Alicia - posted on 12/09/2008 ( 30 moms have responded )
Alicia - posted on 12/09/2008 ( 30 moms have responded )
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Monique - posted on 08/05/2012
Hi I have a 14 years old daughter. I been having so much problems with her she doesn't do drugs or even drinks . She doesn't 'even go out . The kind of problems I have with her is that she has problems get along with other . She doesn't t along with her .peers. or her teachers . It seems she has a lot of hate within her tried everything. I tried putting her in counseling she refused to .go to . they come to my home she kicks them out .now when my other kids are having conversation. She responds she hates that person. She's at the point she hates every one she says very harsh things about people. I'm so disappointed and depress because I don't know what to do.anymore.
Morine - posted on 12/11/2008
I don't think teenage girls are angry and hate everyone, they are just trying to find a way to fit in and be accepted. There is a war inside them, they want to be understood and they want to feel valued. Sometimes as mothers we only see anger and hate because we don't have time to listen, when we do listen we are limited to what we hear. We need to get past the the initial stage where they might just sound like they hate the world and wait for the moment when they tell about the part of the battle that they feel they are losing. It might be something you can help them with and often it might not be, but they (teenagers) need to know that you are there to support them and they don't believe that when you appear not be listening. Mothers talk to their children all the time, we have to learn to listen the way a friend would listen.
Amy - posted on 12/10/2008
I dont think that all teenage girls are angry and hate everyone. Infact I was not like that at all. Did I somtimes come across as rude or angry yes, but it was because I wasnt understood. I struggled alot in highschool. I was a good christan girl and there were so many things I "missed out on" because of my morals and values. At first i resented my parents for not seeing how much I was struggling, however with time I figured out that they would not know unless I told them. I think that often times parents dont know how to react to a teenage girl. Teenage years for a girl are very confusing and stressful. They are trying to figure out who they are. For so many years they have done what they thought was expected of them and when they reach teenage years comes some freedom and new experiances. I think that the best way to handle the teenage years is to just let your daughter know that you are there for her no matter what. I know my mom always told me she was there for me but when I would finally get up the nerve to go to her she would be quick to judge, give her oppion etc. I think that is very hard for a teenager that already is trying to figure out who they are and where they are going in life. One of the things I hope to do as a parent is to listen more. The teenage years are the selfish years, girls are self consumed in how they are affected or what affects them and it is often hard for them to see how they affect others. I know that I'm going to want to offer my oppinion but I hope that I'm able to step back and instead of coming right out and telling them what I think, that I help them come to a decision themselves. I'm now 21 and my mom and I have a great relationship. I think we have learned together how to communticate. The thing I love the most is when I can call her and talk to her knowing she wont be quick to react but will let me get out what I need then she will help me come to an answer. I think it just takes time. The best thing is try not to react in a negative way try to stay calm and work through things.
Sherry - posted on 12/10/2008
Not all of them do! Be patient and talk to a teenger honestly and openly and look them in the eye. It helps bigtime to see them and let them see you. And, listen, listen, listen.
Ingrid - posted on 12/10/2008
My daughter hurts my feelings all of the time! Prior to her turning 13, we got along rather well. I hope it's a phase and not her actual personality; that would suck!
Jody - posted on 12/10/2008
i am going threw the same thing right now and ask the same question and i think just listening to them in the times they need you and letting them know we all go throgh it is important and hope they will be all they can be i dont know how i will get through 5 more lol good luck.
Julie - posted on 12/10/2008
Unfortunately, yes. ;) I'm the oldest girl with three younger brothers, and their involvement in drinking, etc. wasn't as bad as the way I treated my Mom in my early teen years. She read somewhere that the reason teen girls treat their mothers so terribly is because the girls know their Mom will always be there, no matter what. It's sure not an excuse, but it does provide some insight.
Nicole - posted on 12/10/2008
Yes. Keep available for open communication & continue to educate without preaching. I know it is hard. Keep your boundaries but allow for a little negotiation. The developmental stage that teens are in teaches them to argue- a critical stepping-stone in life & more beneficial for a females future is to also learn negotiation. If it is completely unbearable where she won't even talk to you, investigate- there may be something else going on. Family counseling is never wrong nor a sign of failure. It opens doors for better communication. Schedule dates with her on occasion, just you two (pedicure, shopping, or other) and a word to the wise, ask her personal questions while you are driving.... she can't walk away from you. :)
Shadi - posted on 12/10/2008
I have a daughter who is about to be 14, and she is a very loving kid, who occassionally gets moody. We have always had an open line of communication until recently we talked about everything. I acknowledge the importance of her friends, they are her chosen "family" and through the years we have always tried to guide her toward healthy friendships, knowing this time would come, when the friends become more important. I leave her notes of encouragement, and hug her as much as possible. I don't argue with her over trivial things, I make her write it all down and email me so we don't get so emotional, it really helps. Remember above all, be her Mom, kids need boundaries and will respect you for it in the long run.
Susan - posted on 12/10/2008
All you can do is keep communications open with her, let her know your there. My daughter is 21 but we had our share, depends on friends, school, teachers, normal stress in life, plus throw some hormones in there, you'll get thru it!!!
Shain - posted on 12/10/2008
I am 20yrs old, about to be the big 21! with a 1yr old! LOL.... I was GREAT, up until 17, I met a boy (my fiance) he was raised COMPLETELY different then I was, his parents allowed him to drink, smoke pot, and have gurls stay over, basically they allowed him to be an adult when he was only a mere child. I LOVED this, I thought "this is the life" no responsibilities, his mom took care of everything, bills, tickets, etc. My mom wanted me to learn my own responsibilities, now that I have a daughter I see what I put my mother through, she was a GREAT mother! So even though your child may lose her way, and at times make you want to pull her hair out, as long as you are raisin her the way she should be raised, there is nothing to worry about, she may stray, but she will always come back to her momma! Side note: I got into drugs, that may be something to keep an eye on, I started smokin pot, then I became addicted to pills, all that is LONG behind me now, and I PRAY my daughter doesnt go down that road, but there isnt really anything you can do to stop it. She has to make her own desicions(sp?). I know that probably didn't help much, but I just thought I would let you into what I went through, and how now me and my mother are BEST friends, and I cant STAND my fiance's parents!!! hahaa, how the world works out for good people!
Anette - posted on 12/10/2008
I have a 17 year old daughter who hates everyone! No clue what the issue is? But she is in counseling now since I cannot help her and someone needs to be able to guide her through this tough year. She is a senior taking college classes, working, trying to decide if going away to college is the answer. So she has alot on her mind. I cannot even beginto tell her what she should do since I do not want to push my ideology on her.
Teenagers are their own species in my mind. I also have a 20 year old, she did not seem as hard to deal with.
I guess it depends on the teen!
Kim - posted on 12/10/2008
I have a tween daughter and it has already started...I agree with a few womyn in here. The bi polar issue is HUGE but often over diagnosed..I have 3 kids only one girl..my middle son is bipolar (my heart goes out to anyone dealing with it) I just feel that just have to have that unconditional love with the hateful and angry girl..Limits still need to be set and held to..Drugs and sex are rampant in our society we aren't in the society that I grew up in where we could just let them go...
Dinina - posted on 12/10/2008
I just finished reading eveyones comments and I have to say I am glad to see I am not the only one going through this. I really thought it was just my 15 year old. The worst part of it all is for a little while that sweet girl back and it only takes one word or one text message and this raging B...ch jumps into her skin.
I can't wait till this changes and she gets back to the sweet kid she once was.
Penney - posted on 12/10/2008
I have no idea Alicia!! I couldn't stand teenage girls when I WAS a teenage girl! Not to mention the fact (but I will) that I have 3 teenage boys. Good Luck with that one :)
Kim - posted on 12/10/2008
Wonder if we will survive them everyday!! Mine just turned 14 and is tough!
Stella - posted on 12/10/2008
im 18 and i went through that stage for about 2-3 years n god didnt my mum hate it, but jus leave her to it that what my mum did, just left to it and now im a mum my self lol but she will be fine im sure you went through that stage aswell when ur hormones were ruling your body n mind lol xx
Kris - posted on 12/10/2008
Honestly, I don't know about all but how I grew up I had every right to be
Sandra - posted on 12/10/2008
Yes they all go through this, with mine I just make sure that they are not disrespectful! Hang in there it does get better.
Jill - posted on 12/10/2008
No way! I have a daughter who will turn 18 this week and has been a joy. She is extremely funny and considerate of others. She isnt perfect and gets irritable but she was not an angry child. With that said I have a daughter who will be 21 and was the opposite. She wasn't a happy teen. With her I wrote her a lot of letters and cards and left them on her bed. I set up Thursday afternoons for her friends to come home with her from school and hang out. My main focus was to let her know I was there for her. I believe how we are with them as kids is a big part of how they react as a teenager. My oldest daughter was a teen pregnancy and I was very immature and stupid as a young parent. I was married and stable with my second pregnancy so it makes me believe that I was responsable for how they were in their teen years
Sandy - posted on 12/10/2008
I'd say about 93% are angsty to a degree depending on culture. :) I can only recommend that you continually remind her that you love her... especially in front of her friends. heh. Seriously though, just be attentive and supportive with a strong guiding hand.
Maria - posted on 12/10/2008
not all the time but they tend to be emotional and can certainly have a nasty streak
Angela - posted on 12/10/2008
Hi Alicia. I think all teenage girls go through age of thinking whats best for them. It may look like hate, but I think it's a case of not having time for anyone but their friends... Try not to rise to the tempation of getting angry back... This may be hard but gets better with practice. Just continue to do nice things without them expecting you to. Give it a try... like I said, patience is definately needed.. Take care, all the best, Angela x
Carolyn - posted on 12/10/2008
Just remember, we were all young once, I suffered with terrible depression when i was a teenager and shut myself away from the world. My parents we're always there for me and just waited for me to come to them. It is all about being patient and waiting out the storm!! Though I think you do also need to take charge and make things happen in certain areas, I know if my parents hadn't done so I wouldn't be where I am today. It is hard, in the end she will be greatful and I'm sure you will have a wonderful relationship in the end! x
Sherri - posted on 12/10/2008
No, not all teenage girls are angry. I guess I'm just extremely lucky, my teenage daughter, about to be 18, is very happy. She is really well rounded and mature for her age. She's never been one to rebel or pout. I have a very close relationship with her. I ask her about everything, and offer guidance when I can. She is very driven about her career. She wants to be a journalist, or perhaps an interior decorator. But college is important to her, so her last year of high school, she is focusing on her gpa, and taking courses to advance herself.
I guess some people might call me strict. At a young age, with all my children, I never allowed them to throw temper tantrums, or act out. They were always expected to behave. With my daughter, disciple never included spanking, she just needed to be told what was expected of her. Sometimes I'd have to take away certain priviledges to get my point across, but usually I didn't have to do that.
With my oldest son, that was a different story. He needed much more discipline, including spankings, and a lot of them. I know some people don't believe in corporal punishment, but I believe each child is different, and needs different punishment. My 6 year old son has only had one spanking, and he really tries hard to never repeat that experience. LOL
All of my children, including my oldest son, are very well behaved. My oldest is now a Marine, and has been married for 2 years. After the Marines, he intends to go to college, and become a teacher. I'm very proud of him.
He says that because I was a "tough" Mom, he was driven to do better, and not give up, like some of his friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...each child is different. It's hard to get advice from other parents, if they don't know your child. Each child may react differently to the same treatment. But if she is angry all the time, then ask her why. Really talk to her, no matter what she says, don't belittle her, or make her feel as if her opinion doesn't count. But at the same time, she has to know her actions have implecations. She needs to do what is expected of her, at home and school, and later on...work. Teaching her to be accountable for her actions will help her grow up, and realize her mood and actions affect others.
Elsa - posted on 12/10/2008
Well... i thought my 16yr old daughter was going through a ''difficult'' stage until she became suicidal and was booked into hospital for 3 weeks - it was then that she was diagnosed with Bipolar which answered alot of our questions - i was open with her about past experieces and that managed to open up communications - think girls are very sensitive and have a complex - we just have to see the signs and ''keep quiet'' and listen. if you can hang in - the difficult years will pass by quickly and then she will be your best friend.
Karlie - posted on 12/10/2008
im 20 and so it wasnt that long ago that i was feeling like that. everything is changing which scares you which makes you angry. i was always cranky with my mum and anything she said i had to do the opposite. you do grow out of it my mum and i have agreat relationship now. just be patient and tell her if she needs to talk your there for her but dont force yourself onto her. i dont know if this helps but if you have any questions im happy to answer them
Sheryll - posted on 12/10/2008
I think so - it is a very confusing time for them, and they are facing a lot of challenges in relationship to sex, drugs, alcohol. I have a 32 year old, a 23 year old and a 14 year old, and the 14 year old seems to be much angrier and confused than the other 2 were at the same age.
Fiona - posted on 12/10/2008
Yes I think so ;) just hang in there
RosZann - posted on 12/09/2008
Well, I have a son, with lots of friends that are girls, and it seems that they are confused...their hormones have kicked in ...in overdrive...affects their reasoning abilities...I know this sounds funny, but they really do not know how they speak and act really affects a person...so in time if you can keep your communication open with her, she will let you in and you will have a great relationship...it's the sticking it out that is really and I mean really tuff... :((