Anyone with a big age gap between kids? We have four kids, 18, 14, 7 + 5yrs. The big age gap is because of 3 miscarriages after the first two (heaps of cysts on my ovaries-corrected by surgery. i'd be interested to hear of your experiences.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Telethia - posted on 02/19/2009

1

66

0

I have a 14 year old son, soon to be 15 in a couple of months, and a 1 year old son. It's a big gap but I enjoyed the time my oldest son and I had to bond alone, plus he is a BIG help.

Dawn - posted on 02/17/2009

7

7

0

I hahve 6.. 5 boys and 1 girl... ages 24, 23, 21, 6, 3 and 16 mths... I's great fun.. especially when u hear your older ones saying things to the younger ones u used to say to them... x

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

103 Comments

View replies by

Lisa - posted on 06/15/2011

2

7

0

I have 4 children and 2 grandchildren with another due in September. Age gaps, my daughter is 24, she is the oldest, then I have 3 sons, ages 22,16, and 5. My oldest grandson is 5, then his sister is 2 almost 3 and I have a grandson due around labor day. I had my first at 18, my second at 21, my third at 28 and my fourth at 38. My daughter was actually in the room with me when I had her youngest brother, that was interesting. Lol

Alison - posted on 02/23/2009

31

12

11

Maritza - thanks for the uplifting words - sorry 2 hear of your experiences - we lost a child at 5mths stage of the pregnancy and it's not the best of experiences. But life is good and blessings abound....Ali

[deleted account]

Hello! My kids are 22, 14 and 8. Each are born in a different decade as well. (I also lost a baby at birth between the 14 and 8 year old) I had my oldest while I was still young so after her birth we were working and saving for a house. My 8 year old has special needs so there was a break before I had my next one because I needed an incredible amount of energy to raise her. Then like I mentioned I lost the next one and my baby boy was born a year later.

:-)

Maritza - posted on 02/22/2009

2

3

0

Hi Alison, I have three kids, two all grown, one married and one just finished college. The youngest one is 16 and still home with us. Ages 29, 23 and 16, so I know about age gap. At times I wished they were closer in age, but it's gotten better now that they are grown. My youngest gets lonely sometimes. I also lost one before the second and also had a stillbirth before the youngest. I was 7 months pregnant. I thought my life was over, but God gave me the precious present of my son Alberto as a reminder that things do get better and that He loves us. I just look at my 3 surviving children and I'm filled with hope and love. Look at what you have now, which is all blessings. Sincerely, Maritza. Please write back.

[deleted account]

I also have big age differences with my children. My first daughter is 22, next one is 14 and my boy is 8. (I lost a baby at birth between the last 2.) My kids are born in different decades!!!

The 14 year old is Autistic and the last one has asthma. They are great kids, if I do say so myself lol.

Helen - posted on 02/19/2009

15

0

0

Hi, I have 2 girls, a 21 month old and a 16 year old. I had the oldest when I was 20 and said I wasn't making that mistake again (not her the sitution) and would not have more kids until I was married. Well I finally got married in 2003 had 1 miscarriage and blessed with my 2nd girl in 2007. I like the gap most of the time I have the best of both worlds a little one to play with and watch grow again and a teen to do all that "teen" stuff with lol. There are times I wish I had another little one for the baby to play with but then I remember how much more work I would have with it and with 1 little 1 travel is getting easier! It's so much fun to watch my older 1 play with her sister, we were worried at first how they would get along since she was an only child for 15 yrs but she's great with her. She even gets mad when my husband dresses the baby and she doesn't match lol, she'll go change her right away. Enjoy it and have fun their all your babies forever but only little once!!! This also hopefully means grandkids spread out a little more lol...

Nancy - posted on 02/19/2009

12

28

0

My son will be 22 next week, my daughter turned 10 last month.



One of the reasons that there is a gap is because all of my pregnancies are high risk. I've had four pregnancies. The first was a few years before my son and the baby was stillborn at 20 weeks. My son was born at 28 weeks and spent five months in an NICU. The third was shortly before I got pregnant with my daughter. I miscarried at 10 weeks. While carrying my daughter, I had a cerclage and spent September 1998 through late January of 1999 on complete bedrest. It would have been through late February if I'd carried her to term.



I knew going into the last pregnancy that I would have an extended bedrest. My son has moderate cerebral palsy as a result of his prematurity. I needed to wait until he had gained enough independence to allow me to be in bed for an extended amount of time.



Another reason for the gap is because of my son's disability. I did not want for him to be alone once I am gone. He needed a sibling to advocate for him when I'm no longer here to do it. She has been the best sister for him. She is not embarrassed by her brother's special need and even looks out for the students at her school who need extra help. Even though she was a pain in his neck for years, they love each other dearly and have become even closer in the past few years.



I was able to give my son the individual attention that he needed when he was younger for therapies and medical issues and once my daughter was born, she got one on one attention from Mommy while her big brother attended school. It's like I had two "only children". I wouldn't change things from the way they are for anything in the world.

Claire - posted on 02/19/2009

4

29

0

I have a 14yr old, 9 yr old then a 2 yr old :o) 7 yr gap is a nightmare as 2 yr old thinks he can be like the 9 yr old and drives her nuts lol. I love it and because i had my youngest at 32 i find i have a lot more patience.. and don't let things get on top of me... i really feel like i am enjoying motherhood this time too.. my youngest is my husbands my eldest 2 being from a previous relationship.. my support network is fabulous.. and having a few friends in similar circumstances wether they be local or nationwide is a big help too xxx

Loralee - posted on 02/19/2009

1

26

0

I have four kids, 25, 22, 16, and 14.  Two different marriages, my second husband didn't have any kids of his own.  The two younger ones are still in the house and because the 16 is a girl and the 14 year old is a boy, they do the normal fighting.  But when all four of them are together it is great.

[deleted account]

I have a 21 yr. old, 18.5 yr. old, and a soon to be 13 yr old.....the first two were close and share a lot of memories, but the youngest often comments that he has no one to hang out with and tht we did things with the eldest that we didn't do with him...ie trips and such.

I separated when he was 5 and then his eldest brother moved back with Dad a year later so they didn't have much time together, and my middle son was smack in the teen years and wanted little to do with the youngest for a long time. I'd say it's harder during the teen years....thankfully they can now at least play video games together and occasionally throw the football around....but I wouldn't recommend the age range I have for the above reasons.

Diana - posted on 02/18/2009

1

14

0

I have a 10 year gap between oldest and youngest - due to 3 miscarriages as well - my oldest is 24 - then 21 - then 16 and soon to be 15 - almost lost the last two several times - ended up in the ER with a drip to stop contractions over and over - but they made it - they are all boy - I often wonder if the three I lost were girls - hmmmm

[deleted account]

We have a big age gap in our family as well, due to a blended family, 19 year old daughter, 17 year old son, 14 year old stepson, and a 6 year old daughter that we have together.  It's like having an only child really.  It's so, so different having the age gap you actually have time to enjoy all the experiences of having a young one you also appreciate your time more because you know exactly how fast it goes by

Cheryl - posted on 02/18/2009

9

14

0

I have a 16 year old son, 8 year old daughter & a 10 day old daughter. No plan really and the first two get along well and now adore the baby. I do find the various stages and dealing with them at the same time from teen stuff to grade school homework to baby stuff hard. But I now have great helpers!

Julia - posted on 02/18/2009

5

39

0

hi i have 4 daughters..26,16,13 and 8..and three grandaughters aged 8,6 and 1..like mother like daughter.

Cindi - posted on 02/18/2009

1

0

0

Hi! We have 6 kids from 21-3... 3 boys and 3 girls! The girls are 21, 12, and 3 while the boys are 19, 17, and almost 16! It's really fun having a little one in the house with all the teenagers; they are a big help with the baby!

Cindy - posted on 02/18/2009

1

2

0

my daughter had an 11 year ol daughter and had her son just a year ago. what a gap that has turned out to be., there was 13 years between my sister and i. i know how gaps affect all. some good and some bad.

Cheryl - posted on 02/18/2009

1

7

0

Due to a marriage break up and then new husband, i have a 15 year old and an 11 month old!!  It's great because the older one helps with the younger one.  However, it's important to put time aside to spend with the older one as i devote most of my energy to the little one!

Meghan - posted on 02/18/2009

3

23

0

My kids are 14, 9 and 6 and I chose that. I wanted to be able to have as much "baby" time with each child before having another, I'm not saying that parents that have them closer aren't getting that time too. I just chose things this way for myself.

The struggle I have now is having the 14 year old and the 6 year old and trying to keep them both occupied at the same time since their interests are so different. Plus doing family things are hard for the same reason.

[deleted account]

I've only got one little one, so I can't help from a mother's perspective, but I'm the baby of 3, with 12 and 14 years between myself and my older sisters. Pretty much what I remember, though, is that my 12 years older sister was great when I was little - she babysat, played with me, taught me songs, etc. But it was very hard to be close once she graduated high school and went on with life (especially because she moved away). But we're both adults and moms now, and our boys are only 4 years apart. We'll probably never be as close as some siblings, but it's a lot easier now, and we're becoming closer again in our 20s (me) and 30s (her).

Theresa - posted on 02/18/2009

6

22

0

hi there, i have two children 18 yr old daughter & 14 yr old son, im 5 months pregnant with number 3....there will be 19 years between the 1st and this one!! im 37 next week and never expected to be having any more but i met a new partner and bingo lol

Vivian - posted on 02/18/2009

3

1

1

Hi, I have 5 children, 27 years old, 23 years old, 17 years old, 10 years old and 8 years old. I love the gap it gave us more time for one on one with each on as they grew. They would go start school and I would get pregnant again and start all over again.

[deleted account]

I have 3 boys ages 15, 10 and 6. I chose to do it this way since I had a firm rule of only one child in diapers at a time. I love the spacing: I get to have all three experiences at the same time. Plus, the older one is a built in babysitter.

[deleted account]

I'm 25 tomorrow, my oldest brother is 36, and our middle brother is 32.  In 1990, I graduated from kindergarden, my middle brother was promoted from 8th grade to high school, and my oldest brother graduated from high school.  I have always loved having brother so much older than me.  They were always there to help me out of if I needed it. 



Even weirder...My oldest brother married a girl who is older than he, and she has a daughter who is a year older than I.  So I have a "niece" who is 26, and who has a baby-my "great newphew."  It's a wonderfully weird situation, and always comical to see how confused people get when I try to explain our relationship.



 



Because my brothers were so much older, I was always around older people and felt quite grown up.  I had an enormous vocabularly as a child, because my oldest brother would teach me a big word every day-he thought it was funny to hear me say them and use them correctly.  As we've grown older, we've stayed close-and I wouldn't trade my much older brothers for 10 who were closer to me in age.

Amy - posted on 02/18/2009

9

23

1

We have a blended family.  We have mine (boy-21), his (boy-20) & ours (boy-9).  Reason for the gap:  it took me that many years to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  When I married my husband our boys were 11 & 10 and we could have been done (we'd be empty nesters at this time).  But, we talked alot and decided we wanted that bond together (and we were hoping to have a girl).  Well, no girl but we've got a great little boy.  The 2 older brothers can sometimes be helpful as they will hang out with the youngest (take him fishing, skating, etc.) but there are days when they all act like they're the same age - and I'm talking about the youngest age!  And now to make things even more interesting our 20 yr old & his girlfriend are having a baby, making us Grandparents with a 9 year old!  Crazy. 

Debbie - posted on 02/18/2009

10

9

0

i have a 13yr old and a 2 year old.i tried for years after having my first sonbut nothing happened . doctors could find no reason than in 2006 i found out i was pregnant  

Debbie - posted on 02/18/2009

10

9

0

i have a 13yr old and a 2 year old.i tried for years after having my first sonbut nothing happened . doctors could find no reason than in 2006 i found out i was pregnant  

Debbie - posted on 02/18/2009

10

9

0

i have a 13yr old and a 2 year old.i tried for years after having my first sonbut nothing happened . doctors could find no reason than in 2006 i found out i was pregnant  

[deleted account]

same here 20,19,11,6 I LOVE IT!! MISS MY BOY STUDYING 2ND YEAR IN STELLENBOSH! LOVE MY ELDEST DAUGHTER IN THE HOUSE! WAS QUITE AN AMAZING THOUGHT THAT I AM STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN? SCHOOL AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES DRIVING ALL OVER AGAIN! HOMEWORK AGAIN? SECOND TIME AROUND SO MUCH EASIER LESS STRESS?

JoEllen - posted on 02/18/2009

3

14

0

hi there,  I guess mine isnt as big of a gap as most but it was more of a gap than I planned.  I have a 6 year old a 18month old and a 7month old.  I had 4 miscarriages between the first 2 and then the third was our little surprise blessing.  I love it now, my oldest is such a big help and she loves having 2 little ones around .

JoEllen - posted on 02/18/2009

3

14

0

hi there,  I guess mine isnt as big of a gap as most but it was more of a gap than I planned.  I have a 6 year old a 18month old and a 7month old.  I had 4 miscarriages between the first 2 and then the third was our little surprise blessing.  I love it now, my oldest is such a big help and she loves having 2 little ones around .

Jacki - posted on 02/18/2009

2

1

0

Hello. I have a 24 yr old daughter, 21 yr old son and then a 4 1/2 yr old.

She was a surprise and I am 44 and my husband is 51.. so life is interesting.

She is so much fun and keeps us young......

Shawna - posted on 02/18/2009

4

5

0

yes my boys are 12 years apart  and they have doffrent fathers sp i dpnt know if this is similar but my husband had the same experience with his older brother. what would u like to know?

Liv - posted on 02/18/2009

11

3

1

Hi! my mother has 4.5 children now....my brother-25 me-22 my brother-18 my sister-3

and i am expecting another brother in april....coming from my point of view it was really neat when my mom was pregnant with my sister. after she was born i got to help out with alot of things that i wouldnt have if i would have been little....my sister was actually a surprise to everyone, but a wonderful one! now with my lil brother getting ready to be born it is a little bit different....i am really worried about the age my mom is having another child, because of all the "higher risk" she is. as long as her and my brother alright then i am happy. now i also have a 2 year old myself so it will be fun to watch my child and my sister and brother grow up together!!!

Rana - posted on 02/18/2009

45

34

3

Hi My kids r 21,17, 7, and 2 all boys!! 2 of them r from my hubs previous marraige. After Miah who is 7 we were not going to have anymore until we got a new baby nephew.  I had always wanted 1 more but my hubbie thought he ws too old. there is a 12 year gap in our ages!!  But I came home 1 night and we was like lets try 4 1 more and I cried!!  The 21 yr old doesn't come around much but he is good to his bros when he does.  17 on the other hand still has issues with his parents being divorced and remarried and can't stand his lil bros.  He was only 3 when his mom left but there is a lot of resentment towards me and apparently any part of me. he has just recently moved to his mom's and has a totally different attitude.  Things r crazy with highschool,  cub scouts and diapers but we wouldn't have it anyother way!!  At least there is only 1 at a time to buy diapers for!! LOl!!

Rebecca - posted on 02/18/2009

4

160

0

my kids are 9 yrs apart. i had miscarriages between them. My dd is 10 and my son is 1.

MaryHelen - posted on 02/18/2009

1

6

0

Congradulations on your family!!  We have a blended family...Stephenie is 22 and married with 2 children, Christopher is 20, Katrina is 20, Scottie is 18, Amanda is 17, Zachary is 14, Michael is 11, and our littlest (but not least) Sophia just turned 1 in December.  As most of the kids are older I was worried about Sophia having playmates but as the case is, she has a nephew 1 year older than her and a niece 1 year younger than her.  Also a few cousins around her age.  The boys are more apt to spoil her but in turn have also discussed her never being able to go on a date, which they don't have to worry about for a while!!  All of the kids are so good with her and she just lites up when she sees them.  We were worried about how the older kids would feel about a new baby beacuse it was the last thing we planned but all has worked out in the end.  It was a bit of a shock to everyone.  I always wanted a big family but never thought that I would have this big of an age difference, I wouldn't change it for the world!!  Good luck with your family...they are a blessing!!

Spring - posted on 02/18/2009

10

19

1

I have a 13 tear old, a 10 year old and a 3 year old The big gap is because of PCOS and a couple of deployments to Iraq. I wasn't sure I would like such a big gap, but it has been wonderful to have the older girls help out, and my 3 year old doesn't seem to mind it.

Christie - posted on 02/18/2009

2

27

0

Hi I have a 12 year age gap between my first 2 my son is 14 in a few days and my daughter is 20 months.  I also had another daughter in October but very sadly she was stillborn :(,  The large age gap between my first 2 was down to fertility probs (PCOS).  Strangly enough when I gave up fertility drugs and finally accepted I was only destined to have one child was when I fell for my 1st daughter, I also concieved my 2nd daughter naturally around my 1st daughters 1st birthday

Carey - posted on 02/18/2009

1

11

0

Hi! I have a 15yr. old girl and a 7 yr. old boy. There are times when they are the best of friends and other times when they fight like cats and dogs. My daughter is very protective of her little brother and they also know how to push each other buttons. It is never a dull moment in our house...lol..

MaryAnne - posted on 02/18/2009

3

21

0

I don't have any specific advise for you. But if it will help to know that someone has  had the same senerio as you and survived then I hope this will be comforting. I am the mother of four beautiful grown children. My daughter is 35, my son 32, my middle daughter 25, and my baby daughter 23. It was a challenge when they were young, but our home was happy and loving.  My husband and I just made sure each one felt loved and supported in their different interests. Enjoy every minute, even the difficult ones for they are so fleeting. Good luck and feel so very blessed.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009

1

3

0

Alison,



I am a mother of 3. 14, 8, and 19 months. I must say I love the age gap. My oldst is a big help. Almost like another one of me. My middle child is also a little mommy, she plays with her younger sibling and still enjoyes the kiddy activities.



My only concern is when my middle child wants to hang out with her older sibling. I have to monitor the tv programs and teenage conversations that go on in the house.



All in all I am very pleased with our planning. College will become more affordabale for our family.



 



What is your experience like,

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009

13

17

2

Quoting Lynette:



I have 3 children.  14, 11 & 4 mons.   My husband & I were good with the 2 boys then last year we had a surprise pregnancy, and we were blessed with our daughter.  She is truly a blessing.   There is also a gap between myself and my brother.  I was 17 when he was born.   I






I definitely don't have the energy I did when the boys were little, but I find that I can handle the little things better.  The boys are a great help the hardest thing is having to get up to an alarm clock to get them to school after getting up with the baby in the middle of the night.





Ditto on the alarm clock after being up with an infant!

Kimberley - posted on 02/18/2009

2

9

0

Hi! I have 4 children ages 24,22,20 and 8 I think it's great the older ones take care of my youngest one they have always helped out. The only drawback to that is she never really had anyone close to her in age to grow with and she thinks that she is 20.She has grown up way to fast and is very very smart and sometimes that scares me!She is very close to her brothers and sister but it's not the same as it was with the first 3 being close in age.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009

13

17

2

My kids ages are 16, 8, and 6 months.  I also lost two children who were very premature at birth.  This was between the 16 and 8 year old.  Then I got remarried and it just took that long to have the last one (which was a surprise by the way).  I would have loved to have lots of kids but am very pleased with what I got.  To some 3 is a lot!

User - posted on 02/18/2009

1

0

0

i have 3 children, a 15yr old and twins of 6yrs, at first gap was great due to having a stillborn daughter, now not so sure they all argue so much.

Carolin - posted on 02/18/2009

1

1

0

Quoting Alison:

Anyone with a big age gap between kids? We have four kids, 18, 14, 7 + 5yrs. The big age gap is because of 3 miscarriages after the first two (heaps of cysts on my ovaries-corrected by surgery. i'd be interested to hear of your experiences.



Hi, I have 4 kids, 21, 15, 5 and 3. Got married when I was 18,  I was 36 weeks pregnant with my son when we migrated to Australia, because my country was in war.



We started a new life and settled before my daughter was born. We thought our family is complete and never thought to have another child. But in my mid 30, we decided that we want another child. I got pregnant, and I had the best pregnancy ever. My son was born six weeks premature, he was fine and no complications. It felt like my first child, but this time not only I was more mature and  more confident but also had  heaps of experience and I enjoyed every second of it. Then we thought to have another child with less gap . I had a miscarriage but I got pregnant soon after and had another son.



Having age gap was never any problem, for us it had a positive outcome.  Our family became closer than ever, my older kids have close relationship with the younger ones and specdially with us and most important of all my older children observed how I took care of them  and that bringing up kids is not easy .

Michelle - posted on 02/18/2009

2

10

0

My three children are very close in age but I was a "trailer".  I have two older brothers that are three years apart and then 21 years later my parents got a girl.  Born the year of thier 25th wedding anniversary.  (After three miscarriages my mother was told she would never be able to have more children.)  I've only met one family with a larger gap with the same two parents and that was 24 years!



Mostly I feel like an only child rather than the youngest of three.  My brothers have children my age so I stay connected to my brothers because of their kids.  Growing up we didn't have a lot financially but I always had my parents undivided attention.  I was very close to my dad.  You make it work whatever God gives you.

Donna - posted on 02/18/2009

2

8

0

.I have five children ranging from 28 yrs old to the youngest at 9 yrs old. The ages are 28, 23,23 (identical twins), 11 & 9 1/2 yrs. My adult children love the younger ones in a wonderful way...as brother's and sister, but also as mentor's. I only have one girl and she is the oldest and now the mother of two girls herself. So...I'm also helping raise a 4 yr old and a 6 month old. There's nothing more fulfilling than having one of them hug us or even better each other. My two youngest boys are usually "hitting" at each other, with one of the twins usually egging them on...they tell me its their job as an older brother, ha ha and then they talk with them. it's funny how much they listen to their older brother's (both in the USAF), than they listen to us...the parents. The biggest problem according to my dtr. is that most people thought her two younger brothers were HER'S when she was 17 and now people think my grandchildren are mine. Now I did have my last at 39 yrs old, and no he wasn't planned, just loved. The best advice I can give to you is to know when to walk away, pick your battles and tell them all, no matter how old they are how much you love them. The age gap doesn't mean a thing, only the way they'll be raised.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms