Asking my daughter to "shake it off" not motherly?!

Gabriela - posted on 06/01/2012

You're doing just fine. Our daughter is 2 and that has been our philosophy from the start. But I agree with you that it's really really annoying when someone gives you unsolicited negative criticism on your parenting style.

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2012

I usually check the injury as no big deal and if it's just minor scrape and bump give them a hug and tell them it's no big deal and keep on having fun. Their is one injury I worry about it's a head one, it does not take much for a child to get concussion, so we keep close eye on them for up to a week and first night check on injured one every few hours. I sometimes get symptoms only about week latter and so do our kids, so make sure that your child tells you if it's having dizziness, headache, sore ear, or is nausieted, also check their eyes if pupils are uneven and unresponsive that is sing of concussion and needs doctors check-up. Other wise telling them it's no big deal and to shake it of it's normal thing to do. When I was young I did some stupid things and came out uninjured, except for my mothers spanking on a butt for doing what I did.

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2012

I've always waited to see how my kiddo reacted before I reacted. I've come to learn that if they react it's serious (or their extremely tired - either way they need me if they react) I wouldn't say shake it off, because there's never been a need. Though a couple of other people have attempted that when my kiddos were crying from a fall. Ticked me off to no end. First the kids bleeding, second she's sobbing. Help the kid, cuddle her!

I've seen a few parents say shake it off and my first reaction is always 'what the heck?" I don't get reacting before you know how the kids gonna react. If it's serious (as in really hurts) you've already made it clear you're not open. I think there's a middle road between molly coddling and shaking everything off.

Anyhow that other mom should mind her business. If she has her thoughts on the matter keep them to herself.

Treyci - posted on 06/01/2012

Wow. That was way out of line for the other mom. I could see that reaction from her if your daughter was bleeding pretty good or screaming in pain. But she wasn't hurt, there wasn't any reason to make a fuss over it. At least that's the way I feel. My son is three now and ever since he learned to walk at nine months, I've been letting him take his tumbles and telling him he's fine when he's fine. He knows the difference between when it's a serious injury and just a boo boo. He's even gotten to a point where he'll kiss his own minor scrapes and bumps and tell me he's fine before I even get a chance to ask. I grew up in the same sort of environment. The "he/she will learn where the limits are if you let them explore the limits" type of parenting. My mother let us fall down, she'd warn us but if we fell, we fell. When we needed out boo boos kissed, she kissed them but most of the time it was a quick check to make sure we weren't seriously hurt or profusely bleeding and then "Oh, you'll be fine, honey. Go play." I'm 31 and no worse for the wear. I think that letting your child explore and fall down and the picking her up an encouraging her to handle life's little tumbled with ease is a great life skill she will use the rest of her life. If Helicopter Soccer Mom disagrees, well whatever. She'll have to get it over.

Angela - posted on 06/01/2012

My husband is of the rub dirt and run and last yr my son got an infection in his groin lymph from a scraped knee that was not properly cleaned. Rare circumstance and a horrible experience for my son as it nearly infected the joint space as well

Carol - posted on 06/01/2012

I agree with you. I am a mother of 3, 2 girls and a boy. When they fell we did not make a big deal, brushed their hands or knees off and sent them back playing if that's what they wanted to do. I feel If you "baby" a child too much they will just cry for a reaction out of you. As for other parents in the park, she probably has a prissy little kid that wines all the time for no reason. From what I read you are just fine!!!

Rachelle - posted on 06/01/2012

The mother was overreacting. You know your child and there was no blood of anything. My daughter is accident prone she will trip on her feet all the time. I check her and then tell her to shake it off. Now if she's not hurt she will say shake it off and keep playing.

Mazy - posted on 06/01/2012

Naw, you aren't the only one. I've gotten dirty looks for doing the exact same thing. In fact, if one of my kids is making a bigger deal of it, I tell them to "shake it" because the act of shaking an arm or a leg often distracts them, they then think it's funny & go back to playing. Rushing to help & comfort a child, even just asking if they are ok, every time only leads them to believe that falling down is bad or that it equals injury, which will make them all the more frightened & upset the next time it happens. Keep doin' what you are doin' mama!!

Erin - posted on 06/01/2012

With both my kids i'm more of a "shake it off mentality" But always ask if there ok first in a tone that says they're ok. then offer a hug but most of the time they just run off. often laughing

Sara - posted on 06/01/2012

My ill girl will be 3 in August and I have done the same thing since she started walking and she now just get back up and continues to play unless it is bad then I do the same comfort, fix ,kiss , band aid etc ....... I don't think u are wrong in doing what u are doing . The lady at the park I think will have trouble with her child if she fusses over him / her all the time but each to their own on how they parent their child / children u need to do what u feel comfortable in doing and don't let anyone question or make u feel like ur parenting is wrong

Kylie - posted on 06/01/2012

I do the same with both my kids, even when they were babies.

Both my kids do the awsome fall, see if any one saw me, cry. If no one sees them, or in most case looks away, so they think no one saw them, tehy get up and back to what they were doing.

If my kids fall, and get right back up I don't even respond, if they are upset I give it a look, and for the most part tell them that they are fine and to go on and play. If they are really upset they also get a cuddle and a kiss.

I don't see the point of making every fall into a big deal, even when thay have a little scrape I usually just put some antiseptic cream quickly on it, and they are fine.

Debbie - posted on 06/01/2012

We do the same thing. No sense in babying them. Kids will fall and if we make a big deal they will too. Keep up the great work!!

Vanessa - posted on 06/01/2012

A mother's instinct is so strong when it comes to their own child. You'll know that if in doubt then it is best to seek medical advice. A mother's instinct is to protect and guide her children through life. I've used the same attitude as you with my children and they have taken the rumbles well. One time my DD fell off her swing and came in crying. We immediately knew that there was something wrong with her arm and promptly took her to hospital for attention. It turned out that she had a radial fracture in her arm. Therefore we followed our instincts in helping our child and the outcome was good. We LOVE our children VERY much and will endeavour to teach them the fundamentals of life, etc., and lead by example!
Teaching your children to be strong individuals will be beneficial to them as they grow.

Vanessa - posted on 06/01/2012

A mother's instinct is so strong when it comes to their own child. You'll know that if in doubt then it is best to seek medical advice. A mother's instinct is to protect and guide her children through life. I've used the same attitude as you with my children and they have taken the rumbles well. One time my DD fell off her swing and came in crying. We immediately knew that there was something wrong with her arm and promptly took her to hospital for attention. It turned out that she had a radial fracture in her arm. Therefore we followed our instincts in helping our child and the outcome was good. We LOVE our children VERY much and will endeavour to teach them the fundamentals of life, etc., and lead by example!
Teaching your children to be strong individuals will be beneficial to them as they grow.

Ahmeena - posted on 06/01/2012

I think your way of approaching this type of situation is completey appropriate! Mothers who coddle their child at every turn often raise dependent children who grow up to be insecure and dependent adults. that mother who made the comment to you was rude and she Definately over stepped her boundaries.

Melissa - posted on 06/01/2012

Man I must be a crapy mom- lol I tell my 10 and 2 year old to shake it off. I want them to beable to calm them selves down. We can't always be there. You didn't do anything wrong and I wouldn't change your parenting style. Hugs!

Aunt Marty - posted on 06/01/2012

I agree wth you, toughen these kids up. LOL Every kid gets a cut knee and some bruises, thats part of being a kid. My little granddaughter at 2 when she fell down would say, "I'm okay I'm tough". Naturally if she was really hurt she would cry & usually a few kisses would make it better, and if it was more then a scrape or bruise a E.R. visit would of been done.
Once this other Mothers kid starts school or sports, he or she isn't going to understand to shake it off. Also they will likely be teased as a cry baby. I've found that most parents that act as she did, are trying to put on a good front of what a great parent they are, even if they may or "may not" be. Either that or just have nothing better to do then be rude.
It doesn't help a child for a parent to make a little drama queen or whiner out of a son or daughter.

Tricia - posted on 06/01/2012

tell that lady keep her opinion to herself. those are the parents who end up with Diddy kids who expect to be babied. that's not how life is. don't let her get to you. my daughter is going on 3 years old and I do the same thing with her. life is tough i'm not mean about it. if she cries I comfort her tell her she's fine (no blood of course). donned people just feel the need to but in. my daughter gets the same from me I tell her she's ok when she falls nothing wrong with it. I think Parents are getting too soft today. im sure your a great mom don't let her get to you. besides its a known fact that if you freak out the child is more likely t freak out when Ferlinghetti. so its fine to tell her be a champ

Nicole - posted on 06/01/2012

I think that's the best way to be. I have a 4 year old, who today fell and actually cut her knee after falling out of her small pool. She's so used to not making a big deal out of things that she looked at me and said Mama, this is not supposed to be sharp! That hurt. Where is the sharp part? Can I have a band-aid. I'm bleeding. She's so tough and knows that a little blood is ok! That's because I do not panic everytime she gets a little cut. If it was bad I would have went over and picked her up... given her the attention and love she needed. I can't believe some people are so outspoken and rude! Shame on that lady. That's very judgmental of her.

Kathy - posted on 06/01/2012

Keep that philosphy....a little dirt never hurt anything. That is what my parents told me, I told my girls and and now tell my grandchildern. I just spent a week with my 18 month old grandaughter and 4 year old grandson and every time one of them fell we would tell them to shake it off it is ok, then give them a kiss. Most of the time all they are wanting is a little acknowlegement that they have hurt themselves. Hang in there and never let another judge you, unless they be judged.

Claire - posted on 06/01/2012

You're not the only one. I figure if the parents make a big deal about it, the kids will pick up on their cues and make a big deal about it. When my son falls and I know he's ok I tell him you're fine, dont worry about it. Although if he is freaking out and saying it hurts I'll give him hugs and love. Sometimes he just wants me to kiss his boo boo and then hes perfectly fine and runs along. Dont worry about that other lady. She's ridiculous. My neighbors kid who's 8 FREAKS out EVERY time he gets hurt. Like has a melt down over it. So I think if you baby a kid everytime they get slightly hurt it may do a little more damage than good.

Shannon - posted on 06/01/2012

I agree with you. You showed your concern for her well being and when you realized it was nothing serious told her to shake it off and play. I do the same with my daughter. As long as I acknowledge the scrape or tumble may have hurt but isn't really a "big deal" she is validated but not over reacting. I cannot believe the woman at the park had the nerve to say what she did!! Honestly, who is she to dole out such harsh words and judgements to anyone?? Keep up the good work with your daughter. :0)

Paula - posted on 06/01/2012

OH YES, your so right, when my youngest boy now 6 and a bit of a drama queen wails at the slightest thing I automatically ask 'Is your leg going to drop off?' He grins and says no and knows its OK. Clearly if its pouring with blood I am more sympathetic but he is resilient and needs to be as he wants to be included with his older brother and his friends !!

Kelina - posted on 06/01/2012

I'm very similar. Parents who freak out after every fall, no matter how small drive me nuts, mostly cause my mom was one of them.My kids want a cuddle or something before going off to play, fine they can come and find me and cuddle until they decide they're better. But my daughter cries more when someone decides to pick her up because she's terrified of the stranger, not because she's hurt!

Jane - posted on 06/01/2012

I agree. Kids pick up adults reactions so if you freak out so will they. I do the same thing as you – make sure they’re alright and tell them to go back playing etc. If you make a big deal oer it so will they. A friend of mine has coddled her kids and now her 8 year old is the whiniest child I’ve ever met. She trips on the grass and whips up so many tears as her father sprints over with the hugs and kisses and “OMG are you alright?” My 4 yo son fell and broke his elbow in half 2 weeks ago. I never freaked out (in front of him at least!) and stayed calm and got him the necessary treatment. He has adjusted surprisingly well. Just another bump in the road I say!

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2012

I agree 100% with the way you handled things. My husband and I do the same thing for our almost three year old. We don't want her to panic and get all upset over a little scratch. Kids are going to fall and get hurt but you want them to get back up and try whatever they were doing again. You don't want them to become afraid and never try things. You also want to teach them to stay calm in stressful situations. Getting all hyper and upset your self because your child fell doesn't make things better only worse!

Bernadette - posted on 06/01/2012

Why turn it into a big drama if it isn't one? The other mother's child will probably grow up to be a melodramatic wimp who needs comforting every time something in life doesn't go his/her way.

Geanine - posted on 06/01/2012

Don't worry! You did the right thing ! Sounds like the other mom is a bully!

Leslie - posted on 06/01/2012

we don't make a big deal if our daughter falls. she still trying to get the hang of walking. she tip over her own feet sometimes. as long as there no blood coming out of her body she is fine. if she does cry when she falls I do love her up to calm her down. My is 18months and aabout 36inches.

Juliet - posted on 06/01/2012

I used to joke with my one son (now 14), and say, ooh, perhaps we'd better just cut off that leg and get you a new one! Tears replaced with laughter in an instant!

Carrie - posted on 06/01/2012

I work with toddlers we have 2 teachers for each class. When a child falls, has a scrape, or something minor we don't make a big deal about it. I also have a 4 & 7 yr old. It's been my experience that when I use body language that indicates it's a big deal, the crying doesn't stop. However, when they we say "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle it off" and we teach them to wiggle all around, they usually begin to laugh (either at how silly I look wiggling w/ them or at us jiggling their arms around). Of course, there are times we offer booboo budies, band aids, etc even when they don't need it because those sometimes make everything all better. I say... don't teach them to create unnecessary drama!

April - posted on 06/01/2012

I'd like to throw my two cents in, if I may...

First of all, I agree with you as the circumstances are written, and it would have been a miraculous effort for me to set a good example for my child that I would not have confronted that nosy woman!

Secondly, your method of "shake it off" is so valuable in this prescription-writing-crazed world these days. My 17-year-old has finally developed a "tougher skin" since she plays sports. She's the goalie for her lacrosse team and she's played with broken fingers, wrapped ankles, lacrosse-ball-sized bruises all over her body from blocking... The point is that they learn that they can overcome or don't need a pill or comfort every time, and each time they get a little smarter about this. Their self-esteem is nudged a little higher both by their eagerness to please Mommy and knowing that he or she can show it off later. (My toddler loves to show hers off; when the person "Awww"s, she kisses the owie, says it's all better, and tells the person that it's ok cuz it got kissed.)

But I digress...

Corinne, know that you KNOW what's best for your child. We all limp through finding those "what's best" nuggets, but we do the best we can. This seemingly tiny portion of your parenting may very well be the permanent foundation on which she builds her future success. Continue forward and you'll never lose - tortoise or hare, I don't care.

Stay strong and I salute you for all your efforts!

Juliet - posted on 06/01/2012

Children often take the a cue from the parents. If the parents make big drama of everything, then so will the children. Much healthier for children to learn to discern when something is serious, and when it isn't. Sometimes when I'm on the phone, I will tell the children to call me only "if there's blood" - kind of a joke, but they know what I mean. I have also learnt to keep a well-stocked first aid kit so that you can deal with situations more calmly. Steri-strips (those sticky strips of paper that hold wounds together) are useful for situations where a child has cut themselves, but not enough for stitches (and a 3 hour wait at the emergency room only to find that out). Burn dressings enable you to treat scalds and burns immediately. As a parent it's good to learn the difference between what you can treat yourself, and what you can't. I was really annoyed once when my son cut his forehead. I taped it together (quite well, I might add) immediately, as this is important for the knitting of the tissues, and then took him to the emergency room. He was seen for an initial assessment by a nurse, who removed my dressing (commenting that I'd done a good job), she stuck a bandaid on it, and we were then made to wait TWO HOURS until he was seen, by which time the wound was gaping again! Did they stitch it? No. They stuck the same tape on it that I had!! Now, I just avoid the whole process if I think that I can deal with it successfully at home. Child is treated immediately, trauma is avoided, and scar less noticeable because of immediate healing.

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

WE do it! I found it really hard to do it to be honest (at first) I wanted to wrap my daughter in bubble wrap, but we tell her its ok and do pretty much what you said, and we can tell when its more serious because she won't just shake it off. Your doing a GREAT job forget what that woman said.

Sandy - posted on 06/01/2012

If it isn't bleeding, broken or burned, we tell our four year old daughter to rub some dirt in it and get back in the game. She loves Band-Aids and ice packs, because of the few times she needed one. Now I have to tell her that if it isn't bleeding, it doesn't get a Band-Aid. She's rambunctious and running or jumping all over the place. Bumps and bruises are common. For example, as I typed this, she jumped off a step stool and yelped that she sprained her ankle and needed an ice pack. After I said, no, she ran off and started in on something else. ☺

Stifler's - posted on 05/31/2012

Yeah we still just go oh you're ok mate it's alright and they get up run off and keep playing. If they're really hurt as in crying before they see us paying attention we cuddle and ice their busted lip.

Vicki - posted on 05/31/2012

YOU KNOW I WAS JUST THE OPPOSITE MY SON WAS HURT AT SCHOOL AND HE SUCKED IT UP,AND WOULD NOT CRY IN FRONT OF OTHERS, HE WOULD WALK HOME. AT AGE FOUR OR FIVE AND HOLD EVERYTHING IN UNTIL HE GOT HOME. I WAS HONORED AS A MOTHER AND NEW I HAD A BRAVE CHILD. I WAS MOVED AS I RUBBED HIS HEAD AND HUGGED HIM, LIFE IS ROUGH ENOUGH,,, AND I WAS INSPIRED TO WRITE A POEM THAT ENDED LOKE THIS...."SAVING A GROAN TILL YOU GET HOME" COULD BE AWEFULLY PAINFULL ON THE WAY,I'D DRAW HIM NEAR AFTER HAVING SAID....".DID MOMMY'S MAN HURT HIS LITTLE HEAD".THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A MOTHERS LOVE....AND YOU CAN'T GO BACK IN TIME TO FIX IT LATER.! WISHING YOU THE BEST... I AM VICKI ACQUAH

Heather - posted on 05/31/2012

You are right! I do the something with my 2yr old son. He gets kisses for the small things and the ones that he thinks he has (they tend to move when I ask him were it hurts, like from his left foot to right hand) When there is blood he gets it washed and a band-aid. Most times if he falls he will just get up like nothing ever happened, I don't move in less he starts to cry. Don't get me wrong if he is hurt I do react, like when he got his finger closed in the front door, I took him to the ER right away. I didn't put him down till they did the x-ray. Thankfully nothing was broke but he needed a splint. That killed me and his Dad.

Some parents at the playground look at me weird when I don't move when he falls, but these are the same parents who's kids cry every 5mins. The most my son cries is when he does not wanna go to bed or take a nap lol! I just love this age where he hates going to bed. lol!

Dale - posted on 05/31/2012

Do you want your child to be a sooky attention seeker? Obviously not. You are doing the right thing. When my daughter has a minor stumble I tell her to brush herself off and walk it out, if she scrapes I put a bandaid (plaster) on it and tell her the same. Only if it's serious should more of a fuss be made otherwise they'll turn into hypochondriacs

Keisha - posted on 05/31/2012

I tell my children the exact same thing!!!. I feel that you should not baby or coddle children all the time. Plus it creates anxiety for them and they then become afraid to do things. Shame on that other mother!

Anita - posted on 05/31/2012

@Sal Greere--I have a t-shirt that says that! "Suck It Up, Princess!" It's my boot camp workout shirt!

Anita - posted on 05/31/2012

I'm the same way--my son tends to be a little on the wussy side anyway and I always have the philosophy of if it's not bleeding or falling off, it's not that bad. We've also had a few instances where his confidence was shaken and we made him get right back on the horse again--one time, literally! He fell off a horse when he was about 3 and I thought he broke his arm, but when we got him inside the house, there was nothing wrong with him, so we made him go back outside right away and get back on the horse-now he's fine around them. Another time, he was climbing a tree in South Africa and fell about 5 feet and hit his head. We took him to the doctor to get him checked out and found out he was fine and then came back home and climbed the tree again. I actually had a similar situation, sort of, while at a local park where there was a fountain to play in. I was sitting there, he was almost 4, and I reminded him to look out for the little ones. Well, there were a bunch of ppl there and he bumped into a little girl of about 2. He turned around, helped her up and said he was sorry. Since he did this, I didn't feel the need to intervene, but just sat back and waited to see what else would happen. The little girl looked fine and was starting to run around again until her mom went in and picked her up and started looking over all her body to see if she was alright--well, okay, no problem. I then sat back and giggled to myself as she looked around trying to figure out who the mom of this little boy was, and, when no one came forward, she packed up her things and got out of there, all the while, her daughter was screaming. She kept saying, it'll be alright, oh, I know, etc--but the mom was so blind sided by the whole situation, she couldn't see that the daughter wasn't screaming because she was hurt, she was screaming because she wanted to stay!!! Anyway, just a funny story. I believe that kids have gotten too pampered these days and could use a bit more 'rub some dirt on it' attitude!

Dora - posted on 05/31/2012

It's all about perspective. The old adage, "Don't sweat the small stuff" would apply here. If it's serious, then do whatever it takes to fix it. Make sure she knows you love her and would do anything humanly possible for her when she needs it, and the small stuff shouldn't cause overblown reactions.

Amber - posted on 05/31/2012

To many kids are babied these days that's why we have young adults that whine about every little thing they don't feel is fair. I say way to go mom your teaching your child how to.survive in a world that is not always fair

Tracy - posted on 05/31/2012

I have the same philosophy. I teach my daughter the exact same thing. She is 7 now and she has become a child that can handle situations that may hurt her a bit physically and/or emotionally in a positive way and move forward (we call it "getting back on the horse") I believe that it is a very important life skill in the world today. It's harsh out there. Great job sticking to your morals and beliefs when it comes to your parenting.

Jill - posted on 05/31/2012

Oh, this brings back memories of toddlerhood. "Shake it off" for the little bumps and scrapes worked well, and our kids were never the kind that would turn on the tears if they saw they had an audience.

Ignore the opinionated playground mom.

Gabrielle - posted on 05/31/2012

We have told our daughter to "shake it off" when it's something small and she's clearly not injured. I have found that it has made her tougher than many of her friends (male and female), she can handle small boo-boos very well, she's not afraid, and she doesn't come running to us, sobbing, over every little thing. I would never think for a minute that we were being bullies. We don't order her not to cry or refuse to acknowledge her pain. We certainly offer comfort, but we don't fuss if it isn't called for. And our daughter enjoys the silliness of shaking her finger, elbow, knee, behind, whatever.

Ellen - posted on 05/31/2012

I can only imiage her reaction to my daughter who laughs when my grand daughter falls, if it's not a serious injury. Or to my mom who use to tell us if a bone isn't sticking out thru the skin or blood gushing out to get up and don't bother her with it. I never made a big deal over my boys injuries or falls even the serious ones. If I freaked they would. I would have probably told her that I would parent my way and she could parent her way. Children are never too young to learn. One of the best ways they learn is by watching their parents.

Tracy - posted on 05/31/2012

I'm the same, I always say unless you bleeding you are fine. That way I know if they cry then it's serious! Both my kids have broken their arms and I knew instantly because of the way they were complaining of the pain.

My 2 kids would do everything they can to avoid a plaster/bandaid unless I really insist because I don't want blood all over the furniture!

I know alot of parents that Molly coddle their kids and they cry over the slightest thing even a little hangnail! Those kids also know that they can use this to their advantage and get extras whether it be cuddles or treat out of mum and dad.

What you are doing is right! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Katy - posted on 05/31/2012

I tell both my girls (4 & 2) to brush it off. My oldest is a little clumsy and trips over her feet a lot. We were just the park today and I had to tell her that several times. Unless they are bleeding or really injured I don't cuddle too much and neither does my husband. He believes the same as me and we want to raise confident young ladies.