Any tips to help with seperation anxiety PLEASE!!

Holly - posted on 08/05/2010

I've worked in daycare for many years and have been the teacher that deals with these children. First, it's okay--the teacher understands and your child is not the only one that does it. Secondly, it simply takes longer time for some children to adjust. Thirdly, how many days a week is she going to preschool? If it isn't at LEAST 4 days a week it's going to be exceptionally hard for her. Also, most children stop the tantrum like 1 minute after mom has left. And, my biggest thing to say to you is find out why she doesn't like it. She's old enough to talk to you and I think that's what you should focus on. There's a reason she doesn't want to go. Maybe she simply wants more time with you, maybe she doesn't have friends at preschool, maybe she doesn't have fun there, maybe the teachers are mean, maybe she's hungry at school....etc. I've worked in daycare, and I say 75% of the teachers there are uneducated and mean and not good hands for your children. I don't know how you react during all of this....but the best thing to do is NOT reward her with love when she clings to you trying to leave. Let her know you love her, will be back to pick her up later, and will play with her that night, and leave. Lingering, watching, staying, hugging, all that makes it worse--ALOT worse. I'd also suggest speaking with the teacher and find out how she does during the rest of the day? How long is she like that? If it continues, I would look into finding care for her elsewhere. There's a reason and at that age there is usually NOT a problem with them being so against going to a fun, loving, enteractive preschool. I hope this helps you!

Kelly - posted on 08/05/2010

I would make sure that there is nothing going on at the school that is causing her stress either from the teachers or other kids. Just for safety it would be best to narrow it down to just behavior on your daughters part. Also find out how she behaves once you are gone. If she has fun then these demonstartions are just for you. Oh joy!! : ) She obviously is getting some sort of reward or she would have stopped shortly after getting used to going.

If it is just that your daughter doesn't want to go then make sure you are not giving her any extra attention for her tantrums. Be calm and find a small simple routine to say I love you but this is our schedule and you will go. Ignoring everything else. Even repeating the same line over and not letting her engage you in a conversation about it.

"Chester Raccoon Starts School" is a book recommendation. It is a children's book.

Sharon - posted on 08/05/2010

My daughter, when we started day care at 1, did the same thing and it would continue on two full hours after I handed her over. So one day I took her to the store and walked down the toy aisles that held all the disney toys and said: Choose any toy you want and we will make it mommy's special helper. She or he will be there for you when mommy cannot and will hold mommy's scent so you know I'm not more then a hug away.

She choose one of those mini minnie mouse dolls, her favorite cartoon character at the time. We took it home, sprayed it with mommy's every day perfume lightly and left it sitting in mommy's bed until bed time. Then she cuddled with it until morning where she wrapped her arms around it tightly and walked into daycare with tears in her eyes.

I hate to say it but she still carries that doll around with her every where, even to daycare still where she puts it in her back pack until she feels she needs it again. Don't know if that will help with you but I got the idea from my mom who said she had to do the same thing with me when I was going to preschool except it was a blanket not a doll but it was always there in my back pack.

Eronne - posted on 08/04/2010

When my daughter went through the same thing I made up a story about a little bee that was our little secret. Then I drew a little bee on the inside of her wrist and told her if she missed me all she had to do was talk to the bee. It became a ritual in the car every morning. Just before we went into preschool I'd draw her little bee on her wrist. It worked.

I recently put my now 25 year old daughter on the plane to attend school in Wales and the last thing we did at the airport, midst the tears, was draw a little bee on her wrist.

You know your daughter come up with a little secret that she can share with only you. Make believe at 3 is wonderful.