Asking my daughter to "shake it off" not motherly?!

Sara - posted on 06/12/2012

My daughter frequently bonks her head on something (the counter, table, etc.) because she doesn't look where she's going, and she actually says, "Bonk!" and rubs the spot with a smile. If she falls down, I'll say, "Uh oh! What happened? Did you fall?" and most of the time she gets up and does a little shimmy to 'shake it off.' It's actually rare for her to injure herself to the point where she cries, but when she does I'll offer her the comfort she needs.

I think how you handled the incident was just fine! The know-it-all parent that gave you unsolicited advice, however, needs to mind her own business. I'm sure one of these days she'll say something like that to the wrong parent and get an earful in return.

Nicole - posted on 06/06/2012

NO, absolutely not!! I think you are doing the right thing. I do the same thing with my kid, and am glad I learned not to freak out everytime they fall when I was younger and working with my aunt in her day care center. I used to gasp every time.... SHE taught me not to do that because the bigger deal the adult makes out of it, the worse off it will be. SO... I learned young not to make anything of it, unless they really are hurt. AND you can tell the difference!! That mom was out of line, and out of place. My opinion, she is going to make her kid a brat. I deal with this on a daily basis. (I work in a high school... I hear this all the time, "My mom said it was ok" Or "My mom said I didn't have to.") aye aye aye.

You are 100% right in telling her to shake it off!! I do it too!! Not that I know everything, but since you were asking :D No, you aren't the only one!!

N

Victoria - posted on 06/05/2012

Corrine, the whole world needs to live by that philosophy. There are only so many narcissistic, self focused humans a world can handle at once and your child will not be one of them, praise Good!

Alka - posted on 06/05/2012

I think that's the way to handle it. Children, by their basic nature, get over things quickly. So why make a big deal about it yourself?? You are doing the right thing by shaking it off. While you should be observant and watchful that the hurt has not done harm to your child, let the child not be affected by it. We HAVE to make our child brave to face any consequences, then what is a bit of falling down. Dont worry, you are doing just the right thing. The other lady has no business to decide how you want to bring up your child.

Pamela - posted on 06/05/2012

Sounds like you took what the other mother said PERSONALLY!

Do yourself a favor. Get a copy of The Four Agreements by don Miguel A. Ruiz. The Four Agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word
Don't take ANYTHING personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best

When you allow what others think to affect you, you are giving them your personal power. As long as you keep your own ego in check, what others think of you and what you do is THEIR business and they should keep it to themselves.

I have just resigned from the local school system because of the "coddling" that children receive. Lately it seems that the Teacher is wrong if a child criticizes.....even if that child is a continual source of problems in the classroom.

The permissiveness and coddling of children is leading to a very immature population. It will be interesting to see where it leads us.

I support you. Bumps and scrapes are NORMAL parts of an active child's life. I have lots of knee scars from falls etc. that I received as a kid. Didn't kill me, made me stronger and capable of adjusting to pain without drugs, etc.

You're on the right track. KEEP IT UP!!! What she said is about HER, not you!

Tabitha - posted on 06/05/2012

I think you did the right thing. If my sons falls, but doesn't seen phased by it we let him be. We ask if he's ok and if he is he keeps on moving. When he looks for comfort then we give him a kiss and a hug. I think when you make every fall and bump a big deal your kids just learn to cry even if it doesn't hurt that much or isn't very serious. I also think that other mother was rude for saying what she said.

Cara - posted on 06/05/2012

I've always told my kids to "shake it off". When I do, they shake their bodies then run off to play some more. There is no reason to make a big deal out of a little bump or scrape.

Cindy - posted on 06/04/2012

I agree with your approach. I don't even think I would have been offended by the other mothere. In fact, with my two boys, they were picked on so much and one day I took my son back outside and explained why he was going to handle this or i didnt think he was going to like the way i was prepared to. I was bullied as a child, I was a minority in a rough neighborhood scared as i wash one day I stood up for myself, and never again was i bullied. with my daughter, though there are 8 yrs between her and her brothers. I had to teach her this, I. believe it made her a bettrr person. However, when something was truly wrong and a mother knows the difference, she knows at 23 I am mom, and I am also her bff. we have our children's back when the wisdom our mothers, grandmothers, sisters , aunts, teachers, especially our fathers taught ush it's there for each other always when we need it, and sometimes when we don't even know we need it. God Bless! cindy melvin

Russett - posted on 06/04/2012

Yea for you, I was raised the same way and raised my 5 kids accordingly. None of them run to the Doctors unless it is something really serious. Then there is my Daughter in-law God bless her, she can get a hang nail and will run to the Doctor. She keeps my Son in medical dept. To the point of not being able to pay their monthly bills. You keep up the good parenting God Bless you and yours.

Lucy - posted on 06/04/2012

I go with the 'Is it bleeding?' 'no, carry on then!'
Or, 'can you move it?' 'good, run it off then!'
I find it has worked well for me, my son is 6 an very rarely comes in crying over bumps or stumbles! Then if he does make a real fuss then I know i have some thing to be concerned about! As for this other mother questioning your parenting skills, I would ignore her unkind judgemental words and continue you as you are! After all, it's not done you or I any harm!

Lisa - posted on 06/04/2012

All of these responses are reassuring because I do exactly as you do. My kids are now 6 and 8 and I have always given them an ice pack for falls. So now I ask if the incident requires an ice pack which will often require us to leave the pool or playground. They make their own choice for those minor bumps and bruises. I step in for more serious falls and get the ice pack out and comfort.

Merissa - posted on 06/04/2012

I get scared when my children fall because I am very over protective. I started saying you're okay while clapping or good job, in cheerful voices because it would help calm them and make them think they weren't hurt. If you respond like they are hurt, they will too.

Sara - posted on 06/04/2012

I do the same thing with both my boys. My oldest is 3 and when he falls I just ask him "Are you OK?" He usually just gets up with a "Yep, I just tripped," and off he goes, sometimes he'll ask for a kiss on his boo-boo before he goes back to playing, but that's it. My youngest is only 1, so when he falls down he gets a little more coddling if he needs it, but sometimes all he needs is for me to look at him on the floor and say "You're OK, go play," and he rolls back over and takes off after his brother. You can tell when your child is really hurt, and when they just want attention, and they don't need to be coddled all the time. It's not healthy, they'll just make everything into a big deal until one of you ends up breaking and giving, and that's not a good cycle to start.

Tina - posted on 06/04/2012

We shake everything off! With a little jiggle and shake...
Color me a bad mother!

I have no nice words to say about the person that you encountered in the park - I hope this is not a "friend"...

Elissa - posted on 06/04/2012

Shake it off, Corinne - you're fine. :)

Dawn - posted on 06/03/2012

I try to do the same with my son who is almost 2 as well...I worry a lot and I know I can tend to coddle him so when he falls I scoop him up check for anything and if he's ok I tell him ” you're ok kiddo! You're not bleeding!” Lol. I think it's a great lesson for them to learn and the sooner they do the better. I don't want my son to be a worry wart like me. I want him to grow up a strong and independent young man and I think him learning this lesson now will help get him there. He knows he's mamas baby boy but he also knows that a little bruise isn't going to kill him. Just ignore ppl like that...done ppl thrive on picking on others bc we do differently than they do. :p

Ronda - posted on 06/03/2012

Don't worry about it too much sweetie! I do the same thing. We have a little things in our household that we use when the get hurt. If there is blood or really bad then they get an air metal. Usually some little toy or something that Papa picks up.

Whenever she gets hurt if there is no blood I brush her off, give her a kiss and tell her to get going again. Paige has never had a problem with it. SHe is a healthy adjusted little girl.

That lady was WAY out of line with that. You aren't being a bully what so ever!! We grew up on a farm and learned quickly that if it's not broken then you are ok.

Keep going with what you are doing. It sounds like you are being a great mom!

Rebecca - posted on 06/03/2012

I am also a parent of a toddler and boy do they ever fall. My daughter is steady on her feet most of the time, but sometimes she gets excited about something and gets running and then somehow her feet trip over each other and she falls. She has put her tooth through her lip around three times and gave herself a bloody nose from running and falling among the scraped knees she has incurred as well. When she really hurts her self I do comfort her and give her hugs and kisses but she doesnt always cry, sometimes she falls and lands on her bum and she is okay. She doesnt cry, she just gets right back up and go about what she was doing. If she isnt hurting bad, I do say its okay your alright and dont make a big deal out of it. I believe in comforting my child but I also don't want her to grop up and be a suck either.

Not everyone understands this method but it is what works for us and not the other parents or strangers we see. These are our children and we are their parents which means, we get to decide how they are raised and what values we want instilled in them.

Don't stress. There will always be someone who disagrees with how you raise your child. But since we are their parents, we know whats best not some stranger.

Micki - posted on 06/03/2012

Thank the Lord! I thought I was the only one on God's green Earth that felt this way! I am a nurse (LPN) and have been on the professional side of children going ballistic over the simplest things. I am also a mother of 3 children (2 girls & a son.) They all three are looked at, washed up as necessary from scrapes & such and sent on their merry way. At times the "drama" comes up & they are reminded, and I quote... "If there is little to no blood & no bones sticking out you are okay, go play..." I admit I too have times when they are doing things that I simply can not watch for fear of a heart attack on my part, but when push comes to shove, short of them falling down a flight of stairs or such. I make every effort to remind them to tough it out/cowboy up/cowgirl up... :D

Amanda - posted on 06/03/2012

Absolutely not!! I have been saying it to my daughter everyday of her life and continue to say it to my baby boy. I agree it is a very valuable life skill for children to have. I hate when parents make a big deal out of nothing.

Vicki - posted on 06/03/2012

I tell my girls to shake it off pretty regularly. I also have a 'no blood no band-aid' rule. If there is a serious injury, then of course, I'll comfort, but I won't make a larger deal out of something when they seem fine.

I can't believe this mother said that to you! It's a completely inaccurate statement. Just keep doing what you're doing. Most times, a mother or father acting like something is a big deal just scares the little one who would have been fine within minutes if their parent hadn't seemed so scared.

Claire - posted on 06/03/2012

Your fine!!! Kids feed off of our emotions. If you were to make too much of a fuss your child can think they are hurt worse than what it really is. Plus you are preparing her to be strong later in life which goes along way for things like sports, labor, workouts etc. Your fine. And remember everyone has an opinion just like everyone has a a$$hole!! :)

Lucy - posted on 06/03/2012

Everyone has an opinion on what other people do, most times people are mature enough to keep insulting thoughts to thrmselves. This other mom felt a need to be insulting maybe it says something about her parenting skills and not yours. Are you a bully? No. You are raising an idependent, happy child. Hold you head up high and shake off the insulting comments.

Kimberly - posted on 06/03/2012

I have 6 kids and unless blood is dripping or bones are sticking out they usually are ok! Sometimes they cry for a minute, but a mommy hug and a little kiss fix it all better. If you freak over every little boo-boo, they will grow up to be hyopchondriacs and freak out for nothing! My 2 year old falls all the time and usually does not cry much, unless it really hurts. My 17 year old son actually broke his wrist a couple of years ago and ignored it for days until it wouldn't stop hurting, then we got x rays and a cast! They know to tell me if they hit their head, so I can watch for concussion, but other than that they rub some dirt on it!!

Kristi - posted on 06/03/2012

I think it's really important to find balance. Injuries ARE a big deal to most little kids, and while I agree with your intent to help them learn the difference between bumps and bruises vs. broken limbs and concussions, there is an important lesson to be learned in receiving the empathy of one's family when physical or emotional trauma occurs - even little things! It wouldn't kill you to give her a hug and a kiss and say, "where did you bump?" when they fall, even if blood isn't apparent. Then dust 'em off and send them back to play. This teaches them they can count on you know matter what! As a preschool teacher, I see too many kids who receive the no big deal routine, and they are generally cold and uncaring when they see another child fall victim to injury or emotional harm. That's not what you are intending to do, I'm sure. My husband is a product of the no big deal routine too. When I was pregnant with my second child, I became very sick with a cough that left me completely out of breath. One night I woke in coughing spasms that left me unable to breathe. I was really scared. He was horrible. He is a loving person, but unless blood and guts are apparent, he blows you off. It's depressing to be sick when no one is there to bring you chicken soup and tuck you in. He made a big stink that night about what to do with our sleeping 4 year old, and it was such a disappointment I drove myself to the ER and he went back to sleep. He didn't even wait up to make sure I was okay. I was in tears to think he was so uncaring and he thought I was being a big baby. That is NOT what you want your kids to learn. Do better... xoxo

Andrea - posted on 06/03/2012

My two youngest children, 4 and 2, know that unless they are bleeding, they are fine, they do come over to me when they bump their head, so they can be checked out, but if they are fine I normally ask if they have put a hole in my wall or the floor...whatever they hit. We do not make a big fuss out of it unless its needed, even then its a calm fuss so they are not freaking out. You did the right thing, she is your child not this other lady's. Next time she said something, as if she would be willing to take her to the hospital every time the child gets her, and be warned she would be paying for that unwarranted trip. She'll learn to shut up.

Munique - posted on 06/03/2012

Perhaps the other mother is a big fan of "attachment parenting"? She may just be the type that wants to be "Mommy" forever, not that she wouldn't be a mom forever, but she want's her 40 year old to call her for every problem, at least 3 times a day or more.... "Mommy, some meanie cut me off in traffic today..." lol. Yes, that may seem like I'm doubting her parenting skills, but really I'm just saying that those types of mom's do exist and they don't understand or accept that other mom's don't NEED to be NEEDED for everything.

I, by the way, am a "shake it off" type, too. As an EMS provider, a mom, an aunt, and a child-care-taker I've seen plenty of injuries, and in general you can tell which ones need an ER, which ones need a hug & a bandage, and which need to hear "You got this, keep going!"

best wishes......
Mo

Natalie - posted on 06/03/2012

that's really inappropriate of the other toddler's mother! Way over the top. I think your approach is the better one anyway, if the child's not particularly hurt. Kids fall over all day long, and they will only make a fuss if either the adults fuss or it is serious. I would have done what you did in the situation. Fussing over every single minor upset doesn't help your child grow. If it was serious, you would have changed your approach.

Alecia - posted on 06/03/2012

you did fine. the other mother was out-of-line

Charlene - posted on 06/03/2012

Like everyone else is saying, I too teach my boys to "shake it off", it's a tough world out there, and children need to learn when to get back up and keep going. Even in injuries that are a little more severe, I would comfort them and make sure to take care of it, but to stay strong (even though I'd be feel terrible inside). The more of a reaction you give them, the more they are going to be scared, and get upset. It was something I had to teach my dad with my oldest, cause everytime he got a little bump, my dad would get all frantic about it.

Whitney - posted on 06/03/2012

If my daughter isn't bleeding then I just let it go. My daughter only comes to me crying if she gets dirty for me to wipe her off. She's kind of a neat freak. I learned my lesson. If u freak out, they cry. My friends don't understand how I can just sit there and not react bit my daughter is also the one that tried to skateboard off the porch. She's not even two. I learned to expect boo boos.

Momomma2bng - posted on 06/03/2012

She was out of line! My 2 year old falls and just gets back up yelling i'm ok. About the only time he cries is if it really hurt, hes sick, or overly tired. He comes for kisses and a hug but normally gets back up playing.

Beth - posted on 06/03/2012

Oh yeah, I had this happen once too. I'm usually a coddler, admittedly, but not if I know he's really not hurt. Once at a park, my son fell down and I knew he was fine, he wasn't even crying or anything. He was still pretty young, not even 2 I think, so it took him a second to get back up. I was standing about 10 feet from him, and this other mom who was closer ran over and was making a huge deal about it, "OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU OKAY, WHERE IS YOUR MOMMY?!" So, I walked over, picked him up and let him go on his way. She was appalled, and stared at me. I just said, "What?" and moved on. I hate people who decide they're a better parent than you, without knowing anything about you, and then force they're parenting methods on you and your kids. And the best part: meanwhile, her son was in the bushes playing with trash.

Susan - posted on 06/03/2012

I was parented by an overprotective mother whose solution to a bump was to forbid me from the activity. As a result I was a whiney brat and afraid to do most things.
With my daughters, (5 year old triplets) my theory has been, if you aren't about to die then there is no problem. I have had 4 surgeries and one set of stitches with them. My theory is if I freak, then they will get scared. Life gives you bumps ALWAYS. The sooner you learn that, the happier your life will be. My phrase is "You're OK!!!!!"
We rarely need more than a kiss or a magic bandaid to go back to playing. Yes I cried when they couldnt see me at their surgeries
Your friend is raising a neurotic hypochondriac. You are raising a self-confident child who isn't afraid of taking chances.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2012

Geanine Teramani I've had that happen to me, she wasnt on a swing can't actually remember what she was doing but everyone gave me the dirtiest looks! She just got up and giggled.

Rachael - posted on 06/02/2012

i don't see a problem with it. if your child is really hurt they will cry about it, but often they look for you and if they see you freak out about what happened they will. some people just baby their kids

Alexandra - posted on 06/02/2012

You educate your child the way you feel is best. Nobody has anything to do with it.
If the other mom doesn't like it, too bad.
I think it is great that you can have some discernment towards the situations. Yes, sometimes they need a kiss and a hug, other times they need a laugh and a high five.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/02/2012

You did nothing wrong and that other so called mother is a nut case and you should not pay any attention to her. At those times is when I look straight back at them and tell them I'm sorry if they feel that way and so glad they are such a perfect parent. I will pray for you and your child. And then walk away. The whole time wishing I could just knock their teeth down the throat. But that wouldn't give a good example for my child. As she didn't give a good example for her child. But don't worry about it cause years down the road when your child is doing good in school and being succesfull in life she will probable be one of those parents thinking where did I do wrong. And how did I end up with such a snot nose cry baby brat of child.

Amy DuMont - posted on 06/02/2012

My daughter does the same thing with her 2-year-old and has been pretty much since she started walking. If they aren't seriously hurt, there is nothing wrong with telling them to shake it off. It's not like you ignored her altogether, like some parents would do, or, like many others have said, coddle them and make them into wimps. I do think you should have made a polite comeback about your parenting skills, though.

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2012

I completely agree with you on this. I have two boys. One of them would beg for a bandaide for every bruise. The other could be bleeding (just a little) and I could kiss the spot and he'd immediately stop crying and go play. Kids will grow up as big blubbering babies that think they always need to have someones help at every little thing. I agree that there are times when it's extreme enough to need a doctor or hospital. The rest of the time, we have to remember, that life happens. Accidents happen at all ages. You were not in the wrong in my opinion. I know that as a mother it is tough watching our children get hurt. I also know that if we are constantly protecting them from hurts then they will never learn to deal with them on their own. Don't worry mom. You did the right thing. No one else has to agree with me. I have been called a mean mommy by my boys because I won't just let them get away with everything. I'm trying to teach them to be better, more grounded adults in the future. Will I succeed? Only time will tell that! Good luck with the other mother.

Cassandra - posted on 06/02/2012

Haha my mother in law freaks everytime my 2 year old daughter falls or bumps her head or gets any little injury I tell her to back off and relax my motto is if she doesn't cry right away she's fine leave her be kids get hurt it's all apart of growing up and learning if we coddled our children the world would be filled with whiny wimpy people

Cassandra - posted on 06/02/2012

Haha my mother in law freaks everytime my 2 year old daughter falls or bumps her head or gets any little injury I tell her to back off and relax my motto is if she doesn't cry right away she's fine leave her be kids get hurt it's all apart of growing up and learning if we coddled our children the world would be filled with whiny wimpy people

Marty - posted on 06/02/2012

I'm a mother of 2 and now grandmother of 2. While I agree that mountains should not be made out of mole hills, I am also a nurse have detest the "shake it off" advice--especially in sports. I have seen concussions, broken ribs, and detached retinas in kids who were told to shake it off, take it like a man, etc. If a child is hurt and crying, it needs to be checked out and consoled. You can do that without fuss and fanfare or panic. Do a quick "Mommy assessment".. make sure there is no serious injury, give a little healing smooch and some words of reassurance that they are OK, then send them back out to play. It serves the same purpose, but in a more loving and reassuring manner than, "shake it off"... To me, that is the same as saying "suck it up". So, I agree with your theory, just think you could carry it out in more caring way.

Markita - posted on 06/02/2012

I think you're doing exactly what you need to do. What that other woman said was uncalled for. Parenting style differ and what works for one doesn't for another. Sounds like she's too closed minded to even consider it. Keep you chin up girl. When her child is 7 and falls down screaming bloody murder over a little bump she'll wish she had started earlier too.

Geanine - posted on 06/02/2012

One time I was pushing my son on a swing mid air he decides he wants to get off so he wiggles out of the swing and crashes to the ground! The whole park was full and glared at me like I pushed him or something !

Dawn - posted on 06/02/2012

A lot of times the parents make a bigger deal of things than the kids. You raising a little girl who will grow up to be independant. Parents who make a big deal out of every little bump are raising kids who will be more dependant. You are giving her tools -appropriate for her age- to deal with small things. You are fine! Brush of what this other mom says. Unless you see evidence of her child being perfect, tell her that you have reasons for the choices you make in parenting and that it is rude to impose her choices on you.
Is your daughter happy? Is she affectionate with you? Does she display confidence around other kids? You are doing fine. Keep at it!

Shannon - posted on 06/02/2012

i agree with you absolutely. My 3 kids get the shake it off deal too, if it is minor and not bleeding we clean it up/ dust off and get a hug and carry on. If its a scrapped knee or cat scratch, easy fixes - the kids know to wash the germs away, get a band-aid if its needed and an hug/kiss. If they want to play it up (my oldest) we have her sit down until she feels better. She usually gets bored and feels better in under 5 minutes. I always see it as a line of i will comfort you and help you stand back up, but if you can do it yourself I won't be a crutch. As long as you investigate things first and make sure its not something more serious (like a fall followed by no crying and none of my kids shouting "I'm ok")

Mili - posted on 06/02/2012

Corrine, its absolutely fine. I am also following the same thing with my two years old.

Maribridgett - posted on 06/02/2012

I'm with you on this! If my daughter, who's not quite 2 and a half, isn't bleeding or obviously injured, I kiss her boo boo and tell her to go have some fun. I don't blow her off, but I still don't make a huge deal out of it. It's how I was raised and I don't feel that my parents were bullies for it. In fact, I feel like it helped make me into the independent woman that I am. I don't need to run to my parents over every minor bump in the road, but I'm not afraid to ask for help if truly needed.

Nana - posted on 06/02/2012

Good for you! Your daughter will be able to take life's little bumps much easier than those over-coddled masses. Yes, I do think that's all interrelated.
Back when kids spent all their free time outside playing with the neighbor kids, that's exactly how it was done. If something needed cleaning or a band aid the closest mother to the injured would fix it so we could get back to playing. They grew up to work hard, make lemonade out of lemons and contribute to a better community.
I think it's a shame the way the kids are generally treated anymore. They grow up wanting everything done for them, feeling they're entitled to everything for nothing, and if they stub a toe they cry victim.