Asking my daughter to "shake it off" not motherly?!

Heather - posted on 05/31/2012

I do the same thing that you do with my kids. I don't want my kids crying over every single little fall and cut or small bruise. We have to be careful because our son gets nose bleeds. So we don't want him to freak out, even though we are on the inside. We have to act like it's not a big deal to get him to calm down.

But, your daughter is barely two years old. I did still comfort my kids when they fell sometimes at that age. My daughter is now almost 3 years old, and I just started the shake it off stuff with her a few months ago. So everyone is different. Every child is different. If your daughter was fine after she fell down, then I would have just said to the lady "To each his own." And shook it off.

Jodi - posted on 05/31/2012

I ask my daughter if she's going to survive. If she says yes...I tell her she'll be ok. If she says no, we take a look and often I'll ask her we need to amputate! lol She thinks it's funny, not scary, because she knows it's a joke. My middle child though, she's a drama queen and needs momma comfort if she falls down, and that's ok. My youngest is pretty resilient and rarely cries over getting hurt, so we don't have much of an issue with her! lol You're doing a great job with your kid and that mom needs to shove it where the sun doesn't shine...she was WAY out of place.

Terri - posted on 05/31/2012

LOL. You are raising your child the way that you think is correct, who cares what some busy body at the park thinks. You know your daughter and her limits and when it is serious I am sure you will act appropriately to take care of her, but if we freak out for every single little fall, bump and scrape that will only make your child react out of proportion to everything when older. For us we do the shake it off, we rub dirt and fairie dust and all sorts of other things depending on what happened. For you I say shake it off and forget this, you will get lots of comments over the years about how you should raise your child, just ignore them and know you are doing your best to raise your child

Jennifer - posted on 05/31/2012

You are right to do what is best for your child! You know their personality best! as for my family, we have a shake it off dance! :) The children know that if they really need help, it will be given to them, but for everyday bumps we shake it off!



I have even been known to ask if they are broken, bleeding or dying? If the answer is no...go play :)

Julia - posted on 05/31/2012

I am totally a shake it off mom. If its not broken, bleeding, dislocated, jammed, and is otherwise in tact.....SHAKE IT OFF.



My son is 7 and does sports karate, and the name if the game there is SIU - suck it up. Lol

Ottie - posted on 05/31/2012

There is nothing wrong at all with your parenting skills. I was raised the same way and takes a mountain to bring ne down. I can face any challenge without thinking twice because of the way i was raised. My kids are raised the same way and it's benefiting them very well in this cruel world

Amitra - posted on 05/31/2012

While I'm not a "shake it off" mom (I'm a "Are you okay? do you need a kiss?" mom), I certainly wouldn't presume to tell another mom they're doing it wrong! In fact, I have a friend who is a "shake it off" mom, and I have never felt the urge to say anything negative about it. And if my kiddo stopped telling me "No, I'm fine" to the majority of my inquiries, I probably would become a "shake it off" mom.

Nina - posted on 05/31/2012

I do the same with my 9 and 1 year old

Jennifer - posted on 05/31/2012

I have a two yr old girl and I tell her to shake it off all the time. If we don't make a big deal out of a tumble ( if it's not obviously a serious one ) then they won't either. Her little knees usually have scabs or scrapes on them but she is ok with that. She runs to me when something actually hurts and she knows I'm there to help her. That mother was wrong to judge your choice not to make a big deal out of the spill. You are fine and quite normal to not want a whinny mamas baby.

Medic - posted on 05/31/2012

That is what we do with our kids....we also do what Jen does....my kids are always being accused of breaking the walls, tables, floor usually with their faces. They hardly cry, even when it is major.

Jen - posted on 05/31/2012

@Adrienne, I ask my kids if they broke my wall/table/floor all the time... LOL.... my nieces get a kick out of it because when they stayed with us, if they ever hit the table I'd ask if they broke it and they'd actually go look and between sobs say "no"... to which they got "well then you're ok." LOL

Adrienne - posted on 05/31/2012

That sounds like pretty much the same way I've always dealt with our 4 kids' bumps and bruises. (They are 15, 11, 7, and 2, btw, so we get to see the long-term effects.) My hubby is a paramedic, and before that, was an Army medic. I'm not sure how we came up with, "If it's not broken, gushing, or missing, it's probably okay." But our kids are very resilient when it comes to hurting themselves. In fact, during their toddler must-run-everywhere phases, we usually would ask something silly like, "Did you break my floor?" or "spank" the floor and say, "Bad floor!" Which of course, always gets giggles instead of tears. Now, if one of my kids wipes out, the first thing they do is get up and giggle, or just say "ow" or "oops" and keep right on going.
I think that woman is going to be eating her words some day! All she's going to accomplish with "her way" is creating a very whiney child, making a huge production over every tiny little thing.
Hang in there, and try not to let nosy people get under your skin. It sounds like you're doing exactly what you should be doing as a mom: what's best for your child. Good job, Mama!

Valerie - posted on 05/31/2012

Kids the age of your daughter read the verbals and nonverbals of the adults, and often choose how to respond based on what you do. I have always responded the way you did, with your child. My daughter is now 21, and very little physical stuff affects her; she is definitely not a "whiner".

This mother was way out of line. You step in when there is actual abuse going on. This scenario was so far from that realm, it's crazy.

Jen - posted on 05/31/2012

You're better than me, I laugh - once it's been determined that it's not a serious injury. Oh you took a tumble and fell on your tail? Heehee... you ok? Hee hee... Oh you skimmed your knee? Dust yourself off, you're ok. Oh you have blood gushing out of your lip? Yeah.. let's go to the ER. ;)

She's just a helicopter parent and is going to raise a wimp.

Carol - posted on 05/31/2012

oh and the other day, my daughter fell in PE class in school and didn't even realize she was bleeding til the PE teacher made her stop and get a bandaid on it. It was just a scrape and it was no big deal to her. So you ARE doing the right thing!

Heather - posted on 05/31/2012

I usually tell my daughter the same thing. She cries at every little bump and it drives me nuts. She's almost 7 and I wish she would learn to be a little tougher. Yes I still comfort her and do the motherly thing when it's called for, but for the minor stuff I tell her to shake it off or tough it out. I keep hoping she'll actually learn to do that instead of crying at everything, but there's only so much I can do. Ignore that woman who is going to raise a child who needs mommy's hand all the time. Kids need to learn some independence and toughness because that's life.

Robyn - posted on 05/31/2012

You did fine.
One strategy I used to use when I did an afterschool care program and had to deal with some kids who had parents who did and some who did not react strongly to minor injuries would be to say "brush it off" with respect to any dirt from the fall and then ask "Do you need it cleaned out with water? or "Do you need ice?" Most of the time they'd say "no" and I'd then send 'em back to play.
Most kids only want "serious" treatments like ice or washing if it's bad, and having offered prompt and effective treatment for a bad "owie" they'd know I'd be there for a real a problem. Of course, they didn't want treatment no matter how cuddly for a minor issue. When you don't want to seem 'cold' about a minor problem when another parent is around or when you are caring for other people's kids who might be used to a more coddling approach you might try a similar strategy. Other moms and their kids will see your there for a real problem and know you will trust your kid to tell you when it's a real problem.
Your mileage may vary.

Carol - posted on 05/31/2012

"walk it off" is what we say to our 7 and 4 yr old kids. If there is blood, then more attention is paid. I am appalled that someone would tell you what she did! Coddling kids is not what you do to have confident children. The need to be reassured and that it is part of playing and life. It also helps the kids learn when there is something more serious vs the scraped knee. The proper reaction is everything. If you make a big deal about it, then everything will be a big deal.

I have had to deal with similar reactions. My reaction to them is always "Good for you. I want my kids to be confident and know when it's a serious injury. I want confident kids, not cry babies." and leave it at that. Dirty looks are their problem, not mine. I know it's hard, but you are doing good! Try not to let them bother you.

Alisha - posted on 05/31/2012

That's what I would have done! and I would have said something to the mother too, but that's just me. There are too many whiny kids now because their parents coddle them too much.

Julie - posted on 05/31/2012

I parent exactly same way with all of my kids. I know they are really injured if they are having a fit about it. On the other hand my SD's have an overprotective BM. The go into hysteria over every scratch, bump or scrape. I'm not over dramatizing either. The girls were outside playing in the back yard and all of a sudden all I could hear was shrieking. My SD (age 11)was in complete turning purple bawling fit. I thought she had really injured herself badly. It took 20 minutes to calm her down enough to speak as there was no obvious injury. Here she had sandals on and stepped on a picker and it poked her skin a bit. Needless to say I was kind of mad that she acted like that over such a little thing. She actually wanted me to take her to a doctor for it. Ridiculous. I pretended to call the nurse and told her the nurse says if we bring you in they may have to cut your foot off...do you want to go in? She immediately said no and went back outside to play. Mean? I don't think so. As for the other mother commenting on your parenting skills - ignore her. She'll have her hands full with her crybabies sometime soon while your well adjusted kid can get up, dust off and go on with playing.

Ariane - posted on 05/31/2012

I am with you guys! Suck it ip, Shake it off, Man-up. We don't want our children overreacting! This is how they learn to be self-sufficient which is what a MOTHER should help their child be, we want to send intelligent, responsible individuals out into this world. Those helicopter mommies are not doing their job to teach their children about life. I still give my little girl lot's of hugs and kisses and cuddles and if there is blood it is taken care of, sometimes if she gets a minor boo boo I kiss it and say all better, no go back and play. No need to make it a big deal!

Betty - posted on 05/31/2012

I think you do it right. I have done it both ways with my daughter and she does WAY better when I say "You're fine" and don't make a big deal out of it. If I do make a big deal out of it she cries a lot goes on and on about it for a long time.

Michelle - posted on 05/31/2012

No you are not wrong. You were obviously sitting next to one of those ever so annoying helicopter parents. I have the same motto in my house. I've said "no blood, no foul", I've asked if they are okay...I know my children will look to me for my reaction and if I react as if they are on their death bed then they will get scared. Even when it is bad, we are expected to keep level headed for our children. You are teaching them not everything is drama and they will be better for it.

Sarah - posted on 05/31/2012

I parent exactly the same way you do. My children will jump up and carry on without a murmur. I know if they're making a fuss that they're really hurt.

Brandy - posted on 05/31/2012

I am exactly the same way with my two girls. Unfortunately my husband freaked out at every fall from very early on and still does, so that doesn't help matters. Then my MIL would freak out even worse than him. So, it led my oldest to whining about EVERYTHING! I wouldn't normally say it was there fault, before we moved from Germany back to WA state she wasn't like that. She understood that not everything is horrible, you dont have to scream every time you get hurt even the slightest bit, and you don't always get what you want. But between my husband feeling bad because he's gone all the time, then him and my MIL freaking out at every little bump and fall and giving in to what she wanted (mostly my MIL), and my MIL feeding in to my oldest daughter's over emotional drama at times she now cries about every little thing. For instance today she freaked out about my youngest putting a piece of trash in the recycle instead of the trash can. And yesterday she had a cow because she's got a hang nail and was insisting she needed to change her band-aid ten times and I told her no, and then she wanted to watch something but it was my youngest daughter's turn to pick so she sat on the couch and cried about it. She has also kicked and screamed like a baby because she didn't get the last banana because my youngest got it. I barely touch her hair when I start brushing it and she'll already be saying ouch when it is obvious that it doesn't hurt because I'm not even moving the hair brush yet. It is a constant battle now, where as it never was before. When she was almost 3 she would get hurt and then get up and say I'm a tough girl, get her kiss, and go on her way. Now she milks it for everything! Don't get me wrong, I do have compassion in some instances and I do comfort her when needed, and she really is a very well behaved kid. There are just things that she over-exaggerates, which are situations where she may be "hurt" or random situations throughout the day like the trash thing lol. But I really do believe that if my husband and my MIL hadn't given in so much she wouldn't be like this now. I am a firm believer in toughen up a little, because there are more trivial things out there than a skinned knee!

Jaime - posted on 05/31/2012

I think you did right. If the parents make a big deal out of every fall then the kids will as well. My 9 month old will bump is head and I make a funny sound. My 2 1/2 year old falls all the time. He is a tough kid and doesn't cry unless its really bad. He will come and have me kiss it and off he goes. Or I'll say you ok. He will say I'm ok. and keep on going!! That mother was way off. Keep up your parenting style. It works for you family!!!

Sal - posted on 05/31/2012

We dont shake if off though, we "suck it up princess"

Sal - posted on 05/31/2012

No your not wrong in helping her deal with a minor fall, I do exactly the same thing, I know that you can tell if she is really hurt or just had a minor fall, and I'm sure you wll act appropriatly, one BIG reason I am for this is so that your child is able to tell you when they are really hurt and you will believe it, not the crying wolf senario that I have seen (for eg) my sister does all the Sooking up (her word) but when her daughter was really hurt she didn't respond quickly as her kids always cry and sook over every little bump and her daughter had a dislocated elbow and her and her daughters reaction was as if she had grazed her knee

Louise - posted on 05/31/2012

Corinne you are doing the right thing. If the fall is minor then let it go. Children react to the mothers reaction and if mummy is going "oh poor thing boo hoo" the child gets worse and becomes a cry baby as that is what reaction they think you expect. My daughter is told she is ok and is sent back to play for minor bumps. Obviously if she is bleeding or has taken a nasty tumble she is comforted. I know when she is really in pain and when she is grizzling.

You are in the right!

Sharon - posted on 05/30/2012

Corinne, you did exactly what I would have done. It's generally pretty obvious to a mother when her own child is seriously hurt and needs extra care, but if it's just a bump or a scratch then it's good to teach them to get up and carry on. You are not alone in your thinking and your daughter will certainly benefit.

Sherri - posted on 05/30/2012

I parent exactly as you do. I can't stand when I kid will sit there and scream, like they have been murdered when you can't even see an injury and the mom's coddle them. UGH!!!

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2012

Most parents would tell their child to shake it off the most my daughter gets unless their is blood is a kiss where it hurts which miraculously fixes it or I tell her to kiss it herself, blow a kiss that sort of thing they all work and realistically she is learning not to sweat the small stuff.

Firebird - posted on 05/30/2012

I tell my daughter to shake it off too. Because of that, she knows that a minor fall is no big deal, she doesn't make a big fuss over it. Someone else I know, coddles her kids over every single little owie.... even pretend owies, and her kids now cry over everything.

Dove - posted on 05/30/2012

That mother is way over the line. I'm sure you can tell when your child is really injured and I'm sure you would offer the appropriate amount of sympathy and care.

That lady would've gotten a 'kick' out of me when my kids were little. If they were crying, but I could tell it wasn't serious I would pretend my hand was a phone and 'call' 911 and tell them that the ambulance driver told them to get over it. lol 'Shake it off' is a frequent phrase for minor things.

I haven't seriously scarred any of my kids yet and any time they ARE actually injured... it tears ME up. IMO, you have to develop a delicate balance of humor, suck it upism, and genuine care or you will either breed wimps or calloused creeps. Neither of which are a good thing. ;)

Krista - posted on 05/30/2012

I think you're smart. A lot of times, kids make a big deal out of a minor tumble, simply because the mother is making a big deal out of it. So the kid thinks, "Mommy's freaked out. This must REALLY be bad!"

You didn't tell her to suck it up, you told her to shake it off. In my view, there IS a difference.

As far as that busybody goes, I would basically just raise my eyebrow and say (in a tone that could freeze lava), "Thank you for your unsolicited opinion about my parenting. I'll be certain to give it the consideration it deserves," all while looking at her like she's a new, interesting insect on the bottom of my shoe.