At what point should you leave the child to cry?

Cath - posted on 01/22/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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my twins are 8 weeks old and are very fond of cuddles. Once fed, changed and cuddled, they get put down but scream until picked up again. Are they too young to be manipulative and should I just let them cry??

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Elissa - posted on 01/22/2010

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Babies aren't manipulative...especially not at 8 weeks old. The only way they can communicate to you is by crying. So, when they cry, they are telling you they need something.

Now, if you want to let them cry it out, Dr. Ferber (who invented the whole 'cry it out' movement) says never before 6 months. Your babies just need you for something. Some babies are just very high needs and will need attention and comfort more than other babies.

One thing I found that helped me get things done around the house when my son doesn't want to be left alone is a Moby wrap. That thing is just wonderful. & the babies love the closeness to you that they get. You can put both babies in the wrap, so you would be able to use it with your twins.

Also, encourage them to "play" on their own by doing lots of tummy time and other floor time with a play mat or other toys. Take time to spend with them on the floor & they will become more comfortable their, and hopefully for you, will become more interested in 'alone' time.

Don't worry, you aren't alone! & it will get better!!

Candice - posted on 01/22/2010

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Sometimes they just want to be held. Typically they will cry if they want something. Try holding them for a while longer. No harm can come from extra cuddling and you will also enjoy it! :0)

Alison - posted on 01/22/2010

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I heard 3 months, not 6. Definitely continue to cuddle at 8 weeks. Good luck!

Sara - posted on 01/22/2010

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Yes, they are too young to be manipulative. It is not suggested you let them cry it out until 6 months minimum...these first few months are important for bonding and security, so as much as it's taxing to fulfill their needs, it's the right thing to do in my opinion. Good luck! It gets better!

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Nicole - posted on 01/22/2010

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U think the Dr. that Jerrica is talking about is Dr. Harvey Karp and I highly recommend his book The Happiest Baby on the Block. You can even see if your hospital offer a class based on this book. I took it before my first one was born and it was the most useful class and book ever! Eight months is too young to let them cry, but if they do cry for a few minutes, it's not the end of the world. You have two so your time needs to be shared. I have two, but not twins and I know how taxing it can be. I highly recommend that each time you put your kids to bed, you make sure that they are still awake so they learn how to put themselves to sleep. That way, you may never have to let them cry it out. Of course, right now, and until they're about 6 months (earlier if you're lucky), they will continue to wake up in the night because they need to eat. I think most doctors say that at 6 months they can make it through the night without feedings. I have some friends whose kids slept through the night before 6 months, but mine were both 6 months almost to the day. I started to get my daughter more used to putting herself to sleep around 4 months because I was giving her formula so it was easier to see how much she was getting. Before that, I was breastfeeding and never knew how much she had eaten so i ws worried that she was hungry. She did cry a little as I weaned her away from sleeping in my arms. With my second, I started putting him to bed from the start while he was awake and never had to let him cry it out. I would hold him, rock him, and sing to him, then put him to bed awake. I wouldn't wait until 6 months because I think they have already developed habits that are too hard to break at that point. I couldn't imagine going through nights of them screaming and probably me crying too while sleep training them. Much easier to do it from the start in my opinion.

Brenda - posted on 01/22/2010

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Since they are twins my guess is they are uncomfortable with being alone. Try putting them side by side so that they can see, hear and feel each other's company as they did while in the womb. But babies need to be held.

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cob webs and dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep." It doesn't necessarily have to be cleaning and scrubbing but I think you get the idea. Love them while they are little. This time will be greatly missed once they get past this I need some lovin mommy stage. ENJOY your babies. There is nothing more gratifying than holding and rocking.

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i dont think babies are manipulative a drug addict is manlipulative, but babies are way way smarter then there parents think they are, an by 8 weeks old they no how to get your attention, an they no that you willcome an get them m,y son new how to get my attention at like 3 weeks old an he new if he wimpered that i was up to get him heck he is 21 months old now an its still the same if wakes up in the middle of the night i dash into his room, but i only do that because i cant sleep even with him wimpering so if he is up them im up. although i dont think that a 8 week old should cry but that is just me although 3 or 4 mins wint hurt them neither but i wouldnt let it go past that, an if you wanna stick to your grounds when you put them down just go in there an try to soothe them to sleep by rubbing there head or there belly or back, good luck

Jerrica - posted on 01/22/2010

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They are too young. In a class that I took the doctor called the first three months out of the woumb the fourth tri-mester. At this point, they still like the motions they felt while inside. Another point that I learned is that breast milk smells like the fluid they were in. It gives a sense of comfort. Id on't know if you nurse or not, but if you do this could be a part of why they want to be with mommy. Another thing everyone knows is the heart beat. Babies love it. Try a nice tight swaddle. It my seem like they don't like it or you are hurting them. They told me to place my baby on my lap with babies head in the palmof both of my hands and shake lightly from side to side to give that bouncy feling they had while in the woumb. Think about it, when you walked their little heads were bobbing around in there. It calmed my daughter so much she went straight to sleep. then it got to a point all I had to do was swaddle her and she would instantly become calm.

Danielle - posted on 01/22/2010

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my advice would be to start them on a routine. Get them used to a set of before naptime/bedtime activities so they know whats coming. I would first advise that when they wake from naps, feed them then. That way you won't have to worry about air bubbles causing them pain and keeping them awake. So try wake, feed, playtime then change them and perhaps cuddling while singing or reading or even a simple story. Talk quietly and just before laying them down, turn on the mobile (so they know whats about to happen), do kisses and i love you's, then lay them down-awake. trying to put down a sleeping baby will just wake them up.
Letting them cry it out will only overstimulate them so if they are fussy, do the 'its ok, your ok, shhh' and walk away. one min later, again with the 'its ok' and so on.

Cath - posted on 01/22/2010

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no, it feels terrible to leave them crying so I'm glad the advice is extra cuddles! Obviously with 2, there will always be some tears while you're changing the other one, etc. but I guess that's only a couple of minutes. So worth it cos they're adorable!

Lisa - posted on 01/22/2010

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i don't believe babies these young are being manipulative. they need to be held and cuddled and feel ones warmth, b/c that is how they were in the womb.
they don't understand that yet. it is good to let baby cry every once inawhile, but not to the point that they get breathless,or red faced, we don'y want to be cruel.

Jenna - posted on 01/22/2010

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way to young to cry it out and why would you want your babies to cry it out. that to me is just mean. your suppose to bond and love your babies cuddle ect cry it out doesnt come till there way older. i say even 6 months is to young for me but thats my personal choice i dont believe in the cry it out method...of course my kids cry occasionally and ill let them but they are 4 and 2 in half and the crying doesnt last maybe a min only when there having a fit about something. Usually babies are crying for some reason or another and want a parents attention. Be it hungry, diaper change, or just want some attention to be loved, or they are bored and want something to do.

Cathy - posted on 01/22/2010

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How do you feel when they cry? There is no point leaving them to cry if you feel terrible about it. However if you need a few minutes out then they will be ok to cry for a few minutes. With my daughter I left her in her cot for a few minutes to cry so I could have a breather. I was then able to deal with her better. Bouncy chairs are great. Also get lots of help from other people if possible. And don't listen to people who seemed to get it all perfect. It is NOT TRUE!!! Good luck x

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010

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hi cath yes 8 weeks is too early i have 11 month old twins so i know how hard it is with 2! try rocking them both in rocking chairs this worked for me, i am still trying to get my head around doing everything with 2!! i also did a baby massage course which i found very helpful, good luck it does get easier!

Cath - posted on 01/22/2010

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Well that's pretty unanimous and has made me feel a lot better - thanks everyone! xx

Davalyn - posted on 01/22/2010

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I think that they are too young to be left crying. My daughter went thru that stage and still is she is 4 months old now. I started putting her in a swing and let her listen to music and she learned to sit there quiet for a while and even a bouncer that vibrates helps soothe them.

Sarah - posted on 01/22/2010

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They are too young to be manipulative...in my opinion you cannot spoil a child until about 6 months...I picked my son up and held him all the time but at around 6 months we started have a bed time ritual and he puts himself to sleep now unless he is cutting teeth or not feeling good, he might need a little more help. I gets a lot easier! I promise. My son will be a year next week.

Tanya - posted on 01/22/2010

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it's ok to let them to cry 5-10 minutes but realisticly they are so young that they are craving attention and cuddles...don't let them cry it out until closer to 6 months that way you will know for your own sake of mind they are ok..i know its hard!!

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