arrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!

Louise - posted on 04/29/2010

This is seperation anxiety and most babies go through it at some stage. Just try and reassure her that you are coming back, but for now it is just a phase she is going through and it will stop I promise. It just takes time for her to realise that you are not leaving her. Be patient.....deep breath.....it will stop!

Sarah - posted on 04/28/2010

That is NOT a tantrum, 5 month old's do not throw tantrums! You are her whole world and when you leave it upsets her greatly and if you get out of her line of sight you cease to exist in her mind and that frightens her very much. Personally. I would get a sling so you can move around freely but still hold her, they are a great way to bond with your baby. If you are not comfortable with that take a bouncy chair, high chair or etc into the kitchen or wherever with you and let her sit in it and see you

And please do not listen to anyone that tells you that holding an upset baby is wrong. They cannot manipulate you or control you, they are babies. It is not spoiling to hold your baby when they are upset. YOU CANNOT SPOIL A BABY!

It will be less stressful for the both of you to address her issue with kindness and understanding rather than assume she needs to be 'taught a lesson' not to fuss when you leave. Not saying that is your thought process but it seems to be that of many.

Address why she is so upset and figure out a way to fix it and she will not have to be afraid, screaming for her mommy and you will not have to hear her scream, get upset yourself and wonder what is going on.

Good luck!

Jamie - posted on 04/28/2010

My daughter was a screamer. I wore her everywhere! I had a front carrier and she lived in that thing. I don't think loving and caring for your child when they're scared is going to ruin them forever. Imagine you were in a foreigh country. It's a big, scary place and you have no idea what anything is. All you know is this one person who loves you and cares about you and takes care of you. Would you want to be left all alone? Like I said, I wore my daugher almost all day. She even slept in her carrier half the time. She's a year and a half now and SO independent. She's very well adjusted and very well behaved. Buy a carrier with a back support strap.

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2010

Rebecca, The most important advice I can give you and I am sure most moms would agree is that Your her mom. You know your child better than anyone. Do what your gut is telling you. 9 times out of 10 its not wrong.

Celia - posted on 04/27/2010

Bring her with you if shes scared.

Babies are emotion driven not logic driven. She lacks the ability at this age to logically deduce anything about your actions. All she knows is you are leaving her all alone and she is scared. One day you will have to show her that you come back but that's not for awile and you'll know it when its time... and prepare her for it by playing peek a boo! Its fun and it helps her learn about mommy leaving but coming back.

This is a hard time for moms but I got through it with a front sling and a jolly jumper :D

The front pack helper my son see the world with the comfort of my body but with the relative independance of not seeing my face and not having the entertainment directed right at him. She will learn alot and grow developmentally by seeing you go about your daily chores like laundry, dishes, etc.

If you let her cry you will only foster fear not trust in an infant. If you need help dont feel bad for asking for it! ALL moms need help and all moms need a break once in awile :D

Kate CP - posted on 04/27/2010

Oh, my gawd. She's five months old, y'all! She doesn't KNOW how to be manipulative. Her only form of communication is to scream and cry. If she could say "Hey, Mom! I feel scared and vulnerable when you leave me alone" instead of screaming she would! But, being that she has no concept of speech yet, she resorts to "Waaaah!"

Pick the kid up, put her in a sling, and TALK TO HER. Just hearing your voice will soothe and calm her. If you just put her down and walk away she thinks you're leaving. Constantly talk to her: it helps to create a sense of security AND leads to earlier language comprehension!

Marcy - posted on 04/27/2010

I love my AP mommies....woo hoo!

Katherine - posted on 04/27/2010

Sling her. She just wants to be with you :)

Emily - posted on 04/27/2010

Carrying babies in slings has been shown to reduce crying and behavior issues, not make them worse. Babies throughout human history have been carried in slings or simply carried in arms. It's not going to spoil them. Babies need to know that their needs are met, and being held is a huge need at 5 months old.. she's not trying to manipulate you.. babies SHOULD know that their mother will tend to them when they cry.. that's not manipulationg, that's the PURPOSE of crying! To let someone know they need something. Anyway, this is a phase.. she will not be like this forever.. keep reassuring her, and hold her if that's what she needs.

Morgan - posted on 04/27/2010

Just put her down do you thing and the go back, try to talk to her without picking her up, see if you can comfort her that way I totally agree with carol and michelle, dont carry her everywhere in a sling, that will only make your issue worse, do you have a playmat or an exersaucer where you can distract her when you leave the room?
good luck hun I hope it gets better for you :)

TERRY - posted on 04/27/2010

sounds as if maybe you could use help. I still felt tired and struggled at that point. Is there anyone nearby you trust that you could ask for help? My doctors and nurses were very helpful, ask and ask again until you find the resources that you need! I don't have much help at all except my husband who farms a 12 hour day and comes in and out several times a day. Sometimes when my daughter was having that type of a fit finally I'd realize it was basic... tired, hungry, uncomfortable. It's so hard when you are exhausted or don't feel up to the challenge. To get past it the easiest, muster up all the love and patience you can because the softer approach seemed to help the most in my case. My daughter also loved her Johnny Jumper at that age though I had to be in the same room. She also liked her walker, I'd hold her next to it and play with the toys until she showed interested then put her in, sometimes she'd still protest a little but I ignored it then she'd be fine, but if I just stuck her in she'd really protest until I took her out.

TERRY - posted on 04/27/2010

My daughter went through that about that age too. What to do about it depends a lot on your lifestyle and what luxury you have to be with her. I'm a stay at home Mom so I took the route of reassuring her. Play Peek-a-boo with her, put her next to you, not on you, and play with toys together. Very gently and slowly make the space between you greater but don't force it unless you have to, this will pass. It is a temporary state, not long from now you may miss it. She'll want to play with things more and more. The times will get longer though my daughter didn't play by herself for very long until she started crawling and could discover things on her own. Things may not get done as much as you'd like but it does get better, try to relax and do what NEEDS to be done, the rest probably isn't as important. If the weather allows, go outside, this seems to be the ultimate distraction. Things will get easier. LITTLE BY LITTLE, we'll get there!

Alison - posted on 04/27/2010

Is this turning into a debate?
I'm gonna put in another vote for the baby carrier. Also at that age, my daughter LOVED her jolly jumper. She had to be in the right mood and it didn't last forever, but it was a great way to occupy her for a little bit.

Rebecca - posted on 04/27/2010

thanks.often though even when i am with her she screams but there arent any tears in her eyes shes great of a night time just the day time thats a problem for me.often she will just scream like that for an hour or so and no matter what i do nothing works for her.when shes like this she tugs at her hair which then makes her worse as it obviously hurts her.x

Marcy - posted on 04/27/2010

Do you have a sling or front carier? I used to just stick my son in the sling and off we went. I could cook, clean and do just about everything except shower with him in it. At 5 months old babies are meant to be with their mommies...you are her world right now. Eventually she will gain more independence but at this young of an age its all about snuggles, warmth and feeling protected.

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2010

I wouldnt keep her with you as much as possible. That can make it worse. Joanna is right with the whole object permanence thing. If you leave the room....she thinks you are gone and wont come back. Just like if you give her a toy to play with then take it away and hide it....she wont try to look for it....she thinks its gone. At her age, her perspective on things is "Out of sight, out of mind". You will find that as she gets older...when you hide a toy behind your back...she will go behind your back to find it. She will eventually learn that when you leave the room you will come back. Dont pick her up when she cries....especially when you leave the room....she will begin to pick up on the fact that you DO come back. It takes time....but dont keep her with you as much as you can...that fuels the fire. Its a phase...all kids go through it.

Carol - posted on 04/27/2010

I know it sounds really hash, but u have to just put her down and do what u need to do. :o( Babies do go through that stage where they want to b near you all of the time and unfortunatly if you keep going back to her or picking her up she will get used to this and you will be doing it for years to come making a rod for your own back so to speak. Also u will never get anything done! Why dont you try putting her in her bouncer and moving it in the kitchen (or where ever) so that u can still do your jobs and talk to her at the same time? She will soon get used to the fact that you are still there as she can hear you but you are busy. It will take time but dont worry she will calm down when she realises she wont get her own way. Good luck x

Bridgette - posted on 04/27/2010

You may need to swaddle her so that she does not feel alone. The other option is to wear a baby harness and carry her with you. She is still adjusting to life outside of the womb. I am cheering for you!

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2010

Let her scream. When she cries and you pick her up just to make her stop...that says to her..."Well, if I cry I will get what I want." She is only 5 months old...and if you have been holding her all the time until now...that may be why she cries when you put her down. Sometimes you have to let babies just learn to soothe and comfort themselves. Nip this now before she gets any older....

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

She's not having a temper tantrum, it's Separation Anxiety. She is just beginning to realise that she's a separate person from you and she's worried when you leave her that you won't come back. She'll probably grow out of it, but it may take a few months. Although it's inconvenient, the best way is to keep her with you as much as possible.

Firebird - posted on 04/27/2010

At 5 months old, it's not a temper tantrum. You're her mother and she wants you around. At this age many babies haven't got the whole object permanence thing figured out. A lot of babies do this, it will take her a while to understand that when you leave the room, you will come back. You can't get upset with her for this. Just be patient and reassuring. She'll understand soon enough that when you go to get a drink of water, you aren't abandoning her.