give me a break once in awhile.

Betsy - posted on 05/30/2009

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I don't feel single, but my husband has always worked insane hours. Rigth now he is doing a job that is requiring 18, sometimes more hrs a day, usually 7 days a week. We have 5 kids, ages 19, 12, 3 and 2 yr old twins. We have been married a LONG time, and I am used to it. He has always worked long hours, but the minute he walks in or during times he is home more, he goes straight to change a baby, drive someone somewhere and always calls on his way home to see if I need a store run to save me a trip. From the beginning, it was always a juggling act with college, then career, but you work together to have each other's back. One thing I always tell newly-married moms...Don't ask for help like they are doing you a favor. Don't ask them to watch their child or help with homework or change a diaper, just expect it. I always just said this one needs this or this needs to get done and expected him to do it while I was doing something else. It's his family and house too, so he isn't doing me a favor but being a dad. During his insanely busy time having to make a dealine, I expect to do much more at home, but he is barely sleeping and still has the attitude after years of raising kids that if he is awake and his kids need something, you just do it just like if I noticed first, I would do it.

Stacey - posted on 06/01/2009

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I'm not married yet (will be this Friday...the wedding is back on for me girls!) but we have been living together as husbnad and wife for 2 1/2 years but we've known eachother for bout 9 years. I have a 16 month old son and a 25 year old (my fiance that is...I'm only 22...it'd b impossible for me to have a 25 yr old son). They both might as well be mine. I'm a stay-at-home-mom so I have that working for me but when Perry (my fiance) gets home he does absolutely NOTHING! He takes off his dirty clothes at the door and sits down in front of the TV. He stays there until bedtime or if he wants to use the computer. I bring everything to him and pick up after him as well. I get the phrase "If other moms can do it so can you." Dont get me wrong..he is a great provider...work is his passion believe it or not but he is totally lazy when it comes to our son. Even before Gage was born he was like that. I'm still coming to terms that he will never change. I do house work and yard work. He helps from time to time but not usually. I told him the next time we have kids should be up to me since I'm the one taking care of it 24/7 and he agreed! My son is a blessing though. He's already putting his toys away and listens so well and isnt very fussy at all. He's a great eater so I dont have to worry bout cooking special meals. Gage is doing so well I was thinking bout having another...Daddy and I arent trying but we're not preventing it either..doing our own thing and I like it. So at least he helps with that. HAHA! MEN...only help when it comes to the baby making! But you gotta love them!

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Sara - posted on 01/28/2012

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Er...does he contribute a paycheck? If so, you're not quite to single-momland yet.

Ariel - posted on 06/01/2009

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I had my daughter as a single parent, and my son once I got married. Trust me, there are challenges either way :) Sometimes I feel like I have three kids instead of just two. But I have found that if I just tell my husband I expect him to do certain things that he will (slowly) get the idea. After 7 months he's finally giving the baby one bath a week, and feeding him his dinner and putting him to bed on nights when he's home. If he's busy with other things or not home in time I still take care of it. But the help is nice especially in the evenings when I am helping my daughter with homework and trying to make dinner, and just don't have a third hand to feed the baby and put him to bed. Just pick one thing, like dinnertimes, that makes you really stressed and lay down the law. It helped me feel better to take a weekend away too, I told him I was going to be gone ahead of time so he was prepared, left both kids with him and just took off, gave him a bit of a taste of his own medicine. Sometimes it seems like it was easier being single, but then I had to work full time, scramble for childcare and was even more stressed, I just didn't have anyone else to hold accountable.

Andrea - posted on 06/01/2009

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You need to help your husband to plan some 'father/daughter, father/son' days out. Set a day and time and give suggestions, but let him plan the time out. This will give you some time on your own to do something fun, or catch up on what you've fallen behind on. Also, sit with him and let him know that you need some help around the house. Specify some things that you would like him to be the care taker of. Set a cleaning day once a week and get EVERYONE involved. Once its done, the family can go out to do something together.

Krista - posted on 05/31/2009

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I totally understand! We';; be married 5 years this summer and this is our first child. He has gotten better the more practice he's gotten with the baby, he feels more proficient and confident. But sometimes he just doesn't get that babies need to be entertained and played with. The best is when I tell him I'm tired and I need a break and he says, "From what? It's not like you're working right now?" (I'm on Mat leave -- which he seems to think is just a year long vacation!)

Shannon - posted on 05/31/2009

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sometimes I feel this way as well. I have been married 4 years. If you let a man think this is okay they will just keep taking advantage of you. My husband quickly changed his tone when I put him in my shoes for the day, I didn't give him warning and just left for the day. he could get ahold of me in an emergency, but after I left I explained that I wanted him to see what a mom really does in a day. he did and he is a lot more helpful now. harsh? yes. but it worked.

Helen - posted on 05/30/2009

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i sometimes feel like a single working mum. My husband is very good and always tries to help but he ownd his own buisness and works 7 days a week from 5 am until 8 pm so he can't really help even if he wanted to. I work full time and it is almost impossible to look after little one and keep the house clean and tidy. i feel very guilty but sometimes i even have to ask my parents to help with the housework.

Dawn - posted on 05/30/2009

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me too....whe i get cranky or irritable ..hes like whats wrong ?! NOW i really wanna go nust...lmao

Jodie - posted on 05/30/2009

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i too have felt this way i have 3 young children and my partner seems to think its ok to let me do everything and not help, but expect me to be full of beans the whole time!! Men what can you do!! I just wish that sometimes they could see it all through our eyes!!

Dawn - posted on 05/30/2009

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oh girl...i dont think so!!! its bad ! he just gets inthe way!! sometime s id rather be alone!!

[deleted account]

I too have been married for 5 years but we have been together for 15.....we just had a baby and yes, I do feel like a single mom most of the time. I joke that I need a wife not a husband to take some of the load off of me....I was hoping it will get better as he gets older, are you telling me there is no hope?? :)

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