anyone with good advice?

Mschelseamac - posted on 09/07/2009

Being a stay at home parent is the HARDEST job I've done in my whole life! I too was babysitting at 10 to purchase stuff I wanted. I've done road construction where I've been up at 4:30a and home by 10p after standing on hot ashphalt in 35C heat, I've worked a security job with hourly patrols, I've working 12 hour shift in an industrial bread factory.



You know what all of those have in common? Compared to staying at home and raising my Son they were a breeze I now realize. You cannot call in sick when you're Mommy, you cannot sleep in and show up late, you never get to just shut down and forget your Mommy responsibilities.



I love my Son DEARLY! Honestly I should get a part time job at least, my Husband makes just enough but if something comes up we're buggered. The thing is I don't want to work and leave my Son with a babysitter who I'm just working to pay. I don't want to come home so tired I cannot enjoy him screaming and banging on his drum.



Even my Husband understands just how big of a job it is. When he is home he goes to the washroom then gives me a 1/2hr to hour break! On his days off he lets me sleep in, do yard work, or go shopping on my own. He flat out admits he couldn't do what I do every single day. Many times he has told me he'd get a second job before I got a job that took me away from our Son.



Anyways yes I do feel guilty now and then I don't have a job then I realize I have the most important job on Earth, Raising MY Son!

Shannon - posted on 09/07/2009

Quoting Karen:

.....I finally got home at 3am to my sleeping partner and screaming 18 minth old I put melissa in her cot and my partner says good your here its your turn Im going back to sleep. I get Benjamin up for a bottle and a nappy change, put him back to bed and melissa is awake and screaming her lungs out right near our bed as he snores.

Oh man do I know that feeling.

Sorry about the little one, I hope she's doing better!!

In other news, the day after I wrote this posting about being up at 430 and then again at 730 for my day while he slept in til 11.... Well, last night (mind you, he hasnt worked since friday) i woke him up for his 430 shift...ok fine... well, 730 rolls around and i wake him up for that as well (like we had discused the night before :so I could sleep in) and he has the nerve to grunt and grumble and throw himself around....as he does everytime i wake him.... and ask me why im not getting up to feed him. luckily for me this was the first time since we've had Landon that Ibarked back at him about our deal and fell right back asleep. I am the type of person that once something/one wakes me up, Im up. regardless of time. unless i am extremely exhausted.... i think that made the tiny light bulb in his head flicker a little. well, at least until he came in the room an hour later asking me something, and then 15 minutes later tickling my feet and then 20 minutes later the baby was screaming and of course he couldnt figure out why....

Which only proves the point that men can't handle children... even if us women are IN THE HOUSE!!

Karen - posted on 09/07/2009

Hi everyone thanks Im am so exhausted I spent yet another night in the emergency department at the hospital with my 6 month old. I bathed Benjamin, put him to bed, made his bottles, got everything ready for my partner to watch him and the other kids who were in bed also whilst I took my baby to the hospital. We get there at 7:50pm sit there for hours and find out she has tonsilitis that has turned poisonous, a bad ear infection, bronchilitis and the swine flu. The doctor I took her to see that day said she just had a virus. Her temp was 39.7 1 hour after panadol she was having feberil convulsions and her heart rate went upto 195 and its only ment to be 160. I ring and tell my partner all this and he says she will be fine joys of having kids. I had 3 phone calls from him on how to change Benjamins nappy, why is he crying and not sleeping ( hello he want shis mummy as she does everything for him) How do I heat his bottle, And get this how long til you get home I cant handle this.

Baby melissa had 3 convulsions whilst in the hospital and then they sent us home. I finally got home at 3am to my sleeping partner and screaming 18 minth old I put melissa in her cot and my partner says good your here its your turn Im going back to sleep. I get Benjamin up for a bottle and a nappy change, put him back to bed and melissa is awake and screaming her lungs out right near our bed as he snores.

So I settle her and then as I put her in her cot the alarm goes off at 4:45am for me to iron my partners clothes and make him a coffee and then get him up. No your tired darling i'll do it you go to bed (ha fat chance of that) So I send him off to work at 5:30am to which I have melissa up again and at 6am Benjamin is up for the day so he decides. 7am the other kids get up I get them organised for school take them to school come home and start the house work and put the kids to bed as they are tired. Oops spoke to soon theyre up again lol.

Sorry to complain just needed to vent got to go and see to my little angels have a good day.

I NEED SLEEP AND WONT GET TO BED TIL 11PM TONIGHT ARGH!!!

Susie - posted on 09/06/2009

I understand were you are coming from also, however I have a little bit of a different situation then you, I have 3 kids of my own, he has a daughter , we both work full time and he does landscaping on the side after he already worked an 8 hour day. I come home from a full days worth of work and he turns around and goes right back out like he doesnt even have kids. It is really hard doing it all on my own , and is worse when his daughter is here cause he doesn't help with her either. I will get easier when the kids are indepent and able to play on their own, feed themselves and keep go on the potty. Best of Luck and remember to keep your head up for your little one.

Shannon - posted on 09/06/2009

And yet we still put up with it. Uggghh.

Amy - posted on 09/06/2009

Men don't get it...It's hardwired into their brains that women are built for constant childcare and they are built for labor, and because of that not only do they not have to help out with the baby (because work is so exhaustingand "all" the woman has to do is take care of, baby and house.
My situation is very different, I work full time (830pm-5am) I get home, and am still expected to cook clean and care solely on our son till about 1030am then while hubby is waking up and eating breakfast, I have to get our sons items ready for daycare (I should say night care) I'm usually done by 11am, which is when I get to bed, I wake up and have to clean again before going to work (which means I wake up around 5pm) then I start the vicious cycle over. And would you believe, that man has the nerve to complain about having to leave for work so early to drop our son off for care? ERRRR!!!
Oh did I mention, I'm pregnant too, and it's still a fight just for me to get a nap on the weekend (I rarely get to sleep past 8am)

Shannon - posted on 09/06/2009

kudos, my dear. i'm with ya on the computer thing... i just want to smash his sometimes. ughh.

Tasha - posted on 09/06/2009

YOU R MY HERO.

Karen - posted on 09/06/2009

I totally understand My routine is as follows.

4:30am get up iron my partners and step daughters clothes

4:45am make there lunches

5:00am get them up and make breakfastand

5:30am they leave

5:35am my 19 month old is up for a nappy change and a bottle then back to bed.

6:10am my 8 1/2 year old who has Autism and ADHD is up

6:15am get him organised and then

6:45am my 6 month old daughter is up for a bottle and nappy change.

7:15am get babies dressed and bag packed

7:35am I get dressed and organised

7:45am load everyone in car go to my mums

8:15am double check Jaykeb has everything for school

8:30am take Jaykeb to school

9:00am arrive back home

9:10am Benjamins morning tea time

9:30am Music time for benjamin

9:30am I do therapy with Melissa

10:00am Benjamins nappy change

10:10am Melissa bottle and nappy change

10:50 Melissa goes to bed Benjamin Helps with washing 12 loads of clothes

11:15am I do therapy with Benjamins

12:00pm Benjamin Lunch

12:15pm Melissa is up juggle her whilst feeding Benjamin Lunch

12:30pm Benjamin goes to bed Wash dishes

12:30pm Melissa plays I do floors and more washing

1:10pm Melissa bottle

2:00pm I do therapy with Benjamin and Melissa

2:30pm load kids in car to get Jaykeb from school

3:30pm arrive home

3:35pm afternoon tea time

3:50pm Jaykeb and I do homework and I juggle to screaming babies

4:00pm Partner and step daughter arrive home

4:10pm Melissa bottle whilst helping Jaykeb with homework

4:30pm finished homework

4:35pm start dinner

5:00pm dinner time I feed benjamin and tend to Melissa whilst I try to eat

5:30pm wash dishes

6:00pm Bath babies dress make bottles

6:30 get Jaykeb into bath Give both babies bottles

7:00pm Benjamon goes to bed

7:10pm spend one on one time with Jaykeb and tend to Melissa

8:00pm Jaykeb goes to bed

8:00pm Melissa goes to bed

8:15pm Start washing and do floors again

9:30pm pack away toys and make and prepare for therapy the next day

10:00pm my time YEAH

11:00pm go to bed

11:30pm Im up with Benjamin is up for bottle and goes back to bed

1:00am Im up with Melissa is up for bottle and back to bed

3:00am Im up with Benjamin for another bottle

3:45am Im up with Melissa try to restle her



I do all whilst my partner sleeps or goes on the computer

Shannon - posted on 09/06/2009

thanks so much.

Lydia - posted on 09/06/2009

I feel your pain - it would be wonderfull if itjust worked like 2+2! Just remember you are contributing as much as he is and you have nothing to feel guilty about :)

Shannon - posted on 09/06/2009

thanks. =] i just wish it was a simpler answer like 2+2=4. i guess i may as well get used to it and enjoy my son being so cute and innocent now and he can be the one kicking himself in the butt for missing out down the road.

Lydia - posted on 09/06/2009

I think a number of fulltime mums get guilted for the same thing. It is a fulltime job (I tell people Im 2 part time jobs and one full time one) because they require alot of attention and effort while they are so keen to develop and explore. I find the other difficulty is explaining to people that its a job without feeling a bit guilty because I love doing it and dont want to give her to anyone else to look after.



This applies with Dads too - I have found the best way to let hubby know what it is like (and why I need those breaks) is to give him a taste of it. I will go out and leave him to take care of bub all day unaided - even better if it is to run errands for the day because it frees me up more during the week and he cant complain that its different because I was out having fun while he actually has to go to work!



Other option is to give him a bill that shows what you are saving on childcare so he has some tangible idea of what you are contributing financially. Then discuss a system with him that gives him some time out as well as you - and I would also kick him outta bed for the 7:30 shift if he doesnt get the 4:30 one that is his by agreement! but be heartened that you are not alone with the whole "working" arguement :)

Shannon - posted on 09/06/2009

believe me, i've tried talking to him and i get the typical guy reaction "ok, i know... we need to work together cause when we do, were a good team." [and then nothing happens]. and the whole leaving for a day.... tried that once too- went to the GROCERY STORE [5 mins away] and when i got home, landon was crying so i asked how long he'd been crying for and got a sharp "since you f'ing left" like it was seriously my fault or i made him do it. in all honesty, i would work at night or on the weekends but sadly, i question leaving them alone. hes a 23 year old guy with noooo child experience whatsoever. so uggggghhhh. thanks for sharing and letting me know im not alone. now im worried its just gonna get worse when i start school in october.


P.S. IM UP AT 7:30 TO START MY DAY WITH LANDON'S MORNING FEEDING & I am SO pissed! so, I think to piss him off, Im just gonna take Landon to my parents and tell him "aww, i figured you wanted to sleep"

Helen - posted on 09/06/2009

I understand too, but don't forget bringing up your baby is "work" too and you need to have a bit of time out. I personally have to work part time as we are farmers and french farming is going through the worst crisis for 30 years but even if i didn't HAVE to work, I would just so that I wasn't just maman and that I would have an identity of my own. Try to sit down and just explain that to dad it's the only advice I can give

Diana - posted on 09/06/2009

I'm dealing with something similar. I do work, but only part-time, because I'm also finishing up a master's thesis so that I can graduate. My husband works 9 hours shifts 5 days a week, while I only work 4 hours each day but also take care of our son while he is gone. I can't even begin to count how many arguments we've had about this exact thing. He doesn't want to come in from work and straight away be in charge of childcare, but I don't get any writing done during the day because of my other responsibilities, and I feel like I'm mired down in a big mucky circle. The only way I got him to even come close to understanding what I do on a daily basis was to leave him alone with Colin for a day. I hadn't even been gone for 2 hours before he was wanting to know what time I was getting back that afternoon. It hasn't all been smooth sailing since then, but that did help some. I also sat down and really talked to him about it. I made sure I was very understanding and praised him up front for how much he works and let him know that I know he's exhausted. Then I discussed with him that raising a child is a 24/7 job, and if he can't do a job 24/7 then neither can I. I also discussed how much we would be paying for childcare if I weren't at home those times, and if we had to hire someone to come in and take care of our son while I got some writing done. That seemed to help a lot. When I put it in terms of work (and when he remembered that that one day really was tiring) he realized that we needed to work on becoming a team instead of working separately and expecting it to all fall together. I wish I could say I know an exact answer, or even that I knew for sure my own situation was going to even out, but I just don't. All I can really do is share my experience, and maybe you'll be able to use some of it or at least it will help to know someone else is there, too.