Baby #2 agreed on, but hubby doesn't seem to want to start trying.

Rachel - posted on 02/05/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I just need to get this off my chest more than anything. My husband and I have a 3 year old daughter. She wasn't planned on, (but she is very much loved) 6 months or so into our relationship. We finally got married this past June, bought a house. The whole package is complete and ready to move forward. We even took into consideration the number of bedrooms the house had, so that "when we have another baby" the house would be big enough.

Before the wedding we had talked about another baby. We agreed that obviously, we wouldn't start trying until after the wedding. Then it was until after we bought a house. We do want to go on a honeymoon, but have had things delay our submitting passport applications, so none of the places we want to go are available to us until that is done (it is slowly being accomplished).

My husband seems to think that I would feel really self-conscious about being pregnant on honeymoon. Personally, I don't think I would feel that way. I know I really did with my daughter, but the first trimester with her was rather traumatic. My mother was happy for me when I first told her the news that we were expecting. Two days later after talking to my step-dad about it, she started pushing me for abortion, and would not let up until I was too far along and she had to accept it. It was very hard to deal with, and left me feeling very ashamed to be carrying my daughter. My husband who, at the time, had only been in my life for less than a year, and had thought he didn't want kids, was not living with me and was very freaked out. He was there for me through the whole thing. I felt very alone though, knowing that I was changing the way he viewed his whole future, and didn't want to scare him away by asking him to come to prenatal check ups and touching my belly etc.

Things are much different now. We're married, we work well together, we both love our little girl as much as humanly possible, and we're both agreed that we want another child. I'm just getting frustrated because it's always "when we start trying". All this baby talk has got me ready to start RIGHT NOW. As horrible as the things I had to deal with while I was pregnant before were, they aren't an issue anymore. When I was able to feel good about being pregnant, I loved it. I want another baby. I almost feel like I'm "baby crazy" like Monica on Friends. I just don't want to feel like a nag. I feel like bringing this out in the open with my husband will be more like pressuring him when he isn't quite ready, even though it is something he wants. I just don't know how to keep my mind off the subject. I am home with my daughter full time, which probably emphasizes my wanting another baby. Every day I look at her and think to myself "she is getting so big!". She has been potty trained since August, she's learned how to write most of her letters (upper and lower case), she's becoming a little independent person who isn't going to need me nearly as much as she does now, in only another couple years.

It is just really hard to try and go on taking my pill every day knowing that we both want a baby. It's hard not to look at my daughter and think "I can't wait until she has a baby brother or sister", she loves babies and kids. How do I tell myself to be patient? I know the day will come when he wants to start trying, I just seem to want that day to be TODAY, not "once we do this, go there..." it's been that way for a few months shy of a year. I feel like a baby crazed lunatic.

I hope there is someone out there who can sympathize because I am starting to feel absolutely insane and obsessed.

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Rachel - posted on 02/06/2013

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I already have my doctor, I really liked her, even if she wasn't around to deliver my daughter. I don't know if I'll go to the same hospital again or not, the nurses there didn't really do anything more than hook me up to IV and abandon me until it was time to break my water and put in my epidural. Then I was left alone again with an epidural that was set so high I couldn't feel the urge to push at all.
Right now I'm working on getting my driver's license. I know I should have gotten it a long time ago. I always put it off due to added expense that I didn't really need while I was single, then once I got pregnant I was afraid to be a new driver with a baby. My husband (bf at the time) drove a standard which I did try to learn to drive a little. It was too frustrating. I can drive an automatic. The fact that I couldn't do the simplest things with that car really discouraged me. I felt like he thought I was stupid for not knowing how to drive stick (which was NOT the case). I felt really down because I couldn't do it. Now we have a second car (due to unforseen events landing our other car in the shop for months) that I have been going for drives in with my hubby.
I don't really have any girlfriends. I do have one mom that I'm trying to get to know better through play dates. I've never been good in social situations so I really procrastinate about getting together with her. I still don't know why. We get along great and have a lot in common, and our kids have a blast together. I think it might be from while I was in my teens and early 20s. I always used to get in trouble for going out with friends, so I stopped going. I am going to push myself to make sure we get together more often though.
I have a list of things that I've started working on since New Year's. I think I'm doing pretty well at sticking to most of it. The thought of being around other women with babies doesn't really work for me. Every time I see a new baby I find myself getting teary. I'm just going to have to work on myself and getting my daughter together with her little friend more.
I really want to tell my husband how I feel, but I feel like it'll be pressuring him. I know he wants another baby. I know it will happen. I just need to get used to the fact that I'm going to have to wait.
Unlike you, I didn't have any baby experience before my daughter came along. NONE. I hadn't made up my mind that I would or wouldn't have any. It was always "IF I have kids..." in my mind. I was really surprised at how the mothering instinct kicked in and you "just know" certain things. Getting in shape definitely helps. Especially if you have a stronger core, you will have less back pain and should have less trouble during delivery and recovery if everything goes well.
The best advice that I have for you is not to have any expectations about what your pregnancy and delivery will be. You may think it will be a piece of cake and all glowing and happiness, or you may end up sick as a dog for months. Just take it as it comes. Same with delivery. Expect ANYTHING to happen. You can make a plan "I can TRY to deliver naturally, but if I need an epidural etc, there is NOTHING wrong with it". When you go into labor, try to stay as relaxed as you can. When you start to panic you can make it more painful and difficult on yourself. If you put too many expectations on the experience, you may find yourself very disappointed. Sometimes that can lead to postpartum depression, sometimes it's just your hormones thrown for a loop.
Hopefully our husbands will come around soon without us going completely insane on them!

Puliti - posted on 02/05/2013

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Oh my goodness! I am in such a similar boat right now. I had always thought that I didn't want kids. The thought of being a mother never really appealed to me because of how my relationship was with my mother. I was always frightened that I would be like her and that fear turned into me swearing motherhood off. Well my now-husband has a daughter living with us full-time that has a pretty good relationship with me (oddly enough) and after a while, he shared that because he sees how I am with his daughter he wanted to have a child of our own and thought I would be a great mother. He planted the seed in my head.

That was maybe 7 months ago.

Now I have unsuitable "baby fever" and have spent a lot of time wanting my own child, wanting to be able to hold them, etc. Having to be in a semi-motherly role with a child that isn't mine all day (hubby works 45+ a week) doesn't help. He's found every reason under the sun to put off trying and while I don't want to rush him or myself into it, he was the one that brought the whole subject up! Sheesh :)

Anyway, what I've been doing in the mean time is a lot of babysitting for my friends that have babies. Of course it isn't the same but it gives me a baby to care for to fill a bit of the void in my life that I feel that I have. Besides it's been helping me get prepared for child care (or in your case, re-prepared haha) I've also spent my time preparing my body for the impending pregnancy by making doctor's appointments, taking all the necessary vitamins, baby-proofing the house, getting in shape, making sure my husband is doing the same, catching up on sleep NOW, spending time doing things I like while I can, figuring out where I want to deliver and go for check ups during (may sound weird but hey, at least I'll be prepared)

If you haven't done some of those things, might as well give a shot and keep busy with things that'll help your pregnancy when the time does come. Hope this helps!

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