any suggestions on how to stop twins constantly fighting???

Miranda - posted on 11/19/2008 ( 10 moms have responded )

11

6

1

they do get along but not for long, chloe (the boss) bites and hits her sister when something dosen't go her way!!! HELP

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kelly - posted on 11/19/2008

1

11

0

I have twin daughters myself. They are 5yrs old. There needs to be some form of disciplining for the biting. We use a red, yellow, green system. Green is for good behavior, which should always be praised. They are warned 3x times before they get switched to yellow, there is no switching back to green. If the the behavior continues to where they get red, something that has value to them is taken away. Any type of behavior like biting, hitting, etc. is an automatic RED. We keep a calendar with their colors throughout the week. At the end of the week, or however long you feel, they can pick out of a prize box, or do something fun, that they like to do. The main thing is to be consistent in the behavior chart. It will take time, anything new does. I am not sure how old your girls are but, this system can work if it is followed through. Time outs do work but only set the time for the age that they are. Most children can't be expected to sit for a long period of time. Trust me it does get better, my girls still get into, but they are at a different age where they may understand the consequences for their actions. Good luck!

User - posted on 11/19/2008

2

24

1

There is really no....way to stop them from fighting-but what helped for me was to give them their own rooms that way they have their own space and they can tell their sister to leave...but I didnt do that until they were 3 1/2 . My twins didnt fight too much at that age, but they can have big ones now. They are 6 and in first grade. I see that yours look alike...mine dont look anything alike. I dont think I have helped much but good luck.

Carla - posted on 11/19/2008

1

20

0

My twins are 7 now and they still have their moments! Now I can send them to their rooms, but when they were younger I used to put them in their high chairs back to back. They couldn't see each other or touch each other but they knew the other one was there. It would drive them crazy! After about 5 minutes of that, I'd turn the chairs around so they could see each other - but still not be able to touch. I'd give them each some toys and Cherrios and before long, they were making each other laugh.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

10 Comments

View replies by

Heather - posted on 11/20/2008

77

6

6

Okay, I wish I could tell you as an identical twin myself, and as a former multiples nanny (four families with twins and triplets) that there was a foolproof method for making this go away. It won't. The bane and joy of multiples is that they always have each other. Sometimes giving them separate spaces helps, but I think that the best advice I have to give you from my personal experience is to nurture each child's individuality. Teach them to cherish it so that one isn't always subordinate to the other and let them have identities that while similar, aren't setting them up to always be a pair.

I hope that helps. Not that it makes it any easier to go through, but I must admit I'm a bit envious. I just lost twins at 13 weeks, so grit your teeth if necessary, but enjoy every minute you can with them. There's nothing like the bond twins share. Especially if they each have something special to bring to the mix. :)

Miranda - posted on 11/20/2008

11

6

1

thank-you everyone has been very helpful, they have there own toy rooms so they can have there space, i put them in seperate rooms when they start to argue. they dont really have there own baby talk, but they do have conversations to sort out the fights sometimes when they start to argue 1 of them asks the othere to swap!! so they are learning!

Tryna - posted on 11/19/2008

3

0

0

I don't know if this will help, but I know my b/g twins calmed down a lot once I had them in separate rooms, although it sounds like you already tried that. Maybe setting up some sort of personal play area, where they have their own stuff, and if they fight over one toy, I take it away if they don't share, then no one gets it. I'm hoping things get easier for you...

Tricia - posted on 11/19/2008

3

0

0

Are they saying any words to each other or "twinspeaking"? My biting twins were a handful until the communication got rolling. Just wondered if language (or lack of, I should say) is an underlying reason for the fights? It's hard to get along when you don't understand each other! Good luck!

User - posted on 11/19/2008

2

24

1

The one thing I did not do was buy two of everything...there were things that they had to learn to share. Their special stuff was theirs and they didnt have to share those things(special dolls, stuffed animals, toys etc), so I dont know if that helped cut down on the fighting because they had to share from the beginning or not. I think every set of twins have different things that will work. Things definitely get easier and better the older they get-UNTIL they learned to back talk...lol and then I have to send them to their rooms for that now. I have a "bossy" Chloe also...but now that Kylee is getting older she has started to be bossy too, but mostly Kylee is the tattle tale-lol. I did exactly opposite you-I had the girls in the same room until age 3 1/2 and then seperated them....and gave them their own big girl bedrooms and let them help "pick out" what they wanted-of course I guided them in the direction that I wanted. The other thing that probably helped my girls is that they have a younger brother that is only 21 months younger than them and they would gang up on him and fight with him together-so maybe that helped them to not fight with each other so much(maybe have another child.....lol just kidding).

Jody - posted on 11/19/2008

2

1

1

I agree with Amy. Chloe needs to be disciplined for the biting and hitting, but when the discipline is over needs to be given her own space. Putting them back together might just aggravate the situation into another meltdown. Maybe try to get them to play in different areas without each other, doing separate activities? I'm not sure how old they are or if this is even possible for you, but good luck to you!

Miranda - posted on 11/19/2008

11

6

1

thank-you, i have had them in seperate rooms since they were 12months, i only just recently moved them to the same room. i guess i'll just have to get used to it, it is getting a little better as they get older!! they both just want to b the boss, i have 2 or everything pretty much but the things i dont have 2 of are the things they fight over!!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms