Are there resources out there for future step-parents/significant others of single parents?

Leah - posted on 08/19/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend is getting a lot of heat from people on my side, because they are worried about my four year old son getting hurt and whatnot. We have discussed the possibility of marriage in a few years, but we are taking things day by day. Now, I have heard from many step-parents that it can be quite the thankless job. I would like to know if there are any resources available for step-parents, or even the significant others of single parents? Perhaps advice or tips for him? He's a wonderful man, and great with my son. I can imagine it must be somewhat difficult, because he is trying to aide in guiding the little dude, but trying not to step on my ex-husband's toes. Anything would be appreciated.

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Seema - posted on 08/21/2009

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Guys spot on. Gratitude is so important for everyone. And I beleive that we should show gratitude towards people and things too. Teaching children about gratitude is also so important. there is a book called Tiggle Takes Off, if you google it. Its amazing picture books teaching lesson of gratitude at the end with parents notes too. But my children enjoyed reading the book.

Leah - posted on 08/20/2009

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Thank you, Meg! I always make it a point to show gratitude for everything he does for my son, and he has done A LOT. It doesn't seem like the ex and the boyfriend have issues with eachother, but I think my ex has a huge issue with the idea of another man in our son's life, so he's a bit touchy on that subject. However, I do feel that he acknowledges the idea that it's better for me to be with a positive role model in our son's life, than have me with some guy that wants nothing to do with the little dude.

Leah - posted on 08/20/2009

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We've been together about a year now, and we know that we WANT to get married and we're pretty sure. However, neither of us are about to go dashing down the aisle. lol

Girlio - posted on 08/20/2009

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Leah, This is me! Well ok, I was in your boyfriends shoes. I got a lot of flack from all sides! Let me tell you, it is a thankless job, unless the parent of the child(ren) thanks you for it. My BF tells me all the time "Thank You!" He also tells the kids (8 & 5) that I don't have to do things for them that I do them because I want to and I love them, which is SO TRUE! (so make sure you do thank your BF for all the things that he does with or for your son). I am just reading (as I type this as well) on being a better step parent, how to step parent, challenges of step parenting, relating to children in blended families. I just googled all those different topics and have found some GREAT resources, insight, ideas, thoughts etc. that I hadn't thought of before.

I know you and your ex are ex's for a reason, and prob the 2 men are apprehensive about each other, but if they could go for a coffee or a beer without punching each other out they could maybe get a little insight to how the other one feels, what the other expects. I know that my BF met his ex's new BF that she was living with, and no they didn't get along per se, but they my BF had no issues with the other guy. He mostly just wanted a positive role model in his kids life.

I on the other hand do not get along with the BM of my step kids. I have tried, will continue to try but she doesn't think that I can parent because I don't have any kids myself, needless to say, we can't find a common ground or any way to communicate. I won't stop trying though.

Christina - posted on 08/20/2009

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i would be concerned about them getting too close if you aren't 100% sure you are going to get married. kids can get very attached and it can be devastating for them if things don't work out.

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