At what point would/should you relinquish?

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Ok sooo...my friend had her baby today and her family is retarded and was going to let them keep their 2 yr old over night in the hospital, AGAIN! Maybe I should expound on that...Yesterday afternoon the go in to have the baby, mom & sis come w/to watch LO while her & her s/o have the babe...well as some of these things take a while :( They waited ALL night and they ALL stayed in the hospital (they live in town! not 10 mins away mind you...if u can't tell this point irks me slightly) WELL, they have the 2 yr old at the hosp all day yest and all day today! My friend finally has her baby @ 12:50pm and Mom & sis brought LO out in the waiting area during labor but brought her back in, visited for a time, and LEFT (w/out LO). So I get the good news that the baby has arrived, we show up to visit @ 4p (3 hrs later...) and my friend, her s/o and now 2 kids are all there w/the expectation of trying to keep LO occupied for the remainder of the evening, hoping new baby doesn't make a fuss to keep LO awake...and am I the ONLY one thinking this is F**d up???

OK, sorry for the rant...back to the question :( At 2, she hasn't spent time away from home...and then has a late bedtime to boot...but she spent 20 mins crying for mommy, going back and forth from the front door to the bed she was going to be sleeping in. At what point to you relinquish and give in? Of course that is assuming you can. And had she spent hours crying I probably would have called her mom and seen what she thought should be done, but figured she was just being a tired 2 yr old missing her mom and would eventually crap out and fall asleep...which she did. The I wondered would I want someone to do that w/my boys??? IDK...20 mins wouldn't bother me soo much. But i was just wondering what y'all thought? Is there some rules here? When do you call the parents and return a fussy overnight guest?

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[deleted account]

I'm sorry Heather for being offensive...no one in this situation suffers from a diagnosable mental disability. They are just dense as hell! I don't see how they would figure it would be good for that little girl to hang out at the hospital for 2 dys :( If they all lived hours away I could understand, you make the best out of your situation, but they live not even 10 mins away :( AND none of them stayed in the room with her, except for s/o of course, while she had the baby. I just don't see why the heck they didn't keep her home through the first night??? And then to leave her there for them to take care of her in the hosp. AFTER baby was born, WOW! Just seems beyond stupid to me!

Her fit only lasted 20 mins. of which we went through every stuffed animal in the house trying to see if there would be one she would want to cuddle with while she slept. She didn't want me to cuddle w/her to go to sleep, I tried/asked. She would just push me away, I wasn't HER mom :( She wasn't kicking screaming on the floor kinda fit...she was just sobbing for her mom and then my husband came to help and asked her if she would try laying down and going to sleep so she can see her mom in the morning, sometimes it helps when someone else says the same thing you've been trying ti relay...she crawled in bed, sobbed for 2-3 more mins and fell asleep.

You're right Ranae! Any future over night guests this will DEF be something that gets discussed before we part company! I haven't had 2yr olds stay over b4? 4 yr old & under 1...but those are all entirely different :) I was just trying to vent and determine future protocall! Thank you ladies.

Renae - posted on 08/29/2010

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It depends on the parents and your arrangement with them. I babysat for years (still do) before becoming a mum. When looking after someone elses LO your job is to do whatever the parents want you to do. Things like how they go to bed, whether to let them cry etc all need to be discussed beforehand. Just a few weeks ago I spent 1 hour and 20 minutes patting a 1.5 year old while she went to sleep for her day nap. It was her first time at my house and her mother has a strict no-cry approach, so I sat with her for as long as it took (I was not being paid it was a favour). It all depends on what the parents want.

In general, I am very easy going and try my best to minimise crying and distress. Kids are already distressed at being left, so sometimes you need to cut them some slack. In your case, with no other instruction from the mother, I would have sat with her until she went to sleep or let her sleep somewhere she felt closer to me like in the lounge for example.

When you return a fussy overnight guest can differ so much depending on the parents. My friend in the example I gave before would be horrified if her child cried for 20 minutes and I didn't call her. Other parents have instructed me to let their young baby cry for at least an hour. Most people dont mind a few minutes of crying and most would consider anything more than 20 minutes to be worth a phonecall to the parents.

Heather - posted on 08/29/2010

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Hi there. I completely agree with Louise. Esp. with a 2 yr old, the more tired they are, the louder the tantrum before bed. On another note, there are a lot of moms on here who have children who are disabled, myself being one of them. Please, be kind and don't use the "R' word- it's very offensive, and has very a negative meaning. Thank you.

Louise - posted on 08/29/2010

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If I was baby sitting i would expect a 2 year old to be very unsettled because of what is going on with her mum and dad. If i had tried everything from distraction to trying to keep to her normal schedule and she was still unsettled after an hour i would be making phone calls for suggestions at least. I mean in this situation her mum was not going to come and pick her up! So in the end you would just have to do your best and then just let her cry it out. There is nothing more you could do.

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